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Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-04-17 18:19:19 Reply


Lack of self-confidence shows through your physical behavior. This might have a negative effect on the image of yourself you give to others.

Well, I'm not really sure what I can do about that. That's why I was trying to change the external, since there's a marginally better chance of success that way. Oof, lack of confidence right there.

Some people show great personnality through their physical behavior. This is far more attractive to me than fashion clothes, high heels, tight clothes and mascara. Also, somebody's style of clothing can tell you a little about their personnality. What usually attract me to someone is their face. Not talking about the physical features, but rather the smile, the look in the eyes, etc.

Well, not to say that I'm that shallow. Obviously a cute girl with a glare isn't particularly attractive. Nor does clothes or makeup affect my taste, as there's a lot of women who shouldn't be using either. It's sort of a combination of face, body, and personality for me.

Even if they don't... Someone who can't even do any introspective job really shouldn't bother you with his stupid insults. Retards will be retards. If you give any importance to what they say... it's like letting the wind insult you...=

That's more of an automatic reaction than anything else. It's also partially anti-Semitism, and more recently, me twisting my ankle at prom (where I went stag...FAIL as the tween girls would say) and hobbling around on crutches for the last several days. So the obligatory slamming of doors, knocking me on my ass, pretending to limp whenever I'm around...that's just normal bullying, almost unrelated.

There are people who share personnal interests and similar personnality with you. Don't be so sure that you are a "forever alone" guy. You just need to meet these people.

It kind of goes together. Lack of self-confidence often result in a very defensive behavior toward others. When you are scared to get hurt, you don't open up to others, most likely because you are affraid to get hurt again.

Well, I don't trust anyone. I can't really say if I'm openly offensive, but I take almost everything told to me as a lie. Another psychological reflex of mine.

You are not antisocial, but I doubt people around you perceive you as someone who is open to them. Your own behavior toward other might be what is restraining them from knowing you better and appreciating you.

I've heard that before. It's worse when your own mother says that out loud in public to you. I doubt that openness is that severe, as plenty of people I know are complete defensive asses yet seem to do fine.

At a college. Good place to meet people :P

Well, I'm enough of an optimist to let events unfold there. High school's almost over, but still...

At 4/8/12 08:58 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: gay thread luke. cut your wrists open. get it over with.
Hey, it's that dumb guy again. I'm tired of seing you spamming clubs to get more posts. Bahamut in the Metal Hell told you to stop being such a cunt. I see you posting useless shit like this again I can easily ask a mod to deal with you :) Later brah :)

You know what? I shouldn't be beating myself up, it could be worse. I could be Spilda-Bongwata.


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HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-04-18 00:51:33 Reply

At 4/17/12 06:19 PM, Glides wrote:
Well, not to say that I'm that shallow. Obviously a cute girl with a glare isn't particularly attractive. Nor does clothes or makeup affect my taste, as there's a lot of women who shouldn't be using either. It's sort of a combination of face, body, and personality for me.

And these girls if they have a personnality that matches your, why don't you talk to them ?

Well, I don't trust anyone. I can't really say if I'm openly offensive, but I take almost everything told to me as a lie. Another psychological reflex of mine.

And you hope to get friends?

I've heard that before. It's worse when your own mother says that out loud in public to you. I doubt that openness is that severe, as plenty of people I know are complete defensive asses yet seem to do fine.

Well, you can be defensive and charismatic. If you are not charismatic, defensive and you lack in self-confidence... it might be harder to get around people.

You know what? I shouldn't be beating myself up, it could be worse. I could be Spilda-Bongwata.

I lol'ed

Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-04-19 23:26:02 Reply

At 4/18/12 12:51 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:
At 4/17/12 06:19 PM, Glides wrote:
Well, not to say that I'm that shallow. Obviously a cute girl with a glare isn't particularly attractive. Nor does clothes or makeup affect my taste, as there's a lot of women who shouldn't be using either. It's sort of a combination of face, body, and personality for me.
And these girls if they have a personnality that matches your, why don't you talk to them ?

Well, if there's any cynical, misanthropic women around I'll be sure to hit on them. There's the self-confidence thing too, as pretty woman obviously make me turn to jelly and I can't say anything without sounding stupid.

Well, I don't trust anyone. I can't really say if I'm openly offensive, but I take almost everything told to me as a lie. Another psychological reflex of mine.
And you hope to get friends?

May not be healthy, but I've been psychologically conditioned into that. What can you do?

I've heard that before. It's worse when your own mother says that out loud in public to you. I doubt that openness is that severe, as plenty of people I know are complete defensive asses yet seem to do fine.
Well, you can be defensive and charismatic. If you are not charismatic, defensive and you lack in self-confidence... it might be harder to get around people.

Ouch.

