What made this animation "fail"?

[JonHunter]

Click here to see the animation if you already haven't.

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My question is what went wrong with this animation? It clearly failed at certain(?) points. But I'm really unsure as to where it really failed so severely.

** It's not that I want to gain an audience and become a poprockstar in animation, I don't see myself up on a high horse. It's just that I really want to know what went wrong.Feel free to rip me to shreads if that is your wish, aslong as it's constructive criticism then I only benefit from it.**

So the question is, what went wrong? How can I improve? Is it the art, the animation, is it the backgrounds, the audio or is it just as simple as to where the story puts focus?

I thank anyone in advance for any answers. I really wish to improve. Even though it might sound like something else.

[Kpheeyat]

I think it was just not funny enough.

[th1rt3en]

Just a few things that came to mind while watching it:

1) At points the character was hard to hear, which made him even harder to understand, especially at the end
2) The character realized that he turned into a boogeyman in the interview scene. It would've been better if we actually see him do this. Perhaps he tries to entice the boogeyman by dressing up like one and jumping out of the closet, thereby scaring the kid.
3) Some of the framing doesn't pull my eye to where it should go. During the interview scenes, why have him take up only 1/6 of the frame? He's more important than the abstract background, make him bigger/closer. Another time was when we're looking at the mousetrap, I didn't even notice the character was behind the bushes because he was right in front of the tree and camouflaged by it.
4) Also no replay button, c'mon you gotta have a replay button!

There are also probably issues with the writing, pacing, and some of the art, but these really stood out to me.

[JonHunter]

At 1/16/12 10:22 AM, th1rt3en wrote: Just a few things that came to mind while watching it:

1) At points the character was hard to hear, which made him even harder to understand, especially at the end
2) The character realized that he turned into a boogeyman in the interview scene. It would've been better if we actually see him do this. Perhaps he tries to entice the boogeyman by dressing up like one and jumping out of the closet, thereby scaring the kid.
3) Some of the framing doesn't pull my eye to where it should go. During the interview scenes, why have him take up only 1/6 of the frame? He's more important than the abstract background, make him bigger/closer. Another time was when we're looking at the mousetrap, I didn't even notice the character was behind the bushes because he was right in front of the tree and camouflaged by it.
4) Also no replay button, c'mon you gotta have a replay button!

There are also probably issues with the writing, pacing, and some of the art, but these really stood out to me.

Good thoughts!! To be honest I don't know why I didn't think of a replay button.. Anyway, would you say that I "tried to hard", or would you say that the idea is good but could have been done better?

Keep it comming guys, whatever you see. But the main problems are the biggest, whatever needs improvement untill next time is whatever I need to hear!

[cmkinusn]

He told you what you need to improve with, maybe not directly, but he did.

You need to first of all plant a big focal point in every scene. Preferably, this should be the main character, as he is obviously where you focus your humor.

You also need to decide what you want in humor. In my review of your animation, I suggested adding shock value by having him be forced to smother the child to keep him from screaming and letting the mom hear. When he smothers him, the kid suffocates and dies. This is very, very extreme, and if you do it right could surprise the viewer to the point it is funny.

You told me that you intended for it to sound like he was tickling the child, revealing an embarrassing secret about the boogeyman: he tickles children. Unfortunately, that wasn't AT ALL what the end sounded like, and because he was the only one laughing, it kind of sounded like he raped the kid. :\

[Toonwerks]

At 1/16/12 10:46 AM, MortalFudge wrote: Good thoughts!! To be honest I don't know why I didn't think of a replay button.. Anyway, would you say that I "tried to hard", or would you say that the idea is good but could have been done better?

I'd say it's a matter of presentation. Even if the humor is lacking you've still got a bit of a story. It's mockumentary with an Aussie guy searching for the illustrious Boogeyman. But with how it was presented I found myself unsure about what was going on. The iBoomerang joke failed to register, the end dialogue was too low and muffled to hear and understand. And it seemed to end on a pull-back type shot from the interview (I'm guessing it was supposed to be the kid's house?).

