Letter To My Soon To Be Ex Gf.

[ExplodingPiglets]

I a wrote a letter to my girlfriend whom I am going to break up with. Feedback?

_____

Dear Bianca,

I know for the last few months that you have been suspicious of me. I haven't been picking up the phone to answer your calls, I haven't been on the computer to answer your face book messages. You suspect that I've been dishonest to you, that I am spending my time with another woman.

Well, I have decided to come clean with you. I have been dishonest with you these last few months. But I wasn't with another woman. Rather, I was spending time with a man. Well, ok, I spent time with a man and a woman, so I guess I was with another woman after all....sort of.

Let me explain: I am a furry. Do you know what a furry is? A furry is somebody who can identify themselves with an animal. Sometimes it can be a fetish. Well, I have a fetish for anthropomorphic animals. Particularly lizards. I am what they call a "scaly".

Whenever I play oblivion, I imagine what the argonian's titties or dicks must be like. When I play Mario, I can't help but fantasize about Bowser pounding me in the ass. Basically, I get aroused by humanoid reptiles, especially dragons. Dragons really get me hard. Remember that night when we watched Shrek together and then I made furious love to you? I was actually closing my eyes and pretending I was making love to that dragon.

Anyway, about that man and woman I told you I was involved with. I met them on a furry chat room where we users take on our own "fursonas". Sometimes when we get a bit horny, we like to role play. In other words, we acted out sexual intercourse by private messaging. This is called "yiffing".

Anyway, my male partner was a humanoid t-rex called rox, and he was always the dominant one. He was very creative when it came to describing how his dick felt on my tailhole, and the way he nibbled on the back of my neck. It was incredibly hot.

And the female was a female dragon called "viriala". She had a blue body, purple-pink eyes, big green reptilian breasts and nice long legs. She did the most amazing things with her tongue and a silk cloth.

Anyway, all 3 of us got involved and sometimes we would have a 3 way. I would be screwing Viriala the dragoness while Rox would be pounding me in the ass. Sometimes I Viriala would be in the middle while I get her in front and Rox got her from behind. It was an amazing experience sharing something intimate with 2 other people.

Whenever you called and I said I was busy working on a school project, I was lying. I was actually on the computer "yiffing" Rox and Viriala. I even have my own dildo that I purchased from an online dildo store called bad-dragon. It sells dragon dicks, and a few dragon p*ssies as well. Basically, I would lube up the dragon dick, shove it up my ass and jerk off while yiffing on the chatroom.

So yeah, that's what's been going on. I've been cheating on you with a dino and a dragoness. In fact, remember that time I asked you to finger my ass while I made love to you? I was actually imagining that your were the dragoness and that your finger was Rox's dick. (Even though it was a bit small.)

To be honest, I really don't like you anymore. You are incredibly attractive for a human, but I don't like humans, so I am not sexually attracted to you. Plus you fuss at me when I don't clean my room or contact you. Not only that, but every now and then you bleed out of your vagina while screaming at everybody. That's disgusting and I think we should break up.

I'm sorry it had to end this way, but if it makes you feel any better, I ordered you a dragon dildo from bad-dragon. They make amazing products and I'm sure you'll enjoy it in my absence.

With love,
James.

[Confucianism]

Hahahahaha. Your a liar and a bad one at that. Sure its funny and all but your not breaking up with anyone with the use of this letter. You may not even have a girlfriend to break up with. But your lying saying that you just sent this letter to someone.

[JonWB2005]

made me lol id say send it.

[BanglaBoy96]

Harsh man... harsh!
People like you don't deserve the will to love

[Minchken]

*clap* Yes. *clap*

[benmitchell0036]

For some reason, I don't think that you actually wrote this letter. I think you copied it rom somewhere else.

[Luke]

The problem here is that, you are not going to break up with her face to face obviously.
This is a big issue, anybody can write something and send it to them. You need to nut up and talk to her about things face-to-face.

