Failure Heroes Wip

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cintari

cintari

Member since: Jun. 11, 2008
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Failure Heroes Wip 2011-04-20 19:21:07 Reply

The following is the beginning of a pilot for a show I thought up called Failure Heroes. Its about a counselor that convinces his mental handicapped support group to form a super hero league with him to defeat evil.

Today's Episode, " Bonnie and Dick!"

Linguistic Man: Good morning fellow justice league members

Depressed Danny: I thought we weren't calling it that.

Linguistic Man: What?

Depressed Danny: I said, I thought we weren't calling it that!

Linguistic Man: Why the hell not?

Depressed Danny: You said that superman's lawyers sent us a fax that said we couldn't use any copyrighted names of his in our league.

Linguistic Man: Well what are we supposed to call it?

C boy: Hey guys! You know what we should do one day?!

Linguistic Man: O god not now C boy

C boy: We should go to the mall dressed in naruto costumes and pose in the food court!

Depressed Danny: You didn't give me a chance to answer! *starts crying*

Bipolar Betty: Aww its okay baby. Here you want a cookie?

Depressed Danny: Cookies make my teeth rot *cries louder*

Bipolar Betty: Fine we'll fuck you too. I don't need you. Your not my father! Your not my father *begins to beat Depressed Danny*

Linguistic Man: Will everyone just shut the fuck up for one minute?

Awkward Conversation Man: I once shut my sister up by giving her a 12 pack of beer. The police didn't think it was a good idea.

*Everyone in the room stares awkwardly at awkward conversation man*

Linguistic Man: Dude....really?

Depressed Danny: Stop looking at me!

*Depressed Danny starts crying again while Bipolar Betty beats him*

Linguistic Man: Ok! Ok! Ok! Let's try and get through this before Danny tries to run out the window. Now my sources have told me of a great peril that will envelop the confines of the Mc Donalds on US19 on the 28th of April.

Bipolar Betty: Tom Cruise is coming to visit!

*The group cheers*

Linguistic Man: Why are you cheering?

C boy: Cheering is fun to do at football games! Me and my Dad do it all the time!

Depressed Danny: My father hates me *starts crying again*

Linguistic Man: Depressed Danny please! Now it is quite obvious to me that Tom Cruise has brainwashed you all into believing that he is a talented actor. This is not the case, I mean, have you seen Vanilla in the Sky? Hav- have you seen the movie?

Awkward Conversation Man: Ya that movie was great!

Linguistic Man: No it wasn't! It sucked and he sucks as an actor. Now to make a long story short and to prevent any more bullshit, he is a diamond thief!

Bipolar Betty: Who Tom Cruise?

Linguistic Man: Yes Tom Cruise! He is a diamond thief and plans on stealing the change in the fountain of the Arigatos across the street!

Bipolar Betty: Why the hell would he steal change if he's a diamond thief?

Linguistic Man: Please tell me that is rhetorical. I mean, *sigh*, isn't it obvious? I mean the Tom Cruise and Mc Donalds and the fountain. What it doesn't add up?

Awkward Conversation Man: My little sister pushed me in a fountain once and threw a brick on me for good luck.

Depressed Danny: My sister is better than me *starts crying again*

Bipolar Betty: Aww. You mother fucker! *starts beating Depressed Danny again*

*Linguistic man fires out a dart at Bipolar Betty and she slumps to the ground*

Bipolar Betty: Dude what the fuck?

Linguistic Man: You see what I did their? I'll do it again! I'm not afraid to use this....baby!

Awkward Conversation Man: I think you killed her.

Linguistic Man: Please, its just a tranq dart. It's completely harmless.

Depressed Danny: This is just like what happened at the post office. We're all gonna die! *starts crying again*

Linguistic Man: No! No we're not dying! I just helped Betty calm down for a bit. She'll wake her in a couple hours.

C boy: What should we do now captain?

Linguistic Man: Excellent question Cboy! Wait. Excellent question?

*Linguistic man turns and stares at Cboy*

C boy: I love pictionary!

Linguistic Man: Mhmm. Right! We need to catch that diamond thief before he plunders the fallen tender wishes of the moldy fountain of oriental nature.

*The group cheers*

Linguistic Man: Let's go!

Bipolar Betty: Ya I want a bigmac, and a large fry- wait does that come in a larger size?

Cashier: Super size, mam.

Bipolar Betty: You calling me fat?

Cashier: No mam.

Bipolar Betty: I'll cut you! *charges over counter and attacks cashier*

Linguistic Man: Look at that guy over there on his computer. Ridiculous. I mean who brings a laptop into a McDonalds to do work? Fucking hippie. *Man on laptop looks up* Ya we see you over their! Typing up a big report to impress your poli-sci major eh? Gonna be a rebel that fixes the world by marching around the campus hammered at 4 in the morning screaming "Fight the power!"?