One gray stormy night ZJ was sitting alone in his stupid dorm room while his bropal T-Wade (the gayfag) was out bangin' bitches. This was a common occurrence, as ZJ doesn't like to do shit besides go on Newgrounds and do anything but have a social life.
"Unreal!" ZJ suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs. He was quite frustrated at this point, having not been with another girl since the whole Agustana fiasco.
"Gosh darnit, I wish I could lose my virginity already. I was so close with Agustana but then she went and quit newgrounds for some reason!" He ranted on in anger, oblivious to the fact that it was his own fault. He pondered on a moment, crafting a scheme. He pondered and pondered, and then he pondered some more. Until finally he came up with an idea. A dirty, twisted ZJ idea!
"I know what I'll do!" He exclaimed with glee. "I'll trick a slutty girl into having sex with me!" (that rhymed~)
He jumped from his chair and grabbed his favorite coat. "This will work, I just know it will!" He assured himself with a smile. He left the dorm area and found his way into the campus library. There the girl of his dreams sat, hard at study as the exams were due any day now.
"There she is, my precious Sam Table." He said with a mischievous grin. He cautiously approached her, losing some courage at the sight of his true love.
"Easy there ZJ ol' boy, just remember what your old pal Ryan told ya and you'll be alright!" He assured himself with a nervous thought. Unfortunately for him Ryan was not much help however, as all he said was "God dammit ZJ you're fucking annoying".
Undeterred but with little confidence to spare ZJ continued on. Step by step he made his approach. Closer, and closer. Then closer some more! He came within mere feet of his precious Table, his heart racing at high speed.
"She will be mine~" He whispered, now within arms reach of his precious Table who sat busily studying, completely unaware to the danger that loomed before her. He cleared his throat, finally catching her attention. She looked up.
"Oh, hi." She said with a weak smile. ZJ stood frozen with fear, his plan now completely forgotten.
"Errr uh, dropped my pencil!" He suddenly exclaimed with a squeak in his voice before bending down to reach for his imaginary writing tool. His supposed soul mate gave a slight nod before turning back to her books, poor ZJ now completely forgotten.
ZJ made the long sad walk back to his dorm, his mission an utter failure. A single word escaped his lips as he rubbed his eyes in tearful defeat.
ZJ didn't want to tell me about who Sam Table was so this happened. Unreal amirite fellas?