You know what? I shouldn't be beating myself up, it could be worse. I could be Spilda-Bongwata.
I lol'ed

And on another note, I can partially explain my problem as a result of having been diagnosed with major depression. I have every single sympton, apparently. So there's that. Explains the lack of self-confidence anyhoos.


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Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-02 23:06:34 Reply

At 4/14/12 12:49 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:
At 4/13/12 09:41 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: it's not even trolling. i'm not trying to be an asshole, you shouldn't give yourself therapy. this peer support shit is absolute garbage. and please point out the post bahamut told me i was spamming metal hell. because that is also bullshit.

Difference is, no one can see what I look like, and it's for free. You're right about therapy, it's for the weak-minded and for people who can't help themselves. But then again, bitching in a random forum doesn't count. I mean, we're not idiots, we know none of this is going to help. But it feels good complaining to total strangers, like you.

So we shouldn't discuss our problems with each others? We all have our own life experience. We may know things that can be actually helpful for others. Simply talking about our problems can also be quite helpful, even more than the actual advices. This thread as a purpose.

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HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-03 03:34:59 Reply

At 4/19/12 11:26 PM, Glides wrote: And on another note, I can partially explain my problem as a result of having been diagnosed with major depression. I have every single sympton, apparently. So there's that. Explains the lack of self-confidence anyhoos.

So you've been diagnosed, but you are not getting any help? Sad...

Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-04 16:24:04 Reply

At 5/3/12 03:34 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:
At 4/19/12 11:26 PM, Glides wrote: And on another note, I can partially explain my problem as a result of having been diagnosed with major depression. I have every single sympton, apparently. So there's that. Explains the lack of self-confidence anyhoos.
So you've been diagnosed, but you are not getting any help? Sad...

Nope, my mother's a therapist, so I know every trick in the psychologist's book. Not very uplifting to know that they're not helping you because they care, but only to get money. Besides, I may be depressed, but I'm not suicidal.
So no, I'm not getting any help.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-11 19:36:54 Reply

At 5/4/12 07:55 PM, LaForge wrote:
At 5/2/12 11:06 PM, Glides wrote: Difference is, no one can see what I look like, and it's for free. You're right about therapy, it's for the weak-minded and for people who can't help themselves. But then again, bitching in a random forum doesn't count. I mean, we're not idiots, we know none of this is going to help. But it feels good complaining to total strangers, like you.
some people use therapy to help diagnose and treat mental conditions like bi-polar, schizophrenia, anxiety etc. i suppose being born with a mental handicap proves that you have a weak mind, right?

for a second i thought this club might be helpful, but if that mentality is representative of the group as a whole, i'll pass.

No, that's my personal mentality. I'm a cynic and a misanthrope, and I can't help that. Everyone else in the group are optimistic and willing to help you with whatever problems you have.


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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-12 19:18:25 Reply

At 5/4/12 04:24 PM, Glides wrote: Not very uplifting to know that they're not helping you because they care, but only to get money.

But you should remember what it is you just said, "They're not helpingyou because they care".

Help for money is better than no help at all, and it is help!

I plan on being a psychologist if I get good enough grades once I finish my grade 12, and I can say that I sincerely want to help people, rather than make a fair amount of cash doing so. Sure, everyone chooses a career because they want to live comfortably, but they also have an interest in what they are doing if it's something that they've gone to school for - Remember that, some people really do want to help, looking at it as "their job" is a bad way of looking at it. Sure, they might get paid for doing it, but they're not working that job because they don't want to help, or don't care.


Yeah, whatever.
PSN ID: REDSiN66

Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-05-14 15:37:39 Reply

At 5/12/12 07:18 PM, Luke wrote:
At 5/4/12 04:24 PM, Glides wrote: Not very uplifting to know that they're not helping you because they care, but only to get money.
But you should remember what it is you just said, "They're not helpingyou because they care".

Help for money is better than no help at all, and it is help!

I plan on being a psychologist if I get good enough grades once I finish my grade 12, and I can say that I sincerely want to help people, rather than make a fair amount of cash doing so. Sure, everyone chooses a career because they want to live comfortably, but they also have an interest in what they are doing if it's something that they've gone to school for - Remember that, some people really do want to help, looking at it as "their job" is a bad way of looking at it. Sure, they might get paid for doing it, but they're not working that job because they don't want to help, or don't care.

Well that's very good. I meant all that in a generality. That applies to any profession, it's just that psychology happened to be the one that got the brunt of the blow. In any profession, most people simply do it for money and have no care for the customer. That sort of thing.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-07-09 23:08:11 Reply

Fuck it, everyone's too miserable for this club not to be active again.
So I'm going to attempt to play therapist this time, and try to help anyone who needs it with whatever mental and emotional issues they might have.

I'm kind of hoping the world will recover from the sorry state it's in right now. How about you?

