Virginity and You

[Wagggs]

A little over a month ago I had hooked up with a girl, and I ended up taking her virginity. This girl and I have always liked each other physically, but I could never really sense anything, from both of us, that it was beyond that - just sexual attraction. So, after a couple weeks of flirting we decided to hook up. Just to be on the safe side, I had made it clear that it was just a hook up, and nothing more. She happily agreed to the terms. As the flirting became more intense, the topic of sex came up; it was painfully obvious we both wanted to. The day it happened, all went well at first. There was kissing, and a generous amount of foreplay and all, and then we finally got to it. Prior to all this, during the flirting period, I had asked if she was a virgin, to which she said she wasn't, so I thought everything would be fine and dandy. I figured I would just don a rubber, engage in some primal lovin', and all would be well. That wasn't so. The moment I had gotten it in, she convulsed. I asked her if everything was fine, and she said it was, so I pressed on. Just as a I started again, she jumped again. This time I looked down and noticed blood, and it was everywhere. I immediately knew what was up, and calmly asked her, "You're a virgin aren't you?" Extremely embarrassed, she confirmed my accusation. I quickly disengaged and got her a towel to help her clean up the mess. This session was over, I didn't want to continue - how could I? After we cleaned up, still embarrassed, she asked if she could leave, and that I give her a ride home. I obliged, and that was that. I was left with a flaccid penis, blood soaked sheets, and guilt like no other. I feel bad for taking this girls virginity, whether or not I meant it. Personally, I consider virginity to be a special thing that should only be taken/given to somebody special, not "that guy" that was just in it for sex.

My predicament now is that the girl absolutely loves me. She wont stop texting me, and really seems to have fallen for me, and I want absolutely nothing to do with this. I try to limit my contact with her, I'm really trying to not make this a "hump and dump" type scenario, as I don't want to be "that guy." All the while I'm feeling extremely guilty over the whole incident.

TL;DR: Girl lied about being a virgin. We fucked. Sex was bad, and I feel guilty for taking her virginity.

Should I be feeling guilty for this? I've talked to a couple of friends about it and they think that I shouldn't feel guilty over it, yet I still do. I don't know, I think I'm seeking affirmation from Newgrounds, of all places. What do yall think? How should I handle my current relationship with this girl?

What do yall think about virginity? Should it be something sacred, or is virginity just an idea and a hymen to you? Discuss your views on virginity. Sexual experience is not needed here, nor is a sexual orientation, just share what you think about virginity.

[Falonefal]

ITT: All the answers that you will expect.

[RacistBassist]

Don't feel bad. You made it clear it was just a hook up, and she made the decision to give the V card away, albeit it would have helped if you actually went the distance

[PIED3]

You shouldn't feel guilty because really how does that help you or her? Perhaps learn from your mistakes (not sure how you would...) but don't waste your time with guilt.
My thoughts on virginity in general are that i don't think it's too big of a deal. I guess it's a little different for girls if it's their first time being penetrated.

[maxninja234]

At 10/25/11 07:43 PM, Wagggs wrote:

:Should I be feeling guilty for this?

No you shoudn't. She lied to you iand if anything, she should feel guilty. I don't know the girl and she might be a good person, but by what you told me she is a complete whore.

What do yall think about virginity?

I think that virginity is just a word for a person who hasn't had sex yet. It has no deep sacred meaning. Thats my vew on virginity.

[Zippy-MyMusic]

Virginity is scared for girls. For guys, it's seen as a weakness.

At least you made it clear this wasn't anything serious.

[111122223138]

Virginity is sort of sacred IMO, and should be given to someone you're in love with, and someone you'd be proud of if word ever got out.
You'll feel guilty, as would I, but it was her fault for not telling you the truth...

I can't wait to see what other people have to say; This is going to be a great four paged thread.

[Love]

And...this is why we have wedding rings.

I'm not going to get into your situation specifically, because what I say will probably be ignored; but, I personally think sex is meant to be between a husband and wife as a secondary expression of love. I could care less about what you do with your life, but stories like this remind me how screwed up this generation is. Virginity was once the most precious trait and most valuable gift - and kids just throw it away for about 10 minutes of "pleasure".

