My parents are selfish

[Stereocrisis]

Okay, so my dad was an alcoholic, who cared only about getting that next drink and meeting the next girl that he could cheat on my mom with. All he ever wanted to do was escape from the family he had. He thought me that the thing to be in life is a fuck up. My father figure is someone who in the end jumped off a bridge and killed himself. My local newspaper ran a big front page story with him in a bodybag on a stretcher.

My mom used to drag me around looking for him in bars on school nights. All she did was fucking yell at him all the time. No wonder why he left, drank, cheated, and died a dirty death. She stopped being fun, as bitches usually do once a child is born. She knew she had him by the balls, so therefore she did not have to treat him with respect anymore.

My mother is a person who puts on a show. She'll say in front of everyone how much she loves to help and would do anything for me, and her two grandchildren, (my boys). But when everyone else isn't around, all she does is hang out with her boyfriend. She spends every free second hanging out with her boyfriend. As soon as my father left her, she got a boyfriend like the following week, and stopped giving a shit about me and her responsibilities as a parent.

It's just completely fucked. These people bring you into the world in a selfish act of lust, and it gets no better. They continue being selfish until the day they die. They live for stupid reasons. Whether it be fucking, or drinking, or money, or whatever. My parents are fucking losers.

I was so upset by all of this growing up, that now I'm completely fucked up. Trying to explain how this affecting me overtime is impossible. Everyday was just another letdown, and made me fucking suicidal. Imagine being alone all the time, having your father write you suicide notes, and sending them to you in the mail. Then telling your mom, and she's just like, well, I'm going to my boyfriend's house. Good luck.

I fucking hate them both with a passion. When the people you are supposed to depend on completely don't give a shit, and you could go to hell for all they care... I don't know. I'm just bitching. Hopefully the message is that we all have fucked up childhoods, and awkward, depressing teenaged years that lead into the pitfalls of adulthood. Hopefully, the message is that I go through it too, so if you don't, you shouldn't feel alone.

Isn't that such a fucked up thing? The way people try to make each other feel better is by saying that other people's lives suck.

Example, "Oh, you should be happy. Other people have less than you." Yeah, that's a grand thing right there. I'm so happy now that I know other people are in pain. Fell much better. Ahhhh...

I feel sick to my stomach.

It's not just my parents. It's everyone. People live for these shallow reasons... these evil reasons. Lust, greed, etc.. It's like, hey, how about having a connection? How about loving each other? Is it so hard to put away selfish things and look people in the eyes and smile. Instead we bury our noses in TV, and computers, and smart phones. We only give a fuck about each other when there is some kind of payoff. We only scratch each others back when it means we have ours scratched first. Friends and family talk shit about each other. Backstabbing. Denial. Pain. No such thing as a hero. DEATH.

I used to hate that phrase, "Life sucks and then you die." because I didn't want to believe that life was so negative. But now I see it is very true. Happiness comes from a person's vices, bad habits that are forms of self-destruction, and they love it. They want more for themselves and less for the next guy. They want a place to live, food to eat, a person to fuck, and money to blow on stupid bullshit.. Everything bad for you, and bad for others around you is what makes you happy. A drug habit, a loser boyfriend / girlfriend turned loser baby daddy or mommy, turned loser husband or wife. Fattening food. Bad diet. Red meat. Tobacco. Coffee.

What am I trying to say? That people are jaded, and so am I, and I just want to fucking die. That would be my main feeling about life, broken up with tiny ammounts of happiness in between.

Imagine a line, or a foundation which sustains your point of view. The trunk of the tree. Now think about what branches off of the tree. The love, the happiness. The pain, and the death of dreams. The point is, no matter what branches off of the tree, those are simply those moments in life which you have experienced. If your mind, the roots leading up to the tree trunk, is rotten.. oh fuck man. I'm just trying to say what the fuck here. Nevermind these certain poetic liberties I'm taking with the language. If your brain is fucked up, then it doesn't matter what experiences you have, good or bad, because you will be experiencing them with the fucked up brain you have. Even something good and pure turns to shit in your head. Love gets twisted into something sexual and degrading. Happiness gets mixed up with what you can get out of the deal. Friends become people only useful when they are giving. And you will take. Yes. You will fucking take. You'll take and take and take, and then you'll act like they never did anything for you when they need a fucking favor, you ungrateful little bastard.

There is no more love in the world. Only people with a misconception. A misguided belief. A chance occurance that lasts for just so long before it turns into something hateful and cold. Love burns. If there is a God, and he truely loved us so much, then it must have turned to hate. When people you care about so strongly that you can call it love let you down time after time, it turns into fucking hate. So, my little hypocrites and non-believers.. if there is a God, he hates your black heart, down to your disgusting pathetic selfish soul.

[Garage]

You have children?!