Peace,
Glides


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HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-16 20:47:26 Reply

At 5/14/12 03:37 PM, Glides wrote: Well that's very good. I meant all that in a generality. That applies to any profession, it's just that psychology happened to be the one that got the brunt of the blow. In any profession, most people simply do it for money and have no care for the customer. That sort of thing.

Your analysis is biaised by your own very negative perception of pretty much everything. Don't you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think that maybe all that goes through your brain is a hundred times better in your head than it is in real life ?

I study in a University that has the reputation of being a very "social oriented" university, L'Universite du Quebec a Montreal (I removed all the accents because the new Newgrounds is fucking retarded). You'll find people in here who are very interrested in helping people for real. I'm a political science student who hopes to work on social inequalities and the likes.

This year in Montreal we had a student strikes for months and months. We were fighting against the tuition hikes. I know for a fact that a lot of the people in our ranks were not fighting for themselves but rather for an idea and an ideal. We were honestly interrested in the future of our nation as a whole. I wouldn't suffer from the tuition hike for I am getting a lot of financial help from my parents, yet... I've voted in favor of the strike and took part in various events to support our cause.

People do care about each others. Stop saying the same damn thing with each of your posts. Change your attitude first, than confront the other problems you have with your life.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-17 05:03:32 Reply

At 4/19/12 11:26 PM, Glides wrote: May not be healthy, but I've been psychologically conditioned into that. What can you do?

If you can analyze your own behavior accurately then you can change it with conscious effort.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-17 12:34:56 Reply

At 9/17/12 05:03 AM, GuerrilleroHeroico wrote:
At 4/19/12 11:26 PM, Glides wrote: May not be healthy, but I've been psychologically conditioned into that. What can you do?
If you can analyze your own behavior accurately then you can change it with conscious effort.

Definitely. Except if you are comfortable in your depressive state of mind. It happens for real. Psychologists have observed such things.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-18 18:48:24 Reply

At 9/18/12 04:03 PM, HydraTundra wrote: I don't like getting attached to people,it's starting to be an issue with me. I tend to push people away now when I feel they're getting attached to me. I care about people with all my heart,and I'm an extremely loving and patient person. I've loved people with my heart on my sleeves,but its always hurt to love anyone so much because I sacrifice all my time and emotional welbeing for that person. I have an intense deep-seated fear of hurting people,so it's hard for me to joke around with people I care about or be mean in anyway. So I tend to turn into a doormat,and my love for them out-weighs my care/love of myself.

First I need to know what kind of relationships you are talking about. Is it only love relationships or does it include relationships with friends ? In both case though, I can relate to you for I am a little like this. I do not avoid getting attached to others, but I tend to give all I can give to them. I place their own well-being in front of mine. And that can't be all bad really. All you have to do is find friends or lovers who are generally generous like you. I value my own life a lot through the happyness of people around me, and that's not a bad thing. The intro of the track Statherian by the band The Ocean includes a sample of The Life Of David Gale, to which I relate a lot. You might like the words (sorry I couldn't find just the speech without any music). What is says basically is that a human should strive to live by ideas and ideals and that in the longrun, the only way you can value your life is through moments of pure integrity and through the life of others.

The most important part when it comes to you problem is to avoid greedy and selfish individuals who will take from you and never give back in any form. See, I don't think you are the problem, you just seem to be someone who loves deeply and without any touch of hipocrisy. That's a great trait of personnality in fact. You should not change that. But you do have to set your priorities and while you can remain extremely generous, you have to respect your own personnal convictions.

e.g My girlfriend is kind of jealous of other girls, while she may have reasons for this. I have to respect the fact that I have and want to have female friends. It may not make her all happy, but I have to respect myself and my own convictions.

Same thing goes for you. Set a few basic rules for yourself to follow and don't go against your own will to make others happy. Being a chameleon is not good for you and nor is it for others. Never let your own personnality fade away to make others happy.

I have an extremely-dog like compliant personality,I'm extremely loyal,and had started to compromise my values in exchange for that person's love. I'm too over-sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions where I try to comfort them by any means.
At this point I'd rather be lonely and be unattached,then love someone entirely and they hurt me.

It's important to understand that in a love relationship, you will get hurt. And so will be your lover. You can't avoid that. You cannot hope to have a long-term relationship without ever getting into fights. You and your lover will disagree at some point and when the confrontation begins it can get real ugly. I have problems controlling myself when I get angry, thankfuly I've never been as far as to hit any of the girls I've been in love with. I do have to work on this aspect of my life though...

Anyway ! Back to you. Going to the extremes isn't a good thing. You can't oppose "having friends or lovers and sacrificing your own happyness for them" with "having no friends or lovers at all".

Lately I've just enjoyed being by myself and not getting close to anyone. I feel that's abnormal though. I'm becoming less-anxious though and starting to stand up for myself more. I hopefully will start reconnecting with people more often on a personal level,but I think I'll just be formal and frank. I'm still... Trying not to believe that I'm the reason why people are treating me poorly. So how do I look for signs in people who may be emotional or physically abusive? These are the types of people I want to try and not befriend at any costs.:( What words or actions are dead give aways?

