HamFace! - A throbbing questulence!

[MonsieurMystere]

You are too hot. Your mouth is dry. You are sweating buckets. You kick the blankets off yourself in an effort to free yourself from this sweltering cocoon. Instead of feeling the slight weight of the blankets being shifted off your body, your foot meets nothing but air and falls back down with a hollow thud. The sound of your foot thumping back onto a surface obviously much more solid than your bed makes you aware of another sound... Water?

You open one eye. The brightness is intense. You squint and try to survey your surrounding as your eyes adjust to the light. You appear to be in a small boat. There is water all around you as far as the eye can see. But, wait! An island!

What do you do?

[bigjonny13]

Lean halfway out the boat and paddle toward the island.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 04:28 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote: Lean halfway out the boat and paddle toward the island.

Yeah, okay. It seems you have no other choice... You lean out of the boat to paddle towards the island... When suddenly:

[Nae]

What a tragic, sudden and totally unexpected ending.
This is the length all story threads should be! Nice job!

[bigjonny13]

You've watched enough Shark Week to know - JAB IT IN THE EYES

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 04:56 PM, Nae wrote: What a tragic, sudden and totally unexpected ending.
This is the length all story threads should be! Nice job!

Haha! I agree. But I tricked you. That wasn't even the story.

Truth is, you're a girl. Your name is HamFace. You are 14 years old. You're at home in your room with your fat ass koala stuffy, named Greg. He has been your favorite since you were 8. Your Jamie Beenur poster hangs on the wall behind you. He's so dreamy!!! <3 Scattered around your room are a bunch of the standard girly things that teen girls love to play with, like tampons, and curling irons, and used syringes. Your friends have invited you to the movies and you're getting ready. What do you bring?

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 05:09 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: Haha! I agree. But I tricked you. That wasn't even the story.

Haha! Tricked you again! There is a pic to go along with this.

[bigjonny13]

You're a hormonal 14 year old girl?
Put the poster of Jamie over the head of the Koala bear, and make out with it.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 05:25 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote: You're a hormonal 14 year old girl?
Put the poster of Jamie over the head of the Koala bear, and make out with it.

You don't have time for that shit. You only pretend to like that Beenur kid to protect your cover. Focus on your mission. You have to get out of here, fast. Gotta get to the computer to install that new graphics chip. It's the new standard within the organization, and you won't be able to receive mission critical information without it.

[MonsieurMystere]

Well, it seems to be working... Quite an amazing piece of technology, really. You don't quite understand it, but somehow, when installed into any modern PC, this graphics card imbues it's owner with a more advanced perception of the world. It also maintains a persistent link between the user and his or her handler at the agency. Now back to my room to see I how I look with the upgrade installed... Still ugly. Damn.

Now what was I doing, again? Oh yeah, the movie. Wait, that was just the cover story I fed my idiot parents. I have to get out of here. According to my handler the enemy will be here within the hour.

Wait a second... Blast my terrible memory. Who are the enemy again?

[Breaktroll]

Those pesky mexicans stealin' our jobs! >:0

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 06:36 PM, Breaktroll wrote: Those pesky mexicans stealin' our jobs! >:0

Yeah, that's right. It's those gord dang filthy mexuhkins whut took our jorbs!!!

That's okay, I'm going to get into my special combat suit, which is basically just a [type of costume] and grab my trusty [item that could perceivably be used as a weapon]. /Then it's time to crush some Mexi-skulls!!!

[Aigis]

This has just broken bad in a big way.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 07:22 PM, Aigis wrote: This has just broken bad in a big way.

You put on your Breaking Bad combat mask. But you still need a weapon. What will you arm yourself with?

[bigjonny13]

At 1/28/12 07:33 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: You put on your Breaking Bad combat mask. But you still need a weapon. What will you arm yourself with?

A flaming teddy bear.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 07:38 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote: A flaming teddy bear.

Yes! The flaming teddy! No one stands a chance against you with you secret weapon! To battle!!!

[MonsieurMystere]

Suddenly, Flash crashes unexpectedly. Maybe it's a sign...

[MonsieurMystere]

Suddenly a wild level 3 Mexican appears. Such a low level enemy shouldn't be a problem for you. As long as you can remember how to do your attack... What is your signature move again?

[rendibsivad]

Fliailing arounds like a fuckin' manic,,

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 08:43 PM, rendibsivad wrote: Fliailing arounds like a fuckin' manic,,

It's super effective!!! Everyone knows Mexicans are weak against flailing... Okay... Now what?

[bigjonny13]

At 1/28/12 08:56 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: It's super effective!!! Everyone knows Mexicans are weak against flailing... Okay... Now what?

Steal his taco, because tacos are delicious.

[cmkinusn]

At 1/28/12 08:59 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 1/28/12 08:56 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: It's super effective!!! Everyone knows Mexicans are weak against flailing... Okay... Now what?

Steal his taco, because tacos are delicious.

I concur. This is fucking awesome.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 08:59 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote:

At 1/28/12 08:56 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: It's super effective!!! Everyone knows Mexicans are weak against flailing... Okay... Now what?

Steal his taco, because tacos are delicious.

Mission accomplished: Taco stolen!!!

[MonsieurMystere]

Uh oh! It was a trap! You're caught off guard by... a giant taco headed salsa jar... With a grey mustache... What do you do?

[bigjonny13]

At 1/28/12 09:25 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: Uh oh! It was a trap! You're caught off guard by... a giant taco headed salsa jar... With a grey mustache... What do you do?

Throw the taco as a distraction and then attack.

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 09:31 PM, big-jonny-13 wrote: Throw the taco as a distraction and then attack.

You toss the taco right past the lumbering condiment giant. The taco lands on the ground in a gruesome display of flying beef, cheese, and lettuce. The beast sees it's comrade explode into pieces and runs over to it, sobbing over the food stuffs like a mother who lost her child. Taking advantage of the situation you take a running leap at the ass end of the salsa jar.

Tink!

It seems to have done minimal damage, angering the monster, rather than defeating it. Think fast! It's charging you with fists raised! How do you defend yourself?

[cmkinusn]

jump into the taco on its head and start to eat your way to its brain!

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 10:20 PM, cmkinusn wrote: jump into the taco on its head and start to eat your way to its brain!

You stuff your face with Salsa Monster's brain goo and he crumbles to dust! You are victorious!

[MonsieurMystere]

At 1/28/12 10:44 PM, MonsieurMystere wrote: You stuff your face with Salsa Monster's brain goo and he crumbles to dust! You are victorious!

Damn, you're fat. Why did you eat so much taco, fatty? What are you gonna do now? Some sit-ups hopefully...

[cmkinusn]

Can you bottle some of the salsa? Tacos are always better with hot sauce or salsa and you are going to see a lot of tacos.