Anyway, good luck - nothing really happened if she doesn't hold similar beliefs about virginity.

inb4stfu_Christian

[InsertFunnyUserName]

How moral it is depends on what your view on virginity is. I personally don't hold virginity to be that significant. I don't view it as being any different than regular sex. But since you do believe that it's special, continuing would have gone against your morals, so I suppose you made the right decision for your belief system.

In terms of whether you've wronged her, you really haven't. How could you have known that she was a virgin if she explicitly told you that she wasn't? She went into the situation knowing that she was a virgin and knowing that she would be having sex for the first time. If she didn't want her first time to be with you, the responsibility to prevent that from happening lies on her given she's decided to keep you in the dark about it.

[Zeppelyn]

I'm a virgin but my hymen has been broken since I started paying attention to that area. I don't know how, just happens. But unlike a guy I'm not desperate to give my virginity up.. I'm the tightest I'll ever be so I might as well give it to someone I really like.

[Piggler]

Should've just had hot, bloody sex.

[Wagggs]

At 10/25/11 07:52 PM, Hybridization wrote: And...this is why we have wedding rings.

I'm not going to get into your situation specifically, because what I say will probably be ignored; but, I personally think sex is meant to be between a husband and wife as a secondary expression of love. I could care less about what you do with your life, but stories like this remind me how screwed up this generation is. Virginity was once the most precious trait and most valuable gift - and kids just throw it away for about 10 minutes of "pleasure".

Anyway, good luck - nothing really happened if she doesn't hold similar beliefs about virginity.

If you want to get into it, you can, you won't be ignored. While I did say that I was seeking affirmation, I definitely did not expect everybody to agree with my views, or my situation.

So would you say that me getting into the situation was wrong in the first place? Obviously, not hooking up would have definitely prevented this situation as a whole, but would you say it is wrong?

[RacistBassist]

At 10/25/11 07:58 PM, Wagggs wrote: So would you say that me getting into the situation was wrong in the first place? Obviously, not hooking up would have definitely prevented this situation as a whole, but would you say it is wrong?

No it wasn't. Only thing you could have reasonably done better would to be have done the deed, and not have her have lost it without actually having sex

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

You shouldn't feel guilty. She lied. It's awful that she lost her virginity to just some guy, but that was HER choice. You didn't pressure her. The falling in love bit? That's common. Sex is a very intimate thing, especially for girls. This whole situation is going to break her stupid little heart.

[Wagggs]

At 10/25/11 07:57 PM, Zeppelyn wrote: I'm a virgin but my hymen has been broken since I started paying attention to that area.

Really? Tell me more.

I'm the tightest I'll ever be

Really? Tell me more.

jk

At 10/25/11 08:00 PM, RacistBassist wrote: and not have her have lost it without actually having sex

How?

At 10/25/11 08:01 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: Sex is a very intimate thing, especially for girls. This whole situation is going to break her stupid little heart.

I know, and partly that's why I'm feeling so guilty. Even though it was her decision to lie about, I wouldn't like to have my heart broken. I'm kind of in the middle of empathy and apathy.

[JaY11]

No, you shouldn't feel guilty, she lied.

And no, virginity is totally meaningless, and any values placed on it are meaningless. The only difference between losing it to a prostitute and someone you 'love' is that on the latter your instincts have told you that she/he would be a more suitable mate.

[InsertFunnyUserName]

At 10/25/11 08:05 PM, Wagggs wrote: I know, and partly that's why I'm feeling so guilty. Even though it was her decision to lie about, I wouldn't like to have my heart broken. I'm kind of in the middle of empathy and apathy.

But it wasn't your fault. She's capable of making her own decisions when it comes to her own emotional health; it's no one's responsibility but her own. Unless she's sheltered, she should have known that friends with benefits situations always have a risk of sparking unrequited feelings, so she should have taken that into consideration when she made the decision to hook up with you.

[RacistBassist]

At 10/25/11 08:05 PM, Wagggs wrote:

At 10/25/11 08:00 PM, RacistBassist wrote: and not have her have lost it without actually having sex

How?

