At 12/15/10 05:21 PM, 34Deadman wrote:
3 to 4 hours of sleep? Maybe your hallucination about the shadows etc.? Doesn't lack of sleep lead to that? And about the voices well either it's paranoia or some ghost is just trying to bug the crap out of you(this is the far fetched proposal of the issue). But I definitely suggest more sleep Epic.

Well this has been happening long before I started having sleep issues, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it to be honest... But more sleep would be nice.

At 12/15/10 05:51 PM, HeavenDuff wrote:

Strangly, it's like an habit. People get used to suffer and are afraid to see things change.

Why yould you ever be scared to shit yourself? I don't get it. It's strange how hard it is to make links between things that happen to you and how shits work in your head. If you do not happen to shit yourself on a regular basis... and if you are not scared of these voices... it's strange that these kind of fears or voices keep coming back to you...

I have no idea why I was afraid of shitting myself man... It's like... It was only whenever I left the house... It never happened at home and I was a lot more paranoid about it when I was high. Another reason I quit using drugs.
I don't know what's going on really... Like... Everything is as confusing to me as it is to you I think.

Don't you have any kind of idea has from where these things came from?

Well I think the whole poop situation is just tied together with the 'social anxiety' or the 'paranoia'. Cause I get really uncomfortable when I am around people, which is a reason I left school for the second time. I just always get uncomfortable and feel like I am going to shit myself or feel like I may have, even though there is no real physical feeling of it.
As for hearing voices, no idea where it could have come from... It's picked up since moving in to my basement, but I highly doubt that has anything to do with it.. Although, my first time of actually being 'clinically depressed' was when I first moved down here around grade eight... I was on pills for a bit and still had my room down here, but in a different part of the basement, it was in a small ass room where my drums are now... No window in there even, now I have a huge area to have my bed and everything else as it's like the 'living room' of the basement.
Maybe it has something to do with it? Although it is highly doubtful.

You really need to get yourself some friends, anyway. Not random people of course, be careful. I only have a couple friends I perfectly trust. Work on these relationships and learn about the people you meet, learn who you can trust and who you cannot.

I have two real friends, both are considered brothers. I've met countless people like everybody else and used to have a lot of 'friends'. Which were really just people I talked to. Within the past year it seems everybody stopped talking to me and I just began hermiting at home and minding my own business.
I have a friend in Saskatoon which is a few hours away. We have not met personally but he used to live in this city and we got connected through my one friend. I consider him a good friend already since we do stuff on a website together which I would not do because of him, and we make the same kind of music. We plan on meeting asap.

And can you tell what these voices say? How many of them? And are they always the same voices? Male or Female? Are you always alone when it happens?

Sometimes I think there is two, but usually one.
I can't tell the sex, they don't sound the same, but they both sound kind of young. I'm usually alone when it happens yes.

Haha! Sorry about all these questions. you don't have to answer if you don't feel like it. But so far, you look pretty fine with sharing all this with us. That's why I'm asking. But do not answer if you don't feel like it. And if you feel like you don't want to talk about it anymore, then it's fine bro !!

I am always willing to talk about this stuff, it is what makes the club what it is and I appreciate your efforts right now man, really do.
I'm an open person, so this is nothing.

At 12/12/10 04:36 PM, HeavenDuff wrote: Now that you go to school and have a contact with the world, not like when you were younger, there is hope that you can find people near you to help out. I know this is probably the kind of shit you hear all the time when you talk about your problems, but you should seek help. Maybe just pay a little visit to the school psychologist about your problems.

The problem that a lot of people most often seem to get when they face difficult situations, is that they do not try to change things, cause they fear it could get even worse. So if you get stuck there, and do not try to do something, you will get stuck there. Like you said before, you are a little young to just pretend you could walk away from these problems.

Trying to change things could mean just a few little things. Like seing the psychologist, or spending more time away from your house. Seing friends more often, try to get a different link (or contact?, sorry English is not my main language) to the world. If you cannot move out of this situation, at least try to make things better by yourself. You should not feel helpless, cause you have the power to make things change, at least just a little. Hold on to the hope that things can better.

Thanks for the advice man, I do realize that I kinda need to try and better my situation however I can, and change myself instead of being scared to. Easier said than done, but I can try.

Also, sorry I didn't post in a while, I've been busy, this week is finals week at my school, it sucks, etc. I'll be glad to help out anyone that needs it and/or offer advice.

Since everyone is sharing their side, I suppose I should too - I won't bore you with details, so what you're getting is the abridged version (still a long read anyway)...

I had a fairly normal birth, had nutritional issues that have since persisted and got surgery on my sack at 8 mos. to rid a hernia. At 4yo, I got drunk repeatedly and my mom and dad split because of it - this event began my dysthymia. My brother was born shortly thereafter and hogged all the attention ever since and to this day. I was noted as a gifted individual and did great in school throughout my life, but had terrible interpersonal skills as a result of being sheltered and traumatized by everything. I did not have a normal childhood, being scared out of my mind most of the time and having to assume responsibility as the big man at home whenever it was needed.

Growing up, I was neglected at home (and school once NCLB came into play) and tried very, very hard to gain the approval of my parents, although despite all my achievements and accomplishments, I found it to be in vain. Some of my so-called 'friends' were arrested and sent to jail, even when I knew I could have stopped them - another epic fail of mine. I was bullied, whipped, and mistreated, but I didn't have anyone or anything to rely on for support.

When I was 9yo, I decided to stop being a pussy and became a hardcore stoic - a radical change that helped me overcome my limitations. This brought on a new attitude that allowed me to endure and adapt to hardship much better and faster than I did when I was younger, although being more worldly also helped considerably. My younger brother became one of my biggest roadblocks and to say I hate him is to put it lightly - this, and I was more-or-less obligated to protect him at all costs and times.

Puberty started soon afterwards, though genetics and past actions screwed me over in the end. The rest of my body developed normally, although I didn't grow any taller after 14, leaving me stuck with the frame of a young teen boy and a baritone that could make even the "hardest ganksta" shit himself. Because of this, I was portrayed as a monster and was either respected out of fear or feared as a result of the rumors - a Boo Radley of sorts. Some did legitimately respect me for my talents and kindness, but I can't say I had many 'true' friends.

I got over my past trauma as well, but the drama kept growing like an anthill. My mom remarried with some nutcase and started a new family with him. My brother and I are more or less baggage in her eyes, but at least he still gets her support from time to time, if only because he's such a dumbass.

When I was a senior in high school I made a pass at a young woman I had known for a long time and deeply admired, but was rejected in a rather cruel fashion - I somehow made it worse than it would have been. My heart - something I regarded as a throwaway piece of myself was actually the main thing that was helping me survive (in conjunction with my heroic spirit) - and my ego were shattered after being put through this, everything else, and everything came apart. It was the worst feeling I have absolutely ever felt, topping that of my previous failures, then adding the cherry of humiliation onto that misery sundae.