If you can't talk to your girlfriend, or break up with your girlfriend in person, then you aren't ready to be dating anybody.

[ExplodingPiglets]

At 9/1/11 12:22 PM, benmitchell0036 wrote: For some reason, I don't think that you actually wrote this letter. I think you copied it rom somewhere else.

You can try googling, dickweed.

[zag]

I'm thoroughly amused XD
thanks for brightening my day, if only a little.

[benmitchell0036]

At 9/1/11 12:24 PM, ExplodingPiglets wrote:

At 9/1/11 12:22 PM, benmitchell0036 wrote: For some reason, I don't think that you actually wrote this letter. I think you copied it rom somewhere else.

You can try googling, dickweed.

Yes, because I'm going to google a fucking massive wall of text. I don't think you wrote it because you obviously wouldn't actually send that to someone, and why would you waste your time writing something that big to maybe get some attention on the internet? Oh wait, maybe you did write it then...

[Joeylicious]

Daytime Emmy.

[ModernPatriot]

Yes, break her heart.

DO IT NOW.

[JamesEarlJones]

Way to break it to her.
At least you're not as brutally honest as Ken here.

[Slawter]

I googled it all that came up was a forum where they were discussing your thread on the bungie Forums : http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topi c/31/this-kid-has-sex-with-furries/51277 8/?

[DarkMatter]

TLDR: OP can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

[Dromedary]

See, this is why I love you. Your stories are always funny, despite all of the people using their superior knowledge and saying you made it up.

*cough* Confucianism *cough*

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

Hahaha! Brilliant. Makes me miss Earfetish's stories.

[Atypop]

Your name is James?

[ExplodingPiglets]

At 9/1/11 12:34 PM, Atypop wrote: Your name is James?

Maybe.

[jds74]

At 9/1/11 12:32 PM, Slawter wrote: I googled it all that came up was a forum where they were discussing your thread on the bungie Forums : http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topi c/31/this-kid-has-sex-with-furries/51277 8/?

Nice work, watson

[ExplodingPiglets]

At 9/1/11 12:59 PM, jds74 wrote:

At 9/1/11 12:32 PM, Slawter wrote: I googled it all that came up was a forum where they were discussing your thread on the bungie Forums : http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topi c/31/this-kid-has-sex-with-furries/51277 8/?

Nice work, watson

The thread they are talking about is this one: link.

The OP is hidden because I got banned, but if you click the profile, you can view my post history. If you also view the "about me" section, you can also see that the account is clearly one of mine. :)

[explodingbunnies]

I believe this is very relevant to you and your weird problems and breaking up with your girlfriend from fetishes.

[Makeshift]

At 9/1/11 12:20 PM, Confucianism wrote: Hahahahaha. Your a liar and a bad one at that. Sure its funny and all but your not breaking up with anyone with the use of this letter. You may not even have a girlfriend to break up with. But your lying saying that you just sent this letter to someone.

You're a big dumb.

[Piggler]

oh man this is makes me laff

[Confucianism]

At 9/1/11 12:32 PM, Dromedary wrote: See, this is why I love you. Your stories are always funny, despite all of the people using their superior knowledge and saying you made it up.

Indeed.

*cough* Confucianism *cough*

~Raises eyebrow~
Got a bit of a cough there dont you.

[dogpup4]

Haha, made me laugh. To all people who think this is real, read his user info thing. Some of you guys take this way too seriously haha.

[ExplodingPiglets]

At 9/1/11 01:46 PM, dogpup4 wrote: Haha, made me laugh. To all people who think this is real, read his user info thing. Some of you guys take this way too seriously haha.

But this isn't a joke, I am being serious.

[sqweebel]

You sir are one sick, twisted piece of fuck

[Phobotech]

Hahahahahahaha!!! Best breakup letter ever.

[SteelChair]

I had an ex named Bianca, I hated her.