I tend to spot these people quite quickly actually, for I have very social-oriented debates with the people around me all the time. Usually, I can tell by people's political opinions what they are in their private lives.

If you can avoid getting attached to people before you really get to know them, then try talking to them about different subjects. If they are close-minded, douchy and criticize others a lot without ever looking at themselves, or if they vote Republican (lawl) you can tell they are selfish and abusive douchebags.

HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-25 20:31:59 Reply

I so love to write walls of text intended to someone who asked for support and never ever get feedback again...

Luis
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-26 03:46:13 Reply

At 9/25/12 08:31 PM, HeavenDuff wrote: I so love to write walls of text intended to someone who asked for support and never ever get feedback again...

I read it! I like reading this thread actually. Ive always been fond of trying to 'figure out' how people are wired. Its a pipe dream but its still kind of interesting.


None

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-26 07:42:17 Reply

i often have a hard time going to sleep every night becuase i have very vivid nightmares and cant make them go away its honestly really hard to even try every night just to face a new horror

most of my dreams break down in to 3 catagories
1.someone elses story that ends in their death

2.a scare house with monsters and scares

3.just creepy and goes from good to down right terrifying

the only thing that stays the same out of the 3 is 3 is like silent hill it transforms halfway through


IF THE WORLD GONNA END MIGHT AS WELL EAT A TACO

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-29 11:37:43 Reply

So, I heard this thread is for fellow NG-ers to help other fellow NG-ers?

Well, I have an issue. I've had this issue ever since I was a wee boy in school.
I have a hard time approaching/befriending/interacting with people. Now, while this isn't really much of a problem now (because I feel pretty okay, if not a bit awkward, messaging others or posting on the BBS), but with people I hardly know, regardless online or in person, is a bit troubling.

Lately, when I try to strike up a conversation or just plain interaction (like crediting someone as an inspiration or something) with someone, I feel like I'm being rude, as if I'm trying to force my way into their lives. It's not anything major, I don't get depressed or anything like that, but it just feels uncomfortable.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-29 13:51:01 Reply

At 9/26/12 03:46 AM, Luis wrote: I read it! I like reading this thread actually. Ive always been fond of trying to 'figure out' how people are wired. Its a pipe dream but its still kind of interesting.

I don't pretend to understand people in all their complexity. That would be pretentious :P But having someone else's point of view on yourself can help :)

At 9/26/12 07:42 AM, youtubedawg98 wrote: i often have a hard time going to sleep every night becuase i have very vivid nightmares and cant make them go away its honestly really hard to even try every night just to face a new horror

You mean like, every night or almost every night ?

most of my dreams break down in to 3 catagories
1.someone elses story that ends in their death

2.a scare house with monsters and scares

3.just creepy and goes from good to down right terrifying

Do you ever get a chance in your dreams to interfere with any of this and make it change ? Or are you just stuck in a spectator position in which you can't affect the course of events ?

the only thing that stays the same out of the 3 is 3 is like silent hill it transforms halfway through

I often have weird dreams with horror-movie like aesthetics, but it doesn't give me a terror feeling in any way. I don't know why.

At 9/29/12 11:37 AM, Yoshiii343 wrote: So, I heard this thread is for fellow NG-ers to help other fellow NG-ers?

Yeah :)

Well, I have an issue. I've had this issue ever since I was a wee boy in school.
I have a hard time approaching/befriending/interacting with people. Now, while this isn't really much of a problem now (because I feel pretty okay, if not a bit awkward, messaging others or posting on the BBS), but with people I hardly know, regardless online or in person, is a bit troubling.

So do you have an hard time writting to us people in the Peer Support Group ?

Lately, when I try to strike up a conversation or just plain interaction (like crediting someone as an inspiration or something) with someone, I feel like I'm being rude, as if I'm trying to force my way into their lives. It's not anything major, I don't get depressed or anything like that, but it just feels uncomfortable.

I think we often have the feeling that others are very confident and have it easy with social-interactions, but that isn't true. And maybe we tend to get uncomfortable or feel inferior to these people. I suggest you look around and watch how people interact with others and try to observe signs of anxiety, social stress (weird translation, sorry) and shyness. Even people who try to show a lot of confidence will every now and then do this. One of the most obvious things you can observe is the eye contacts frequency, how long they will look at each others in the eyes, etc.

It might help you overcome a few of your social problems if you realise that a lot of people feel the same way, and that the people you meet arenâEUTMt all confident, strong and comfortable in all social situations.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-29 23:49:27 Reply

At 9/29/12 01:51 PM, HeavenDuff wrote: So do you have an hard time writting to us people in the Peer Support Group?

