Coop's Flash Script Dump

[Coop]

Right, I've been thinking about this for a while and I finally remembered to take a pen and paper with me to the cinema, to scrawl down some notes.

When I got back the other night, I considered Thor and a few bits to go with it. This is the result of crossing over the actors for their various roles:

Thor Alternative Ending

[Scene opens, Dr. Erik Selveg walks through the labyrinthine tunnels to meet Nick Fury. It is dark and mysterious, as per the film footage]

[Fury] "Doctor Selveg."

[Selveg] "So you're the man behind all this? It's quite a labyrinth. I was thinking you're taking me down here to kill me." *laughs nervously*

[Fury] *walks forward* "I've been hearing about the New Mexico situation. Your work has impressed a lot of people that are a lot smarter than I am."

[Selveg] "I have a lot to work with - The Foster theory; a gateway to another dimension... It's unprecedented" [Pause, look at Fury] "Isn't it?" [Fury turns and walks back to the table]

[Fury] "Legend tells us one thing, history, another. But every now and then, we find something that belongs to both." *Fury clicks open the case and Selveg looks in. Unlike in the real thing, you DON'T see the contents*

[Selveg] "What is it?"

[Fury] "Power, Doctor. If we can figure out how to tap it, maybe unlimited power." *As Selveg looks up from the case at Fury, we see Loki in the background, walking into shot, behind a shelf.*

[Loki] *whispered* "Well, I guess that's worth a look."

[Selveg] "Well, I guess that's worth a look." [As the camera pans around to the briefcase, the glowing object that everyone was looking at happens to be a chest from Pirates of the Caribbean, from which a slow, purposeful heartbeat can be heard. Fade in the music from Pirates, as we cut back to Loki, who for a split second flashes the face of Davy Jones.]

*scene cuts to a Caribbean island, Johnny Depp sitting on a sun lounger drinking a colourful cocktail, with paper umbrellas and other paraphernalia. He is still dressed as Captain Jack. A movie executive in a suit rushes over to him, clutching what looks like a script.*

"Johnny! I've got another script that you're going to love!

" How many times have I got to tell you, Ted? It's Jack. Or Captain. None of this Johnny malarkey, savvy? Now stick it on the pile and I'll get to it."

*Ted sighs and trudges off, dumping the script on a large pile of unread literature. The title can be read - Pirates of the Caribbean 27 "Title in Work"*

*****

Feel free to pass comment, suggest alterations and even pass this to your friends who might want to have a go at animating it. I'm up for sharing the wealth.

[ZeeAk]

It's at least pretty funny, but I'd be careful of trying to get cheap laughs just by being pop culture-referential.

[Reptyle]

Having not seen Thor myself, I might be missing something, but I'm not sure the transition to Pirates is especially intuitive. I was more expecting a reference to the case in Pulp Fiction than anything else.

As it seems to be pretty much entirely referential humour, I don't think it would have much staying power once those references are no longer topical.

The execution and mechanics are obviously very good, and I think the quality of the voice acting would make or break this script. With decent execution, I could see this in a daily top five, not too sure about weekly, though.

[tactful42]

Its nothing great. If it was part of your sketch packet it wouldn't get you hired for television.

[Coop]

At 5/28/11 08:09 AM, ZeeAk wrote: It's at least pretty funny, but I'd be careful of trying to get cheap laughs just by being pop culture-referential.

Yeah, but bear in mind, it's written with cartoons in mind - the sort of things that come to mind when you're watching things like "The Matrix Has You", for example.

At 5/28/11 12:55 PM, Reptyle wrote: The execution and mechanics are obviously very good, and I think the quality of the voice acting would make or break this script. With decent execution, I could see this in a daily top five, not too sure about weekly, though.

Interesting. I'd be pleased with a daily 5th, to be honest - some people are working on flash that I have written, but the progress is slow and this is new material

At 5/28/11 07:48 PM, tactful42 wrote: Its nothing great. If it was part of your sketch packet it wouldn't get you hired for television.

Read the whole OP, before you post, please. It's a script for a flash movie. You know, a funny short. I'm not aiming for TV at this juncture.

[Deathcon7]

At 5/31/11 06:14 PM, Coop wrote:

At 5/28/11 08:09 AM, ZeeAk wrote: It's at least pretty funny, but I'd be careful of trying to get cheap laughs just by being pop culture-referential.

Yeah, but bear in mind, it's written with cartoons in mind - the sort of things that come to mind when you're watching things like "The Matrix Has You", for example.

I don't think The Matrix would really qualify as pop culture. I mean, it was the first largely accessible example of the cyberpunk genre, so it has particular iconography for the genre as a whole, and even the sci-fi genre. I don't see Thor or Pirates achieving anything like what the Matrix has culturally, and so I do think the jokes will date themselves after time. Although, to be honest, I'm not really sure if longevity is what you're looking for.

At 5/28/11 12:55 PM, Reptyle wrote: The execution and mechanics are obviously very good, and I think the quality of the voice acting would make or break this script. With decent execution, I could see this in a daily top five, not too sure about weekly, though.

Interesting. I'd be pleased with a daily 5th, to be honest - some people are working on flash that I have written, but the progress is slow and this is new material

I would agree. With a high enough quality, this would definitely mark a daily high.

My issue is that the connection you're making is not very intuitive; there's no joke in it other than the non-sequitur. I can see the joke about Johnny Depp working for you, and Newgrounds is based on randomness, so maybe it is a non-issue. I feel that keeping these two jokes separate would benefit them both, with a different punchline for the first. I agree that a reference to Pulp Fiction, or even Star Wars, would suit this better. Or connect two "realities" via the common point of this "vast power source." I could even see a political joke working into this.

