Thank you for your feed-back, and here's what I hope to be an improved version. I changed the names, and added a bit more description to the beginning. Also, to those who are wondering, this was a request by a fellow from the chat as a trial story, it being more of a test of my abilities for me, as this is the first non-school related piece I've written to my knowledge. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.
Ominous clouds loomed upon the dark sky, raindrops like gunfire amidst the dead of the night. Piercing through the darkness, a single light shone from a small home, somewhat secluded from the others. Inside was a man, reading a letter from an old friend. He sat and read upon his desk, decrepit and fragile, but bearing much sentimental value. It was a gift from long ago, when he had received his master's degree in astronomy. His friend, James Perry, had just been promoted in his occupation, working for NASA. The man, Raymond Haas, had been retired for quite some time, but hearing this news spurred an idea. His acquaintance could help him test a theory of his, which he had long abandoned, lacking the technology or resources to support it. He hastily made an appointment with him, and rested for the coming presentation.
The next morning, he tried his best to clean up. He shaved, used mouth wash, put on a freshly cleaned and ironed suit and tie, ate a nicely sized breakfast, and headed out the door. He entered his car and drove off, heading straight for James's office. Parking wasn't much of an issue, so he parked near the facility and walked in, sweating from anticipation. He noticed the young woman at the counter and made his way there, saying "Excuse me; I have an appointment with a James Perry."
"Yes, you're just in time. His office is on the third floor, the first door to the left."
He thanked her, as he headed for the elevator. After 2 pings of the door, he walked out and entered the office. There sat Mr. Perry, a man of similar stature to Haas, while an aura of confidence emanated from him. He asked, "So what is it that you wanted, Raymond?"
"I got your letter, and I must say; congratulations!"
"Thank you, but isn't there something else you want to ask?"
"Actually; yes." He said, as he placed a piece of paper on his desk, a well organized piece regarding his theory. "What do you think?"
"...this seems rather far-fetched."
"That's more the reason to test it!"
"Matter is constantly being created at the edges of the universe? You do realize that this completely defies the law of physics that 'Matter cannot be created nor destroyed', right?"
"I realize that, but wouldn't that make it even greater if it were true?"
"I know you're a close friend of mine, but what if this were wrong? Would you risk me getting fired for proof of your theory?! Besides, think of the funding this would need to carry out the test! We have the technology to do so, but it's still very expensive!"
"NASA receives plenty of funding from the government! Besides, who was the one who gave you this job in the first place?!"
"I know you did, and I'm very grateful, but we still have other projects we need to fund!"
"You've heard of the expanding universe theory, right?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I have?"
"Have you ever wondered how this is occurring?"
"Yes, but we haven't drawn a logical conclusion as of yet."
"That's my point exactly! In fact, have you ever wondered how the universe was created in general?"
"Again, we haven't quite found an answer to that yet."
"Well, my theory would provide an answer to both mysteries, and it's logical... to an extent."
"...you're lucky you're my friend. Fine, you've got me."
"Thank you! But who would we send for the test?"
"I have an idea..." He says, a smirk on his face.
Once again, opinions welcomed, and thank you for your previous feed-back.