Actually, no. If I did had a hard time, I probably wouldn't even bother posting.

I think we often have the feeling that others are very confident and have it easy with social-interactions, but that isn't true. And maybe we tend to get uncomfortable or feel inferior to these people. I suggest you look around and watch how people interact with others and try to observe signs of anxiety, social stress (weird translation, sorry) and shyness. Even people who try to show a lot of confidence will every now and then do this. One of the most obvious things you can observe is the eye contacts frequency, how long they will look at each others in the eyes, etc.

It might help you overcome a few of your social problems if you realise that a lot of people feel the same way, and that the people you meet aren't all confident, strong and comfortable in all social situations.

I'll have to agree on the "inferior" statement. And from the way I see others interact with strangers are pretty straightforward ("Hello, I'm <insert name>, what's your name, blah blah blah, lets hang out!"). To me, that's pretty hard to pull off (considering I prefer being alone, in a fairly quiet environment).

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-30 07:21:08 Reply

Also, thank you Duff, for your help.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-09-30 08:23:18 Reply

At 9/29/12 11:49 PM, Yoshiii343 wrote:
At 9/29/12 01:51 PM, HeavenDuff wrote: So do you have an hard time writting to us people in the Peer Support Group?
Actually, no. If I did had a hard time, I probably wouldn't even bother posting.

I think we often have the feeling that others are very confident and have it easy with social-interactions, but that isn't true. And maybe we tend to get uncomfortable or feel inferior to these people. I suggest you look around and watch how people interact with others and try to observe signs of anxiety, social stress (weird translation, sorry) and shyness. Even people who try to show a lot of confidence will every now and then do this. One of the most obvious things you can observe is the eye contacts frequency, how long they will look at each others in the eyes, etc.

It might help you overcome a few of your social problems if you realise that a lot of people feel the same way, and that the people you meet aren't all confident, strong and comfortable in all social situations.
I'll have to agree on the "inferior" statement. And from the way I see others interact with strangers are pretty straightforward ("Hello, I'm <insert name>, what's your name, blah blah blah, lets hang out!"). To me, that's pretty hard to pull off (considering I prefer being alone, in a fairly quiet environment).

I echo what HeavenDuff said about watching people interact. Its helped me alot. I think one of the perks of living in the city is going to a busy place for lunch or a starbucks or something and taking a seat at the window facing the street. Wearing sunglasses and just having your lunch and watching people go about their lives. The art of conversating really is a tough and interesting things to watch. I'm always impressed with people who can do it so effortlessly. I'll often like watch people interact and strip the concept down, like these two creatures taking turns making sounds. Even not being able to hear the conversation itself, which is irrelevant in my opinion, its cool to see a person recieve information from the other process it and acknowledge the information with a response. Sometimes its not even a vocal response, you see the other persons facial expression change, etc. Something neat about that is seeing how expressive eyebrows are in a conversation. Anyway, i digress. Its cool to watch people interact, i think you learn alot about how humans work. You dont necessarily need to approach it with the intent to mimic it. More for the sake of understanding of the whole process.

As for me, I actually dont like making alot of eye contact, it feels rude to me. Like im overly judging someone or something. Kind of like watching someone who has a chocolate smudge on the side of their face or a mole with hair coming out. I can see the logic the other way though in that some people consider it rude to not give them eye contact.
My solution came from watching Obama speak in that hes not scared of being very visual in taking in information and thinking about it before he spreaks. So ill often like look down during a conversation and scan my eyes or nod, or whatever. I'll still make eye contact occasionally to provide just enough to keep it going of course, but i have found that to be effective in that most people i talk to are comfortable with that. I think the most important thing in a conversation is acknowledging to the other person that the information they are giving you is important to you and that you are recieving it. So even if you dont talk someones head off, giving them visual queues of you taking in the information they are feeding you is important.


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HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-10-03 00:49:00 Reply

At 9/29/12 11:49 PM, Yoshiii343 wrote: I'll have to agree on the "inferior" statement. And from the way I see others interact with strangers are pretty straightforward ("Hello, I'm <insert name>, what's your name, blah blah blah, lets hang out!"). To me, that's pretty hard to pull off (considering I prefer being alone, in a fairly quiet environment).

Yeah well, I do have a rather easy time expressing myself around others. I would most likely look like a very confident person to you or those who are generaly shy. I still get nervous in various social situations.

Like Luis said. Don't look at how others interact to copy them. Just see it as an opportunity to study human interaction and learn.