You have to be sure show/tell the audience these things better and you can't assume that we'll just be able to figure it out naturally.

I suggest read up on some standards and techniques in editing and framing and once you have a bit of understanding of that move onto questions about art, animation, etc.

[th1rt3en]

Whoops, that was me above. Not paying attention to which account I'm logged into :P

[Damien]

I didn't like the anatomy of the characters and whatnot.
Also, the proportions.

Just try to improve your art in general I guess..

That's my two cents.

[Emrox]

Big issue I had with the animation: The lack of easing in most of the tweens. Easing adds a better sense of motion, and it's easy to apply. The majority of the time you apply eases to tweens, you want it to ease in 100% and out 100%.

[JonHunter]

I shall keep all of this in mind. I thank you all for taking time in such a waste of webspace. My goal is to get better. And I shall.

At 1/16/12 12:52 PM, cmkinusn wrote: You told me that you intended for it to sound like he was tickling the child, revealing an embarrassing secret about the boogeyman: he tickles children. Unfortunately, that wasn't AT ALL what the end sounded like, and because he was the only one laughing, it kind of sounded like he raped the kid. :\

This line probably raised the biggest eyebrow to me. At first I wondered, how come you don't get it, even though I tried explaining. Which made me realize, the animation doesn't speak for itself. It's presented poorly, and even though it lacked an ending I didn't expect it to be misinterpretated to this extent.

Therefor, mister cmkinusn, I thank you.
If anyone still feels as though I should improve at other points, keep it comming. Big ups to thirteen, as I said, this friday I will actually be reading up on the techniques you speak of.

[RicePirate]

I think if you follow the logic a little closer, you can milk it for more pertinent jokes, for example :

Why is he trying to catch the boogeyman with cheese?

If the idea is that he has no idea how to catch a boogeyman, then feel free to be more ridiculous. Personally, I woulda found it funny if had a kid in a cage in the middle of the jungle, using a crying confused kid as bait (following the logic that the boogeyman seeks children).

The voicing was an honest effort, but with as much dialogue as you had, the delivery wasn't able to hold up the story ... not with ease. At times it was a bit difficult to even listen to. This happens to everyone, however, most of the time there's a filtering process, retakes, adjustments, etc before planting the lines.

I could huge variations in the effort in the animation. Sometimes I could see lots of effort, sometimes I could see obvious shortcuts. You set it up with a very colorful and composed jungle/forest background, but then followed with less detailed settings. You don't have to make all the bgs complex, but a uniformity in style could help it feel less disjointed.

Overall, it's obvious you put in some time. I'm not to critique comedy OR art, but you asked my opinion. So I'll just say, keep going. You call it a failure ... I call it progress.

[JonHunter]

At 1/18/12 11:29 AM, RicePirate wrote: I think if you follow the logic a little closer, you can milk it for more pertinent jokes, for example :

Why is he trying to catch the boogeyman with cheese?

If the idea is that he has no idea how to catch a boogeyman, then feel free to be more ridiculous. Personally, I woulda found it funny if had a kid in a cage in the middle of the jungle, using a crying confused kid as bait (following the logic that the boogeyman seeks children).

The voicing was an honest effort, but with as much dialogue as you had, the delivery wasn't able to hold up the story ... not with ease. At times it was a bit difficult to even listen to. This happens to everyone, however, most of the time there's a filtering process, retakes, adjustments, etc before planting the lines.

I could huge variations in the effort in the animation. Sometimes I could see lots of effort, sometimes I could see obvious shortcuts. You set it up with a very colorful and composed jungle/forest background, but then followed with less detailed settings. You don't have to make all the bgs complex, but a uniformity in style could help it feel less disjointed.

Overall, it's obvious you put in some time. I'm not to critique comedy OR art, but you asked my opinion. So I'll just say, keep going. You call it a failure ... I call it progress.

