Practice Writing

[Atlas]

This is just some practice writing if you like it thanks if not please give me some creative feedback and not something like you suck go kill yourself. Okay here it goes

After weeks of starvation finally the rescue crew has reached them. The people of Milok have suffered for weeks surviving on only a few ounces of raw beef. During the third week Liams son Caleb died from mosquitoes that died in his piece of meat. Liam and his wife Kendra cried for days fasting in honor of their son and checking food for the others to make sure they didn't suffer the same fate as Caleb did. The rescue crew promised a proper funeral and burial for Caleb, Liam and Kendra were happy but now they had a void that could not be filled by anything but by rejoining their dead son Caleb. Another family the Langs were doing good either. The langs were made up of the father John, the mother Brooke, and their two daughters Emily and Mandy. But two days before the rescue crew came John and Brooke both died. The two daughters were both then risen by Kendra and Liam otherwise known as the Andersons everyone else had died from food poisoning and malaria.

[TyredSoul]

The premise started strong, but you started to lose it at the end. Being straightforward and tangential about the familial ties and who is related to whom was not really necessary. Focusing instead on the tragedy of losing one's son would have better suited this piece. The interrealtionships between people can come later when you flesh out the scene a little more.

[Atlas]

Thanks for the criticism, I thought I started out good but like you said at the end I should've stopped but I just started adding some terrible writing .