Cue the police hauling my ass to the ER for a psychoanalysis, getting diagnosed with clinical depression, going back to school the next day, and basically being told to "deal with it". To top it off, my mom and her new family were vacationing in Brazil and I was sure to get a dose of hard knocks when they had returned. I entered serious therapy afterward, but it was of no use. I graduated with full honors near the top of my class, was college-bound, and had nothing but a bright future ahead of me. Read this to see why it wasn't so.

Fin.

Present day, I'm doing fine, but I am in dire straits. I do not smoke, drink, or do any kind of recreational drug to get away from this or to fill a void left inside or whatever. Anyone who alters their perception to do any of that is a fool and too weak to face reality head-on. I am not suicidal, but I can't see a purpose to my existence now or anytime in the future - ending oneself is a coward's solution. "Just do it" is my motto, as there is no line between determination and insanity when it comes to my own aptitudes - I'll see anything to its end that I can, do-or-die.

Personality breakdown - MBTI: INTJ; Enneagram: 5w4; Astrological sign: Pisces; Disorders: Schizoid...

Being fortunate does not translate into being 'happy' - our household just barely broke into lower-middle class last year. I've had clean water, warm food, good health, and shelter throughout my entire life, yet most parts of the world have people struggling to have any of those things for even a moment. Some kids get abused by their parents, others may never know their real ones, and there are those who had them taken away abruptly - that is not to say they are worse off, but I digress.

Everyone on my mom's side of the family was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by an alcoholic father, which explains most of their neuroses - it translated into poor parenting skills and instincts. My real dad will never have any job above janitorial duty, yet spouts nothing but overly-idealistic bullshit that was played out five years ago. My younger brother is a parasite and will likely drop out of high school and join everyone else to become a big, dysfunctional McFamily. The two little ones are following in my brother's footsteps and I foresee that they will be prescribed to Ritalin for a very, very long time. My stepdad may go crazy someday and is prone to violence - the loaded shotgun he keeps in his closet is definitely not helping to ease my anxieties.

My only respite seems to be months away, where-in I'll finally experience the daunting trials of college living. Otherwise, I must pull-through and survive until that day - something I have always been good at, but am growing weary of having to do all the time.

To summarize my life experience so far: The only thing I really wanted was to be loved (as corny as it sounds and as much as I will deny it), but I suppose I haven't worked hard enough to gain it and am not good enough to deserve it from anyone, ever.

At 12/16/10 07:29 PM, ArtDanVal wrote:

To summarize my life experience so far: The only thing I really wanted was to be loved (as corny as it sounds and as much as I will deny it),

There's nothing corny about that.

but I suppose I haven't worked hard enough to gain it and am not good enough to deserve it from anyone, ever.

Don't say or think that ever again, everyone deserves it. You don't think so because people today have a misconception about what it is.

At 12/17/10 02:30 AM, MultiCanimefan wrote:

At 12/16/10 07:29 PM, ArtDanVal wrote:

To summarize my life experience so far: The only thing I really wanted was to be loved (as corny as it sounds and as much as I will deny it),

There's nothing corny about that.

Well, when I look back at all my past actions and my subconscious motivations behind them, I see that I have to take a step away from what I truly wanted. This is because it is very out of place and unlike me to desire affection, as I once believed I had no need for it - having already spent most of my years without any. That changed when I myself had garnered these feelings for someone else - powerful feelings that will remain unrequited and now forcefully, wittingly diminished. It's unusual because it is like I am denying myself this wish just because it isn't something that 'I' would do - that is, care about my own personal needs.

but I suppose I haven't worked hard enough to gain it and am not good enough to deserve it from anyone, ever.

Don't say or think that ever again, everyone deserves it. You don't think so because people today have a misconception about what it is.

Intriguing, perhaps if I knew what this misconception was, I could mold myself into what it is and start "doin it rite" as it is sometimes said. I think the point I was trying to make is that I personally don't believe I've done anything significant to gain or deserve anyone's approval. The proof of this is not just a theory, but a living fact, for I have 'nothing': no true friends, no real 'family' or so-called relatives, no 'home' (I live in a house, it is not my home, however), and I don't seem to belong anywhere at all. The only things I do have, the things I earned, are either insignificant intangibles or materialistic in nature -neither make me feel accomplished or satisfied.

I am used to being alone, it is where I preform best, it is something I have to deal with nearly constantly, and I didn't mind it until I knew what it felt like to feel close to someone. This recent news post of mine goes over - to some extent - my drive to succeed, to be 'perfect', and why I feel it's absolutely necessary for me in order to get any sort of positive attention (though I don't get any anyway).

In any case, my aspiration to be loved in some capacity will have to take a backseat to my ultimate life goal of 'achieving an impossible task', whatever it may be. It makes me wonder, "what do I have left to believe in?"; if not myself or anyone and anything else, then what is it that I am trying to live for?

As for my major depression disorder, I have gotten somewhat better at it in the year that it was diagnosed, though mostly because I decided there are more productive things to do than to dwell on my case all the time. Doesn't mean it went away, just that I am trying fervently to ignore it and try to live with the condition as best I can. A temporary solution, but it is one that is working out just fine for the time being. All this - despite my heart and ego broken, having nearly complete hopelessness, and generally being unable to derive pleasure from activities I once enjoyed - is just another hurdle to overcome in the big rat race that is life.

At 12/16/10 12:57 AM, EpicFail wrote: I have no idea why I was afraid of shitting myself man... It's like... It was only whenever I left the house... It never happened at home and I was a lot more paranoid about it when I was high. Another reason I quit using drugs.
I don't know what's going on really... Like... Everything is as confusing to me as it is to you I think.

Sooo, no more drugs for you :P

From this point on though, I can't dig for more answers, if you have anything else to say about this. Anything that could help you and us, understand what is going on with your life. Feel free to express whatever you want with us :)

Well I think the whole poop situation is just tied together with the 'social anxiety' or the 'paranoia'. Cause I get really uncomfortable when I am around people, which is a reason I left school for the second time. I just always get uncomfortable and feel like I am going to shit myself or feel like I may have, even though there is no real physical feeling of it.

And now, where do you study... I see in your profile that you are still just 16 years old...

As for hearing voices, no idea where it could have come from... It's picked up since moving in to my basement, but I highly doubt that has anything to do with it.. Although, my first time of actually being 'clinically depressed' was when I first moved down here around grade eight... I was on pills for a bit and still had my room down here, but in a different part of the basement, it was in a small ass room where my drums are now... No window in there even, now I have a huge area to have my bed and everything else as it's like the 'living room' of the basement.
Maybe it has something to do with it? Although it is highly doubtful.

Why don't you move back upstairs then? If it's the only hint we have, might as well dig deeper for this one, right?

I have two real friends, both are considered brothers. I've met countless people like everybody else and used to have a lot of 'friends'. Which were really just people I talked to. Within the past year it seems everybody stopped talking to me and I just began hermiting at home and minding my own business.

And did you feel uncomfortable with these friends ? Was the whole "shitting yourself" fear happenning with "these" people two? Or just at school?