[MrPercie]

always look on the bright side of life

de doo, de doo de do de do de do

ok, jokes aside, yeah that sounds fucking horrible, I wouldnt be surprised if I killed myself if I had too live through that shit

[Jin]

Okay if this isn't copy-pasta this is my response.

People are selfish. You can react by either being selfish, in the sense that you simply don't care about things people do. Doesn't mean you should give up though. Or you can become more altruistic. When you start giving, people reciprocate. Not everyone gives back, but you can't change them. Just think it as a sacrificial act.

[MrPercie]

At 9/18/11 11:20 AM, Jin wrote: Just think it as a sacrificial act.

but its a shame some good people sacrifice so much when others who can help do nothing.

[Stereocrisis]

At 9/18/11 11:21 AM, MrPercie wrote:

At 9/18/11 11:20 AM, Jin wrote: Just think it as a sacrificial act.

but its a shame some good people sacrifice so much when others who can help do nothing.

You sad it pal. It's this reason that good people go bad. They give and give and give until they become bitter. Time after time of getting screwed makes them cold, and they become rotten.

Oh, and to that other dude, no, this isn't copy-pasta.

[Boss]

doooooooooodz!!!!! i told u not 2!!!!

[Rivergrey]

At 9/18/11 12:00 PM, Boss wrote: doooooooooodz!!!!! i told u not 2!!!!

Oh, shut the fuck up already. If it's important to his life and wants opinions on how to deal with this then be constructive for once and help a man out. As for my part: I'll mull it over and get back to you in a proper post.

[saltovergray]

I'll be honest, I thought this thread was going to be some psuedo "deep" teen whining about his parents and blowing angst all over the place. But I'm glad it's not, yet also saddened due tot he actual content.

That sounds absolutely horrible. I commend you for still being here after all of that, I would have never been able to handle all that emotional turmoil. I can't say I've had any sort of experience like that, since both of my parents are still here and do their job fine. I guess the closest thing I could say is that I'm not at all close to my dad. I don't hate him, I'm just not close. I say hi and chat with him about his day, help him around the house if he needs it, but that's pretty much it. But that could also be lumped in with my quiet personality. I'm babbling, so I'll cut it short. You are a brave person, and I have utmost respect for you for being able to handle so much. It's alright to let it all out, knowing you can handle that has only been the better for you.

[Stereocrisis]

I just had a thought. It's just a little line that I liked. I sent it an a PM, but I guess I must think I'm brilliant for coming up with this thought, or else I wouldn't try to show it off to any of you.

Okay, here it is. If I died tomorrow, I would have never accomplished my goals, reached my dreams, blah blah blah. And, if I live tomorrow, the same will be true, except that I have to live through it. I would rather be oblivious to the fact that I'm not going to be rich or famous. Or on a grander scale, that might seem smaller to some of you, I will never get to have a real conversation with people like my mother who have screwed me up inside. I would never get her to see things my way, and actually love me and care about my feelings. If I died tomorrow, she would never know how much it was her god damn fault. But, if I live tomorrow, she'll still not give a fuck how badly I want to fucking die.

[Stereocrisis]

That's a fucked up reason to live, huh? Like, the only reason I just don't blow my brains out right this second is because I have so much more left to say. I still have hope that I can change people's minds. That's FUCKED UP. The only reason I don't blow my head off is so I can make people feel bad about themselves by placing certain blame where it rightful goes. To make them not only understand that they are fucking assholes who ruined my life and my self-esteem, and caused my mountains of depression.. but to make them CHANGE and start doing it the right way.

The right way, stereocrisis?

Yes, the right fucking way.

Put down the dick for two seconds mom. You have a family, you double life leading selfish cunt. Dad, well, we lost you already, but if you were here, you should have put down the fucking bottle for two seconds, and realized that you had a family to support you selfish prick.

[Boss]

At 9/18/11 12:02 PM, Rivergrey wrote:

At 9/18/11 12:00 PM, Boss wrote: doooooooooodz!!!!! i told u not 2!!!!

Oh, shut the fuck up already. If it's important to his life and wants opinions on how to deal with this then be constructive for once and help a man out. As for my part: I'll mull it over and get back to you in a proper post.

u mad brah

[The-Great-One]

You have bottled up anger and aggression. You want to let this out. The question is why don't you get it out of your system and tell your mother this? You have two children, I'm guessing a wife and you have your own family and treat your family better than your family treated you.

I'm not going to tell you to not look back at the past, because you will. I will tell you though that you have nowhere else left to go, but up. Then again I probably have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about and you know you're right. Yeah I have contemplated suicide to and I have family members who talk behind each others backs, but my parents have raised me well and given me every opportunity I could ask for and treated me well, so I can't understand what you're going through with said problem and to say that I could understand your point of view would be an insult to you. I'm also not going to say sorry, because I am not at blame and to say it would be meaningless.

