At 9/27/11 07:20 PM, shrimpchris wrote:
I actually listened to that before the original.
It is pretty funny though.
Also, I thought that Rainbow Factory was a pretty good fan fic (besides that weird feeling I still have and how I keep thinking of the ending), I don't know why so many people think that it wasn't good. Care to explain?
What's wrong with Rainbow Factory? Hmm... let me break it down for you.
WARNING FOR ANYONE THAT HAS NOT READ: CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS.
First of all, the OCs are not well done, just getting that out of the way first. I hated the blatant self-insertion by the author "Aurora Dawn" and she refers to her pony in the story as "Aurora" (very subtle, hm?) Also, both of the main OCs featured in it are suppsoed to be the hero's. A.K.A Auora "sacrificing" herself so the others can escape, and Orion refusing to take his flight test to comfort with Aurora.
Second of all, the plot holes. First of which being, why did Aurora's wings snap for completely no reason? I was talking with the author for a bit, and I was asking him/her about that, I never got an answer. Correction, right as I was writing this, the author brought the Hoof and Wing line to my attention. I must have missed it upon first reading, that's my fault. However, the "twist" which reveals the villain, Rainbow Dash. An extremely cliche twist, in my opinion. I raged when I read that, I felt insulted. I hate when fan fictions do that. The lack of build up to it, makes it seem likes it coming out of nowhere, and in that sense it just seems like you think to yourself, What the fuck was the author thinking?" Almost as bad as that, was the ending. I quote,
"The chains lifted her slightly, bringing her small body eye to eye with a pegasus in front of her. The pony was a deep, blood red, glistening in the artificial light of The Factory. Her mane had small spots of glorious colours of the rainbow, but was mostly the same red colour as her coat of fur. Chunks of skin were missing from small spots, and her hair was ripped in some places, bald patches of skin in others. The only clue Scootaloo had as to who this used to be were the rose iris' focused on her.
"Any final words, you miserable worthless whore of a foal?"
Scootaloo brought her chin high, still demanding even the tiniest fraction of dignity.
"You have beautiful eyes," she cooed, soft, yet clearly." Sorry for the long ass quote, but I had to make the point. Honestly, the description isn't that bad, but the last line is awful. It's a pretty bad way to end a story, IMO. It could have been done so much better, I hate stories like that where you feel so gypped with the ending, to the point where it's insulting.
An example of this, One Last Day Except, this story had very good build up, and an even WORSE ending if you can believe that. I won't spoil it though in case anypony wants to read it.
Third, a slightly less significant point, the swearing is distracting. The swearing really just seems like it was put there to have swearing, which is not a good thing. Most of the time, there is no reason for it, it's also incredibly out of character. A good fic usually keeps (at least characters actually from the show) sort of truthful to the show a bit. It just seemed very strange.
My basic point being, this story has little to no build up. Things just happen, with pretty much explanation. However, you should still read it if you haven't already. After you do, please tell me what you think. I'd be interested to hear why people like it, just giving my opinions here. The author wants me to link him to this page, so he will likely be reading this. I might have to check out some of his other stuff though, the writing isn't that bad, it's just the plot that's flawed.
Also, I finished writing this like, 20-30 minutes ago and only waited until now to post it. Lol @ ImaSmartass2. WAS IT WORTH THE WEIGHT?