Window to Heaven

[RandomDent]

It was a quite a bland neighborhood, where I lived. The days seemed to inch by, nothing to see, nothing to do. Not a significant sight for miles. However, there was once an old, abandoned building which lay right across the street. I always wondered what had happened inside, to be in this depressing state. The curious fellow I am, I decided to investigate. So, I went across the street and, to my surprise, the door opened willingly. Walking in, I noticed cobwebs scattered about. A putrid smell permeated the air, the smell of rot and decay. The floor was missing several boards. Even the walls were covered in mold. As large of a house as it was, there wasn't much to see. I walked into the bedroom, to find a pitch black mattress. A cabinet sat next to it, a dusty picture frame placed on top. The portrait was in black and white. The man in this portrait seemed to be distinguished and well disciplined. He wore a suit and tie, not a smile to be found. As I walked back to the foyer, a single ray of light caught my gaze. I followed upstairs, finally reaching the attic. There was another portrait here of the same man, but he seemed, well, happy. It was brightly colored, and his feeling seemed to pass on to me. It was the same man, but completely different. It is then that the light found its way to my eye. It was then that I saw it. A window. As I looked through it, a warm feeling flowed through my veins. The beautiful scenery captivated me, bringing me to tears. I guess some would call it a window to heaven. It overjoyed me at first, and I was regretful to leave it. I left for a while, but I came back. It beckoned to me. I tried to open it, but, it would not budge. I looked all over for a lock,but there was none in sight. I found a hammer on the ground, and without wondering why it was there, I tried smashing the glass. Nothing. It taunted me, this window. It was mocking me, laughing at my attempts of breaking through. It was then when it struck me, why this house had been abandoned. It haunted me, this great temptation. Almost to the brink of insanity. However, I pulled through. I left the house and went straight back home, never to speak of it again. Some would call it a window to heaven; I would call it a window to hell.

This was my attempt at writing a short story, and yes, it is very short. Constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.

[BrianEtrius]

You really need to work on your sentence structure. The opening line "It was a quite a bland neighborhood, where I lived" does not read well and thus puts the reader off for the entire piece. You do it again several times throughout the story, so fix those.

Second, make paragraphs. Clumping the entire story together makes it seem weaker and there's no time for the reader to breathe. Thus, you get a wall of text, something every write wants to avoid.

Lastly, work on the execution. It's a good concept, but not well executed. The tension is nonexistent. You need to build up the story better.