I have a friend in Saskatoon which is a few hours away. We have not met personally but he used to live in this city and we got connected through my one friend. I consider him a good friend already since we do stuff on a website together which I would not do because of him, and we make the same kind of music. We plan on meeting asap.

What music do you play? :P Should be a good place to re-start your social life !! Music, is one of the greatest way to express your emotions !!

Sometimes I think there is two, but usually one.
I can't tell the sex, they don't sound the same, but they both sound kind of young. I'm usually alone when it happens yes.

Same people everytime? And what are they saying?

I am always willing to talk about this stuff, it is what makes the club what it is and I appreciate your efforts right now man, really do.

It's my pleasure, son :)

I'm an open person, so this is nothing.

Well, at least you find ways to talk about what you feel.

At 12/16/10 01:57 PM, Eclipse wrote: Thanks for the advice man, I do realize that I kinda need to try and better my situation however I can, and change myself instead of being scared to. Easier said than done, but I can try.

Do not just try... do it !!
- Yoda

Also, sorry I didn't post in a while, I've been busy, this week is finals week at my school, it sucks, etc. I'll be glad to help out anyone that needs it and/or offer advice.

Same for me. University... lot of work...

At 12/19/10 05:00 PM, HeavenDuff wrote:
Sooo, no more drugs for you :P

Basically, yes. Only alcohol.

From this point on though, I can't dig for more answers, if you have anything else to say about this. Anything that could help you and us, understand what is going on with your life. Feel free to express whatever you want with us :)


And now, where do you study... I see in your profile that you are still just 16 years old...

I don't study, anything. I'm just trying to find a job and working on music as much as possible.

Why don't you move back upstairs then? If it's the only hint we have, might as well dig deeper for this one, right?

Not sure, there is not much room up there really. There is just a living room, an empty bedroom I was once in, a big room my brother has and a big room my Pops has, the room I was in is the room between those two, it is too small for me to basically 'live' in. It drove me crazy.
I get a lot more room down here, as I have the whole basement. I'm naturally a happier person here, more my sort of environment and I get more privacy which I really enjoy. I am not much of a social person.

And did you feel uncomfortable with these friends ? Was the whole "shitting yourself" fear happenning with "these" people two? Or just at school?

I do sometimes, other times I don't.
It's been getting better lately, I just need to not focus on it... And the way I see it, the more I get out of the house and spend time with other people the more I will forget about the problem, and get used to being out.
For example, today I am going to a movie with my ex, not necessarily because I am interested in my ex (I'm not), but because I just want to get out and try doing something with a friend, the more I do these things the better it will get.

What music do you play? :P Should be a good place to re-start your social life !! Music, is one of the greatest way to express your emotions !!

Underground rap, I have dedicated the past nine months to it and will never stop.

Same people everytime? And what are they saying?

Sounds like it, can never tell what they are saying besides when I am half asleep or more, and about to fall asleep, then it becomes clear and it is usually just random things.

Sorry for not posting a lot guys, been busy now that I have this Minecraft server open, and also a lot of responsibilities with music, writing, and other shit... I'll catch up soon here I promise.

At 12/21/10 12:42 AM, Liquify wrote: Hmm, depression. That seems to be a massive problem with me. Sometimes I just wish I had never existed. I also have the problem of not being able to cope with family members dying [...] I still miss him dearly.

The cycle of grief is different from depression, but it shares many of the same feelings and can even manifest itself into the disorder if that cycle is not broken or gets progressively accentuated with poor coping skills.

I may not have a proper family life or relatives or anything of that sort, but I can certainly empathize with the feeling of not just losing someone that you considered yourself close to, but knowing that you won't ever be able to see or contact them again. It is perhaps the most difficult thing a human being has to deal with individually - especially with an attachment this great -, so being able to share your grief and feelings with other people will help to ease some of the emotional stress you are experiencing.

Sure, it won't change the fact of matters, but as it is said that time heals all wounds, everyone will have the dog in their hearts and memories in warm regard. I think it would have been better to have put him down than to make it endure the rest of its years crippled and in constant suffering - what happened was for the best, as grim as it was for everyone. Not getting another dog to fulfill the role left behind is a common practice, I don't blame you or your family for choosing this for themselves.

As you have mentioned, coping is not a strong point for you - I suggest practicing coping strategies so you are better prepared emotionally when other tragedies or calamities occur in your life. This page has a few helpful tips, but all I can say to you now is that you should be thankful that you have the support of your family and any friends you have to keep yourself together...some of us are not as fortunate.

Now, I may talk about my relationship problem a bit later on, but for now I will leave you with this.

I will not hesitate to address any matter, but if it is a sensitive subject for you and wish to keep it private, I am open to Private Messaging.

This also goes for anyone else seeking support or advice - I may be more matter-of-fact and bold than some other members, but I will try my absolute best to make sure you feel certain and inspired.

At 12/22/10 12:29 AM, Liquify wrote: Thank you...

I understand entirely, matters that deal with our personal feelings with those involving others can often be much more a private handling than ones of general tragedy and malaise. No need to thank me, I would not have joined the group if I only expected some form of appreciation for trying to help a fellow user out.

...

Because my previous posts regarding my own problems flew over most everyone's heads, I suppose I can accentuate on what is really bothering me atm so I may receive some support. I know you guys are busy and all, but I'd appreciate some advice or attention in any of the following cases...

CASE A: I'm still heartbroken.
It seemed like only yesterday that she and I used to talk like friends, holding hands and gazing longingly into each others eyes - if only for one afternoon. For a bit of background knowledge, we had known each other since the beginning of high school and by the time I made my move, both of us would be in our senior year.

She, the beautiful and flawed artist, and I - the cold-hearted enigma of a beast. Completely opposite in strengths and personalities, yet complimentary in many such and similar ways. It all started when I drew up a tome of poems written in devotion to her - and with the aid of social engineering, I was able to pinpoint her location and deliver my parcel of love. Our relationship as friends had at that point been roughly three years, so we knew each other well enough to at least try to spark a few flames.

We were 'together' as a couple for only an afternoon, after which I made some retarded mistakes - mistakes I'll never forgive myself for. Being an eager beaver rubbed her off the wrong way - I already had a scary aura surrounding me and it did me no favors for her to consider me a stalker within the same week.

I was devastated - the one time in my life I thought I had finally achieved what I had so sought after all those years: love itself - it was simply not to be. I scared her away with my 'obsession' over her, something she saw as dangerous for both me and herself. Of course, I knew she was only trying to save her own skin (I don't blame her).

How could I have known? I had never, ever been in or felt love with anyone or anything up until that point. It was all a new thing for me, as I have never even been given any kind of affection or support at home or anywhere else. Love was a completely alien concept for me and there I was, dancing along to its beat - a beat I've unknowingly been dancing to all my life.

