Retro Shooter with generated content3.77 / 5.00 5,050 Views
Blow the enemy to hell or die a hero! Do you have the Expendaballs for combat, Soldier?3.79 / 5.00 20,541 Views
It's time to escape the city!3.86 / 5.00 4,269 Views
Here it goes.
I wake up in a... *sniff* sniff*... A dumpster, not knowing what just happened, or how long I've been here. I do still remember my name, and everything else like places and things, but the rest of my memory is blank. I'm starting to think I was here since I was a baby, but I already have my cloths on (a black sweater, with jeans., and sneakers). I open the dumpster just a little bit, just to peak out, and I notice I'm in an alley, of New York City. But something's wrong here.. Where are the people? I'm probably not in a highly populated area, so I get out, and start walking. When I get to the street, the first thing I notice is the weather. It's cloudy.. Very cloudy, in fact, dark gray. But the thing that bothered me the most is the population.. Empty. No cars, no people.. Just me.
I can continue, but I'm not sure if this is even good enough.
What am I missing?
I need you guy's opinion on it. Feel free to say it sucks. My main question is:
A good beginning to a story, or what?
To borrow a good word of advice from Elmore Leonard, don't start off a story with the environment because honestly, no one cares. Instead, make it more personal. What is the protagonist thinking? How does he feel? Is he angry? By making the opening much more personal you make it more realistic, which draws people more into the story.
Otherwise, I could think a 5 year old wrote this. Show more insight.
Im down with brian, have the Pro freak out a bit more. Panicking about the smell and disease of the dumpster then once they wander a bit notice everyones gone. Trust me, you can't make a good judgement of the situation around you from a dumpster.
Often when people write they don't really have any personal style in it, they just express the basic idea, along with some description and such. What makes a writer good is often his or her tone. Try to find a tone that you can use in this story, and stick to it. It will help set the mood and help make your writing more personalized. You also want to choose words more carefully - words that have a stronger meaning and will lend to your tone.
Too tired right now to go into it but you get the point. You should write some more I wanna see where you go with it
I'm with BluGil on this one.
When creating your main protagonist, decide on their personality right away. Once you have that, it sets the mood for the rest of the story. Build your story around how your character sees things, and what he/she thinks of them. Viewing your world from different eyes is half the fun.
I thought it was good for a start. While I agree with Brian that it needs to be more personal, I would disagree when he says a five year old could write that.
I don't speak my mind, I just say whatever pops into my head.