Yeah, the idea was that he didn't know how to catch the Boogeyman. Could have worked around that concept a bit more now that you mention it.
Thank you, I'll keep that in mind for next time. I always try to push in a bunch of nice colors and shadings into my stuff, but once you get further in progress, lazyness kicks in.

I shall keep everything in mind. Thanks again everyone for taking time into this waste of webspace :P

[cmkinusn]

Jonhunter, after watching again, I have to say it wasn't just the animation that makes it sound like rape. Its just about everything leading up to that scene.

1. Hes a grown man in a child's closet, WATCHING the child sleep.
2. His face as the boogeyman makes it seem like he will hurt the "naughty child".
3. The music turns very dire pretty quickly and the camera panning up toward the night makes it seem like something terrible is happening.
4. He says "he he, OH YEAH, he he" (seriously, you had to have known that sounded wrong in the context right?)

Anyways, be careful about the implications of everything you use, including music, audio, the camera, even expressions.

[Jomillex]

At 1/19/12 03:50 PM, cmkinusn wrote: Jonhunter, after watching again, I have to say it wasn't just the animation that makes it sound like rape. Its just about everything leading up to that scene.

1. Hes a grown man in a child's closet, WATCHING the child sleep.
2. His face as the boogeyman makes it seem like he will hurt the "naughty child".
3. The music turns very dire pretty quickly and the camera panning up toward the night makes it seem like something terrible is happening.
4. He says "he he, OH YEAH, he he" (seriously, you had to have known that sounded wrong in the context right?)

Anyways, be careful about the implications of everything you use, including music, audio, the camera, even expressions.

What is with you and this rape thing? It's a little bit odd that you are obsessing over it so much. If anything it adds humor to the animation.

[savage011]

the art and animation definatly wasnt bad, it was acceptable. I think what killed it was the ending, it didnt really make any sense and i couldnt understand what he was saying. I know you were trying to parody what australians sound like but it was a little too exaggerated in my opinion. It definetly doesnt deserve the score it got though. I think it should be around 3.30 but only because of the effort you put it.

[cmkinusn]

At 1/19/12 04:02 PM, Jomillex wrote:

At 1/19/12 03:50 PM, cmkinusn wrote: Jonhunter, after watching again, I have to say it wasn't just the animation that makes it sound like rape. Its just about everything leading up to that scene.

1. Hes a grown man in a child's closet, WATCHING the child sleep.
2. His face as the boogeyman makes it seem like he will hurt the "naughty child".
3. The music turns very dire pretty quickly and the camera panning up toward the night makes it seem like something terrible is happening.
4. He says "he he, OH YEAH, he he" (seriously, you had to have known that sounded wrong in the context right?)

Anyways, be careful about the implications of everything you use, including music, audio, the camera, even expressions.

What is with you and this rape thing? It's a little bit odd that you are obsessing over it so much. If anything it adds humor to the animation.

Maybe i was, but its just that he couldn't understand why it seemed that way, so I pointed out that there was a lot of reasons that didn't lead up to what he thought they did (him tickling the kid) to some viewers. Personally, I think that is funny too.

[JonHunter]

At 1/19/12 04:02 PM, Jomillex wrote: What is with you and this rape thing? It's a little bit odd that you are obsessing over it so much. If anything it adds humor to the animation.

Agreed. Even though rape is a very serious crime, one should learn to look at things from a humorous side.
Like that guy who threw his dog down a bridge. I mean, it's horrible and all, but it clearly said in the description that the dog had been barking for nearly a month. He was sick and tired of the dog, so he decided to do what he thought was right.

It's still horrible, but it's quite funny. I mean, imagine his rage everytime the dog barked. But saying that to people would make them go nuts.

At 1/19/12 06:40 PM, savage011 wrote: the art and animation definatly wasnt bad, it was acceptable. I think what killed it was the ending, it didnt really make any sense and i couldnt understand what he was saying. I know you were trying to parody what australians sound like but it was a little too exaggerated in my opinion. It definetly doesnt deserve the score it got though. I think it should be around 3.30 but only because of the effort you put it.

