Resonance

[Charmandus]

Resonance

Prologue
Silence. All I hear is silence. I write this log now for the world's posterity. Well, if there is ever going to be any. The fire that I write this story next to is becoming increasingly dim, swaying in the small winds the permeate through these once populated caverns. I remember being here when it was swelling of life, civilization. There was laughter, pain, sorrow, and happiness. Now there is only silence.

This desolate subway is where you can mind most of our civilization. On the surface, there is only gray. Blurred are the lines between civilian and soldier, between good and evil, there is only gray. The buildings, once testaments to the advancements of mankind, lay in ruin. Desolation. Absolute destruction. It is with great sadness that I must write, we did this to ourselves. But it was only a matter of time. I hope that whoever is reading this can forgive us, forgive humanity, for we have brought fire to this planet. It must begin anew, as nature always will. I will never forget how this happened. I watched it from above, the starry skies that are now blacked out with smoke and ash.

I cannot tell you the exact date and time of where I am right now, it has become to difficult to tell. If I were to say what year it is, I would say roughly between 2060 to 2065. However the past 50 years have been a blur to all of humanity, so I feel it is necessary to provide some background on what has happened up to this point. I can only write of the past for so long before it burdens me, and this is my journal, so forgive me for having the whole story out of sequence. I guess whoever finds this can find a way to put it all together. If anyone were to ever ask me why I am writing this, I can give you one reason; so whoever finds it first can identify my body. But I am jumping all over the place now, I suppose I should start with my name. I am Jack.

Chapter 1 Remembrance
I was born in 2015, I don't remember what day anymore. I haven't celebrated my birthday in the longest time. I do remember that it was in the month of August, sometime around the 5th or the 6th. My family, consisting of my parents and my sister, lived in the United States. We were a middle class family, nothing really special about us. I do remember spending most of nights outside, looking up at the sky. Seeing the stars and the moon, made me wonder how to get there. After pestering my parents with endless questions, they finally put me in a library. It was there I found out about astronauts, and how they are sent to space to do various tasks. My goal was then set: I would become an astronaut, and see the stars and the moon.

All through school I made myself work hard, ascending to the top ranks, hoping to get into the right schools to access our countries space program. My parents never really understood it, they just thought I was a good student. Everything seemed to come easy to me. Meanwhile, my little sister used to look upon me as an idol. Oh Anna, how cute she was! She would come up to me while I was working on my schoolwork, and say things how she would come up to space and visit to me. Strangely, I felt that she was the one that understood me the most. Looking back, I can probably that these were some of the best times of my life. Things seemed so easy then. Go to school, come home, dream about space, play with my sister, and just do it all over again. Of course I had friends that I hung around, but I mostly focused on schoolwork in order to achieve my dream. Not of us ever thought the good times would ever end. We each had our own plans for life in school, all of them being various jobs you would expect of children; policemen, firemen, scholars.

In fact, things only really began to change once I hit college. Little sister was all grown up, just a few years behind in high school. You see, behind the little bubble that I was living in was the real world. And it was not all sunshine like I thought it was. Behind the scenes, behind the fog of lies, the tensions were boiling in the world. Russia was building up its armies and firepower for seemingly no reason. North Korea had undergone a leadership change after the death of Kim Jong Ill, and his greatest military general was chosen as his successor. All of Africa was beginning to unify under the banner of South Africa, now dubbed The Republic of Africa. Italy grew twice its size, while Britain effectively tripled, absorbing countries like France into their bellies. United States was quickly losing relations with allies, with some meetings with former allies ending in the drawing of weapons.

Economically, oil was becoming more valuable than any other substance on the Earth. As the world's supply became increasingly dry, superpowers began escalating their efforts to obtain oil. When diplomacy failed, they turned to violence. As a result, the entire Middle-east became a battleground in the 2030s. During this time, the battlefield saw the use of unmanned machines as soldiers for the first time. Realizing their effectiveness, the superpowers of the world poured Research and Development funding into these machines. The next step was becoming easier to see as time passed. Nanotechnology.

As for me, I was still in the little bubble that the government had constructed for all of us to listen to. We were being told that it was a small conflict started by locals, and then all was being resolved easily. Personally, I did not really care about what was going on. Like a broken record, I was once again absorbed by my studies. And by this time, I was finally beginning to be challenged. Unbeknownst to me, the desire of my country and my personal desire were two paths that were going to be crossed. When my graduation was nearing, I was looking for a way to get inside NASA, my ticket to space. The college I was attending was holding a career convention, and when I saw NASA attending, all was seeming to fit into place perfectly. Little did I know that I was about to enter the most intense experience of my life.

