At 11/1/10 11:50 AM, quanmandetil wrote:
In a burst of creativity, I wrote this poem in five minutes. Critique, comment please.
I have the biggest dick of all
Its real big, not real small.
If you could see how big it is
You would fall over and jizz.
My dick is so tall, it touches the sky.
Up with the birds it flies.
This rhymes, it just makes no sense, since if your penis were in fact flying it wouldn't necessarily indicate an abnormally or even above average size, but rather an ability to defy gravity by flight, though it could also insinuate that you have once been on a plane.
I see my dick in outer space.
When i wank, jizz falls down on my face.
You need to capitalize your "I". Aside from that these two lines have nothing to do with anything, and it seems like a sort of "moon, spoon, June" situation to pull a rhyme together.
(note: This poem is based in fact, not fiction.)
I believe this should read with a capital "N" to begin, and it's "based ON fact," not "IN fact". That's just silly.