Opinions on Script: Bertrum 3

[DingoWalleyStudio]

Hello everybody! Normally, when I post on a Forum here, I usually do it to find Voice Actors or Musicians for a Cartoon of mine or for my Band I am trying to keep together. But since this is the Writing forum, it's not gonna have anything to do with that.

Today, I spend a good 2 hours writing a script for the New Bertrum Cartoon. For those of you who don't know who Bertrum is, just check my account. Anyways, I originally had the idea that Bertrum meet his Crazy Cousin in this episode, but upon looking it over, it was stupid. So I scrapped that project (It would have been out at December) and re-wrote it, and this is what I came up with.

Bertrum the Mouse Show:
Episode 3
"Chi-pain-lay"
Written by: Quinton Stearn

CAST:
Bertrum the Mouse
Gordon the Nautiloid
Roxanne the Mouse
Mr. Winnipeg the Fish
Radio
Slee Z. J.

Scene 1:
After the intro song, we see that Bertrum is working at a Chipotle like Restaurant named Chinpo-tay. We zoom into the building where Bertrum is giving Mr. Winnipeg, a fish, his food. There is a radio nearby.
Radio: Wohoo! And that was "I'll Blast Your Nuts Off" by Watch of Doom! Coming up next, at number 4, is "Let's Do It up the Ass" by Slee Z. J.! Stay tuned for the Number 1 hit of the week, and for a chance to win your very own trip, to Hell!
The song begins to play as we re-focus on Bertrum and Mr. Winnipeg.
Mr. Winnipeg: Oooh, yes! I certainly do enjoy my Tuna! Oohoo! Thank ye so much, Mr. Mousey.
Bertrum: Yeah, whatever. That'll be 4.95.
Mr. Winnipeg: *Gives him what appears to be Monopoly Money* Here you go my chap, keep the change.
Bertrum: *Sarcastically* Oh boy, I also get to own Short Pier... *Under his breath* What a freakin' weirdo...
Mr. Winnipeg: *Stops, with his back to the camera, and says in a scary voice* What did you say about me?! *He looks back and we see he has Sharp evil teeth and white soulless eyes*
Bertrum: *Scared* Nothing! Nothing...
Mr. Winnipeg: *Turns back to normal* Okee Dokee, Smokey Bear. *Walks off*
Bertrum: *Sighs in anger*
Gordon: *Pops up* Hey Bertrum!
Bertrum: Oh god, you found me! *Facepalms*
Scene 2:
Gordon: I didn't know you worked at Chinpo-tay?
Bertrum: Well, I needed to pay my bills somehow, and welfare wasn't cutting it.
Gordon: Well, that makes sense...
Bertrum: ... Plus, I had to keep using my welfare checks for new security systems, locks, doors, and windows!
Gordon: Hmmm, I wonder why?
Bertrum: *Growls* Anyways, what do you want?
Gordon: Well, I was recommended to this place for some delicious Chicken... by some delicious chickens...
Bertrum: Chicken? Sure, we have that... *Starts giving him some chicken*
Gordon: But I like my Chicken spicy as shit, so, dump your hottest food on my chicken!
Bertrum: ... "Spicy as Shit"... Shit is spicy?
Gordon: Oh yeah!
Bertrum: ... I am not even going to ask how you know that... *Pours their X-Treme Hot Sauce on his chicken*
Roxanne: *Pops out in a very similar manner like Gordon, but behind the counter* Hiya Berty!
Bertrum: Holly! *He Falls backwards*
Scene 3:
Bertrum: *Gets up* Roxanne, get out of here!!
Roxanne: I just want to know how little Berty Wirty is doing...
Bertrum: I, am not, your Berty, Wirty!
Roxanne: Whatever you say, my love... *Smells him* You smell nice...
Bertrum: *Grossed out* Ewwww!
Roxanne: Did you get the letter I sent you...
Bertrum flash backs to the Letter, where he opens it and starts reading it
Roxanne: Dear Bertrum, I wanna *Beeps continuously play, so make up stuff*
Bertrum: Ehhhh, Unfortunately!
Roxanne: Good. Glad you like it.
Bertrum: ... Get the fudge out of here!
Roxanne: Yeah, I have to go now. Bye. *Goes back under the counter and magically vanishes*
Bertrum: ... How does she, do that?!
Gordon: O-ho, I didn't realize you had a secret lover...
Bertrum: Gordon, she is not, and never will be, my fucking lover! I hate her! She's Ugly! And she's just as much a stalker as you!
Gordon: *Blows Air out of his mouth in between his lips* Bertrum, you don't have to pretend with me, we're all pals here...
Bertrum: I'm Dead Fucking Serious! I have no lust, nor love, for her! She can go die in a ditch for all I care!
Gordon: Whatever you say, Bertrum ol' bud.
Bertrum: *Face palms again* So... that was "Spicy as Shit" Chicken... is that all?
Gordon: Yep!
Bertrum: 2.29 please...
Gordon hands him 3 real dollars
Bertrum: Oh wow, 3 real dollars! I'm surprised!
Gordon: Yep... Out of curiosity, what was the full price of that?
Bertrum: What do you mean?
Gordon: Well, obviously, you gave me a discount, how much does the Chicken and hot sauce cost?
Bertrum: I, didn't give you a discount. Spicy as Shit Chicken is 2.29.
Gordon: Oh... You're a terrible friend.
Bertrum: *Snaps* I'm Not your friend! Get the Fu-
The Credits then begin to play

I would like Constructive Criticism on the Script. I plan for the Cartoon to be out by the End of February (Possibly accompanied with a tiny cartoon about Valentines Day). So please, give me your feedback and I will gladly use it.