At 9/30/12 08:23 AM, Luis wrote: I echo what HeavenDuff said about watching people interact. Its helped me alot. I think one of the perks of living in the city is going to a busy place for lunch or a starbucks or something and taking a seat at the window facing the street. Wearing sunglasses and just having your lunch and watching people go about their lives. The art of conversating really is a tough and interesting things to watch. I'm always impressed with people who can do it so effortlessly. I'll often like watch people interact and strip the concept down, like these two creatures taking turns making sounds. Even not being able to hear the conversation itself, which is irrelevant in my opinion, its cool to see a person recieve information from the other process it and acknowledge the information with a response. Sometimes its not even a vocal response, you see the other persons facial expression change, etc. Something neat about that is seeing how expressive eyebrows are in a conversation. Anyway, i digress. Its cool to watch people interact, i think you learn alot about how humans work. You dont necessarily need to approach it with the intent to mimic it. More for the sake of understanding of the whole process.

Yes. It's a very interesting experiment.

As for me, I actually dont like making alot of eye contact, it feels rude to me. Like im overly judging someone or something. Kind of like watching someone who has a chocolate smudge on the side of their face or a mole with hair coming out. I can see the logic the other way though in that some people consider it rude to not give them eye contact.
My solution came from watching Obama speak in that hes not scared of being very visual in taking in information and thinking about it before he spreaks. So ill often like look down during a conversation and scan my eyes or nod, or whatever. I'll still make eye contact occasionally to provide just enough to keep it going of course, but i have found that to be effective in that most people i talk to are comfortable with that. I think the most important thing in a conversation is acknowledging to the other person that the information they are giving you is important to you and that you are recieving it. So even if you dont talk someones head off, giving them visual queues of you taking in the information they are feeding you is important.

I say both ways you can make people uncomfortable. I see eye contact as the most difficult aspect of conversations to deal with. You have to read the other person's physical behavior perfectly to know how to deal with eye contact. Depending on if you are talking or listening, and on if the other person is looking at you or not... it really affects your own behavior and reaction to the other person's behavior.

At 10/2/12 03:00 AM, HydraTundra wrote: I'm sorry,I'm really sorry. It was extremely helpful and I did read it and want to respond! But I was completely adhd.:(
It really honestly escaped my mind. I am so sorry,it was sincerely appreciated....
Also Statherian was really good,thanks again.
and sorry!

You're profile icon makes your post funny as fuck :P

I'm sorry I looked so upset in my post. I wasn't for real, I was just bumping the thread for you guys to see it on the front page ;)

HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-10-03 00:50:20 Reply

At 10/2/12 04:08 AM, HydraTundra wrote:
[I'm honestly not perfect,it's just I switched my major for the person I wanted to marry,dropped out of the airforce. But he had walls from his ex-breaking up with him,and he avoided trying to get close to me. He wrecked a lot of my self-confidence,and I never felt good enough. The word"retard"was thrown around. With my family/friends too. I've been avoiding family because of my mom's addiction and lack of emotional control she used to yell/scream at me a lot. My dad's an alcoholic too. My friend recently has been getting into illegal things,and I almost got pulled down with her. She had been stalking me and asking my location constantly and coming over to my house unannounced so many times. She had stolen somethings from me too..eh. I do have one best friend who is there for me always,he's like a brother. I feel guilty for asking so much out of him. He has a hard life,and I don't want to burden him. I'm sorry that you have gone through similar things as well,that must've been hard... But you are definitely still an altruistic/kind and wise person which is very inspirational. I like the values from that you portrayed from that song[I bookmarked it know a place to download it?]],I should do well to strive for the same pure integrity and striving to help others. ]

From what I read in your post, it seems that problems you have aren't really comming from you, but rather from the people surrounding you. Some people because of the places they spend time in or because of their personality tend to make a specific type of friend. Maybe you unconsciously end up befriending a particular kind of individuals who will have a negative impact on your life. But that's just a theory. I do not know you a lot, so I can't tell :P

This friend of yours you have. Don't see yourself as a burden for him. I say you should be as honest as possible with him and be equally as generous to him as he is to you. If he cares about you, he will be happy to know that he affected your life positively. And since you care a lot about not abusing his generosity, you shouldn't feel guilty for asking anything to him, since you most likely won't abuse him in anyway.

And em, thanks for the kind words. It's really appreciated. Like I said, I value social interactions a lot. I think it is the most important aspect of life. Acquiring material goods and money is a superficial objectiv, while individual success and personnal accomplishment aren't that important if there isn't anybody to share your success with or to positively touch or influence. Still, nobody should strive to fit in and be loved at all cost. If relationships are very important in my life, there is one thing that is more important than this to me and it is authenticity and self-respect.

[I'm not that perfect,I have my selfish moments. I think people mistake me as a cold/vain bitch. but I'm honestly really shy/socially retarded...so I try to stay distant... eh,but I really do try when I love/care for someone.

You don't have to be perfect and having priorities isn't selfish.

[It's good that you're not doing things to harm/make her jealous. I hope she understands that you chose her for a reason and that she doesn't have to be insecure,I wish the best for you two.]

