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Hello people i am here to give another helpful guide

the guide of ultimate survival!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Section A
basics of survival

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun
2.chainsaw
3.baseball bat/ blunt object

any of the three would really help.
of course there are weapon/area combos(see section C)

anyways shelter is very important.
The best places are:

1. cabin away from any cities (NOTE: these places may have zombies inside, so prepare for a fight!)
2. Any small house
3. an abandoned warehouse

Now these places need requirments to be zombie safe(see section B)
lastly any sort of tranportation and armor will be needed

armor
/\/\/\/\
1. heavy ski clothes(include goggles for less chances of infection)
2.kevlar vest
3.VERY thick leather jacket

transportation
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

1.heavy duty truck
2.car
3.ATV

so make sure you have some of these!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
SECTION B: Requirments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Now the top has one key word B-A-S-I-C-S!!!
To be safe have at least ONE of these
^^^^
weapon rquirements
1. Have a large stash of ammo
2.have hopfully, 2 guns
3. make sure to have a no-ammo backup like a golf club
4.DO NOT WASTE ANY ROUNDS FOR DISTRACTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1(see section C)
5.When a zombie has a gun, remember, NEVER LOOK AT A ZOMBIE WITH A GUN!
the zombies retarded brains instinct will yell FIRE THE F***ING GUN!
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
----
BASE REQUIREMENTS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
1.have covered windows during day
2. NEVER turn on bright lights
3.keep noise at minimum
4. store shitpots of food

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
SECTION C

combos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well combos are very important to certain places

Now here are the basic combos:
1. in a large city you must have a explosive and a flare-gun
so do this
A. get to very high point of ground
B.shoot down flare guun
C.throw and dotonate explosive
2. in a small town you only need
A.pistol
B.shotgun
3. in a neighborhood of about 50 people to 90 people have
A. auto or semi auto rifle
B. sword or blade
C.clips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
so surviving zombie attacks would be very useful with everything here

here are chances:
all 29 is 85%
25-28 is 70%
22-24 is 65%
16-21 is 55%
10-16 is 40%
5-9 is 20%
1-4 is 5%
0 is 1%

so check for all these things and if you 22 to 29 of these your safe
13 to 21 is okish chances
0 to twelve is very lucky to survive
buy items to at least get 13 items! (myself has 24 items)

so hope this helps!!!!

-loves2spew A.K.A L2S

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Section A
basics of survival

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun

Stopped reading there. Everyone knows katanas are the best.

This isn't entertaining at all!

Never have I been put into a greater rage by the BBS.

This thread is blasphemy.

At 11/7/10 10:23 PM, towelie101 wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Section A
basics of survival

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun

Stopped reading there. Everyone knows katanas are the best.

I mostly like to use nailbats because of my scratch card.

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: 2.chainsaw

Worst. Weapon. Ever.

Loud. Heavy. High maintenance. Inefficient.

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Hello people i am here to give another helpful guide

the guide of ultimate survival!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Section A
basics of survival

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun
2.chainsaw
3.baseball bat/ blunt object

a
transportation
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

1.heavy duty truck
2.car
3.ATV

so make sure you have some of these!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

flawed.

a shotgun? chainsaw? what is this, left 4 dead? the shotgun is the worst zombie weapon.
terrible range, youll need to be really close for max accuracy. id recommend a bolt action, or semi auto rifle with some type of scope, and a possible suppressor attachment.
as for melee weapons....eh. a sharp object would fare better. such as a machete, katana, trench spike, or ax.

as for your transportation suggestions, you only really got the atv right. the suv would guzzle gas, and youd soon be left stranded. better recommendations would be a dirt/motor bike. small, quick, able to out manuever any zombie horde, as well as be able to manuever through car riddled urban areas/subways.

i apologize for any and all spelling errors.

TL;DR:

Lots of un-useful flawed logic.

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Hello people i am here to give another helpful guide

5.When a zombie has a gun, remember, NEVER LOOK AT A ZOMBIE WITH A GUN!
the zombies retarded brains instinct will yell FIRE THE F***ING GUN!

What? Zombies have no functioning brains that are able to process any thought.

At 11/7/10 10:26 PM, BasementBeginnings wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:23 PM, towelie101 wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Section A
basics of survival

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun

Stopped reading there. Everyone knows katanas are the best.

Katanas are sophisticated tools meant to be used by highly trained martial artists, dipshit.

