Nothing But Laughs

[StarF68]

Original source, with italics.

I always wondered what it'd be like to be that guy.

You know the guy, the one who's always just a little bit better than you at what you want to do. Maybe it's not just one guy, it's a lot of them. It doesn't matter, you have a goal or a desire, and no matter what you just know they'll always be better at it. I've always wondered what it'd be like to know the right things to say at every moment, or what to do in every challenging situation. But I don't, and so instead I resign to my own personal habits, and that's never gotten me very far. I always wondered what it's be like to be that guy.

Funny thing about that guy though, he never seems to completely succeed at what he does. That guy knows exactly what to say and precisely what to do, but it never quite pans out in the end. It's as if he's being sabotaged by my own jealousy. As if I willed it to happen, and then it did. He is the Titanic, perfect in every way until the fatal slip-up brings catastrophe and instantly loses the trust of the public forever. I wonder what that must feel like. It must not be terrible, he never seems phased by the way he self-destructs. As if it were all part of a master plan I wasn't allowed to be a part of. He takes his failure in stride and walks away unscathed by it all. Unrelenting and never failing to repair himself, but disregarding the capacity of those around him to deal with it. He is a lightning rod splashing sparks hastily onto those closest around him with no regard. I wonder what that must be like.

It's a wandering thought in my head tonight as I stroll through the corridors, a ring of keys at my hip. They jingle loud with every step. Sometimes I walk in different rhythms and start to form lyrics in my head to the steady pace of jingles. I suddenly stop, then jog for a bit and slow down into a normal walk before someone sees me acting strange. It dawns on me that I'm being easily amused by a set of keys, as a child would, and I shake my head. Now embarrassed in my own head I clamp a hand down on the keys to silence them, as if everyone around me was sharing my own realization and laughing at me in silence. In reality they barely even acknowledged I was here.

Of course, it wasn't that I was invisible to them, it was just the way this place was. I stood in the epicenter of The Hub, a massively expansive labyrinth of halls and doors. Everyone traveled in The Hub in one way or another, but no one talked while here. If you did, you were asking for directions because you were new, or trying to gain access to somewhere you shouldn't be. In either case, you didn't get far. Newcomers were frowned upon here. Annoying little brats, always so confused and helpless. "Do you know where-" they would be cut off before they could even finish the inquiry. "No. Go away." was the standard answer. For some even that was too much. I one met a guy outside The Hub who stated that he was fed up with it, and didn't understand why anyone would grant them the "courtesy of telling them to go away." He preferred to simply ignore the newcomers all together, and at most shout "NO!" in their face and walk on. It was just easier that way. It wasn't that they were bad people, it was just the social norm.

Newcomers were easy to spot too. They would occasionally stop and look around, pretend to know what they were doing. Maybe act like they were waiting for someone, staring impatiently at their wrist. No one congregated here in The Hub, who would they possibly be waiting for? If they waited too long, the security team, that's who. I've seen a fair share of newcomers escorted out of The Hub for loitering, and with no explanation of why it was happening. I recalled once when I was kicked out of The Hub, I laughed on the inside remembering how foolish I had been. Asking around for directions and being rudely told to leave. I finally resorted to simply shouting the name of my destination hoping that someone could offer a shred of help. "Come with us." I heard a voice behind me say, and that was it. It was an order, not a suggestion. I was being dragged out, and when I was back outside I scoffed and stormed away, telling myself I'd never go back. Or that if I did I wouldn't be like them. No, if someone asked me for directions I would graciously stop and offer them my time. I saw a newcomer approaching me now, and shooed him off, too deep in thought to care.

Here in the epicenter was the only acceptable place to stand around when it came to The Hub. Some people knew how to get to the places they wanted to go, but they didn't know where they were going just yet. That was fine, to a degree. You were allowed to mull over it for up to an hour in the center, and now as I stared at my ring of keys that I had built up over the years, I wondered which one I was going to utilize. I rubbed some of the keys between my fingers, admiring the shine of the smooth metal. Some of the keys were becoming worn down, one was a bit rusty. I hadn't used them in quite some time, and yet I kept them here on my ring. Just in case. One day I may need to go back and open that door, get back into that place, take care of some old business. That place, it used to be very important to me. But now as I stared at the rusting key I couldn't even remember the name of the place it led to. Strange, I thought. I recalled obtaining that key, and how excited I had been. It was my first, a thrill to finally have an idea of what was going on in this place. I contained myself as to not look silly. This was The Hub, after all, I would comport myself in such a manner as everyone else. A cold and expressionless look on my face, I charged with purpose down a hall ready to open the door, my emotions inside screaming the inverse of my reflection on the shiny metal walls.

