Hopefully funny, (Spore parody)

[Kitsune117]

Something I wrote a while ago and wondered if I should pursue it.

Kathorians: The Kathorians are the hippies of the galaxy... the 60's movement of hippies on Earth looks like a bunch of wannabes compared to the Ithorians. It is assumed that they are so effective at not fighting because they cannot speak. In fact, Kathorians are mystified by the sounds other species make. When they invented hyper drive, they were excited at the prospect that now they could make new friends. Unfortunately... they then invented the abduction ray... now the abduction ray is not bad in itself... when you know how to use it properly. Unfortunately the Ithorians did not know how to use it properly. They would pick something up and store it just fine, however, when it came to dropping the thing, they did not know that it was highly suggested to hold down the ray button until the thing was on the ground... they thought the transfer was instantaneous. So the Ithorians set out with a perfectly working, not properly used, abduction ray. They immediately started attempting to terra-form planets and started transferring creatures, unfortunately, as they have no written language, they have no maps... they do have an internal compass that tells them where their home world is however. So they didn't realize that instead of making the planets more inhabitable... they made them into hell holes. Then of course, they developed the strange "Scream of Life" philosophy. This dictates that the animals they drop off scream for joy that they are about to inhabit a new world. Soon the galactic society realized that many planets were suddenly being destroyed by what was assumed to be an incredibly war-like and destructive society... they went out with a war fleet and found the Ithorians and assumed that these peaceful creatures couldn't possibly be them... and moved on. Even now the Katthorians innocently are destroying life in the galaxy. Therefore if you see an Ithorian ship... immediately shoot it or scream so that they think that you are already quite happy there.
Something about Money: Money is the main driving force in the galaxy, decisions are made about, with, and with the hope of more, money. One famous philosopher summed it up with, "Money may make the world go round... but only when it's MY money." Money is a Scelerian invention, (see below entry for a description of the Scelerian race). In fact, if money were not in the galaxy then the people who fly around in ships would probably not have much to do and would simply just stop flying around in ships, which, in most cases, would save massive amounts of life.

The Scelerians: The Scelerians have a different word for what they call themselves and "Scelerian" isn't even a translation from what they call themselves, but instead, is taken from the Latin word for "evil" and "wickedness". For that is just what they are, they are undisputedly the most evil species ever to inhabit the galaxy. They are known for inventing money and foreclosure before the wheel. In fact, they are unique in that they simply never developed natural or artificial weapons, but just simply bankrupted all the other cells and then eventually foreclosed every nest on the mainland. Whatever may be said on such backwater planets such as Earth, who have horribly mistranslated a well known maxim in the galaxy, they say, "money is the root of all evil." When the maxim clearly states, "money was INVENTED by the root of all evil." The Scelerian view on life can be most easily described by first describing their religion. Which, like most religions, has one single god who created all the universe. However, their relationship with god is starkly different than most other such religions, the Scelerians believe that god is a gullible sap who love his creations as himself, the end of the world to them is when they will finally succeed at bankrupting and foreclosing on god and then they themselves will be the rulers of the galaxy. That being said, it can be easily understood why you should never, ever loan money from a Scelerian, or to a Scelerian, for they will not return it unless you have triple signed a form made from pure spice paper, with golden ink. With the paper having been consecrated twice by a High Banker, who in turn must be bribed with no more or less than 2.3327423 times 10 to the -10 power of pure green spice, who must be gained accessed to by bribing a lower official and submitting an application on a piece of paper that has survived no less than three Vandolorian attacks and has been sat on by a Black Beast of Ahhhh. As you can see that, in addition to inventing money and foreclosure... they have also perfected the art of bureaucracy.
Common Terms:
Slight: when used as in "(you) pay a slight fee" it means approximately all of your money.
Breaking it to them: Informing someone, (often with hysterical laughter) that their house has just been foreclosed.
Vandolrians
The Vandolorians are the only race to invent the missile before the wheel. They are ruthless and vile and are totally addicted to killing and shiny objects, oftentimes these two are not mutually exclusive. The best way to thwart Vandolorian attacks are by showing them peace signs, which repel them. DO NOT GIVE THEM SHINY OBJECTS TO APPEASE THEM, as then they will assume you have more.

When dealing with Vandolorians, it helps to understand essential pieces of vocabulary
Essential terms of Vandalorians
Negotiation-v: (ne go shi a shuns)- The act of shoving the barrel of a gun down someone's throat to get what you want.
Use: We negotiated with the planet's governer.
Note: When used in, "Negotiations were short" Then the trigger was pulled while negotiation was in session

Humanitarian Aid- n: (human a tarian aid)- The destruction of a race for "its own good".
Use: We sent Humanitarian Aid to the planet after the tsunami and have now begun re-colonization efforts.

Diplomat n: (Dip low mat) A well armed commando that commences negotiation.
Use: We have sent in several diplomats to secure a (peace) treaty.

Cease Fire-n: (Cease Fire) The disarming (see below definition) of an enemy so that warfare can cease.
Use: A Cease Fire has ended the conflict.

Disarm-v: (Diss arm) The destruction of "materials of war" (see below definition) so that war may not continue
Use: We disarmed the enemy!

Materials of War-n: (Mat er e als of War) The people of a species.
Use: By destroying the population, we have destroyed their materials of war and thus have disarmed them, securing a ceasefire.

War-n: (War) Also called the "Economy" it is considered our national past time and we it is done often