I got fired from my job.

[ExplodingPiglets]

I am screwed. I'll try to make this as brief as possible. I was working at a company that packs food rations for the military. My job involved working around loud machinery, so it was required that I wear ear plugs. I spent 9 hours a day from 7 AM to 4 PM scooping raisins out of a container and putting them on a conveyor.

After my lunch break, I got back to work, only to realize one of the ear plugs on the cord was missing. I didn't have time to get a new set of plugs, so when I was sure nobody was looking, I took a raisin and stuck it in my ear. That worked just as well as the earplug.

I got back to my station and scooped raisins again. 10 minutes later, my ear began to itch like hell. So I tried to get the raisin out of my ear only to find that it was stuck. I couldn't get it out and my ear was still itching like hell. So I jammed my finger in my ear and shoved the raisin back further into the canal, and I itched the itch.

But I shoved the raisin way too hard and I ruptured my ear drum. Pain shot through my head like a firecracker and I quickly lost my equilibrium. I became dizzy and I stumbled around. My supervisor came over and yelled "Hey, what's wrong?" There was a ringing in my ears so I could barely hear him. Again, he asked me "You don't look so good, what's wrong?"

I looked at him and I said, "I-I don't feel so..." then I vomited all over the raisins and the conveyor belt. My supervisor slipped on my vomit and fell, but grabbed onto the machinery for support. Unfortunately, he grabbed onto the conveyor, so his arm got pulled into the packer.

His and got crushed before we could stop the line. Although my ear was ringing, I could still hear him screaming. It was horrible and I felt like crap. They quickly dislodged his mangled hand and he went to the hospital. When I explained what I had done, I was immediately fired.

My ear is going to be fine btw, the doc says after some light surgery, it should heal just fine.

So...my question is this: With a resume like that, how am I going to get a new job?

[Grammer]

Don't ever put that shit on your resume.

[zooos]

I totally believe this.

[ilovemario]

At 7/15/11 11:11 AM, Grammer wrote: Don't ever put that shit on your resume.

yah i dont believe this actually happened

[misterchees0]

At 7/15/11 11:33 AM, ilovemario wrote:

At 7/15/11 11:11 AM, Grammer wrote: Don't ever put that shit on your resume.

yah i dont believe this actually happened

Wow Sherlock, you really got me this time!

[MetallixTheKnight]

Congratulations. I just woke up and you already made my day. Good luck, you're gonna need it.

[Madjasper1]

I have nothing to say about the story but these few things:

1. Good luck getting a new job.
2. I believe this story 100%
3. Have you considered making this into a film (movie to you (Americans)?

[SouthAsian]

Oh dear! Sounds like you had a bad day.A RAISINY DAY!

[robotking98]

Sucks to be you right about now.

[Rawter]

OP's line of thinking when he decided to write this

[919CDS]

see if you woulda just got some more ear plugs you wouldn't of gotten fired and have to go to the hospital you might have gotten a write up for being a little late or whatever.

[coleknows]

Not sure if fake....or just downright ridiculous.

If it is true, then im sorry but im not sure how i can help you there. Maybe try not to put it on your resume if it is that bad.

GL ):

[Expectrum]

At 7/15/11 11:09 AM, ExplodingPiglets wrote: With a resume like that, how am I going to get a new job?

You're not. I'm afraid that event is going o be raising many suspicions.

[Magical-Zorse]

You shouldn't have itched your ear.

[ExplodingPiglets]

At 7/15/11 01:15 PM, Magical-Zorse wrote: You shouldn't have itched your ear.

Maybe not.

Unrelated: catnip1388 is a faggot!

[platypuspwn]

I call bullshit.

[AlphaCentauri]

At 7/15/11 11:09 AM, ExplodingPiglets wrote:
So...my question is this: With a resume like that, how am I going to get a new job?

Leave things out and put a creative twist on things.

For Example: When in a bind, I am fast to think on my feet in what could become a dangerous situation. I knew being around loud machinery would harm my ears so I used innovation to fashion earplugs out of other materials.

Leave out that you used company products for ear plugs and that you vomited everywhere and got your boss's hand cut off.

Golden.

[gogman25]

What the fuck did I just read? Be this true or a clever ruse?

[cjdude1]

At 7/15/11 11:09 AM, ExplodingPiglets wrote: I am screwed. I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

Good job with that!

[DevourerJay]

You know... some military guy is going to get an ear plug instead of a raisin in his food.... eww

[SizzleBolt]

1. Why is there no footage of this?
2. You won't ever be allowed to work in a factory again.

[HooglyBoogly]

Awesome troll, bro. I had a good laugh.

If this is a serious story though, you know the rules. Pics or bullshit.