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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 08:16 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 07:33 PM, Painbringer wrote:
At 12/10/10 07:19 PM, HeavenDuff wrote:
And what if they kill themselves?
If threatening their life isn't enough to convince them not to, then no amount of talk would be either.

I'll have you know that the thread is not to convince people from killing themselves, it's for people who either have some disorders they can't cope with or are going through things they can't cope with, or both. Or maybe they just need to vent and blow some steam, maybe they need some advice. That's the point of this.

Your post before the one I am quoting is ridiculous, and really pointless to the club, and I requested a mod delete it for that reason.
Thanks for the contribution though, although you come off as a jack ass.


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reverend
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 08:31 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 07:33 PM, Painbringer wrote: If threatening their life isn't enough to convince them not to, then no amount of talk would be either.

Well, this club isn't really for suicide prevention, per se, since there are more qualified individuals to handle such matters. This club is really a place for users to talk things out with each other and give advice, etc. Try and lay off the suicide cracks, especially in this thread please.


Rev 22:20 || Wi/Ht? # 46 || Why was my review deleted? || Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 09:35 PM Reply

Might as well post here, I've got a lot of fucked up stuff happening and I don't even know how to deal with all of it. Long post, no TL;DR, but the length is needed in this case because it is relevant. If spilling my life history up till now isn't needed, then I'm sorry, but I really need to get this off my chest.

When I was a child, there were a lot of things that I think made me who I am today, which definitely isn't a good thing. When I was a kid, I was completely sheltered. Literally. From people, from TV, pop culture, everything. I was instead raised to believe that God could talk, speak and would speak to us regularly from my father. I was not allowed to leave the house, and I was not allowed to go to school. I was instead homeschooled by my mom. I rarely ever got to see anyone outside of my family. It was fucked up, but I was raised to think that living that way was normal. My dad would abuse us, i.e. hitting us with various objects, slamming us up against walls, telling us that we were less than dirt, etc. And we took it. Finally, when I was 9, there was a situation in which my dad attempted to kill my mom, so of course we left and fled to where we live now. I got a huge culture shock. I mean huge...it was frightening.

Fast forward 5 years. I'm a borderline suicidal, paranoid, anxious druggie teenager who hates his life and contemplates suicide just about every goddamn day. My family here won't listen to me, I have a stepdad who abuses me and an alcoholic mom who no longer cares enough to pay any attention to me whatsoever, along with re-occuring memories of shit that happened earlier in my life. I'm really not bitching, or rather I guess I'm trying not to, but it would be great if someone could offer me some advice. I kinda need it. Please?


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Eclipse
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 09:45 PM Reply

Hold up real quick though, I suppose that suicidal is the wrong term. I'm not stupid enough to take my own life, but sometime I do toy with the thought in my head. There are numerous reasons why I won't, mainly that I hold hope that things will get better, but still, things get no better, which to be honest is very depressing. I feel like I can't change shit, which I guess is part of being the age I am, I'm not old enough to move out and because my family won't listen to me it's more of a helpless/hopeless feeling. It's one of those things...I guess a better term is really depressed, or something along those lines. I'm not bipolar, I'm pretty depressed a lot of the time but sometimes I feel even worse than usual...can't find a way to explain that.


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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 09:59 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 09:35 PM, Eclipse wrote: Might as well post here, I've got a lot of fucked up stuff happening and I don't even know how to deal with all of it. Long post, no TL;DR, but the length is needed in this case because it is relevant. If spilling my life history up till now isn't needed, then I'm sorry, but I really need to get this off my chest.

When I was a child, there were a lot of things that I think made me who I am today, which definitely isn't a good thing. When I was a kid, I was completely sheltered. Literally. From people, from TV, pop culture, everything. I was instead raised to believe that God could talk, speak and would speak to us regularly from my father. I was not allowed to leave the house, and I was not allowed to go to school. I was instead homeschooled by my mom. I rarely ever got to see anyone outside of my family. It was fucked up, but I was raised to think that living that way was normal. My dad would abuse us, i.e. hitting us with various objects, slamming us up against walls, telling us that we were less than dirt, etc. And we took it. Finally, when I was 9, there was a situation in which my dad attempted to kill my mom, so of course we left and fled to where we live now. I got a huge culture shock. I mean huge...it was frightening.