And that's exactly what I am -- hell, I'm a fucking samurai. My personal katana, the Burning Sword, can cut through any armor, no matter how enhanced. Magic won't affect me either.

Ideal weapons for a zombie uprising: M1 Garand, Shaolin Spade, Crowbar, Katana, Gladius, Most Sniper Rifles,

Ideal bases for a zombie uprising: A prison, a military base, An oil-rig

Why a zombie uprising would never happen: Biting is a shitty way to spread a disease, zombies are always rotting and get progressively weaker, zombies lack motor skills, dead bodies are ideal food for animals, the human race is good at killing things

At 11/7/10 10:29 PM, Coop5245 wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Hello people i am here to give another helpful guide

5.When a zombie has a gun, remember, NEVER LOOK AT A ZOMBIE WITH A GUN!
the zombies retarded brains instinct will yell FIRE THE F***ING GUN!

What? Zombies have no functioning brains that are able to process any thought.

Yeah but Day of the Dead.

You also forgot the major rule: Never ever bring a dog with you, instead shoot it and go, those violent disobedient bastards will just bite the first zombie they see.

Um, that's a pretty bad list.
Yes, close range is effective, but also a good way to get killed. Somewhere far from cities is a start, but if zombies roam close, you have no where to run but an empty field, and heavy clothing is a terrible idea, especially kevlar. Kevlar is only effective at protecting from bullets, and weights a ton. Last time I checked zombies don't carry guns.

What you'd really want is.

Weapons:
*Hunting rifle
*machette(just in case they get close)
*pistol.

Neither of the guns require much ammo to get the job done, lighter load, and machette is a one swing decapitation.

Location:
*costco(Big, made of metal and cement, no windows, lots of shit inside.)

Clothing:
*fleece, warm clothing(In an apocalypse the last thing you want killing you is the flu)
*Jeans(still relatively warm, but not as noisy as water proof sweatpants)
*boots(these will slow you down in the city, but in the wild will save you from close calls.)

That's all I want to give opinion on right now.

7 scientific reasons as to why a zombie outbreak would fail quickly.

I just defeated the purpose to this thread, and possibly to the OP's life. What now, bitches?

At 11/7/10 10:31 PM, SG3 wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:29 PM, Coop5245 wrote: What? Zombies have no functioning brains that are able to process any thought.

Yeah but Day of the Dead.

im sorry I never saw that movie

What the fuck is this, an internet quiz you've ripped off? Basically, every single one of your points was flawed, no zombies references were found (therefore we don't know what type of fictional zombie you're basing this logic off) and frankly I wouldn't use this guide if my life depended on it.

Katanas aren't that hard to use, by the way. All you need is enough is sense to stop from stabbing yourself and you're set. They're pretty logical as a weapon.

At 11/7/10 10:32 PM, Jedi-Master wrote: I just defeated the purpose to this thread, and possibly to the OP's life. What now, bitches?

Cracked isn't a good source for anything.

I'll be laughing at all of you when the zombie uprising comes and you're all unprepared. Then when you all look up at me to protect you, I'll whisper "No."

Actually the chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse is 0%

At 11/7/10 10:21 PM, loves2spew wrote: Hello people i am here to give another helpful guide

I'm going to poke holes into some of your tips.

so zombie survival, a popular topic lately.
The top three general weapons are:
1.shotgun

A shotgun is only good for zombies small groups. Anything else would require some sort of assault rifle.

2.chainsaw

Common mistake. Machetes are better blades that chainsaws, due to the fact that chainsaws run out of gas, may get caught on clothing and bone, and it will be tiring carrying it around.

anyways shelter is very important.
The best places are:

1. cabin away from any cities (NOTE: these places may have zombies inside, so prepare for a fight!)

There shouldn't be any zombie in the cabin since it's away from a cities.

2. Any small house
3. an abandoned warehouse

So which is it? A small house or a large warehouse.

Now these places need requirments to be zombie safe(see section B)
lastly any sort of tranportation and armor will be needed

armor
/\/\/\/\
1. heavy ski clothes(include goggles for less chances of infection)

Are you talking about a bite infection, or an airborn infection?

2.kevlar vest

Only against other crazed survivors, not the zombies.

3.VERY thick leather jacket

Leather won't protect you from bites. Teeth and claws will eventually go through it.

transportation
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

1.heavy duty truck

Gas guzzler.

2.car

Not just any car.

