The Metallic Mind

[Johnkirk]

Hey Newgrounds. This piece here is the first part of a larger story I am working. I won't give away the true plot point just yet, but I can say that the story was inspired by a philosophy class. This idea was just one of those things that just popped into my head. But, unlike some other stories I have had, this was has been literally demanding it be written. So here is a first go. Please forgive any structural mistakes, I have not written anything in official form for a while now. Reviews are most welcome!

Part 1

Dr. Rodgers sat on a small plane, heading towards the world's largest mining operation. It was truly a golden opportunity. He had yet to view the Subterranean Automated Miners and how they operated. It truly was a massive undertaking in the field of science and technology. These machines were by far the most developed and capable things ever devised by man. He wrote down a few notes in his notebook, secretly hoping that these notes would lead to a book deal, or at the very least, something worth knowing later.

" September 13, 2035,
I have been asked by the OGLEM Corporation to examine a case I could not pass up. The chance for someone to work with a SAM robot outside of the corporation itself is highly sought after by all kinds of researchers and rival entrepreneurs. All the specs of the SAMs are astounding. It can work in conditions far more dangerous that a human can go. It can go deeper, dig faster, and work around the clock with little to no human involvement. I never thought I would see the day when the "set it and forget it" approach could be used for mining. The project itself is still only in the test phase and has shown incredible progress. This lone operation so far has found a vein of platinum so valuable that it could send Zimbabwe to the ranks of a developed nation.

I am still not sure why OGLEM Corp has asked me to come in particular. All I know about this my assignment here was in a brief letter. All I know is that the operation has a minor "problem" and my "Expertise" was needed. It's a good feeling to know that I am in demand. Very few people have even seen the SAMs, much less seen the inner workings. The vagueness of the problem itself is not even on my mind at this time. I certainly hope I can prove myself."

The plane landed in an isolated airstrip surrounded by several mountain formations and the surrounding African countryside, The Cessna was dwarfed by the massive cargo planes that would send the mine's haul to the markets of the world. The African sunset created a golden sheen on a massive steel complex which was the clearly the nerve center for the entire operation. Coming out the side of it was a large tunnel which extends for about the length of a soccer field with the elevator mechanisms at the end of it.

"I will probably be going down there" Dr. Rodgers thought to himself. "Wait, a human couldn't withstand the pressure of being that deep. Would they bring up the SAM unit in question to a halfway point? Ack, what could possibly await me?"

"Dr. Rodgers" said a female voice in a distinct African accent.

"Yes, how do you do?"

"It's good to met you Doctor. I am Dr. Rachel Zilimani. The facility has been abuzz with your arrival for sure."

"Thank you Doctor. Will you be briefing me on my assignment? With all respect to your employers, they have been very vague in exactly why I am here."

"Ahh, Yes I understand Dr. Rodgers. OGLEM has wanted to prevent any leaks from getting out into the public domain in the slightest. If a single specification of the SAM was caught by a competitor, they could build a prototype by the end of the year."

We made our way inside the complex. It gleamed with a white paint and tile along with bright lights reflecting off of the computer screens below. The two doctors made their way towards a standard elevator, going down.

"Well Dr. Rodgers we have the SAM waiting in the next room. It will speak with you shortly."

"Thank you, Now I just- Wait a second, Speak with me!" Dr. Rodgers replied with a start. Dr. Zilimani replied with only a blank stare for a. For a while she babbled, looking for the right words to explain this marvel.

"Well... Doctor... there are a number of different types of SAMs. There are ones that do the mining itself, which are not really all that different from the old mining equipment, with the exception that they are automated.

The elevator then reached the bottom and opened to a small control room. Here, let me show you."
Dr. Zilimani began typing on a computer which began to manipulate a camera showing certain aspects of the mines operation.

"Here are the "Miners" she said as the screen revealed a machine about 7 feet tall with a number of drills and devices that could have possibly been lasers, Dr. Rodgers was unable to tell. He observed the machine was a sense of awe but then realized that the machine was not moving. It had been deactivated by something.

"And over here are the "carriers."

The camera panned over to a sight that made Dr. Rodgers eyes widen. They were humanoid robots, with a metal exterior, with the arms and legs modeled after human muscle anatomy. These robots were slumped over as well, also in sleep mode.

"The final robot we have doctor, is the one you will be working with. The "Foreman".

"So, What does the Foreman do exactly Doctor?" He said, trying to suspend his disbelief and shock at the advanced level of machinery he would be working with.

"As the name implies, The Foreman is the "head robot". It knows exactly what is being mined. How much is being carried up to the surface, the composition of the atmosphere in the cave, down to the percentages, the status of every unit in its section. Of course, we can get any computer to do this. What we can't get a computer to do is to repair damage to the miners and carriers. The foreman is modeled similar to the carriers, but with an array of tools that can repair a number of problems the other robots may encounter. Our foreman has done this successfully multiple times.

"Very impressive doctor." Replied Dr. Rodgers.

"But, that is not the truly incredible thing. Our A.I. for the foreman is so advanced, that it can actually plan out the most optimum ways to mine an area. All on its own with only a human making sure the machines still work and a producing. Yes Dr. The foreman can actually run the entire operation based on its own algorithms of decision making. The foreman also is able to communicate with the human monitoring the situations and the production levels. Hence the "speaking" to you part earlier."

"So Dr. Zilimani, what is the problem with the foreman?"

"The foreman is a necessary part of the operation. If the other machines do not have something to relay their more basic information too, in this case the foreman, they cannot function, as they cannot communicate with the surface, a task reserved for the foreman and the foreman alone."

"So the foreman was taken offline, I presume? A rock collapse that disabled the foreman could in theory disrupt the entire operation."

