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My very first short story.

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111122223138
111122223138
  • Member since: Jul. 18, 2008
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My very first short story. 2011-01-09 12:53:58 Reply

I'd like you guys to review it and critisise anything you find wrong with it.
Also, First time I've used this part of the forum, so if I'm messing up, sorry.
I think I have a good start atleast? What all could I clean up; Aside from the repition of I?

Death's captive.

Thanks, 111122223138
aka pyro3138

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

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FirstBaby
FirstBaby
  • Member since: Jan. 1, 2011
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Response to My very first short story. 2011-01-09 15:19:14 Reply

Dude. This does not go on the general. I am gonna angry faic you!

Brelm1232 and I fighting.
Pay this fine gent.

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