The seasons came and went, then shit got really serious. Serious enough that the police had to keelhaul me to the hospital to get my head examined. I was barred from ever contacting her in any way and that destroyed me inside more than I knew was inside to begin with. I was truly alone then, as most of the same acquaintances we shared were cut off from contact as well. At graduation, I passed her a letter, which I later discovered in the trash...

It's been a little over a year since then, she is now in college and because of my hesitation, I am not. I have gotten over it since, but I still experience physical aches over it, mostly in my chest and right arm. Maybe I learned why I had always disregarded love: it hurts. I don't think I could ever risk it again, yet I realize that the entire point of my existence was to pursue that goal. I have never lived for any other purpose and I don't think I can live for anything else.

I now live for tomorrow, even when such is never guaranteed.

TL;DR: Forever alone.

CASE B: My family, isn't.
You know those people who should have never had children? My mom is one of them and either lacks the drive or the time necessary to properly raise her children. She has had four so far, with me being the eldest and most controversial one - I'm the "bad" one. "Bad" not because of some misdoing or misbehavior, but bad because I'm not "good" enough.

As a young child I was very self-sufficient and seen as a wunderkind of sorts - she saw this as an excuse to let me raise myself or something, because afterward, she never took any interest or direct action in my life aside from chastising me for not being "perfect". My brother never got any of this, because he didn't have any sort of special talent and was generally a dumbass who only stood in the way. I was made to protect him, while he bathed in all her adoration and care.

I wasn't jealous, but I did wonder why she picked him as the favorite - the fact he was plain and annoying didn't help matters and I would soon grow to hate him very much. My aunt was brought in to be the legal guardian when my mom wasn't around (as many single parents do) and because both of them came from rough backgrounds, they had absolutely no idea how to care for or raise children properly - but they sure knew how to beat asses when they got out of hand.

My mom and dad got divorced because I drunk all of his liquor and she got mad about it (hey I was four, give me a break!), which took some time for me to get over. Today, he is in heavy debt and lives from one shift to another, barely getting any time to sleep. He is an idealist and always tries to pull some optimistic bullshit whenever he's around. Truly a role-model for those who aspire to remain in the working-class...considering who I am, he isn't my role model and I lament to acknowledge he'll never work a job that doesn't involve cleaning shit up.

My mom eventually remarried with some nutcase who is probably a crook of some kind, doesn't help that he beats the shit out of my sister's chihuahuas occasionally and owns several firearms. I eventually came clean to everyone in the house about my issues, to which not a single eye was batted. At that point, I decided 'fuck em' and have unassociated myself from them - not like I was ever really part of this family though.

No friends, no family, nothing - just me, like always. The real issue isn't getting away from them, it's getting them away from me. They don't love me, they don't care - they only want me around so that when I "become rich and famous" they can say, "that's our boy". Until then, I'm as useful to them as a pair of tits on a boot.

TL;DR: Home is where the headache is.

CASE C: Passive-Destructive
I have a bit of a problem with myself, you could say. I have boundless ambition and a seemingly infinite amount of determination. My willpower is the strongest asset I hold, along with a dogged self-motivation and the drive to succeed, conquer, and dominate.

Such is, that I generally hold a dogmatic sense of responsibility to attain individual perfection at any cost. I do not do it for myself to become a better person, but I do it mostly for the sake and welfare of anyone I may come across. I am very complexed you could say - stringent indoctrination, along with a slight Superiority complex that tends to clash strongly with the Napoleon complex I hold make for a frustrating case.

However the problem is not that I am too inclined to become a messianic doormat to everyone, but rather, what I personally am getting out of the deal and where taking such a route will lead. If you don't get that, then let me explain: If you have a man who, given endless ambition, determination, and considerable talent, but set him out in adverse circumstances on his own and in the 'real world', what path do you expect him to take?

The path I am taking is one without limits or ends, which is the problem: I don't know where I'm going or why, but I am determined as all Hell to get to wherever it is. A derailed train can only stop when it runs out of fuel or when it inevitably crashes into something - where does a man stop, when such barriers are not in place and he holds a force just as mighty?

TL;DR: "Living on Auto-pilot", heading into oblivion.

Might as well vent my own problems here:
I've never been particularly good at talking to girls. So my depression is entirely based after the fact that I can't attract women. I mean, I'm an ugly guy, but even some ugly guys can talk to them. Add this to my extreme sexual inexperience (I've never even kissed a girl, so sexy) and not having any friends at all, and you've got my current state of depression and suicidal thoughts. Never actually tried, so points for that. I am a guy, 17, by the way.
So yeah, any thoughts?

At 4/3/12 11:43 PM, Glides wrote: Might as well vent my own problems here:
I've never been particularly good at talking to girls. So my depression is entirely based after the fact that I can't attract women. I mean, I'm an ugly guy, but even some ugly guys can talk to them. Add this to my extreme sexual inexperience (I've never even kissed a girl, so sexy) and not having any friends at all, and you've got my current state of depression and suicidal thoughts. Never actually tried, so points for that. I am a guy, 17, by the way.
So yeah, any thoughts?

Ugly ? I know that some people are truly ugly, but really few of those who think they are as attactive as a rotten shit really are that bad. Can you tell us why you think you are unattractive, then maybe we can figure out if you are really the ugliest human being to ever walk this earth, or if you just lack in self-confidence. I bet the second would apply better. It is usually the case at least. A lot of people lack in self-confidence and usually when you've never been in a relationship with a girl or if you never had any physical relation with girls, you tend to believe it won't ever happen.

Thruth is that a lot of people get their first serious relationships at later ages, especially in the United States... that's at least what I have observed on the BBS. Yeah, I know... nothing really scientifical here. But a lot of teenagers are superficial, and I don't mean the "caring about appearence" superficial, but the trendy jock and sexy sluts superficial... And the kids who don't fit the style, they often lack in self-confidence...

I was never with a girl before the age of 16 years old. Before that, I used to think I was unnattractive, but since that age, I started talking to girls, feel better with myself and I also started to know myself and what I wanted to be in life. Teenage years are uneasy, and for some people... I know it doesn't get any better until the 20's. Lacking in self-confidence is a vicious circle you have to break. Problem is... you don't trust in yourself, so it's kind of hard to show others what you are worth if you don't even believe in yourself.

My little trick for you... well... it worked for me, so I suppose it could work for you, is to chat with people online. Back in the days I used to have MSN Messenger, and this is how I overcame my shyness and lack of self-confidence. I found myself more able to discuss with girls when online because maybe... I didn't fear humilitation or maybe I didn't fear being rejected as much as in real life. I met people online through friends and various websites. My first girlfriend was a girl who saw my picture on the infamous website doyoulookgood.com. My second girlfriend, I met her through some other girls I already knew on MSN Messenger. I've met some other girls, but the third girl I've met, I met her at the University, and I have to say I didn't have to do anything... she's the one who came to talk to me first :P

Life went on, I am now with the girl I previously mentionned and who I met through friends on MSN Messenger.

