Bank Shot

[nothingisgranted]

It's the second-to-last quarter before the end of college. About 10 or 11am in the morning. I'm up and about workin on homework workin as a lab aide(kind of a handyman-type job I do for the college), answering emails, playing games, the usual.

I'm supposed to do Open Lab, where I help students and staff out with whatever schoolwork they have. But as far as students goes, nothing ever happens, even though I go around looking for students to help.

I've just finished making my hourly trip around the school looking for people to help out as a lab aide. I've made a habit of it. Can't afford to lose the first job I've had in--what--7, 10 years.

We've been getting a lot of visits by these punk representatives from all the different banks. All of them come in all smiles with a variety of different claims that this or that bank is "more suitable for the college student who works and goes to school."

WHAT A CLEVER WAY TO PUT IT.

There's something going on in the student break room. Out of sheer boredom I go there to see what's going on. To find out that, lo and behold, it is in fact ANOTHER bank representative.

I walk in, I see this guy in a very nice suit giving out pamphlets for his bank to students. I'm watching him for a couple of minutes, and I can't help but be reminded of a line from one of Pink Floyd's songs:
"Hey! Bankers! Leave those kids alone!!" That's not exactly how the song goes but I don't care.

Representative: "Good morning young man! I'm(I forget his name----I'll just call him Representative unless I remember it before I finish this), representative from the Bank of America. How's it goin?"

Me: "Tommy Green. Nice to meet you."

Representative: "I'm here to give students the opportunity to switch to an account that's better suited for when they're paying off their tuition."

MAN, THESE BANKERS ARE HARDCORE.

Representative: "So, you workin now?"

Me: "Yes, in fact I work up here as a lab aide."

Representative: "Lab aide?"

Me: "Yeah, I help students with homework and I help the staff and teachers with classes and whatever else needs to be done around here."

Representative: "I see. So, you have a bank account?"

Me: "Yes, I'm with Chase Bank."

Representative: "You pay any bills?"

HEH. I'D HAVE TO BE.

Me: "No, not all of them anyway, I live with a bunch of friends and we split the bills between us."

Representative: "So what kinds of loans do you get here?"

MINE.

Me: "Um, I have a lot of different companies that help me with that, and my sister helps me manage them."

Representative: "So it sounds like things are workin out for you."

MORE OR LESS.

Me: "They are, thanks for checking with me though."

Representative: "You're quite welcome, sir. In any case, you've probably familiar with the deal we give our customers--You refer us to your friends and co-workers, and for every person you refer, you get 25 bucks......"

AND THEY GET 25 BUCKS----HEY!! THAT'S JUST ENOUGH TO COVER THE ACCOUNT-OPENING FEES! HOW CONVENIENT.

Representative: "....and they get 25 bucks."

Me: "Like in the commercials.....yeah, I remember those."

*SHUDDER*

Representative: "Ya know, I recently found out about a guy from MIT who joined up with us. He knows about our deal, and he makes about 300 extra bucks every two months or so just by referencing people."

MUST HAVE BEEN FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY.

me with my best smile: "That's amazing!"

AND A TAD BIT EXAGGERATED.

Representative: "So, you know a lot of students here?"

Me: "Why, yes I do."

Representative: "You could try referring them."

YOU ALREADY BEAT ME TO IT, SLICK. http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/post/topic /18#

Me with my best smile: "I'll keep that in mind."

Representative: "Any close family?"

THE HELL AM I GONNA DO WITH 50 BUCKS?!

Me with my best smile: "Yes, one brother and one sister. But I think I'll stay with Chase for now."

Representative: "Alright, I can respect that. But in case you change your mind, here's my card, you're welcome to learn more about us and join us at any time."

Me: "Thanks."

All joking aside, the representative really did a really good job. His facts were short, simple, and to the point. I'm sure his boss is proud.