The only question is what are you looking for from us or better yet from yourself?

[Bantun]

Humans are pathetic to think the world is a happy place.

[Boss]

dude their shellfish??? ar u a fish 2?

[Bantun]

At 9/18/11 01:40 PM, Boss wrote: dude their shellfish??? ar u a fish 2?

You have never suffered before.

[Boss]

At 9/18/11 01:44 PM, Bantun wrote:

At 9/18/11 01:40 PM, Boss wrote: dude their shellfish??? ar u a fish 2?

You have never suffered before.

you are sooooooo rite im living in condos wich is funny the word is LIKE condor???!!?!?!?!

[Bantun]

There's a truth to the reality of pain. It's all in the mind. But that does not mean it's not real. No one has the right to tell you that others suffer more than you.

[Boss]

At 9/18/11 01:47 PM, Bantun wrote: There's a truth to the reality of pain. It's all in the mind. But that does not mean it's not real. No one has the right to tell you that others suffer more than you.

dude ar you troling

[Harlandgirl]

I know you have a lot of angry inside. And I must say I am in awe of your ability to verbalise it.
I find your words very poetic. You have a great skill for words.

I hope one day you will see happiness in the world.

[Stereocrisis]

At 9/18/11 12:31 PM, The-Great-One wrote: You have bottled up anger and aggression. You want to let this out. The question is why don't you get it out of your system and tell your mother this?

I have had many long discussions with my mother about all of this. She doesn't care. If her boyfriend is around, I could go to hell for all she cares. But of course, she'll put on the extra sweet, my boyfriend is within earshot voice to basically tell me to get away from her, she is much too busy.

You have to understand, this isn't small potatoes. This is big. Like I'm coming to her with these suicidal thoughts, and laying it all on the line, from the time I was like 15. Showing her suicide notes that my dad wrote to me. Begging her to stick around because I can't emotionally afford to be lonely. And she has never given one fuck. Her boyfriend is the most important thing in her life. Over me, her other family, anyone.

You have two children, I'm guessing a wife and you have your own family and treat your family better than your family treated you.

It's hard to do that when we still live here. It's so fucked. I'm trying to look for work and can't count on her, or anyone else to babysit. And the only work avaliable right now would basically pay for the daycare, and I would be left with nothing, if not needing to OWE them. I can't even dig myself out. Oh, and then of course, my wife.. jesus christ, don't even get me started. Let me put it to you like this. Today, she went to a baseball game all day long, while my mother was with her boyfriend, leaving me home to take care of two babies. My mom is STILL not home, and when my wife did get home, she can't even help me clean up the house a bit. It's fucking insane. This place is messy and dirty, and she refuses to help pick up one fucking toy, or clean one fucking dish.

I'm not going to tell you to not look back at the past, because you will. I will tell you though that you have nowhere else left to go, but up. Then again I probably have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about and you know you're right. Yeah I have contemplated suicide to and I have family members who talk behind each others backs, but my parents have raised me well and given me every opportunity I could ask for and treated me well, so I can't understand what you're going through with said problem and to say that I could understand your point of view would be an insult to you.

The biggest issue I have, (oh please, the biggest issue? Really? I should say the biggest issue I'm about to talk about...) is with people who don't even want to know what kind of shit you crawled out of, and assume you have the happy life they do. So they accuse you of being paranoid, or stupid, or emo because they don't have the first clue. They don't even want to get a clue. They assume you are just being over-dramatic because they were given everything. Opportunities, love, respect, privacy, important lessons, and all the rest. I had to do it all by myself. Then you see some spoiled little shit getting unconditional love, and he or she doesn't appreciate one second of it. It's a slap in the face to people like me, who would have loved for their parents care, and not have left them every night, or just plain moved out, or worse, killed themselves. I had all of those things happen to me, and when one of these spoiled brats puts me down, if I'm having a hard time, and they make it worse... God, I would love to just smack one of these little bitches. But I don't, because I can control myself. Through all of this, I've never tried to hurt anyone, or lost my mind. I endured. There is no fucking payoff for keeping it together, by the way. The only payoff is most likely staying out of prison, and that's it. You don't get any extra pats on the back in this world just because your daddy killed himself, and your mommy wasn't around. I'm damn rough around the edges, but I don't snap. If I was anyone else, I think I would snap. I was somehow made to contain myself.

I'm also not going to say sorry, because I am not at blame and to say it would be meaningless.

Sorry for what?

The only question is what are you looking for from us or better yet from yourself?

I'm just getting this off my chest. Like I said man, I don't have anyone to talk to. Not that anyone would understand anyway, unless they went through it, in which case, they would start talking about themselves, disguising one upping me as solid advice with all due respect to my situation.. blah blah blah... yeah bullshit. They wait for their turn to speak rather than listen and learn and really try to help. I have talked to so many people, and no one listening.