Fast forward 5 years. I'm a borderline suicidal, paranoid, anxious druggie teenager who hates his life and contemplates suicide just about every goddamn day. My family here won't listen to me, I have a stepdad who abuses me and an alcoholic mom who no longer cares enough to pay any attention to me whatsoever, along with re-occuring memories of shit that happened earlier in my life. I'm really not bitching, or rather I guess I'm trying not to, but it would be great if someone could offer me some advice. I kinda need it. Please?

Damn Eclipse, I think we've talked a bit before, never imagined you had went through this sort of thing, but I guess that is why the club is here right.
I understand how you feel being beat as a child, that can really fuck somebody up at that age and has scarred me for life. I think the best thing you can do to get over that itself is to accept it really, and by that I don't mean just saying "Yeah, it happened to me, whatever." and it is hard to accept those things, and no matter what you do I feel they will always be in the back of your mind every day.
What I do to push that all behind me is I keep myself occupied, whenever you are thinking about it try doing something else, different things work for different people. I know you smoke weed, so maybe getting high is your way of pushing it behind you. It sounds dumb and you probably won't care but marijuana is a depressant in the long run, I never accepted that when I was getting high every day but it really is.
If you honestly think it helps you though, whatever works... I'd recommend you try taking a break at least though because from the looks of it you see yourself as a 'druggie' like you said and it sounds like you see that as a bad thing and may not be happy about it.
So lets say you did quit smoking weed and still needed away to take those things off of your mind, there are endless possibilities to what you can do. Think of things you enjoy, besides getting high of course. Do you play video games? Do any sports? Lift weights? Go for runs? Even go for walks?
I personally found that going for walks really helped me get my mind off a lot of shit, I always went for a walk at night an just would look at everything around me whenever I was feeling down, and when I went for my walks and had my music playing in my ears everything sort of made sense to me.
Maybe something like that can work for you?

I'm sure your Mom still cares about you, it's easy to think she wouldn't for whatever you and her may have been through together, I used to think the same of my Mom who's a drug addict and has been for the past 5-6 years. But at the end of the day she always will and I've learned that, I'm sure the reason your Mom drinks so much is because of what your Dad put her through, and now that she is married or in a relationship with another man who is also abusing her kid(s), it's really putting a lot of weight on her, alcohol is her escape and it is a 'weak' escape so to say. I'm sure if you really took the time to try and speak with her about the things on your mind (not including suicide and stuff, that would lead to a bad ending of discussion), she might have some nice things to say... Maybe try telling her calmly that you don't think she cares about you, and I am sure she will tell you something along the lines of you're her world.
A parent can not really just stop loving their kid, it takes a lot to do that and if you haven't done anything to her to make her hate you, chances are she doesn't.

As for your step dad, I'll tell you what I did when my step dad hit me, and it didn't necessarily make matters any better, though it did in ways.

I fought back man.
My step dad was a big ass guy, overweight, muscular, and tall. But I looked at him and when I saw how violent he was towards my mother, siblings, and myself, I saw how weak of a person he really was. What kind of person needs to take their anger out on people who are either weaker than them or totally defenseless? A really weak person, maybe not physically, but emotionally.
I talked back and I fought back, of course at first he would just hit harder, but after months of fighting back he eventually walked away from it all, he wouldn't hit me anymore, and he knew that if he hit my siblings, or my mom I would fight him again.

I'm not saying do this, because it is dangerous, and I was a careless person at the time where I was at the point, if he wanted to kill me during the fight I wouldn't have cared, I just wanted to prove a point to him.
So instead of reacting with violence, you may want to try just walking away from it some time, and that can be more difficult than fighting back most of the time. Sure, it may make you seem like a 'bitch' or a 'pussy' as people would say, but really, you are being the bigger man at that point, and from what you said your step dad doesn't sound like a big man emotionally/mentally.