By the way you described you made it sound like you only put it in, realized she was a virgin, then dropped her off

[Wagggs]

At 10/25/11 08:12 PM, RacistBassist wrote:

At 10/25/11 08:05 PM, Wagggs wrote:

At 10/25/11 08:00 PM, RacistBassist wrote: and not have her have lost it without actually having sex

How?

By the way you described you made it sound like you only put it in, realized she was a virgin, then dropped her off

Yeah, that's pretty much it. There's just something I'm not getting here, I don't know why. What exactly were you suggesting in your post? It sounded to me like you said, "It would be better if you took her virginity without actually having sex," which doesn't make much sense to me.

[RacistBassist]

At 10/25/11 08:16 PM, Wagggs wrote: Yeah, that's pretty much it. There's just something I'm not getting here, I don't know why. What exactly were you suggesting in your post? It sounded to me like you said, "It would be better if you took her virginity without actually having sex," which doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm saying that you should have had sex with her to completion. Now her first time just sucks all around.

[Love]

At 10/25/11 07:58 PM, Wagggs wrote: So would you say that me getting into the situation was wrong in the first place? Obviously, not hooking up would have definitely prevented this situation as a whole, but would you say it is wrong?

Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong. I'm not basing it strictly from the result (because everyone starts out as a virgin, obviously). It is immoral because it was outside of marriage - and the fact that you are apparently 16 makes this more prevalent. If she ends up with someone else, that person may develop some sort of health issue; or, you could have given her something that someone else had (assuming you weren't a virgin either). Aside from the fact that it is biologically unhealthy to have multiple partners, the concept of marriage and love is called into question when you remove the aspect of fidelity and "physical/emotional/spiritual bond".

So yes, I would say that what you did was wrong - but, I wouldn't call her innocent either. The fact of the matter is, though, "what's done is done". I'm definitely old-fashioned and "uncool" for refusing to make sex a trivial matter. And I am constantly ridiculed for doing so. But, it's instances such as these and the now ever-growing complexity of your (and many another teenager's) situation that keep me confident in my belief. The best you can do now is forgive yourself if you believe you have done something wrong.

As for taking care of the current issue (and the girl): it is entirely up to you. Just don't let your "smart" peers influence your physical and mental well-being - unless, of course, you consider sex/marriage to be a pointless joke (in which case, I've wasted about ten minutes giving you advice).

I hope this helps in some way.

[N30Chaos]

At 10/25/11 07:43 PM, Wagggs wrote: Should I be feeling guilty for this?

Honestly, for the actual sex, it's not entirely your fault, because she's the one that lied and you weren't forcing her at all. You didn't claim to love her at all, and she knew exactly what the risks were. If you feel guilty for taking her virginity, I guess you by all means can, but you can't hold yourself responsible for everything that happened.

What do yall think about virginity?

We're probably gonna be friends for a while.

[Jebbal]

Yeah dude, don't feel guilty about any of this. You handled the situation the right way by stopping when it became obvious it was her first time. I can tell by everything you wrote that you wouldn't have done anything with her if you had known beforehand, but she lied, and that's not your fault.

Sure, if I were in your shoes I'd probably feel a bad too. That's just how I am - same as you. But I'm telling you logically here, you don't need to worry about. It's her problem ;)

[Wagggs]

At 10/25/11 08:17 PM, RacistBassist wrote: I'm saying that you should have had sex with her to completion. Now her first time just sucks all around.

Ah, I getcha. I mean, it wouldn't have been much better seeing as she was in pain.

At 10/25/11 08:19 PM, Hybridization wrote: Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong. I'm not basing it strictly from the result (because everyone starts out as a virgin, obviously). It is immoral because it was outside of marriage - and the fact that you are apparently 16 makes this more prevalent. If she ends up with someone else, that person may develop some sort of health issue; or, you could have given her something that someone else had (assuming you weren't a virgin either). Aside from the fact that it is biologically unhealthy to have multiple partners,

I definitely get where you're coming from. As for the health issue, that's why I used a condom. Of course, nothing guarantees anything, but its good to significantly diminish the chances of such a problem, right?

the concept of marriage and love is called into question when you remove the aspect of fidelity and "physical/emotional/spiritual bond".

I'll be honest, this statement is currently making me rethink my perception of marriage.

So yes, I would say that what you did was wrong - but, I wouldn't call her innocent either.