Oh, here's a good one. You'll love this. You might have even heard it before. Someone will say, "You should talk to someone."

What a slap in the face. Here I am, talking to YOU, and what you basically are saying is you should talk to someone who gives a shit.

My mom says that. You should talk to someone. I'll be talking to her, and she's the only one who can do right by her son, and her grandkids, and stop being NOT around all the time, but my problems.. no.. my problems pertaining that that need to be talked about with "someone"... Bitch.

[kazumazkan]

and who can change the way they are

[Stereocrisis]

At 9/18/11 01:52 PM, Harlandgirl wrote: I know you have a lot of angry inside. And I must say I am in awe of your ability to verbalise it.

I pride myself in being able to talk real good and stuff... That came out wrong.

I find your words very poetic. You have a great skill for words.

Well, I do write. I write poems, and songs. I'm actually not bad with a guitar either. I'm not just bragging. I feel like in life, if you try to say anything good about yourself, others immediately think you are being a cocky little show off prick. But then, if you try to avoid them thinking that, and just say, yeah, I'm not that great... They accuse you of being too modest. You can't win...

I hope one day you will see happiness in the world.

I see happiness all the time. I just experience it with a broken mind. It's not as sweet. It's like this. You have a center. That is you. No matter what happens, good or bad, the center is you. But the center was at one time created. Created in the beginning of life during bad situations by selfish, uncaring people.

Do you see what I mean? Now, that center can be changed, but it would take massive ammounts of love to fill whatever holes you have. And at the bottom of each of those holes is a little monster digging, throwing the love dirt right back out, because the little monster tells you that any new person you meet is just going to screw you over, leave you, hurt you... These are demons. Demons instilled in you, at your center, forced upon you from the cradle. They are the voices of doubt you hear, the fear you feel when you want to tell someone you like them, the pain you feel when you miss an opportunity. I have depressive demons. Angry demons. Love demons... It sounds stupid, but go with me on this. These are the creatures that live in your center. These "creatures" are your thoughts. Now, some people have good, kind creatures who whisper softly into their brains, go for it. You can do it. My thoughts are more like, put a bullet in your head, you're worthless, nobody really loves you, you have nobody you can count on.

So, even if it isn't true sometimes, it feels true. Only further enforced by those who really are out to get me. Those who really don't give a shit, like my mom. Those who really do leave, like my dad, or a number of ex-girlfriends I laid my heart on the line to trust. Those people who are complete strangers, who give you an attitude for no good reason. And on and on.

[Stereocrisis]

At 9/18/11 08:41 PM, kazumazkan wrote: and who can change the way they are

People with courage. People with strong will power. People change all the time. I know I have changed things about myself that I didn't like. When all of this was first happening to me, I got heavy into drugs and alcohol. I was a train wreck, wanted to die, always took more than everyone else. It was escapism. I felt defeated, so I tried to just keep myself wasted out of a mind that would not let me forget how horrible everything around me was.

But I changed. I changed into someone who wasn't going to do that to myself, or anyone else around me. And like everything else I do, I did it by myslef without help. Nobody even cared enough to ask me to stop. I just did without being forced.

[BizzarroPMP]

I walked in the wrong door...

[Bolo]

All you gotta do is change that little icon next to your post into a smiley face and then this whole topic becomes an ironic and clever parody of a jaded BBS post.

[argile]

I could say something to show I'm feeling empathy for your problem but I understand and treat things so carelessly and different that I might as well not care about how it leads on later on and just exist until the die I die. To bad about your father though he could have chosen divorce amd at least give you a call.

[SpaceWhale]

I read all of that and no Bel-Air joke? I've been let down again, Newgrounds.

[Lumber-Jax12]

okay seriously don't be a hypocrite, if you have a family, why don't YOU try to raise them to better and morally honest people instead of bitching about it.

Hindsight is 20/20, the future is never clear, but I can tell you this, your kids will be just as fucked in the head if you don't put this behind you, you have kids that need to be raised, get to it.

"Life sucks, Life turns on you" No it doesn't. For those of you without a faith of any kind, realize this. Good is an opinion as is Bad. If there is no God because the world isn't all good, then there is no devil/hate/evil because the world isn't all bad.

Life is hard, that much is for sure, but until you people try to get off your ass and make it better than maybe people of the future have something better to live for.

You want a reason? Think of Heaven and God/Allah/Jehovah/Nirvana/whatever. Don't believe? Then what will you do about it, bitch moan, complain and just wait to die? Or will you grow some balls and try to make it a better place, because it can be, it doesn't get better with other peoples help.

It starts with you, so go make a difference, because if life really is all bad, then what do you have to lose if your alternative is to just rot.

[beakerboy]

The trick is to be strong.