Why Not?

[StarF68]

Original source, with italics in place.

Why Not?

They told me that it was ridiculous to even consider trying something like this. They said it was a suicide mission, that if I even tried they would stop me because I was out of my mind. To an extent they were right. In fact I had agreed with them just an hour before - halfheartedly. My decisions were being made on a dual system now, two sides being presented by logic and emotion, and each was a polar opposite in this case. Logic agreed with my friends and stated that I had to stay here, safe, and not risk my own life. Emotion argued that it was time to go, it was imperative, and really, why not? Logic roared back into the ring, arguing against this silly and ill-founded claim. Why not!? logic boomed in my head. Why the fuck not!? Because you'll die! Emotion wasn't having it. And when the final vote was cast somewhere inside me, emotion rigged the polls in its favor. My heart wanted this too badly, my brain sighed and flooded my mentality with dread. I knew it was a terrible idea. A terrible idea I had to execute.

I said I was just going to the bathroom when I slipped out. They hadn't yet gotten to barricading the back door. Amateurs. They wouldn't last here in the zombie apocalypse, but hey, neither would I. Suicide mission my brain kept saying. Laying up against the side of the house was an aluminum baseball bat which I picked up. Already in my possession was a mere handgun and a pocket full of bullets. I stood outside for a second, placing myself in the future and reflecting on the very moment I stood in. This is it. If I left here and now, there would be no turning back, at least not reasonably. And certainly not after they got around to barricading the back door, which would be very soon. Frozen still, I remembered why I was leaving and forced myself to run. If I stayed here any longer I risked my friends pulling me back, jeopardizing my mission while saving my life. How could they possibly understand?

My decision to run wasn't entirely based on insanity. Sure, it was absolutely crazy to attempt what I was doing, but I wasn't completely stupid. I had calculated the risks and factors and odds of survival, I had made plans in my head and considered if it would even work. As it stood right now, my plan had more of a chance of panning out in my favor than failing, and that was good enough for me. When chaos strikes people tend to throw out their rationality. It's something no one has ever had to deal with in life, and the fear and panic strikes hard and deep. No one wants to think about anything but hiding, because in their heads there's no way you can deal with something like this. But it was strange, because the zombie apocalypse was something we should have been prepared for.

It had always been a topic of interest among us. We would sit around in circles, just talking endlessly about what we would do if there was ever a zombie outbreak. We would make jokes and laugh, and talk about who we would sacrifice to the heartless monsters if we ever had to. "It'd be you, Ryan!" someone would point, and everyone would laugh. "Oh you guys." he'd reply, laughing too because we all knew it was silly. Zombies weren't real. You can joke about killing your friends when the threat doesn't make any sense. "I'm going to rip your head off with my bare hands and throw it into space!" Everyone laughs. "I'm going to slit your throat while you're sleeping and dump your body in the sewers." Everyone stares at you awkwardly until you add "So that the mutant rats will devour you, because you were infected with the T-Virus." Oh, I get the joke now. Haha, that's funny I guess. Over-the-top violence is hilarious.

My friends had been waiting for the day that the dead would walk the Earth. "When the zombies come," they'd say, "I'm going to Walmart. I'm gonna hold up there and be safe for months." They didn't consider the fact that other people might have that plan. As if they could just stroll in and claim Walmart for themselves. Now in the real life zombie apocalypse they cowered in fear because trying to get to Walmart would be too dangerous. They walked outside at first, ready to play the badass protagonist, and then caught glimpse of those things. Lifeless bodies, dragging themselves determined across the ground, leaving a trail of blood if they were freshly reanimated. A dislocated jaw, an unmistakable moan, and an insatiable blood lust. It turns out my friends were all talk. I never had a zombie plan. Not because I was unprepared, but because it seemed unrealistic. I joked sometimes and added onto their plans, but in my head I was thinking "If this really happened, I have no idea how I would compose myself."

(Continued...)

