The Two Days of Suffering.

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Lorkas

Lorkas

Member since: Apr. 3, 2006
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Forum Stats: Member; Level 29; Blank Slate

The Two Days of Suffering. 2011-01-09 16:14:08 Reply

please rate, review, and give tip. this is my first story.

there once live king an he have very much money he rules kingdom but hes people have sad.they have sad because he doesnt cares about theyr needs only money. then one man have enough and travel to castel to kil king. finaly after many long weeks he tarvels to kings castle. the guard asks WHO GOES THERE but dead because the man stabed him in heart too fast. then he reachs kings room but no the door is locked! he kicks door to brake it and the it does break. Then mestyrious man then asks king" why you are to greedy!??" king says hhaha ha you stupid fool i will destoyr you!" NO YOU WONT says the man and taked his blade to kill king. king dead after two days of sufferin and every person become happy in kingdom.

My topics when I wasn't an asshole...1 2
NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO STEAL AND/OR EDIT MY SIG WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

ZeeAk

ZeeAk

Member since: Mar. 7, 2006
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Forum Stats: Member; Level 20; Art Lover

Response to The Two Days of Suffering. 2011-01-09 19:36:40 Reply

I can't even begin to outline what's wrong with this.
If English isn't your native language, I suggest getting someone to translate it properly for you, so that you avoid the problems that the above 'story' contains.

Project: Typewriter