Drabble

[WizMystery]

I'm entering a drabble competition elsewhere and have just come up with this 99-word story. I've never read drabble before so I don't know how in-depth things get, but this doesn't have much plot or characterization.

My hope is that it at least grabs your attention. There is a rather obvious concept about it but I'll keep it a secret to see just how apparent it is.

The Old Bell Tower

It's ten o'clock, and yet another mundane day must begin. Let the old bell tower grasp again the life I live. If only I were dreaming... I'd have the very thing I desire. Choice. Pure choice. But no matter. I have the patience. Tonight I'll awaken once again. Those bells will lose their grasp. I'll experience the breath of life again. My only hope this time is to remember... Remember the feeling of absolute power I so yearn. I often choose my words wisely to describe this feeling... But no matter what, however, I always end just one short.

[WizMystery]

Woops, found a mistake already. I'll leave it be until someone comments on it.

[ZeeAk]

At 6/7/11 08:40 PM, WizMystery wrote: Woops, found a mistake already. I'll leave it be until someone comments on it.

Is it the use of however in the last line?

The story is interesting, and it does grab my attention, so in that manner you've succeeded. Personally, though, I hate '...'s. You could easily swap them out for better punctuation marks, like semi-colons or dashes or even one full stop.

[WizMystery]

At 6/7/11 11:00 PM, ZeeAk wrote:

At 6/7/11 08:40 PM, WizMystery wrote: Woops, found a mistake already. I'll leave it be until someone comments on it.

Is it the use of however in the last line?

The story is interesting, and it does grab my attention, so in that manner you've succeeded. Personally, though, I hate '...'s. You could easily swap them out for better punctuation marks, like semi-colons or dashes or even one full stop.

Actually it's one of the "..."s. But did you get the pattern that's going on? That's what sort of adds plot to the story.