[Brandonhazswag]

Very well written, I can only wonder where this is going. I she a space fighter? An explorer? It doesn't make sense of how he got there, and so I am dying to find out. Please keep writing!

[ZeeAk]

At 1/8/11 08:17 PM, Charmandus wrote: I write this log now for the world's posterity. Well, if there is ever going to be any.

The first sentence seems a little awkward, and I think you should make these two lines into one sentence. It's one complete thought, so it should stay as one sentence.

The fire that I write this story next to is becoming increasingly dim, swaying in the small winds the permeate through these once populated caverns.

You've got a typo at 'the', and permeate is an awkward verb. It also doesn't need to be followed by the word through.

I remember being here when it was swelling of life, civilization. There was laughter, pain, sorrow, and happiness. Now there is only silence.

Swelling of life is incorrect. It should be 'with', and I think 'filled to the brim' is what you're looking for. You should also probably have and between 'life, civilization'. The rest of this part seems to be really foreboding, which you've done well, and is cool.

This desolate subway is where you can mind most of our civilization.

Again, typo. Not sure what you're trying to achieve with the word 'mind'. It doesn't fit.

On the surface, there is only gray. Blurred are the lines between civilian and soldier, between good and evil, there is only gray.

Restating that there is only gray a second time is unnecessary. You've already informed us of this in the previous sentence, and when you start telling us about how society's fallen, that's what we wanna know. Not about the gray again.

The buildings, once testaments to the advancements of mankind, lay in ruin. Desolation. Absolute destruction.

You damage the story's sense of flow, here. Having too many full stops breaks up the story's flow, and creates awkward pacing. For this part, all you need to do is shift some words around and make it a single sentence:
The buildings, once testaments to the advancements of mankind lay in ruins that exemplified desolation; their destruction all but absolute.

It is with great sadness that I must write, we did this to ourselves. But it was only a matter of time. I hope that whoever is reading this can forgive us, forgive humanity, for we have brought fire to this planet. It must begin anew, as nature always will. I watched it from above, the starry skies that are now blacked out with smoke and ash.
I cannot tell you the exact date and time of where I am right now, it has become to difficult to tell.

You should be using words instead of commas in some places, and often times you're trying to make two sentences into one. That's just as damaging to the pacing of your story, as a reader might have to re-read a section to understand what you're trying to say.

If anyone were to ever ask me why I am writing this, I can give you one reason; so whoever finds it first can identify my body.

This is what you should be doing more often with your sentence structure. Not so much that you over-use it, but enough that you break up your constant use of commas. I have the same issue, and it's not an easy one to shake, but it's possible.

But I am jumping all over the place now, I suppose I should start with my name.

This is what you need to fix up. This should be two sentences, and 'I am Jack' should be on the end of the second sentence.

I do remember spending most of nights outside, looking up at the sky.

You're either missing a word, or you have too many words.

Seeing the stars and the moon, made me wonder how to get there.

Unnecessary comma here.

All through school I made myself work hard, ascending to the top ranks, hoping to get into the right schools to access our countries space program.

The space program is owned by the country; it is in possession of it, so you need to indicate that, not plural-ise it.

You see, behind the little bubble that I was living in was the real world. And it was not all sunshine like I thought it was.

Far, far too cliche.

after the death of Kim Jong Ill,

Kim Jong Il. There's only one I and one L.

and his greatest military general was chosen as his successor. All of Africa was beginning to unify under the banner of South Africa, now dubbed The Republic of Africa. Italy grew twice its size, while Britain effectively tripled, absorbing countries like France into their bellies. United States was quickly losing relations with allies, with some meetings with former allies ending in the drawing of weapons.

This is where it starts getting interesting. The only problem with this is that it's too far on in the story. I feel like I've had to dredge through melodramatic character progression to actually reach the meat and potatoes. You should have started with this.

Nanotechnology.

You've kept it really interesting in this paragraph, too. You need more of this; more of the political history.

I'm just gonna go straight out and say it - your main character isn't all that interesting. I want to know about why the world collapsed, not about how he used to do his homework with his sister. You really get it going when you start talking about the political intrigue, but you need to go a little more in-depth with it, I think. Don't forget that he's journalising the downfall of the world, not the marks he got in high school.
In all honesty, there's not a lot of places for you to actually go with this story. Your foundations are too shaky to be able to support a fully fledged story. If this was to be a character drama, you'd have to find a way to make the character interesting, and fast. If it is meant to be a political intrigue thriller, I think you need to reach that point a little faster.

Overall, it's not terrible, but your grammar and punctuation could use some work. I found the most interesting parts to be the actual 'historical' aspect of the piece, with the rest just being unnecessary filler.