Hornets

[DeathMcGunz]

Here's a link to a short little horror-type story I wrote for my creative writing course.

http://www.defendthehouse.com/forums/ind ex.php?/topic/8007-hornet/

[Lucy22]

You've got some really good writing skills!

I like your style.

Lucy22

[sinfulwolf]

It's a good style, with good tension and build up to the finale. If the title had been different it would have taken about half way through the story to realize what was happening to the child, which is good for a horror style story.

However there isn't any real conclusion to the conflict. He's left with the full realization that it's only going to get worse having done only a single step to stop it really. There isn't too much depth to the character and I find it hard to connect with him, and the side characters feel like wooden stand-ins.

My only other gripe is really debatable... you didn't explain why what was happening was happening. The science teacher gave the possibility of it happening (which we knew already as it was already happening), but not the why. I would have liked to know why the hornet was climbing inside of his skull, but perhaps you felt this added to the story, and I'm sure others would agree. Like I said this point is debatable as it can add or detract from the story itself.

Other than those negative points, it was a good short little horror piece mostly because of the pacing and build up that you managed quite well. From here try to work on characters a bit more, draw the reader in with characters they can more easily connect to.

Happy writings in the future.

[DeathMcGunz]

Yeah man, all of your points are exactly what I was thinking while writing it. You see, the reason why there isn't really depth or conclusion is because I didn't really have the room to do so. The assignment was slotted for 4 pages and this is pushing towards 8 already. When I get time to sit down and do the full version of this then hopefully I'll get to fix those problems.

As for why it is happening... Not sure that can ever be explained until the write the full story either. And even then it might not be prevalent. I'd hate to say it's supernatural or anything, but it definitely is odd.

Thanks for reading it guys.

[sinfulwolf]

Then I encourage you to go back to the piece and expand it into your original vision. It'd be interesting to see how it unfolds not held back by length restrictions.

As for explanations... I think you should have a reason for why it's happening in your head, even if you don't explain it at all. Hold back the explanation if you feel it will ruin the story. I might complain a bit, but a small complaint is worth not having the tone of your work pulled down by an explanation.