And for the suicide part... I just highly recommand you don't :P I know you are not a teenager anymore, but you are still young and maybe you just lack the hope because you don't believe in yourself. Let the good things happen to you. Give yourself a chance, and if a girl rejects you, that really doesn't mean you are a shit,

Anyway, I've already wrote too much stuff, and I have yet to know more about you before I can really pretend to try and help you. Anyway, hit us back ! Talk about yourself :)

At 4/4/12 01:10 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:

At 4/3/12 11:43 PM, Glides wrote: Might as well vent my own problems here:
I've never been particularly good at talking to girls. So my depression is entirely based after the fact that I can't attract women. I mean, I'm an ugly guy, but even some ugly guys can talk to them. Add this to my extreme sexual inexperience (I've never even kissed a girl, so sexy) and not having any friends at all, and you've got my current state of depression and suicidal thoughts. Never actually tried, so points for that. I am a guy, 17, by the way.
So yeah, any thoughts?

Ugly ? I know that some people are truly ugly, but really few of those who think they are as attactive as a rotten shit really are that bad. Can you tell us why you think you are unattractive, then maybe we can figure out if you are really the ugliest human being to ever walk this earth, or if you just lack in self-confidence. I bet the second would apply better. It is usually the case at least. A lot of people lack in self-confidence and usually when you've never been in a relationship with a girl or if you never had any physical relation with girls, you tend to believe it won't ever happen.

Well, I'm not the ugliest, per se, but I'm not World's Sexiest Man either. So let's say, realistically, about a 4 then. And the self-confidence goes along with whatever lack of physical appearance I was blessed with.

Thruth is that a lot of people get their first serious relationships at later ages, especially in the United States... that's at least what I have observed on the BBS. Yeah, I know... nothing really scientifical here. But a lot of teenagers are superficial, and I don't mean the "caring about appearence" superficial, but the trendy jock and sexy sluts superficial... And the kids who don't fit the style, they often lack in self-confidence...

True words, dude. That's exactly what I have to deal with. Maybe I'm just being superficial myself, you never know. I'm no trendy jock or sexy slut, obviously.

I was never with a girl before the age of 16 years old. Before that, I used to think I was unnattractive, but since that age, I started talking to girls, feel better with myself and I also started to know myself and what I wanted to be in life. Teenage years are uneasy, and for some people... I know it doesn't get any better until the 20's. Lacking in self-confidence is a vicious circle you have to break. Problem is... you don't trust in yourself, so it's kind of hard to show others what you are worth if you don't even believe in yourself.

Believing in yourself requires something to believe in right. Some call it pessimism, I call it a bad sense of humor :P

My little trick for you... well... it worked for me, so I suppose it could work for you, is to chat with people online. Back in the days I used to have MSN Messenger, and this is how I overcame my shyness and lack of self-confidence. I found myself more able to discuss with girls when online because maybe... I didn't fear humilitation or maybe I didn't fear being rejected as much as in real life. I met people online through friends and various websites. My first girlfriend was a girl who saw my picture on the infamous website doyoulookgood.com. My second girlfriend, I met her through some other girls I already knew on MSN Messenger. I've met some other girls, but the third girl I've met, I met her at the University, and I have to say I didn't have to do anything... she's the one who came to talk to me first :P

I have been doing that for a while, not necessarily to meet anyone, but just for the hell of it whenever there's nothing to do. No luck as of yet.

Life went on, I am now with the girl I previously mentionned and who I met through friends on MSN Messenger.

Congrats, dude.

And for the suicide part... I just highly recommand you don't :P I know you are not a teenager anymore, but you are still young and maybe you just lack the hope because you don't believe in yourself. Let the good things happen to you. Give yourself a chance, and if a girl rejects you, that really doesn't mean you are a shit,

Lol obviously I shouldn't. The suicidal thoughts are probably as a direct result of the constant rejection. Lack of hope sounds better. It's not really wanting to die, it's more like lacking the will to live...

Anyway, I've already wrote too much stuff, and I have yet to know more about you before I can really pretend to try and help you. Anyway, hit us back ! Talk about yourself :)

What would you like to know? Sorry for being a little shit, but that's my personality now. So please bear with me, pal.

At 4/4/12 11:35 PM, Glides wrote:

Well, I'm not the ugliest, per se, but I'm not World's Sexiest Man either. So let's say, realistically, about a 4 then. And the self-confidence goes along with whatever lack of physical appearance I was blessed with.

I've read in another thread a description you've made of yourself. You didn't actually describe yourself as ugly. You are rather normal looking according to your own description. So let's not say you are ugly, because you most likely aren't. I won't ask for pictures of yourself or whatever, as I don't really see the point. Like I told you, I find most people who think they are ugly to be far less repulsive then what they think. We tend to focus on what we believe to be our worst physical traits and believe that this is all others will see. I tend to see myself as fat, while people sometimes believe I weight 40 pounds less then what I actually weight. Meaning I most likely see myself as fat, while I might still have a normal looking face (not chubby), strong legs (so that's some of my weight right there) and a naturaly large frame.

Whatever it is you are putting your focus on about your own personnal appearance, it might not be as bad as you think it is, and if you ignore what is better about yourself, then you might portrait yourself very badly, while others do not.

True words, dude. That's exactly what I have to deal with. Maybe I'm just being superficial myself, you never know. I'm no trendy jock or sexy slut, obviously.

How do you think you are being superficial?

Believing in yourself requires something to believe in right. Some call it pessimism, I call it a bad sense of humor :P

I find people who are the most pessimistic about themselves to be far more interresting than the mindless overly proud douchebags. Dumb people who find confort in conformity rarely question themselves or their dumb behavior and develop a strong self-confidence even though they really do not stand out in anyway.

My girlfriend and my best friend (who happens to be gay) are both very intelligent and capable people, but they show signs of lack of confidence in themselves every now and then. Why is it that the best people are always the sadest is beyond me. I think intelligence might have something to do with sadness. Not that all sad people are smart, though :P

I have been doing that for a while, not necessarily to meet anyone, but just for the hell of it whenever there's nothing to do. No luck as of yet.

No friend of a friend to meet ? Nobody to chat with? Come on, that' can't be right! I mean, you have to like something, you have to have something to share. Don't you like music, arts, culture, movies, science or any other field of study, plays, food, wine, beer, literacy or whatever ? What about you try to meet people who like the same kind of stuff you do ? What do you like ?

Congrats, dude.

I'm not bragging. Just said that because I used to not believe in myself... shit just got better.

Lol obviously I shouldn't. The suicidal thoughts are probably as a direct result of the constant rejection. Lack of hope sounds better. It's not really wanting to die, it's more like lacking the will to live...

You know, that attitude of yours might never change. Some people just tend more toward a more pessimistic perception of their own life or life itself. I know I don't often have emotional breakdowns, at least not during the last few months... Though I know that when shit goes wrong I can loose all hope and damn the whole world and hope to die...