[Coop]

At 6/2/11 11:40 PM, Deathcon7 wrote: I don't think The Matrix would really qualify as pop culture. I mean, it was the first largely accessible example of the cyberpunk genre, so it has particular iconography for the genre as a whole, and even the sci-fi genre. I don't see Thor or Pirates achieving anything like what the Matrix has culturally, and so I do think the jokes will date themselves after time. Although, to be honest, I'm not really sure if longevity is what you're looking for.

With a flash script this short, quick laughs was the main driving force behind it all.

My issue is that the connection you're making is not very intuitive; there's no joke in it other than the non-sequitur.

It had been bugging me for about half of the film that I knew who was playing Erik Selveg - the joke is that he also plays Bootstrap Bill Turner in Pirates. Perhaps in script for, it's a little too subtle and you'd see more of it, when it was made into a flash?

I can see the joke about Johnny Depp working for you, and Newgrounds is based on randomness, so maybe it is a non-issue. I feel that keeping these two jokes separate would benefit them both, with a different punchline for the first.

Perhaps that's a little too close to something that's already being worked on ;)

I agree that a reference to Pulp Fiction, or even Star Wars, would suit this better.

Hmm... I could sort out a George Lucas gag, but it would take time. What are you suggesting?

Or connect two "realities" via the common point of this "vast power source." I could even see a political joke working into this.

So, have someone like Obama, of Hilary Clinton (Sarah Palin?) instead of Loki?

[ZeeAk]

At 6/5/11 07:29 AM, Coop wrote: It had been bugging me for about half of the film that I knew who was playing Erik Selveg - the joke is that he also plays Bootstrap Bill Turner in Pirates. Perhaps in script for, it's a little too subtle and you'd see more of it, when it was made into a flash?

That's more clever now that you explicitly state it, but you'd have a very hard time integrating that seamlessly into the cartoon. It'd seem like a jarring bit of humorous exposition, and most people wouldn't laugh.

[Coop]

At 6/5/11 07:42 AM, ZeeAk wrote:

At 6/5/11 07:29 AM, Coop wrote: It had been bugging me for about half of the film that I knew who was playing Erik Selveg - the joke is that he also plays Bootstrap Bill Turner in Pirates. Perhaps in script for, it's a little too subtle and you'd see more of it, when it was made into a flash?

That's more clever now that you explicitly state it, but you'd have a very hard time integrating that seamlessly into the cartoon. It'd seem like a jarring bit of humorous exposition, and most people wouldn't laugh.

Hmm... maybe getting Selveg swapped for Bootstrap Bill would have been the way to look at it.

Of course, this is how you develop something, by bouncing the ideas off of people and something better might come of it.

[Deathcon7]

At 6/5/11 07:29 AM, Coop wrote:

At 6/2/11 11:40 PM, Deathcon7 wrote: I don't think The Matrix would really qualify as pop culture. I mean, it was the first largely accessible example of the cyberpunk genre, so it has particular iconography for the genre as a whole, and even the sci-fi genre. I don't see Thor or Pirates achieving anything like what the Matrix has culturally, and so I do think the jokes will date themselves after time. Although, to be honest, I'm not really sure if longevity is what you're looking for.

With a flash script this short, quick laughs was the main driving force behind it all.

Very true point. I was just contextually working towards that... I think...

My issue is that the connection you're making is not very intuitive; there's no joke in it other than the non-sequitur.

It had been bugging me for about half of the film that I knew who was playing Erik Selveg - the joke is that he also plays Bootstrap Bill Turner in Pirates. Perhaps in script for, it's a little too subtle and you'd see more of it, when it was made into a flash?

So it's the same thing as I said, and so now it does sound a LOT better. I can see the connection. The problem for me was that I didn't know that. Making the connection between someone more iconic like Sam Jackson would have been more accessible. Maybe if you can shoehorn that info into the joke? Maybe have him come out as Bootstrap Bill, then have the director yell for a costume change? Y'know what I mean?

I can see the joke about Johnny Depp working for you, and Newgrounds is based on randomness, so maybe it is a non-issue. I feel that keeping these two jokes separate would benefit them both, with a different punchline for the first.

Perhaps that's a little too close to something that's already being worked on ;)

The connection is bridged better, so I think this would be a good co-punchline for the other one. But if something is already being worked on, this could also be a cool parallel to that? There isn't much discreet connection between flashes on NG.

I agree that a reference to Pulp Fiction, or even Star Wars, would suit this better.

Hmm... I could sort out a George Lucas gag, but it would take time. What are you suggesting?

If you did decide to go the Sam Jackson route, I think somehow having palpatine stick his head out the box, force lighting Sam Jack, and having him fall out a window, would be funny. Then maybe have a janitor clean up the body as a parody of the Family Guy joke?

Or connect two "realities" via the common point of this "vast power source." I could even see a political joke working into this.

So, have someone like Obama, of Hilary Clinton (Sarah Palin?) instead of Loki?

Yeah, that's about right. The only problem is you have to be careful who you choose. NG isn't really a politically motivated website, but you could end up turning this into a politics debate. Perhaps Al Gore would suite it well? Maybe the punchline is he wants to take credit for whatever that source of power is?

[ZeeAk]

At 6/5/11 02:39 PM, Coop wrote: Hmm... maybe getting Selveg swapped for Bootstrap Bill would have been the way to look at it.

That could work, but again, you run the risk of people not understanding the joke. Personally, I wouldn't have understood it if you didn't explain it.

Of course, this is how you develop something, by bouncing the ideas off of people and something better might come of it.

That's very true. It's also part of why I love this forum; this thread is a perfect example of some regulars coming together to discuss writing. I think it's brilliant when it happens.