Walking away could be the best idea to go with, and it may give him some time to stop and think about what he did. Does he drink or do drugs? I know whenever my step dad got into a scrap with us he would go out and get high, smoke a pack of cigarettes within an hour or two, and come back to the house drunk. If that's how the case is with you as well you can tell that what he does is really taking a toll on him as well, and that is him punishing himself for it.

I hope this sort of helped, feel free to continue posting here, and I will give you whatever advice I possibly can, I wish you the best of luck my man.


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Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 10:03 PM Reply

Also, I've noticed that depression is like a wheel.
It keeps spinning once you get a single negative thought in your head, because you beat yourself up with that negative thought, and it eats at you.
The best thing you can do is try blocking out those negative thoughts by thinking positively or finding something to take your mind off of it, because one negative thought leads to another, and they continue to multiply.

When you randomly get depressed, try doing this.
If you have a pen and a paper, write down what you are feeling before you are get depressed, what you were thinking before you got depressed, and what happened before you got depressed.
Doing that can help you keep track of what is bothering you, because I know it is hard to tell when you don't keep track like that, cause the depression takes over, and having depression can also really mess up your memory. That's why the pen and pad is important.
You can help yourself by doing that, and trying to avoid the thoughts you had beforehand, the situations you were in, the environment you were in, and so on.

Again I hope this may have helped at least a little bit.


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Eclipse
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 11:41 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 09:59 PM, EpicFail wrote: didnt mean to erase all that but didn't have enough space to reply

First off, thanks for all your advice, it does help.

Accepting what happened is hard, and I have tried the "It happened but I no longer care/its whatever" approach, and of course, it didn't work. What does seem to work for me is pushing those feelings away, like you said. I do use weed as an escape, however I don't use the term "druggie" as derogatory towards myself, more or less I've had enough people label me as a druggie that I no longer care, I just go with it, I suppose. I have taken breaks from smoking, because your right, sometimes it can be hurting you and you don't know it, but it wasn't doing that to me. I don't just smoke, though, I also play video games, work on computers as a hobby and bike when I can/when the weather is permitting. I find that these activities do help to an extent as well.

As for my mom, I honestly have tried sitting down with her and telling her (calmly) what I feel, what I see as being wrong, etc, and usually what happens is either A: She will mock me or B: She will try to re-assure me that everything in my life is ok, when obviously it isn't. I'm not exaggerating my life at my house that I have currently, more or less she escapes from reality and pretends that everything is ok. I've had other people pick up on it too, even a friend that I had over at my house once said something about that. I honestly think that my mom is scared of dealing with everything. She pretends that everything is ok and that she lives in a perfect world, but the situation is far from perfect, or even ok. I've tried telling her that and she mocks it, so I kinda gave up on that. I know she does love me, but sometimes I do doubt it.

And with the situation with my stepdad, yeah, I did end up fighting back. Didn't end well, though, cops got called, situation got blown way out of proportion and it was a bunch of drama bullshit. I guess it was more like every other time he had hit me or said something that really hurt me I had walked away, but after being pushed around enough and not showing it...well first let me explain what happened. He slammed me onto the ground with 200+ pounds of weight and punched me in the face. I snapped. I pushed him off me and basically beat the shit out of him, which in hindsight was a bad idea because he called the cops, claimed that he was defending himself when he threw the first punch. It did look bad on my part, because he had a lot of marks in a lot of places and I had a black eye that was swelling up but that was it. (I don't believe any charges were actually filed, but I guess I'll find out soon enough) I regret it now, but I can honestly say that if it happened again, I probably wouldn't be able to change it. There comes a point where you become so fed up with things that you no longer give a fuck what happens, and I hit that point, which didn't end well. He doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke which I find odd...cause it seems to me like he'd be a person to do all of those things but he does none of them. I'm gonna have to try and find a way to prevent myself from snapping, because being the bigger guy in this sort of situation is the right thing to do...I just can't manage to do it all the time. I gotta find a way to fix that, cause I don't wanna have to be evaluated by a fucking psych team again because I defended myself. That was bullshit, but oh well.