[StarF68]

It turns out my laid-back style translated into these times of horror. I swung my bat hard and cracked it against someone's head. There was a sickening crunch as their head twisted and the face contorted. They kept moaning and limping but I had already run too far away to care about them. Luckily for us the infection had only just begun, and Minnesota wasn't dense with zombies. It wasn't a walk in the park, but you could get by with running if you absolutely needed to. I was banking on this. My mindset was deeply rooted in now or never. If the infection spread too far and the density of zombies picked up, it would be beyond my own capability to follow through with my own plan. I kept myself contained as I ran around the world, searching for a mode of transportation faster than my feet. I had a ways to go. Every so often I'd see a zombie roaming around, waiting for someone to get close enough and slip up. I wouldn't let that happen to me. I took deep breaths and kept alert at all times. A few dead bodies littered the streets; I was skeptical of them as well.

It was a very strange time in the world. The zombie apocalypse wasn't nearly as glamorous as the movies made it out to be. Luckily the zombies didn't seem to be nearly as violent as in the movies either. Make no mistake, they were hostile, but the battle for survival didn't feel quite as urgent as it did in motion pictures. God, I felt stupid. Of course the veracity of films should always be questioned. Romance was never as flawless, high school never as dramatic, and adventures never as comedic and convenient as in movies. Why would this be any different? The realization clicked as I lowered my weapon in the middle of the abandoned street. I felt safe in a dangerous world, which in itself invigorated me to act out my action sequence fantasies. I would continue to treat the zeds with all the ferocity of the protagonist, and be wary of them with the same caution, but I understood here and now that real life was always a lot less crazy than the media made it seem. It was silly now how so many people holed up in their abodes, scared shitless of this so-called plague. No one had any frame of reference, they just assumed it would be the worst case scenario that they had all seen a billion times in the media. The truth was, it wasn't even half as bad, at least not right now. I laughed as I continued my search for transportation.

I reached into my left pocket for my cell phone, but cursed myself realizing I had left it back at the house. That was another detail that people always figured was a given when it came to zombies. There will be no outside communication. But that made no sense, the phones still worked fine. Now I was just stupid for forgetting to bring mine. There was no going back to grab it, even though I entertained the thought for a minute. I wanted to knock on the windows and yell "Come on out guys, it's fine!" But they would assume it was a trap, or maybe pull me in and never let me leave again. I was happier out here in the world. Even under the assumption that this was the end of the world, why would I want to spend it trapped until I either got eaten alive or starved to death? I was either fighting to survive or going out big. In either case I would have no regrets.

Why not? Those two words now became my mantra. The mission I was on may have been a suicide mission. It may have been crazy, but damnit, it was a mission. A goal, and that's what everyone needed in life. In normal circumstances my goal may have been to go to college, or get a good job, maybe both. A series of goals, all to be completed, some of them seemed a little irrational, but no one tried to stop me telling me it was absolutely unreasonable. Now everyone seemed to have the same goal: Survive. It was something I aimed to do, but that wasn't good enough for me. Dream big, they used to tell me. So I had a bigger and better goal in mind. I was on my way to achieving it one way or another. I stumbled across a car with an open door and the key in the ignition. The random convenience now made life feel a bit more like a film, but I shrugged and took it. I was on my way.

It was partially because I needed something to do, and partially because I needed to know she was safe. Typical they'd say. Be the big hero, go save her from zombies. They couldn't understand, they had holed up and all had their significant others with them. Good for them, they can sit there and be bored while I'm out doing something. It's the number one mistake that people always make, putting friendships and relationships ahead of their own safety, and that's how they die. But as I drove down what was a mostly abandoned road, the windows down and the sun high, I felt fine with the situation. This wasn't a drill, this was the god damned zombie apocalypse, and I wasn't going to sit around and wait for death. I was on a mission to find her, and keep us both alive, because you have to dream big. She was worth the risk. Why would I do something so incredibly stupid? Why not?