Whatever. You are not the only one who feels like that, that's what I mean. What you have to do with that is find what is the most important for you and focus on the good things. I myself have hope to share things with others. I love arts... be it music, movies, paintings, plays, etc. I love political scicences, sociology and philosophy. I love kids, and people around me are very important to me. I want to share what I have with others. I want to be a teacher someday or a journalist maybe.

Sorry if I talk about myself lenghtly... I just recognize myself somehow in you. Or at least in what you write. Not that I ever was just like you. But I know that feeling. Lack of self-confidence is a plague that spread upon you, and when you lack self-confidence it's not easy to go up the hill. If you don't believe you can, you most likely won't be able to, regardless of what you can really accomplish.

What would you like to know? Sorry for being a little shit, but that's my personality now. So please bear with me, pal.

Personnal interests, tell me about your friends (or acquaintances), and just basicaly what you do with your life. Do you go to school, do you have a job, what is your daily routine, do you play videogames, listen to music, watch movies, watch porn all the time... whatever. Talk about yourself.

If you feel like discussing this, feel free to do so. I'm happy to be there for whoever needs help :)

I would like to help others if I can. I have had some ups and downs through a good bit of my life, so I hope to be able to help others here.

At 4/5/12 04:49 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:

At 4/4/12 11:35 PM, Glides wrote:

Well, I'm not the ugliest, per se, but I'm not World's Sexiest Man either. So let's say, realistically, about a 4 then. And the self-confidence goes along with whatever lack of physical appearance I was blessed with.

I've read in another thread a description you've made of yourself. You didn't actually describe yourself as ugly. You are rather normal looking according to your own description. So let's not say you are ugly, because you most likely aren't. I won't ask for pictures of yourself or whatever, as I don't really see the point. Like I told you, I find most people who think they are ugly to be far less repulsive then what they think. We tend to focus on what we believe to be our worst physical traits and believe that this is all others will see. I tend to see myself as fat, while people sometimes believe I weight 40 pounds less then what I actually weight. Meaning I most likely see myself as fat, while I might still have a normal looking face (not chubby), strong legs (so that's some of my weight right there) and a naturaly large frame.

Well that particular statement was intended to be a little more realistic about my looks than just "I'm hideous." I wouldn't care about my looks if I attracted attractive women, so that's my curse.

Whatever it is you are putting your focus on about your own personnal appearance, it might not be as bad as you think it is, and if you ignore what is better about yourself, then you might portrait yourself very badly, while others do not.

Well it's not just my own opinion, I can assure you of that much. Earlier in my life, I was constantly being called ugly by bullies, girls, the like. Not anymore, since I'm now relatively big and thus scare away most potential insults. But it's not that much exaggeration, because once you've been sarcastically called "sexy" enough times, you get the message.

True words, dude. That's exactly what I have to deal with. Maybe I'm just being superficial myself, you never know. I'm no trendy jock or sexy slut, obviously.

How do you think you are being superficial?

I was saying that in case I was.

Believing in yourself requires something to believe in right. Some call it pessimism, I call it a bad sense of humor :P

I find people who are the most pessimistic about themselves to be far more interresting than the mindless overly proud douchebags. Dumb people who find confort in conformity rarely question themselves or their dumb behavior and develop a strong self-confidence even though they really do not stand out in anyway.

Actually, that's a pretty smart statement. Thanks for that.

My girlfriend and my best friend (who happens to be gay) are both very intelligent and capable people, but they show signs of lack of confidence in themselves every now and then. Why is it that the best people are always the sadest is beyond me. I think intelligence might have something to do with sadness. Not that all sad people are smart, though :P

I know some people who are very smart, and also very happy. Everyone loves them, and for good reason, because they're some of the most caring and funny people I know. I'm not that guy.

I have been doing that for a while, not necessarily to meet anyone, but just for the hell of it whenever there's nothing to do. No luck as of yet.

No friend of a friend to meet ? Nobody to chat with? Come on, that' can't be right! I mean, you have to like something, you have to have something to share. Don't you like music, arts, culture, movies, science or any other field of study, plays, food, wine, beer, literacy or whatever ? What about you try to meet people who like the same kind of stuff you do ? What do you like ?

I'm only partially a social outcast. I know enough people on a friendly basis, but I don't hang out with people much. Um...I like movies? Most people do, anyway.

Congrats, dude.

I'm not bragging. Just said that because I used to not believe in myself... shit just got better.

Lol obviously I shouldn't. The suicidal thoughts are probably as a direct result of the constant rejection. Lack of hope sounds better. It's not really wanting to die, it's more like lacking the will to live...

You know, that attitude of yours might never change. Some people just tend more toward a more pessimistic perception of their own life or life itself. I know I don't often have emotional breakdowns, at least not during the last few months... Though I know that when shit goes wrong I can loose all hope and damn the whole world and hope to die...

Well, I don't want to die all the time. Only in moments of extreme reflection and depression, in the classic "Why does no one love me?" sphiel. Yes, I'm sure someone does. Luckily it's only the relationship issues that cause this to happen. And I've never attempted to kill myself, so there's that.

Whatever. You are not the only one who feels like that, that's what I mean. What you have to do with that is find what is the most important for you and focus on the good things. I myself have hope to share things with others. I love arts... be it music, movies, paintings, plays, etc. I love political scicences, sociology and philosophy. I love kids, and people around me are very important to me. I want to share what I have with others. I want to be a teacher someday or a journalist maybe.

Then go be a teacher and a journalist, it's not that hard. Besides, you can clearly write, so one less issue.

Sorry if I talk about myself lenghtly... I just recognize myself somehow in you. Or at least in what you write. Not that I ever was just like you. But I know that feeling. Lack of self-confidence is a plague that spread upon you, and when you lack self-confidence it's not easy to go up the hill. If you don't believe you can, you most likely won't be able to, regardless of what you can really accomplish.

What would you like to know? Sorry for being a little shit, but that's my personality now. So please bear with me, pal.

Personnal interests, tell me about your friends (or acquaintances), and just basicaly what you do with your life. Do you go to school, do you have a job, what is your daily routine, do you play videogames, listen to music, watch movies, watch porn all the time... whatever. Talk about yourself.

OK, because you asked nicely. I go to school, I go to work if I have work (I'm a freelance filmmaker for a local A/V unit at a college), I go home, I do whatever homework I have, sleep, repeat. Every so often I'll hang with the few acquaintances I do have. All of them male.

If you feel like discussing this, feel free to do so. I'm happy to be there for whoever needs help :)

Well, I just did. Have fun. And as I said, I have a shit personality, so don't think this is personal.

At 4/7/12 12:34 AM, Glides wrote: Well that particular statement was intended to be a little more realistic about my looks than just "I'm hideous." I wouldn't care about my looks if I attracted attractive women, so that's my curse.

Personnality is the most important thing. And that's not a bold statement like what you ear in the movies :P I mean both physical and psychological personnality. Who you are somewhat reflects through your "body language", so low self-esteem tend to make you look like a boring person, just like shyness does. Are you really boring? I doubt it.

