I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
What We Do Is Secret
God damn it letiger. I could have died happy having never seen that. Now it will forever haunt me!
The sig that I'm wearin? Awesomely made by Skaren!
Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances
At 6/23/11 01:30 AM, wizardofthehood wrote: Shameless Rip-Off
Nice copypasta. Still made me laugh a bit, I suppose.
No, I don't shave my arsehair and I don't really get why you would want to. I think it'd usually be a very rare situation where people discover that you even have arsehair, and even rarer where they would judge it for you.
However, if you're personally finding it a nuisance... your life, mate.
At 6/23/11 01:33 AM, letiger wrote:At 6/23/11 01:30 AM, Sensationalism wrote: God damn it letiger. I could have died happy having never seen that. Now it will forever haunt me!Someone posted it in a thread a long time ago; I saved it.
Dear God WHYYYYYYYYY.
The sig that I'm wearin? Awesomely made by Skaren!
Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances
At 6/23/11 01:34 AM, Sensationalism wrote:At 6/23/11 01:33 AM, letiger wrote:Dear God WHYYYYYYYYY.At 6/23/11 01:30 AM, Sensationalism wrote: God damn it letiger. I could have died happy having never seen that. Now it will forever haunt me!Someone posted it in a thread a long time ago; I saved it.
I thought it was funny.
At 6/23/11 01:37 AM, letiger wrote: I thought it was funny.
You have a shitty sense of humor lolol.
The sig that I'm wearin? Awesomely made by Skaren!
Also, I like annoying Americans by calling English football "real football" and American football "rugby".-Lost-Chances
Just do lots of reading for it is a meticulous procedure.
At 6/23/11 01:37 AM, letiger wrote:At 6/23/11 01:34 AM, Sensationalism wrote:I thought it was funny.At 6/23/11 01:33 AM, letiger wrote:Dear God WHYYYYYYYYY.At 6/23/11 01:30 AM, Sensationalism wrote: God damn it letiger. I could have died happy having never seen that. Now it will forever haunt me!Someone posted it in a thread a long time ago; I saved it.
If you're really a fourteen year old female, I am very surprised you saved a picture some guys ass with a phone in it on what I would bet is a shared computer.
If you suck me off, thanks.
At 6/23/11 01:47 AM, TheGrim wrote:At 6/23/11 01:28 AM, bgraybr wrote:I'm not Asian, but my ass ain't hairy...At 6/23/11 01:27 AM, Smittytheghost wrote: My ass, does not grow hair.Neither does mine.
I'm Asian, so I only get thick body hair on parts of my face and my pubes.
Sometimes it works like that.
I do it every few months or so.
I have no special techniques or anything i just shave while I'm in the shower and feel it out.
DJHeat=my hero! (at least 4 the next half hr. Then i'll be all like DJHeat whodat? lol balls)
IF I SEEM GAY TO YOU THEN READ THIS THREAD
I have a woman, who does this for me.. Coll, is it? :3
At 6/23/11 02:49 AM, tox wrote:wizardofthehood wrote:That has to be one of the best respondes I have read in a long time
You sir are briliant
)
That's copypasta.
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Well, you could shave it, when it annoys you, I guess.
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I don't shave mine. It'd be way to much of a hassle keeping my ass constantly shaven.
Also, for some reason one of my ex's liked that I had a hairy butt. It was the weirdest thing...
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