Thanks :)

[Really great advice,and I'll try to find a balance,but I have been feeling like isolating myself a lot. I'm not sure how to be or act anymore. Just been trying to find ground level to put my feet on..]

This isn't all bad either. I go with my feeling all the time. Sometimes I feel like being alone, but when I when to see other people I try to make new friends or try to see friends I already have :)

[At that moment it was too much,and I had issues expressing myself. I'm aware I'd be hurt and that nothings perfect,but he was honestly saying things to me that were very messed up/sick and I couldn't tell if he was joking anymore. When I confronted him he called me jealous,insecure,and claimed I was over-reacting. Maybe I'm overly sensitive,but I asked one of my close friends/sister and they thought it was pretty fucked up. I have trouble responding back,because I really don't know how to phrase what happened without going into too much detail. Lets just say he made me cry a lot,he probably didn't know because I try and hide it away. But I'm just surprised he didn't see how depressed/sad I was when it was plastered all over my face. It's really great advice.

Well the problem might have been the relationship itself or the guy himself... and maybe not you. I know guys who can be real assholes in their relationships... and girls two. And you have pinpointed the problem perfectly. The problem when it comes to fights in a relationship is that you don't have anybody to tell you what is right or wrong, who is right or wrong and if somebody is exagerating. It's a one-on-one and some people will do anything to win... I know I can be like that and I may have hurt my girlfriend quite a few times because of this. But I notice it when I cross the line... which is something your ex-boyfriend didn't seem to be able to do.

It's probably a good thing you didn't stay with him if he couldn't realise he was doing something wrong.

Probably,haha. Guessing you're democratic or independent? Also thanks for the advice,it means a lot I feel bad for honestly not responding asap,I just didn't know how to word/detail it or respond without making a huge sob-story. But I really just.. Have no idea where my minds been/trying to stay off NG and get myself together. I've been going around the General forums for a good laugh,but not really reading and checking out everything. I am very very very sorry,I really didn't mean to be so inconsiderate honestly what you have said/typed means a lot. It truly does and I appreciate it greatly. I've honestly just been all over the place. I'm so sorry.

I'm not American :P But when it comes to American politics, I have to admit I hate Republicans with a passion. I do not particularly like Democrats either, but Obama is propably my favorite president since F.D.R. I say your political system needs to change a lot though. The winner-takes-all needs to go and the executive powers need to be shared by more individuals, not just one president and it should be more representative of the people's will. Having just one individual assume all executive functions like if a hundred percent of Americans supported him is kind of anti-democratic.

No need to be sorry. I was just joking and I knew you would post back someday. You don't owe me anything and I was just trying to help. Somebody who's offering his help should never have a selfish attitude toward the person he's trying to help. My post was a way to help you and not to boost my own self-esteem. Do not tell me you are sorry, you really shouldn't be. I'm sorry I didn't make it obvious that I was joking.

Halberd
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-10-03 08:54:18 Reply

I'm not even sure where to begin with myself.

I have no friends (or at least no good proper friends) I'm socially awkward and very introverted and I have no talents or hobbies.

I'm lazy, I can't articulate myself and I'm a bit incompetent. I don't think I have a very good future ahead of me once I'm past 18.

I feel like I can't change myself without the help of something external. Like moving location or something. Sometimes I don't talk to people because it doesn't feel right to me even though I know no harm will come from it. Its just a habit or something.

I have some good qualities as well. I am capable of reading complicated literature and philosophy and I have always been aware of my own shortcomings and in general I think I'm pretty good at analyzing things. It all counts for shit all though. I can't articulate and I can't fix my shortcomings or do anything with my knowledge/wisdom/conscience.

I think I'm going to stop typing now because when I type for too long I start to ramble on and make no sense (i.e in the previous two paragraphs.)

I don't think anyone can help me (if I even need help at all maybe I'm being too critical) but it just feels good to post here I think.


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Luis
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-10-09 22:58:10 Reply

At 10/3/12 08:54 AM, Halberd wrote: I feel like I can't change myself without the help of something external. Like moving location or something. Sometimes I don't talk to people because it doesn't feel right to me even though I know no harm will come from it. Its just a habit or something.

I have some good qualities as well. I am capable of reading complicated literature and philosophy and I have always been aware of my own shortcomings and in general I think I'm pretty good at analyzing things. It all counts for shit all though. I can't articulate and I can't fix my shortcomings or do anything with my knowledge/wisdom/conscience.

I think its human tendency to start stacking things against you, particularly when you've been alone for a long time, or let your mind get the best of you. It was already mentioned but you have to see it as a marathon, chip away at things that you CAN work on. Things, like being less lazy. Doesnt have to be a dramatic change in your lifestyle, just start making little goals, no matter how 'insignificant' in the grand scheme of things. So like okay my lazyness is an issue, tommorrow ill walk half a mile, or ill read a chapter in a book, or whatever. Lazyness imo is the most tangible thing that you as an individual can address. The whole introvert and lack of friends thing is a little more complicated, and usually you have to be at a point where you have some momentum going into it.