Not to say that beauty is useless. You have to be attracted by the person you love, but I usually don't pay much attention to a girl's physical appearance until I start to know her better. And when I like a girl, I usually appreciate their physical traits more because I see her personnality reflect through her body. So the things I like about a girl, make her look better to my eyes.

Well it's not just my own opinion, I can assure you of that much. Earlier in my life, I was constantly being called ugly by bullies, girls, the like. Not anymore, since I'm now relatively big and thus scare away most potential insults. But it's not that much exaggeration, because once you've been sarcastically called "sexy" enough times, you get the message.

Well, forget this shit...

The kids who talk shit are like I said, the dumbest kids of all. I remember these kids from my high school years who used to bully me all the time. They were terryfing, I hated my life back then, but by the end of high school, I just realised how pathetic these kids were. And the most pathetic they were, the most they would go hard on me. I really can't see why any intelligent or interresting people would ever need to put anyone down. If they do it for fun, it just shows how moronic, unintelligent, cruel and horrible they are. If they do it because they lack self-esteem, then you really shouldn't take it personal as they are most likely just expressing their own hate of life through insults against other people.

When you ear someone tell you that you are beautiful or that they love you, you understand how strong and meaningful these words are... while the insults are not worth much. People who thought they were ugly probably don't even remember they ever told you anything like this. The kids who used to bully in high school had all forgotten by the end of high school. I know because these kids started to act more friendly with me later on and they had no idea how cruel and pathetic they were back then...

I doubt someone who told you that you were beautiful will forget it though.

If people don't call you ugly anymore it's most likely not just because you are big enough to smack their face upside down, but also because they have grown up. Teenagers are cruel and they don't realise all the harm they can do. And like I said, you don't have to pay much attention to these words... for I have heard these words two. Since then, I've been told I'm beautiful by people I care about. And these words mean so much more than the insults.

Actually, that's a pretty smart statement. Thanks for that.

:)

I know some people who are very smart, and also very happy. Everyone loves them, and for good reason, because they're some of the most caring and funny people I know. I'm not that guy.

Oh, I know. I'm just telling you these people most likely go through harder times then dumb and over-confident douchebags. I am myself a fun guy to hang out with. I laugh, I smile, I joke and I talk about a lot of stuff. That really doesn't mean these people don't have their own dark moments.

I'm only partially a social outcast. I know enough people on a friendly basis, but I don't hang out with people much. Um...I like movies? Most people do, anyway.

Why don't you hang out with people?

Well, I don't want to die all the time. Only in moments of extreme reflection and depression, in the classic "Why does no one love me?" sphiel. Yes, I'm sure someone does. Luckily it's only the relationship issues that cause this to happen. And I've never attempted to kill myself, so there's that.

Good news :P

Then go be a teacher and a journalist, it's not that hard. Besides, you can clearly write, so one less issue.

I'm in university right now, working on my bachelor degree in political science. I might go a master degree after.

OK, because you asked nicely. I go to school, I go to work if I have work (I'm a freelance filmmaker for a local A/V unit at a college), I go home, I do whatever homework I have, sleep, repeat. Every so often I'll hang with the few acquaintances I do have. All of them male.

So you make movies? That's fucking awesome. What kind of movies? And what's your job exactly? (Aren't there any girls in your field of study?)

And don't your friends (acquaintances, whatever) hang out with girls?

Well, I just did. Have fun. And as I said, I have a shit personality, so don't think this is personal.

Work on the attitude, the change might come easier this way.

Glad to see this alive and well, I'll stop by sometime soon with a post and hopefully some advice if necessary.

gay thread luke. cut your wrists open. get it over with.

Personnality is the most important thing. And that's not a bold statement like what you ear in the movies :P I mean both physical and psychological personnality. Who you are somewhat reflects through your "body language", so low self-esteem tend to make you look like a boring person, just like shyness does. Are you really boring? I doubt it.

Or maybe it's my personality. I never considered that before.

Not to say that beauty is useless. You have to be attracted by the person you love, but I usually don't pay much attention to a girl's physical appearance until I start to know her better. And when I like a girl, I usually appreciate their physical traits more because I see her personnality reflect through her body. So the things I like about a girl, make her look better to my eyes.

Well you've got to be attracted to someone before you get to know them right?

Well, forget this shit...

Too late.

The kids who talk shit are like I said, the dumbest kids of all. I remember these kids from my high school years who used to bully me all the time. They were terryfing, I hated my life back then, but by the end of high school, I just realised how pathetic these kids were. And the most pathetic they were, the most they would go hard on me. I really can't see why any intelligent or interresting people would ever need to put anyone down. If they do it for fun, it just shows how moronic, unintelligent, cruel and horrible they are. If they do it because they lack self-esteem, then you really shouldn't take it personal as they are most likely just expressing their own hate of life through insults against other people.

Here's hoping it's the latter, it would be wonderful if other people felt horrible about themselves.

When you hear someone tell you that you are beautiful or that they love you, you understand how strong and meaningful these words are... while the insults are not worth much. People who thought they were ugly probably don't even remember they ever told you anything like this. The kids who used to bully in high school had all forgotten by the end of high school. I know because these kids started to act more friendly with me later on and they had no idea how cruel and pathetic they were back then...

Well, only my family have actually told me that they love me. Everyone else is too nervous to tell me :P

I doubt someone who told you that you were beautiful will forget it though.

My parents probably don't.

If people don't call you ugly anymore it's most likely not just because you are big enough to smack their face upside down, but also because they have grown up. Teenagers are cruel and they don't realise all the harm they can do. And like I said, you don't have to pay much attention to these words... for I have heard these words two. Since then, I've been told I'm beautiful by people I care about. And these words mean so much more than the insults.

Again, the family. Besides, the general boredom and "Please go away" looks get pretty easy to detect after a while if you see them a lot.

Oh, I know. I'm just telling you these people most likely go through harder times then dumb and over-confident douchebags. I am myself a fun guy to hang out with. I laugh, I smile, I joke and I talk about a lot of stuff. That really doesn't mean these people don't have their own dark moments.

Everyone has dark moments.

Why don't you hang out with people?

I'm not antisocial, it's just that almost no one wants to hang out with me. Different issue.

So you make movies? That's fucking awesome. What kind of movies? And what's your job exactly? (Aren't there any girls in your field of study?)

Not movies, I work for a college, so sports games, seminars, etc. So nothing interesting. I do everything no one wants to do, like moving around heavy equipment, helping set up for the aforementioned seminars, etc.

And don't your friends (acquaintances, whatever) hang out with girls?

I'm sure they do, but never at the same time I'm around. Either that or they can't talk to women either.

Work on the attitude, the change might come easier this way.

I blame the media. Whoops, wrong answer.

At 4/8/12 08:58 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: gay thread luke. cut your wrists open. get it over with.

That's a fantastic idea, you should try that. Sorry, bad moment.

I'm suicidal. Not in the cuts themself for attention kinda way.

At 4/8/12 10:47 PM, Glides wrote: Or maybe it's my personality. I never considered that before.