The depression is like a wheel I think is spot on with me. If I fuck up once during my day, I have some really negative thoughts, and exactly like you said, those thoughts multiply and multiply until you just feel really shitty. So I gotta figure out how to think more positively when things like that happen, easier said than done, but I can try. Thanks for that one, man.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 11:50 PM Reply

May get into weed to fix my depression. Suggestions?


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 10th, 2010 @ 11:54 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 11:50 PM, Falconpunchr wrote: May get into weed to fix my depression. Suggestions?

Weed doesn't "fix" anything. It simply provides an escape for a few hours, or days, depending on how much money you put into it, how much time you have on your hands, etc. But in the end weed doesn't fix anything, it's a lot of fun, but it doesn't solve anything.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 12:09 AM Reply

At 12/10/10 11:41 PM, Eclipse wrote:
At 12/10/10 09:59 PM, EpicFail wrote: didnt mean to erase all that but didn't have enough space to reply
First off, thanks for all your advice, it does help.

Accepting what happened is hard, and I have tried the "It happened but I no longer care/its whatever" approach, and of course, it didn't work. What does seem to work for me is pushing those feelings away, like you said. I do use weed as an escape, however I don't use the term "druggie" as derogatory towards myself, more or less I've had enough people label me as a druggie that I no longer care, I just go with it, I suppose. I have taken breaks from smoking, because your right, sometimes it can be hurting you and you don't know it, but it wasn't doing that to me. I don't just smoke, though, I also play video games, work on computers as a hobby and bike when I can/when the weather is permitting. I find that these activities do help to an extent as well.

I'd say keep at those activities, if you have one hundred percent focus on something else than the bullshit in your life then it is the first step, eventually if you keep at it, I find the thoughts will be less in your mind because you are always doing something. Because of it being out of your head less when you occupy yourself, I also find that when you are not doing something else it doesn't run through your mind as much, it's one day at a time with that man.

As for my mom, I honestly have tried sitting down with her and telling her (calmly) what I feel, what I see as being wrong, etc, and usually what happens is either A: She will mock me or B: She will try to re-assure me that everything in my life is ok, when obviously it isn't. I'm not exaggerating my life at my house that I have currently, more or less she escapes from reality and pretends that everything is ok. I've had other people pick up on it too, even a friend that I had over at my house once said something about that. I honestly think that my mom is scared of dealing with everything. She pretends that everything is ok and that she lives in a perfect world, but the situation is far from perfect, or even ok. I've tried telling her that and she mocks it, so I kinda gave up on that. I know she does love me, but sometimes I do doubt it.

Well, that's just her way of escaping and if she has convinced herself she lives a perfect life, she lives in a fantasy world. I can say the same about my mother because ours sound very alike. I too have tried discussing things with my mom and have had the same outcome. After many years of her putting me through bullshit I moved in with my Dad and that helped me a lot to be honest. I imagine that isn't a possibility for you due to the problems between you and your father, and that is really too bad because it does work.
I find putting yourself in the healthier environment helps a lot, and if there is any way that you can move somewhere else whether it be with a friend, or a family member that you don't already live with, it could be one of the first positive steps dude. It sounds silly, and you may not like the idea of it, but if things get worse I would recommend you try it, or at least get out of the house for a few days, cause after living with my Dad for six years and seeing my Mom rarely since then, things have gotten much better for me, maybe it can do the same for you.

Stuff about fighting back.

If charges were laid, you will have to go to court, and if it does lead to that then all you can do is tell the honest truth, and hopefully things will work out. In court here at least they will usually always believe the child of the person.
Did you happen to take photos after the incident? I think the police probably would have as they did for me in the same situation.


