Funny quotes

[BigLundi]

So, what's the funniest quotes you've ever heard? I'm not talking about punchlines to jokes, I'm talking about funny one liners, or sentences that are so ludicrous you laugh.

Here's a couple of mine.

"You bitch, I'm going to punch you in the face." - Family Guy
"I finished thinking about something...and then forgot to start thinking about something else." - Red vs. Blue(Caboose)
"Shotgun to the face remedies any situation! Watch as it cures insubordination!" - Red vs. Blue (Sarge)

[EDylan]

"You have to suck before you can appreciate the sensation of being blown." - Jackdabomb

Also, wasn't this thread made before..?

[Scarface]

I may be off by a few words, but this is basically it; "I swear to God, sometimes the General is like a room full of retards swinging nerf bats at each other in the dark" - Jamoke

[Scarface]

At 4/12/11 08:31 PM, HandsomeCat wrote: "if it looks like bacon and looks like bacon

lol wut.

[hateyou1]

"Dear humanity! We regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most certainly regret that the corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!"

[NGManiac203]

"Everything I say is a lie."

[Grammar-Nazi]

"And that's why you don't paint your hood black, because then it turns into a Honda."

[Skwurll]

At 4/12/11 10:10 PM, VictorKorg wrote: Me: (Grabbing the air hostess microphone, checking so all can hear it)
-Attention please, (pointing my finger at the guy) we have a person with a serious identity crisis: he doesn't know who he is.
The poor guy froze, then left between the laughter of the rest of the queue.

You left out the part where you were tackled by airport security.

[The-Psycho-Ragdoller]

"You should have been a cum stain on your mother's sweater" -giantdouche2
"The name of the game is called Left 4 Dead, not Go back 4 your teammates!" -???
"Be right back, respawnin'." -Someone on this site

[Jackdabomb]

At 4/12/11 08:05 PM, EDylan wrote: "You have to suck before you can appreciate the sensation of being blown." - Jackdabomb

Also, wasn't this thread made before..?

I love you.

[Klik]

"NCR tries to put their stakes in everything they see. Nobody's dick is that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Hence the name."