"Today at 4pm Jesus "Christ" from Nazareth, the famous prophet, and magician called by many as "the son of god" was flogged, and crucified by the Roman court of Jerusalem. Thousands of people came to see his death.
Jesus from Nazareth (32) has gotten his fame 3 weeks ago, when he shooed off jewish merchants from the Israel Temple by demolishing their stalls, yelling at them, and using the money he grabbed to buy prostitutes and drugs. "He was like a bear" - one of the merchants said - "A big faithful bear that HATES jewish merchants!". After this spectacular show Jesus has gotten opinion of anti semitist and nazi activist in the local newspapers, run by jews. Since then, Jewish rabbis have been trying to convince the Roman local goverment that Jesus has to be put to death.
This morning at 4 o'clock Pontius Pilate, the roman governor has ordered to capture Jesus Christ. 30 minutes later the roman soldiers found him in his house, suffering after-effects of drugs he took on the night beafore in a huge party he organised. Eventualy he has been shown on the process taking time at 7 o'clock in the morning, where he was found guilty of assasination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, digital piracy of over 500 Terabytes, stealing electric power from his neighbours, setting on-purpose fire camps next to house of Maxim Gorky, who was known from his sick lungs, participating in hunting activities which have lead to extinction of Emu, and of course disturbing the religious peace.
At 3 pm he was stripped to his underwear by Benito Mussolini and Leonardo Da Vinci, who flogged him. Right after that he was given a cross, and told to bring it up on the hill to the North of Jerusalem. With help of local strangers he made it. On the place he was crucified with thousands of people watching him.
His last words were "I didn't buy those hoes!", after which he fell unconcious, and never woke up.
Jesus' body will be hidden in top secret hideout of Osama Ibn Ladin tomorrow.
Experts say that this might start a serious cult of Jesus, who was very important faith leader for thousands."
Holy shit guys! Jesus has been killled!
At 2/15/11 05:31 PM, AwesomeIam wrote: This is blasphemy. And offensive.
Yea, I know, right? Jews shouldn't be so mad at him. He just wanted church for the religion only.
Oh. My. God.
Are you sure? That's fucking crazy. I hope they catch the bastards who did it.
TL;DR, so I'm just assuming this is a joke thread.
This guy is not gonna convince any one with his new religion things. We Egyptians and our superior culture and religion will rule the world in union for many, many years. You will see.
"To know what a paradox is, you musn't understand this sentence"
At 2/15/11 05:33 PM, ARGNAGRAM wrote: This guy is not gonna convince any one with his new religion things. We Egyptians and our superior culture and religion will rule the world in union for many, many years. You will see.
Yes.
At 2/15/11 05:38 PM, Drake wrote:At 2/15/11 05:33 PM, ARGNAGRAM wrote: This guy is not gonna convince any one with his new religion things. We Egyptians and our superior culture and religion will rule the world in union for many, many years. You will see.Yes.
I dig it man, totally, PUHRAYZE JEEBUSS!!!!
At 2/15/11 05:32 PM, Makakaov wrote:At 2/15/11 05:31 PM, AwesomeIam wrote: This is blasphemy. And offensive.Yea, I know, right? Jews shouldn't be so mad at him. He just wanted church for the religion only.
You should read in the bible how he just fucks with their heads.
"Are you the son of god?"
"I don't know, am I?"
A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22
"It's not gay because we're bros." - Gobblemeister
Holy shit I haven't ever heard of that guy before.
At 2/15/11 05:41 PM, Shade wrote:At 2/15/11 05:38 PM, Drake wrote:I dig it man, totally, PUHRAYZE JEEBUSS!!!!At 2/15/11 05:33 PM, ARGNAGRAM wrote: This guy is not gonna convince any one with his new religion things. We Egyptians and our superior culture and religion will rule the world in union for many, many years. You will see.Yes.
Yep.
I totally nailed Jesus, dude.
Up on a crucifix.
This sig is 100% effective protection from all hexes, curses, evil spirits and bad karma. Guaranteed.
At 2/15/11 06:13 PM, 111122223188 wrote: that is offensive I don't like it try to be sensitive this website is for everyone
Not everyone. Most, yes, everyone, NO.
Pfft, his cult will never last. Who would believe that bullshit anyway?
Follow me on Twitter. Tear-Oh not Puh-Tur-Oh.
PM me. Xbox Live Gamertag: Pie4me6
If this post was made after September 12th it makes me more of a liar.
Fail, that website doesn't exist.
And anyways, Jesus was already crucified a long time ago. Be smart, people. Be smart.
I was formerly known as "Jedi-Master."
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss
He deserves to die for being a hypocrite and teaching lies.
For I am and forever shall be... a master ruseman.
At 2/15/11 07:44 PM, Cootie wrote: Pics or it didn't happen.
My reaction:
At 2/15/11 06:56 PM, EggoBleeder wrote: I'm didn't think he existed. (Atheism FTW)
Even if you are athiest, I didn't think there was ever any question that the person Jesus existed. Only an idiot would think that the person never existed.
A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22
"It's not gay because we're bros." - Gobblemeister
At 2/15/11 06:56 PM, EggoBleeder wrote: I'm didn't think he existed. (Atheism FTW)
Atheism is when you don't believe in any magical creatures and so on. Literaly It means that you're not theistic.
Jesus himself was a prophet like Mahomet, and so on. He preached his religious beliefs, and got killed for that. Considering the times, and that city was dominated by jews who were told to kill everyone who believs in something sele, seems legit to me.
At 2/15/11 05:42 PM, IncendiaryProduction wrote: You should read in the bible how he just fucks with their heads.
"Are you the son of god?"
"I don't know, am I?"
He was obviously trolling.
Serves him right, had he continued, he would've released the wrath of Jupiter for spreading lies across our glorious empire.
shit's amazing
At 2/16/11 09:56 AM, Makakaov wrote: He was obviously trolling.
He did say at a few points that he was the son of god, but when he was on trial he trolled the hell out of them.
A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22
"It's not gay because we're bros." - Gobblemeister
Stop the presses, what a breaking story!
Seriously, he is 1 of the 2 people who ruined the Roman Empire, and sent Europe into a 1,000 year dark age, where madness ruled, the bubonic plague was everywhere, and the Church was so important, they started a bunch of violent crusades and sanctioned the Spanish Inquisition. {Nero being the other guy, what with burning down Rome and all.}
As the old saying goes, "Never trust a hippie."
Just stop worrying, and love the bomb.
I am Sergei Petrenko, The Hero of Novosibirsk, The Mighty Black Russian, The Tsar of Third-Person Posts.
At 2/16/11 10:14 AM, orangebomb wrote: Stop the presses, what a breaking story!
Seriously, he is 1 of the 2 people who ruined the Roman Empire,
So because of other people not doing what he taught...... it's his fault?
A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22
"It's not gay because we're bros." - Gobblemeister
I have to stay up all night, sleeping is my day job.
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