But now, now this key led to a place I couldn't care less for. It was odd the way the memory had corroded much like the key itself. Experiences aren't permanent. Someone had once told me this, and I laughed because the memories were permanent in my head. He took a sip from a bottle. Maybe for him experiences weren't permanent, when you willingly destroy your sense of past that'll happen. Now I realized that even without my own aid the past had come and gone. I was devastated when I first came back and realized the key no longer opened the door. It started to come back to me. I still couldn't remember the place, but that was because this key no longer worked. I had been locked out for good, but at the time I had insisted on keeping the key. It was a vital piece of who I was, as well as who I had been becoming. That's what I kept on telling myself. The object would act as a catalyst towards my memory. I guess a part of me always did believe that there was a grain of truth in that man's wisdom. Experiences aren't permanent.

(Continued...)

[StarF68]

A member of the security team was now walking towards me and throwing his hand up over his shoulder with his thumb pointing out. This was the symbol that means time was up, get going or get out. I nodded and walked off with urgency, still not completely sure where I was headed. It was okay, I would simply wander until I knew where I wanted to be. In the back of my head I knew exactly where I wanted to go, but there was a major problem with that destination; I hadn't yet acquired the key I required to get in there. No matter, I would obtain that key somewhere down the line, I shook my head and went back to focusing on the present. Walking down an empty corridor I let my keys rattle against each other freely, but I was approaching an intersecting hall that would be filled with people. It always was. From afar I could hear the sound of a thousand pieces of metal, all unique in their own way, bounding off each other. Newcomers generally shied away from this busy area, the horrible sound of key-jangle too much for them to bear. But after a few years you got used to it, even started to enjoy it a little bit. The white noise helped me relax, I turned right into the crowd and walked on, aware of what I had to do.

It was a moderately long walk, but I eventually reached my destination, which luckily was a few turns out of the way of the prickly noise of the main corridor. I stood in front of a large and overbearing door in relative silence, a gold plated lock asking only a key to give up its hold on this entrance. I flipped through the keys on my ring, passing the old rusty one and letting out a small sigh. I finally got to a shiny golden key and gripped it firm, allowing the rest of the keys to fall along with the ring, now dangling from the bottom of this key. For awhile now this had been my sanctuary - my safe haven. This key meant as much to me now as the first key I had ever acquired did back then. I couldn't help but smile awkwardly as I slid the key into the slot, but I didn't turn it. I just stood there staring forward at the door, remembering the experiences had on the other side, both good and bad. I raised a hand to the door and rested it against it, the surface warm and familiar. "I guess this is it." I murmured, speaking to what might as well have been a wall. I realized that I was only talking to myself. "Time to give it up, I suppose." My eyes wandered around the dull and boring surroundings, and as I took a step back I could feel an incredible sadness building up inside of me. It wasn't a sadness because I would never go back, and it wasn't even a sadness for all of the past experiences that now seemed so far away. As I eyed the keys hanging from the lock I almost shed a tear for what was certainly the acceptance that one day this key too would rust, and when it did I wouldn't even remember this place. The experiences weren't permanent, and deep down that's what terrified me.

I clenched my eyes shut and held back moisture, wiping them with my arm and never making a sound. Taking a deep breath I cleared my thoughts for a enough time to compose myself once again. I reached out and with an anticlimactic click turned the key. I didn't open the door though, I couldn't bear to see it even one last time. I retrieved the ring from the slot and stared at the key trying to remain calm. I let out a deep sigh and slowly, seemingly against my own will, removed the key from the ring. I knelt down and eyed the dim light seeping out from under the crack of the door. "In another time and place," I whispered, and with that slid the key under. Standing up I fought the urge to knock, which was against the rules here in The Hub anyway. This was no time to embrace the past, now I only had the future to look forward to.

It was a long walk back to the epicenter, where I would ponder where to go next. I thought about the fragility of memories and how in time we bent them into our own delusions of what we wanted to remember. I would miss that place, but this was for the better. Even though I knew that the future would be no cakewalk, I understood the heaviness of the fact that I had to go on strong. When I finally reached the center of The Hub I didn't even realize I was smiling.

A newcomer approached me, no doubt figuring I would be helpful due to my smile. A part of me wanted to tell them to go away as I was deep in thought, but I just stood there. He asked politely for directions to a place... A place I had just come from. It was rare that you actually knew the destination of where someone here wanted to go. I stared for a second, someone near us scoffing in his direction. "Yeah, it's just over there." I pointed out where to go, honestly and courteously. He thanked me and told me that everyone else he had asked only told him to go away. Realizing where I had sent him, I laughed out loud because I had offered him a ticket to hell. The others were so kind to decline him that torture, and as I walked off to somewhere still unknown I wondered what it'd be like to be that guy. Except I already knew, and it was time to stop living in hypothetical situations.

I headed somewhere new, ready to take on the next challenge, grinning all the way. It certainly wouldn't be easy, but regardless of any pain, sadness, or anguish thrown my way, from here on out it would be nothing but laughs.

[irvinebenjamin80]

A Doctor and lawyer loved same girl.

lawyer started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Doctor asked: WHY ??

lawyer: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

[StarF68]

At 3/7/11 02:51 AM, irvinebenjamin80 wrote: A Doctor and lawyer loved same girl.

lawyer started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Doctor asked: WHY ??

lawyer: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

I think you may have missed the point.