3.ATV

Now you are just out in the open for an attack.

5.When a zombie has a gun, remember, NEVER LOOK AT A ZOMBIE WITH A GUN!
the zombies retarded brains instinct will yell FIRE THE F***ING GUN!

Zombies can't fire a gun since THEY ARE ZOMBIES!

well combos are very important to certain places

Now here are the basic combos:
1. in a large city you must have a explosive and a flare-gun
so do this
A. get to very high point of ground
B.shoot down flare guun
C.throw and dotonate explosive
2. in a small town you only need
A.pistol
B.shotgun
3. in a neighborhood of about 50 people to 90 people have
A. auto or semi auto rifle
B. sword or blade
C.clips

Combos don't serve any purpose since situations aren't predicted and are on the spot.

At 11/7/10 10:34 PM, Lintire wrote: Katanas aren't that hard to use, by the way.

Haha.

Hahaha.

Hahahahaha.

Funniest thing I've heard all day.

well....zombie blood is contagous right?...and shotguns dont have a very impresive range, are you following? now if you shoot a zombie with a shot gun and get its blood in any of your orifices, your dead. if you cut one up with a chainsaw, youll be covered head to toe with infecto bloodo and what if your not srong enough to beat a zombie to death? the lesson of the story? have a rifle or a pistol, and be able to run fast.

If Zombies attacks i going to get one of those John Deere tracker that chop up the field.

Just read this book. I did. It's excellent.

At 11/7/10 10:35 PM, towelie101 wrote:
I'll be laughing at all of you when the zombie uprising comes and you're all unprepared. Then when you all look up at me to protect you, I'll whisper "No."

Nice Watchmen reference my friend

At 11/7/10 10:44 PM, darkrchaos wrote: If Zombies attacks i going to get one of those John Deere tracker that chop up the field.

a combine?

You know what my plan is for a zombie outbreak?

Continue with life as it already is. Except with a gun and some melee weapons. Oh, and also, breaking the law.

I seldom panic and I'm fairly sure I live far enough from the highway that cars will be jammed all through that, but not on the normal streets. Free gas. That's something I can love.

Man, I hope a zombie apocalypse happens.

At 11/7/10 10:31 PM, RobotTaco wrote: Ideal weapons for a zombie uprising: M1 Garand,

Why such an old rife? An M16 or an AK47 should do the trick.

Shaolin Spade,

Why such an odd weapon?

Crowbar,

To close for close combat (srangely) Try something bigger and longer.

Katana, Gladius,

Can't go wrong with a Katana or a Gladuis. Don't forget about Machetes.

Ideal bases for a zombie uprising: A prison, a military base, An oil-rig

I understand the first two, but an oil rig? Come on! There's gotta be a better place than an oil rig. Maybe a hospital or some sort of safe house.

At 11/7/10 10:42 PM, RobotTaco wrote:

At 11/7/10 10:34 PM, Lintire wrote: Katanas aren't that hard to use, by the way.

Haha.

Hahaha.

Hahahahaha.

Funniest thing I've heard all day.

I don't get what's so funny about it. Seriously, it's incredibly easy to just swing them around. Obviously you're not going to get any points for style, but I know from bloody experience that one simply has to look where they're swinging/stabbing/whatever with the blade and they'll be fine.

At 11/7/10 10:55 PM, RyderOmega wrote: Why such an old rife? An M16 or an AK47 should do the trick.

The problem with that is that there is the urge to go full auto. Zombies only die from headshots. An M1 Garand requires you to aim because it is bolt action.

Of course, even if I had a full auto rifle, I'd be fine. My shots a bit high, but I can manage.

Why such an odd weapon?

It combines the slashing power of a sword with the range of a spear. A naginata, a bill or maybe even ahalberd might work too, I guess.

To close for close combat (srangely) Try something bigger and longer.

It's an all-purpose weapon. Handy for eliminating obstacles like doors.

Can't go wrong with a Katana or a Gladuis. Don't forget about Machetes.

You want a military-grade machete, not some run of the mill one. And katanas and gladiuses require them to be real, not showy types.

I understand the first two, but an oil rig? Come on! There's gotta be a better place than an oil rig. Maybe a hospital or some sort of safe house.

Hospital is a dumb idea because people will be running there to see if they are infected.

Oil rigs are isolated and largely self-sufficient. It's perfect.

I am the strongest. When it comes to tactics and strategy, don't even try. I am the best general around here.