A Practice in Noir-less Noir

[BrianEtrius]

One of the biggest challenges as a noir writer like myself is how to balance between describing the environment and give personal insights to the narrator's opinion. Often times people tend to overdo one side; they either describe the setting with too much detail without making the story personal or they make the story seem like an opinion piece with no plot.

This narrative is an attempt at creating this noir-atmosphere, but without having any traditional noir elements. In this sense, it is a noir-less noir. Please enjoy and critique.

---------------

The sand feels warm as it nudges its way through my toes as I walk down the beach. A gentle zephyr blows the weeds near the dunes, giving off a weird whistling sound. The atmosphere is calm yet ready, in the distance storm clouds approach. But for now, the weather is beautiful, sunny with a tad of overcast.

It is days like these that remind me how lucky I am. Sure, life's thrown some curves, but who hasn't had some challenges in their lives? No one, that's for sure. I take another drag of the cigarette I'm smoking. The nicotine compliments the beach setting; it helps my body relax while the environment helps my mind.

I continue to walk along the beach until I come upon a log, probably driftwood. My knees hurt as they always do on days like these, so I take a seat. The breeze hits my cigarette, blowing the smoke back into my face. It feels good to know I'm still here. As I turn towards the water, I notice the tide's moving out. Perhaps in a bit I'll walk out to see if any little critters remain in the pools. As a kid I would always look for starfish, so that'll be the creature I'll look for today.

The world stops for another moment. My body is now completely relaxed, like I'm in the mist of a massage. No, it's not like that either; it's more relaxed and not as tense. Forgetting about the entire environment around me, I lie down in the sand and close my eyes. It's as if there isn't a concern in my mind, no bills, no social norms, almost nothing. In fact, I don't think I have a single thought. Instead, I listen to the symphony of nature's sounds around me.

I must have dozed off. The tide is rising, but I'm still far enough away not to get wet. I didn't get to look for starfish, oh well. There'll be time later. My cigarette is out; I put in my pocket and pull out another one from a different pocket. I'm barely able to get my Zippo to light, but it still does, lucky me. I get up and brush the sand off my back.

I decide to move on. I go past the log along the seemingly endless beach. It's like I could walk all day but never get to the end of it. That's fine, I'm in no rush and frankly, I never want to get to the end. The weather is perfect. In the distance I hear a dog bark, and soon enough a Labrador comes running towards me, tennis ball in his mouth, tongue hanging out the side.

Without fear it approaches me and drops the ball in front of me. I bend down, curious, to talk the dog's tag. The engraving reads "Max", a good name for the dog. Max rubs against my legs and continues to wag his tail. He then nudges the ball and barks. I think I get the message. I pick up the ball and throw it as hard as I can down the beach. Max runs to retrieve it and comes back. He wants me to continue the process, so I do.

Soon enough my arm is tired, so I sit down upon the beach. Wow, I'm tired again, so I lie down. Max lies down next to me, curled up. I pet him as I let my cigarette go out for a second time. The tide's going out, in a bit I'll go look for that starfish.

A person could get used to a place like this. Anybody.

[DeftAndEvil]

Cool post, man. However, the story was uninteresting (not poorly written) because the characteristics of noir fiction are suited for, well, noir fiction. There's no self-destructive protagonist, gritty and explicit writing, or (what I like most about noir) crime drama. I know that's what you were trying to avoid to prove your point. But I'd like to point out that these elements are critical to noir fiction and best suited for, you got it, noir. Anyway, good job man, this was a good example of the stylistic writing associated with the genre, and also a pretty good balance between narrative and descriptive writing.

[BrianEtrius]

At 2/13/11 12:45 AM, DeftAndEvil wrote: Cool post, man. However, the story was uninteresting (not poorly written) because the characteristics of noir fiction are suited for, well, noir fiction. There's no self-destructive protagonist, gritty and explicit writing, or (what I like most about noir) crime drama. I know that's what you were trying to avoid to prove your point. But I'd like to point out that these elements are critical to noir fiction and best suited for, you got it, noir. Anyway, good job man, this was a good example of the stylistic writing associated with the genre, and also a pretty good balance between narrative and descriptive writing.

The point in this story I was trying to make is that most of the traditional noir elements (crime, detectives, etc.) are fairly generic and not that hard to put into a story. However, what makes noir good is the combination of, like you said, narrative and descriptive writing. That's what this practice piece is about. If you can write something like this, you can noir. You just add in those details I mentioned earlier.

Side note, this story is what I think heaven's like, if it does exist.

[duoz]

At 2/12/11 07:29 PM, BrianEtrius wrote:

The nicotine compliments the beach setting; it helps my body relax while the environment helps my mind.

Best line the story in my opinion. I have to agree with DeftAndEvil, the story itself is pretty uninteresting, but written well. I would love for you to expand upon it further, using it as an intro to something greater.