Would you call me a bad person for this act?

I'm definitely old-fashioned and "uncool" for refusing to make sex a trivial matter. And I am constantly ridiculed for doing so.

I don't see why. Your belief was the common belief for hundreds of years, it's not some outlandish belief with no backing. I can certainly understand your side of the coin.

(in which case, I've wasted about ten minutes giving you advice).

Times explaining things such as this are never wasted times.

I hope this helps in some way.

It most certainly did, thank you.

[InsertFunnyUserName]

At 10/25/11 08:19 PM, Hybridization wrote: Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong. I'm not basing it strictly from the result (because everyone starts out as a virgin, obviously). It is immoral because it was outside of marriage - and the fact that you are apparently 16 makes this more prevalent.

That depends entirely on your belief system. Sex outside of marriage isn't objectively immoral.

If she ends up with someone else, that person may develop some sort of health issue; or, you could have given her something that someone else had (assuming you weren't a virgin either).

Unlikely. The likelihood of him having an STD at 16 with the likelihood of her contracting that STD through the condom makes the concern negligible. People contract STD's through carelessness.

Aside from the fact that it is biologically unhealthy to have multiple partners,

Evidence?

the concept of marriage and love is called into question when you remove the aspect of fidelity and "physical/emotional/spiritual bond".

I don't see how he's violated fidelity. He's not cheating.

[MultiCanimefan]

Herp derp somebody lied and that means the other person is off the hook regardless of his actions.

Morons.

Anyway OP, just because someone bleeds doesn't mean they're a virgin, and just because they don't doesn't mean they've had sex before.

I see virginity as something special, but do whatever you ant really.

Sucks to be you, by the way.

[toastburner]

The first time having sex means as much to me as the first time I did bondage.
Not much, it's a great new experience but I prefer to live in the present

[Love]

At 10/25/11 08:31 PM, InsertFunnyUserName wrote:

At 10/25/11 08:19 PM, Hybridization wrote: Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong.

That depends entirely on your belief system. Sex outside of marriage isn't objectively immoral.

I believe I made it clear that my statements were entirely subjective - and in no way demanded agreement.

Aside from the fact that it is biologically unhealthy to have multiple partners,

Evidence?

I'm going to play the lazy card here and just say I'm taking a related course at the university. Feel free to rage/care at all.

In short - the spread of STD's.

the concept of marriage and love is called into question when you remove the aspect of fidelity and "physical/emotional/spiritual bond".

I don't see how he's violated fidelity.

I never said he violated fidelity.

At 10/25/11 08:30 PM, Wagggs wrote:

At 10/25/11 08:19 PM, Hybridization wrote: Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong [...]

I definitely get where you're coming from. As for the health issue, that's why I used a condom. Of course, nothing guarantees anything, but its good to significantly diminish the chances of such a problem, right?

Of course; I'm simply offering rule-of-thumbs.

the concept of marriage and love is called into question when you remove the aspect of fidelity and "physical/emotional/spiritual bond".

I'll be honest, this statement is currently making me rethink my perception of marriage.

Please do.

So yes, I would say that what you did was wrong - but, I wouldn't call her innocent either.

Would you call me a bad person for this act?

Haha, well I wouldn't call anyone a bad person or else I would call everyone a bad person.

I'm definitely old-fashioned and "uncool" for refusing to make sex a trivial matter. And I am constantly ridiculed for doing so.

I don't see why. Your belief was the common belief for hundreds of years, it's not some outlandish belief with no backing. I can certainly understand your side of the coin.

It's probably because of the Christian undertones; but, thank you very much.

[kakalxlax]

are you really 16? at that age i was just starting to masturbate

fault? hers for trying to manipulate you saying she was not a virgin

stupid? her for ignoring how sexy a virgin woman is

At 10/25/11 07:43 PM, Wagggs wrote:

I was left with a flaccid penis

and that

[JaY11]

At 10/25/11 08:19 PM, Hybridization wrote:
Yes, and yes, I would say it was wrong. I'm not basing it strictly from the result (because everyone starts out as a virgin, obviously). It is immoral because it was outside of marriage

hahaha

Aside from the fact that it is biologically unhealthy to have multiple partners

what