Pains to say this but this was literally the last drawing I put A LOT of effort in, and this was late November. Eight months. I modified and darkened, plus polished up, the sketch for an auction around May but this is the November version and honestly, it only took me five minutes to clean it up six months later.
Since then, I've probably done one or two oh-she-put-some-effort-in-it portraits but left them more than half unfinished and too many silly sketches lazily roughing out everything without real guidelines and toying with perspectives but generally just felt too unmotivated to really turn any of those into cool artwork I can actually take pride in. I remember one of those silly sketches types was a satirical one panel cartoon *kind of Gary Larsonesque, only not actually* with a realistic hedgehog and fox (but looking back it was way more like a fucking coyote) in the foreground but still kinda set aside but not so much and they were talking about how crazy the tales of Sonic were, riiiiiiiiiiite and in the background sorta pseudo focal point was Sonic doing acid and Robotnik.
Sounds less funny here, I know, but it was so fucking RAD. too bad I don't give enuf of a shit to finish it up into an actual cartoon piece...
Just an instance honestly. Before coming back to NG, I literally went months without picking up an art pencil. Doodles were half assed hearts and penguins and blobby stuff on corners of paper while doing summer homework.
Maybe it's because I was very sick the last half year or so and still trying today to gain real energy and ambition. Switched off meds I'd been taking for almost maybe two years just before 2012 started, hell the new year's eve broadcast is a fucking blur due to that. Then the new doc gave me pills after pills that sometimes worked but sometimes didn't, and finally we found a 'mix' that worked... but
Honestly I wouldn't change any of the pills I'm on right now because it's made me so relaxed and calm, and generally made my life much easier, but still I'm fucking lethargic. This made me think, y'know. Those new pills made me relize maybe it's not all the meds' fault...
maybe the laziness and unmotivation shit is that deeply manifested within me, ya know. I remember even in first grade, I refused to do basic math and it's been that way since.
sucks ass. Can't find some way to motivate myself.