So maybe you can work on your laziness by making it your duty to read or write something relating to things you enjoy, like philosophy or literature. Just kinda tell yourself, ok every thursday i'll read for an hour. And build on that. Incorporating your interests into addressing things like lazy does help you get your mind on the right track i find.


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Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-10-23 23:02:38 Reply

Figured I might as well type here.
So essentially, my life has no meaning. No close friends (not anti-social, just never had any), a virgin, I've bitched about this before, so I won't go into any detail here.

And if suicide was easy, I'd be long dead, but unfortunately, it's really fucking hard. I'm too much of a coward to do anything.

I don't know what to do. I'm all alone, not literally, but there's literally no one in the real world to confide in. As it turns out, people are just awful in general, and I haven't met any good ones yet. I'm awful too, but that's just because I'm me.

I hate living, and I hate life, and I have nothing else to do but type random shit here.
All I need now is a gun...


Glides is done with his post.

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Glides
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-12-02 00:46:40 Reply

A girl I know died yesterday. You know the type: pretty, intelligent, kind, that sort.
This girl goes over to an exotic country for some foreign exchange thingie. Yesterday she gets separated from her exotic buddies, topples into an ocean, gets sucked off by a rip tide, and drowns. Slowly. Painfully.

This girl, who I didn't know well but well enough to know she didn't deserve it, is now dead.
Death doesn't usually affect me like this. I don't usually react to it unless it's someone close to me. When my grandma died, I went nuts. But she died of colon cancer, and disease gives you time to prepare for death. I cried, because she practically raised me herself and I love her, but I was still mentally prepared.

So what made me so emotional? I admittedly had a little crush on her, she WAS(is?) pretty, and nice, a rare combo. Whenever I talked to her, she was generally pleasant. And from what I knew about her, she just seemed to be a genuinely GOOD person.

So now she's dead. I'm still wrapping my mind around it. I keep imagining how it happened, as if it would somehow save her. I know it won't, but it keeps torturing me. And I know I'm not the only one. Like I said, she was a pretty GOOD human being.

And right now, Jerry Sandusky's still alive. Corrupt dictators and executors of mass genocide are alive. Child rapists and serial killers and politicians are alive. But not this one innocent high school girl.

If there's something out there called God, I hate it right now, intensely. I have before, but this seems to have cemented it. That hatred can't be stopped. Maybe one day I'll stop, but not for a while. Not right now.

I only hope that if God, if he exists, and can feel, can feel a hundred times the pain he inflicted on her. I want him to suffer worse than she did. And maybe for every other good person who has died over the course of history. Just so he knows what it's like. Maybe then he'll stop. You never know.

I know that's offensive to many of you, but I'm not in a state to be sympathetic to your beliefs right now. I'm merely writing this desperately so this girl can be immortalized somehow. That because she is mentioned, that she won't be forgotten.


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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-12-02 18:10:16 Reply

At 10/23/12 11:02 PM, Glides wrote: Figured I might as well type here.
So essentially, my life has no meaning. No close friends (not anti-social, just never had any), a virgin, I've bitched about this before, so I won't go into any detail here.

There's no reason to feel bad about being a virgin, man.


Yeah, whatever.
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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group 2012-12-02 18:17:33 Reply

At 12/2/12 06:10 PM, Luke wrote:
At 10/23/12 11:02 PM, Glides wrote: Figured I might as well type here.
So essentially, my life has no meaning. No close friends (not anti-social, just never had any), a virgin, I've bitched about this before, so I won't go into any detail here.
There's no reason to feel bad about being a virgin, man.

I meant to type more but my girlfriend is watching me... You will find somebody worth it, I was a virgin up until I was eighteen and I just lied about not being a virgin for a long time. You're only seventeen and that is a very young age to just give up or feel bad about anything like that. If you really feel bad about not having friends and such the best thing you can do is put yourself out there. Don't allow yourself to stop you from making friends. The hardest part is overcoming the idea that you are socially awkward and different than everybody else.

Millions of people have these issues and you're not the only one going through what you are going through. Don't allow yourself to beat yourself up for being this way, it was very difficult for me to break out of my shell and go hang out with people and make new friends, but it is not impossible. Realistically, once you make one friend you can make ten or more other friends by hanging out with them.

It isn't easy to do, but like I said, it isn't impossible. I know this advice may not help at all, though. Ultimately, the main objective right now should be putting yourself out there, even if it is awkward at first, you CAN do it, because other people have done it before as well.

I don't get to check this thread very often because I seldom hop on Newgrounds anymore, but if you would like to talk more I do check my inbox and such on here daily. I'll try to pop in this thread more often.


Yeah, whatever.
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