Lack of self-confidence shows through your physical behavior. This might have a negative effect on the image of yourself you give to others.

Well you've got to be attracted to someone before you get to know them right?

Some people show great personnality through their physical behavior. This is far more attractive to me than fashion clothes, high heels, tight clothes and mascara. Also, somebody's style of clothing can tell you a little about their personnality. What usually attract me to someone is their face. Not talking about the physical features, but rather the smile, the look in the eyes, etc.

Too late.

That's the spirit, son !

Here's hoping it's the latter, it would be wonderful if other people felt horrible about themselves.

Even if they don't... Someone who can't even do any introspective job really shouldn't bother you with his stupid insults. Retards will be retards. If you give any importance to what they say... it's like letting the wind insult you...

Again, the family. Besides, the general boredom and "Please go away" looks get pretty easy to detect after a while if you see them a lot.

There are people who share personnal interests and similar personnality with you. Don't be so sure that you are a "forever alone" guy. You just need to meet these people.

I'm not antisocial, it's just that almost no one wants to hang out with me. Different issue.

It kind of goes together. Lack of self-confidence often result in a very defensive behavior toward others. When you are scared to get hurt, you don't open up to others, most likely because you are affraid to get hurt again.

You are not antisocial, but I doubt people around you perceive you as someone who is open to them. Your own behavior toward other might be what is restraining them from knowing you better and appreciating you.

Not movies, I work for a college, so sports games, seminars, etc. So nothing interesting. I do everything no one wants to do, like moving around heavy equipment, helping set up for the aforementioned seminars, etc.

At a college. Good place to meet people :P

At 4/8/12 08:58 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: gay thread luke. cut your wrists open. get it over with.

Hey, it's that dumb guy again. I'm tired of seing you spamming clubs to get more posts. Bahamut in the Metal Hell told you to stop being such a cunt. I see you posting useless shit like this again I can easily ask a mod to deal with you :) Later brah :)

At 4/11/12 05:33 AM, JBKalso wrote: I'm suicidal. Not in the cuts themself for attention kinda way.

Care to elaborate?

At 4/11/12 05:33 AM, JBKalso wrote: I'm suicidal. Not in the cuts themself for attention kinda way.

Care to elaborate?

Just constant suicidal thoughts sometimes when I have nothing to occupy my mind. Haven't thought about it in a few days though. I don't tell people about it and Ive never attempted suicide before but the want to has been stronger since last year and gets stronger.

At 4/11/12 07:20 PM, JBKalso wrote: Just constant suicidal thoughts sometimes when I have nothing to occupy my mind. Haven't thought about it in a few days though. I don't tell people about it and Ive never attempted suicide before but the want to has been stronger since last year and gets stronger.

And do you know what is causing this? Do you have problems in your life or do you just dislike life in general?

At 4/11/12 07:44 PM, HeavenDuff wrote:

At 4/11/12 07:20 PM, JBKalso wrote: Just constant suicidal thoughts sometimes when I have nothing to occupy my mind. Haven't thought about it in a few days though. I don't tell people about it and Ive never attempted suicide before but the want to has been stronger since last year and gets stronger.

And do you know what is causing this? Do you have problems in your life or do you just dislike life in general?

Yes I know but its mostly personal. I was just bored and saw this thread so I shared that.

At 4/11/12 11:19 PM, JBKalso wrote: Yes I know but its mostly personal. I was just bored and saw this thread so I shared that.

So em... do you want to discuss this...?

it's not even trolling. i'm not trying to be an asshole, you shouldn't give yourself therapy. this peer support shit is absolute garbage. and please point out the post bahamut told me i was spamming metal hell. because that is also bullshit.

At 4/13/12 09:41 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: it's not even trolling. i'm not trying to be an asshole, you shouldn't give yourself therapy. this peer support shit is absolute garbage. and please point out the post bahamut told me i was spamming metal hell. because that is also bullshit.

So we shouldn't discuss our problems with each others? We all have our own life experience. We may know things that can be actually helpful for others. Simply talking about our problems can also be quite helpful, even more than the actual advices. This thread as a purpose.

At 4/13/12 09:41 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: it's not even trolling. i'm not trying to be an asshole, you shouldn't give yourself therapy. this peer support shit is absolute garbage. and please point out the post bahamut told me i was spamming metal hell. because that is also bullshit.

If you feel so strongly about that then don't fucking post here again. Simple.

Everyone else, please continue.

Lack of self-confidence shows through your physical behavior. This might have a negative effect on the image of yourself you give to others.

Well, I'm not really sure what I can do about that. That's why I was trying to change the external, since there's a marginally better chance of success that way. Oof, lack of confidence right there.

Some people show great personnality through their physical behavior. This is far more attractive to me than fashion clothes, high heels, tight clothes and mascara. Also, somebody's style of clothing can tell you a little about their personnality. What usually attract me to someone is their face. Not talking about the physical features, but rather the smile, the look in the eyes, etc.

Well, not to say that I'm that shallow. Obviously a cute girl with a glare isn't particularly attractive. Nor does clothes or makeup affect my taste, as there's a lot of women who shouldn't be using either. It's sort of a combination of face, body, and personality for me.

Even if they don't... Someone who can't even do any introspective job really shouldn't bother you with his stupid insults. Retards will be retards. If you give any importance to what they say... it's like letting the wind insult you...=

That's more of an automatic reaction than anything else. It's also partially anti-Semitism, and more recently, me twisting my ankle at prom (where I went stag...FAIL as the tween girls would say) and hobbling around on crutches for the last several days. So the obligatory slamming of doors, knocking me on my ass, pretending to limp whenever I'm around...that's just normal bullying, almost unrelated.

There are people who share personnal interests and similar personnality with you. Don't be so sure that you are a "forever alone" guy. You just need to meet these people.

It kind of goes together. Lack of self-confidence often result in a very defensive behavior toward others. When you are scared to get hurt, you don't open up to others, most likely because you are affraid to get hurt again.

Well, I don't trust anyone. I can't really say if I'm openly offensive, but I take almost everything told to me as a lie. Another psychological reflex of mine.

You are not antisocial, but I doubt people around you perceive you as someone who is open to them. Your own behavior toward other might be what is restraining them from knowing you better and appreciating you.

I've heard that before. It's worse when your own mother says that out loud in public to you. I doubt that openness is that severe, as plenty of people I know are complete defensive asses yet seem to do fine.

At a college. Good place to meet people :P

Well, I'm enough of an optimist to let events unfold there. High school's almost over, but still...

At 4/8/12 08:58 PM, Spilda-Bongwata wrote: gay thread luke. cut your wrists open. get it over with.

Hey, it's that dumb guy again. I'm tired of seing you spamming clubs to get more posts. Bahamut in the Metal Hell told you to stop being such a cunt. I see you posting useless shit like this again I can easily ask a mod to deal with you :) Later brah :)

You know what? I shouldn't be beating myself up, it could be worse. I could be Spilda-Bongwata.