Now I absolutely love cats, but I am the absolute worst at picking them up. I always hold them by their back while their legs are high up in the air and they scratch the shit out of me, so I can never pick up a cat without knowing that I'm doing it completely wrong.
So after enough blood, sweat, broken glass and tears, I finally decided to take the initiative to look up how to pick up cats correctly on Google. I tried the newly-found technique (they all seem to have said the same thing) and it was even worse. The cat mewed like it was getting stabbed to death so I quickly put it down and gave it a bag of treats.
So newgrounds is my only other option to ask, HOW THE FUCK DO I PICK UP A GOD DAMN CAT? I am so enraged about this you have no idea. I'm right about to punch various holes in my walls knowing that I can't do this thing in life.
Pick it up and then hold it like a baby in your arms.
That...Pretty much works. lols
I have a penis
Step one: Obtain Cat.
Step two: Gain cat's trust.
Step three: Pick up cat, putting one arm under its belly, and the other just at its chest.
Step four: Place cat so that its front paws are on your shoulder, and your right or left arm is supporting its ass.
Step five: With your free hand, pet the cat.
Thread Over, everyone go home.
"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
- Mark Twain
Did it ever occur to you that your cat might not like being picked up?
You look nice today.
This guy brutally sodomizes me.
Cereal is pretty cool. If you're cool you'll add me on Steam. Also, Letterboxd.
At 2/12/11 02:55 PM, Xavierthewarlord wrote: Step one: Obtain Cat.
Step two: Gain cat's trust.
Step three: Pick up cat, putting one arm under its belly, and the other just at its chest.
Step four: Place cat so that its front paws are on your shoulder, and your right or left arm is supporting its ass.
Step five: With your free hand, pet the cat.
Thread Over, everyone go home.
I just tried this and the cat JUST BIT OUT MY FUCKING EYE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? YOUR TECHNIQUE IS SHIT AND NOW I HAVE PAID THE PRICE.
I never found it to be too much of a challenge, unless the cat is annoyed and doesn't want to be lifted. I just put my hand under what I assume is the rib cage and lift.
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At 2/12/11 02:57 PM, mothballs wrote:At 2/12/11 02:55 PM, Xavierthewarlord wrote: Step one: Obtain Cat.I just tried this and the cat JUST BIT OUT MY FUCKING EYE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? YOUR TECHNIQUE IS SHIT AND NOW I HAVE PAID THE PRICE.
Step two: Gain cat's trust.
Step three: Pick up cat, putting one arm under its belly, and the other just at its chest.
Step four: Place cat so that its front paws are on your shoulder, and your right or left arm is supporting its ass.
Step five: With your free hand, pet the cat.
Thread Over, everyone go home.
You obviously didn't do it right, then. You fail, and have made the God Emperor sad.
Also: Call Hospital in the even tof cat eating eye.
"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
- Mark Twain
Dude, just pick it up. You'll know if it doesn't want to be picked up. Otherwise just scoop the cat off it's feet and cuddle it like a baby.
"self-righteousness can lead to being an asshole"
It's already been said that you should hold it like a baby, if that didn't work then it's pretty likely your cat wants to be left alone.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
╰⋃╯私の腰は、自分自身で動いている
やりまん
If a cat doesn't like to be held, simple as that. You don't pick up the cat.
Cats are shit. Get a damn dog and they will let you pick them up however you want and then try to kiss you. If a cat ever tried to scratch me I would pick it up and throw it in my pool.
little ornery bastards
For I am and forever shall be... a master ruseman.
At 2/12/11 02:53 PM, mothballs wrote: Now I absolutely love cats, but I am the absolute worst at picking them up. I always hold them by their back while their legs are high up in the air and they scratch the shit out of me, so I can never pick up a cat without knowing that I'm doing it completely wrong.
So after enough blood, sweat, broken glass and tears, I finally decided to take the initiative to look up how to pick up cats correctly on Google. I tried the newly-found technique (they all seem to have said the same thing) and it was even worse. The cat mewed like it was getting stabbed to death so I quickly put it down and gave it a bag of treats.
So newgrounds is my only other option to ask, HOW THE FUCK DO I PICK UP A GOD DAMN CAT? I am so enraged about this you have no idea. I'm right about to punch various holes in my walls knowing that I can't do this thing in life.
Cats HATE getting picked up, they're NEVER going to not complain about it or be happy about being picked up. Start by picking them up by the skin at the back of their neck, it's strechy and easy to hold on too as this is how the mother picks up her cubs, then once you got used to that pick them up by grabbing their stomach (well that area).
Keep in mind when you're holding the cat to put your arms/hands in front of the cat's front legs as to prevent it from excaping and when it resists more squeze harder.
"If you don't mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream.
" - Barry Goldwater.
At 2/12/11 03:30 PM, Warforger wrote:
Start by picking them up by the skin at the back of their neck, it's strechy and easy to hold on too as this is how the mother picks up her cubs, then once you got used to that pick them up by grabbing their stomach (well that area).
But I thought that you shouldn't pick up adult cats by the nape of their neck.
"self-righteousness can lead to being an asshole"
"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
- Mark Twain
Using your thumb and index finger, grab it on the back of the neck and lift it up.
At 2/12/11 03:03 PM, cybermonkey81 wrote: Dude, just pick it up.
hahaha. Great advice.
Pick it up more gently. Then it won't start freaking out and scratch you.
If a cat doesn't enjoy being picked up then don't do it. If it sits on your lap every now and then you can build up some trust there a little bit a time. However if you really want to hold the cat then slowly reach behind its two front paws and right as you lift it, then use your other hand and sweep it off its feet and hold it like a little child.
Seems to work most often.
My cat dislikes being picked up, but insists on being held when I'm on the couch...
She's also super envious of the PS3, and will demand to be held when we are playing.
If your cat doesn't want to be held, just leave it alone and throw treats at it or something
Mmmm, Do you happen to be this cartoon character?
At 2/12/11 04:28 PM, AgroNurse wrote: My cat dislikes being picked up, but insists on being held when I'm on the couch...
She's also super envious of the PS3, and will demand to be held when we are playing.
If your cat doesn't want to be held, just leave it alone and throw treats at it or something
My cat definitely doesn't even like to be touched 90% of the time... it just likes to be right next to you... sit on your lap... and rub his face all over you... but if you pet it it will move someplace just out of reach.
I have picked him up to move him out of the way or off of a table/chair or something... but he doesn't seem to enjoy it at all.
You don't really NEED to pick your cat up.
At 2/12/11 03:20 PM, Cootie wrote: Cats are shit. Get a damn dog and they will let you pick them up however you want and then try to kiss you. If a cat ever tried to scratch me I would pick it up and throw it in my pool.
little ornery bastards
By kissing, you mean licking the salt off your skin and/or showing reverence to the animal that would be its superior if your household was a dog pack, yes?
cocks.
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