"I only wish it was that simple." Dr. Zilimani said with a grim tone.

"So what exactly is the problem then?"

"The truth is, the foreman is at perfect functional capacity. However...it...how can I explain this?"

"What?"

"It doesn't want to work."

[Version2]

So, there are a few things that are bugging me about this piece. First and foremost, calling people Doctors, and not saying what they studied in. So Dr. Rodgers has been called in for his expertise... No duh! He has a doctorate, of course he's an expert at something! It's almost as if you are just calling people doctors so the reader will know the character is smart. At this point in the story Dr. Rodgers hasn't really shown a level of intelligence greater than that of an average blogger. That's a big no-no as far as I'm concerned. Make your characters smart, don't just label them as such.

About the journal entry, I realize formatting is limited in the forums, so I'm not going to say too much, however I was confused at first as to when he stopped writing, and the narrative began. I didn't see the quote marks around the journal entry until I scrolled back up and read the entry again. Again, not a big deal, but something to think about if you post more parts of your story that have journal entries like this one.

Towards the middle of the excerpt Dr. Zilimani tells Dr. Rodgers that the SAM is in the next room, yet a few sentences later they are in an elevator, presumably traveling a good distance since she's showing him video of the robots in the mines, and they are having a long conversation. That isn't really so much "in the next room" so much as it is "right this way."

Now, about the mining equipment. I'm also writing a story that deals with miners. I'm going to attach a picture to this post to help you think about those seven foot tall automated mining drills a bit more. First, seven foot tall is tiny, I don't care if it has lasers or not. The miners I'm writing about use drill bits twice the size of your bot, and they're on objects past Pluto deep in the Kuiper Belt. The drill in the picture below is used at a potash mine in Canada. Those marks on the ceiling are from the drill, so this thing isn't even fully extended. To get to the point, drills are HUGE. This dinky thing you wrote about is a matchbox toy, no offense.

I also don't see the need for the "carriers" to be humanoid. Really, a bucket on an ATV would be good enough, and could carry more than something with arms. I guess the carriers could be pushing carts, but then why not just motorize the carts? You have to understand with robots that humanoid does not always equal better for the job than humans. Bipedal travel is very difficult, and not as fast, efficient, or stable as basic wheeled locomotion. You go to great lengths to tell the reader that these are the most advanced mining machines on the planet, however they clearly aren't designed for mining, which is a problem.

The foreman is ok as a Humanoid I guess, I really have nothing to say about his general design. So let's talk instead about how this one robot is the only one doing maintenance. There is a lot of equipment in a mine, this robot might be superhuman, but it's a single robot and can't be in two places at once. Most mining operations have maintenance teams to keep up with it all. It's not just when a machine breaks down that it needs repairing, you have to do regular maintenance to a lot of that stuff too, checking the oil, hydraulics, pumping tires, ect. This is more of a job for the humanoid carriers because there's a lot of them.

I say make your carriers into the maintenance crew, have automated carts take over the position of the carriers, and pump your mining drills full of steroids.

It looks interesting, I would like to see where you go with this, but there is room for improvement as well. And just so we're clear, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, these are just my opinions, so take them or leave them as you will. Hope you find something useful in this ramble ;)

[Version2]

Sorry for the double post, but there was one more thing I wanted to say:

"It's good to met you Doctor."
"Thank you Doctor."
"I understand Dr. Rodgers."
"Well Dr. Rodgers"
"Well... Doctor... there are a number of different types of SAMs."
"The final robot we have doctor"
"What does the Foreman do exactly Doctor?"
"Very impressive doctor."
"Yes Dr. The foreman can actually run the entire operation"
"So Dr. Zilimani, what is the problem"

STOP THAT! These characters have names don't they? She introduces herself as Rachel, and I assume Rodgers has a first name.

Also: "So the foreman was taken offline, I presume? A rock collapse that disabled the foreman could in theory disrupt the entire operation."

This is one really good reason for the foreman NOT to do the repairs. If the foreman is so vital to the operation that the whole thing crashes to a halt if it goes down, then you certainly wouldn't want to put it where it could come to harm.

[Johnkirk]

Thank you for your comments. They have indeed provided a lot of insight. This part is mostly setting up the scene, something which I need to work on.

The room location is probably just a typo or got mixed up during writing.

Thanks for providing some scale in terms of the mining equipment. I really don't know much about the more advanced pieces of equipment and them being that big. I will revise those descriptions.

I do have a purpose for the carriers being Humaniod, which will be revealed later. but, I do like the maintenance crew idea and makes it more plausible.

Thanks again for the speech help. I AM AWFUL AT THIS. I kind of tried to assume that the two characters were relating to each other in the formal business sense, The conversations need a reversion as well. Going back to earlier I plan to reveal Dr. Rodgers qualifications for this "job" almost immediately in the next part... and a first name somewhere.

Thank you so much for your help, Its good to at least have somebody comment and provide constructive comments. More will come shortly.

[Version2]

At 3/22/11 12:58 PM, Johnkirk wrote: Thanks for providing some scale in terms of the mining equipment. I really don't know much about the more advanced pieces of equipment and them being that big. I will revise those descriptions.

Glad I could help :)

I know it sucks, but sometimes research is the difference between a good story and a great story. I've spent the last two weeks reading everything I can find about the solar system past Neptune's orbit, and asteroid mining. It's a lot to absorb, but it's making my story much better.

Do a quick google search, mining is actually a lot more interesting than it sounds, lol. Big machines makin' big holes, humanity at it's finest right there :)

[Johnkirk]

Haven't forgot about this. Life became busy all of a sudden, but I have been thinking how I want to work with these next few critical parts.