Yeah, it lacked a punchline. Thanks for thinking so, however the point of something does (in my opinion) gradually affect what score it diserves.

At 1/19/12 06:50 PM, cmkinusn wrote: Maybe i was, but its just that he couldn't understand why it seemed that way, so I pointed out that there was a lot of reasons that didn't lead up to what he thought they did (him tickling the kid) to some viewers. Personally, I think that is funny too.

Idunno if I pushed a button in your past or something, if so then you have my condolences. However you do not get an apology for my attempt to humor rape. Yes, I have been gradually trying to tell you, and I think I've been pretty clear about it, (atleast in form of explanation, the animation itself I do understand doesn't explain it very clearly) he does intend to rape the kid.
However it doesn't give it a suitable ending. I do understand that the animation doesn't portray this clearly, a friend actually asked if he found the Boogeyman.. So you aren't alone at that. I guess my bad voice acting affects that point aswell.

Cmkinusn, I love that you took time into this. However I don't know if it's a language barrier or something between us, because I've tried explaining the ending to you 3 times now. I thought by telling you that you wouldn't like the truth of the ending would at the very least hint you about it. However I do believe in the fact that one should be able to interpret art in his own wish, and feel free to do so. It feels good to be honest, that people can make their own ideas out of ones work.

I think, that the fact that people could interpret it in so many unobvious ways than that of my intention made it clear what another of the mistakes were. (And feel free to correct me at this one) But maybe the viewer feels the need of finding the Boogeyman with Mister Wilson. Which is actually pretty cool, however I did want him to sound weird and annoying. Making it clear that one of the mistakes, was that I made Bruno into a relateable character, instead of another annoying documentary character, which was my intention.

I do hope nobody believes I'm trying to mass awareness at this animation, just because I consistently reply, but I do like to spin thoughts on the topic of this animation. It's also veryinteresting, because I am taking a lot of this into consideration.

[Jurgen]

-i don't know if the flash lagged, but the lip syncing seemed off.
-like previously said, when he's behind the bushes i can barely see him. You could have used darker colours for the background to make him pop out, or even blurred the background slightly.
-There wasn't much of a punchline, maybe I missed something, but does he just turn into the boogeyman because he watches the kid
-the transformation scene feels really insignificant, i feel like he should have changed physically or something, rather than just acting weird afterwards.

Keep at it though, your art is fine, and the voice acting is decent, though at some parts it feels flat.

I think it's really cool that you're making a thread for people to critique you though, i remember i didn't start growing as an animator until I realized how bad I was. It was then that I was able to move on at my own pace, and not constantly judge my work because it didn't look like the stuff i admire on here.

So I can honestly say by opening yourself to criticism, you've taken a big step forward in learning, my friend.

[kanef]

Alright.

First of all, motion tweens. They're a PLAGUE. Actually try to use FBF animation alot more. It will look alot better

Second, the art style. You're putting too much detail into the character. Not that this is ALWAYS a bad thing, but I would've preferred flatter colours.

Try to come up with your own style of humour/art. You're not ripping off anything, but you couldv'e made this funnier, and the artstyle less anime influenced (Not a bad thing when done right; but still, another plague)

Just giving you my 387.23 cents.

[BabySteps]

a tutorial on flash backgrounds:
http://etoli.deviantart.com/art/TUTORIAL -Flash-Backrounds-41921772

[JonHunter]

At 1/20/12 03:13 PM, BabySteps wrote: a tutorial on flash backgrounds:
http://etoli.deviantart.com/art/TUTORIAL -Flash-Backrounds-41921772

I see your point. Also, I never valued the gradient transform tool. I shall.

I'm surprised by all the replies, really. I always thought NG didn't give shit about it's less favored authors. Regardless of the questions they ask. Again thanks to everyone :)

I might actually do another Bruno Wilson animation. But maybe in the future. Like, he could have gone to a psychologist and sorted out his problems with children. Next episode, he'd be more honest and cool. Perhaps seek for the Easter Rabbit or something.