The depression is like a wheel I think is spot on with me. If I fuck up once during my day, I have some really negative thoughts, and exactly like you said, those thoughts multiply and multiply until you just feel really shitty. So I gotta figure out how to think more positively when things like that happen, easier said than done, but I can try. Thanks for that one, man.

Yeah, so the best thing you can do, even when you fuck up is reassure yourself of things.
Because really, it's clear you know you aren't a bad person, you have been through a lot and have a few problems with negative thoughts in your head, and your paranoia and anxiety I think you mentioned.
The best thing you can do is reassure yourself man, because the one causing your problems is not you, but the people you are surrounded by, which leads back to my first recommendation in this post of possibly finding another family member to live with.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 12:36 AM Reply

I never thought I 'd see the day when other Newgrounders would actually take each other into consideration, so seeing this club is a bit of a surprise. As stunned as I am, I can't say I the idea hasn't crossed my mind in the past for a place like this on the C&C. I guess I could join in on the action, considering I don't have any other way to contribute to the users aside from mediocre sigs and acting as a whistle-blower on The Portal. That and also because in the past, I have been quite influential to other people with the way that I can offer several kinds of accommodations and support.

I don't have any professional qualifications or consider myself a fountain of profound wisdom, but I have found that I do have a particular way with words. Enough of a way that people I talk to are thoroughly or mostly convinced by my influence whenever they approach me with a problem or a question that they cannot answer themselves. I also make it a personal goal to attempt to help whoever needs it, even if I don't honestly like or respect the person who is requesting the assistance.

Granted, being a scary and secretive motherfucker means that I am not the first person they come to for help, but often times, I give them better advice and insight than their ignorant, airhead friends or an inept counselor could ever hope to give them. As such, I developed a reputation for being a bit of a sage sorts among those who know me. While I don't guarantee success, I can give you my honest and informed word on whatever matters that may be asked. A kind person at heart, but my rough and threatening exterior makes it hard to show this trait to others.

As for me, I don't believe any kind of help or reassurement is going to do me right. I've been in therapy for roughly two years and medicated a few months, though I have since closed my case as I was not making any kind of progress. No type of new-age remedies, trivial talk sessions, or sugar-pill bullshit is going to make me feel better as far as I could tell. If anything is going to help, it's going to be through my own will and measure, as well as improving my living conditions and experiences. The mind is a powerful tool - I could be free of my disorders and issues if I 'believed' them away, but by no mean does ignoring or minimizing a problem make it simply disappear entirely.

'Can't stop, won't stop' is the soup of the day, everyday. Even if I do get into a negative cycle of thought, it is never enough to keep me down for long or to distract me from my responsibilities and goals. I want to put my analytical and reasoning skills to the test here, where they might actually do someone some good.


Take care of yourself.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 12:37 AM Reply

I feel like you guys know what you're talking about, so maybe I will get this off my chest and see if I feel better for it.

Unlike some of you guys what I deal with isn't crippling depression or anxiety, I'm lucky in that regard. Instead I feel this profound confusion. I feel like I have no direction in any sense, whether it be physically, emotionally, or in my future and philosophy. I try to tell myself that as long as I do what I feels right then I should be fine. Only I don't think i understand what I think feels right, or have the courage to do it. I feel disillusioned from reality in the sense that I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to die by any means, but I don't want to accept this reality. I feel the only things I can trust to be permanent in my life are my God and my family. Even then though my family frustrates me also. I feel like the life that is real, and tangible is the one that I only wish was a dream. When I am in the real world I keep up the facade of being friendly and personable only because I want to get through the day without incident. I may have connected to people in my reality before, but my constant moving from one state to another has possibly left me unwilling to grow too close. Why bother, after all, when I will only end up leaving them anyway?

In regards to the actual effect this has on me, in terms of my stability, I feel like I am happy enough. After all I do have my escape, and that escape (NG) makes me happy. However, I want to feel something real and substantial. I'm tired of living on a short fuse, feeling this bottled up anger at people I am forced to live with every day. I'm tired of not having any answers for myself and I just want an idea of what to do. I feel estranged from women, I could honestly say that I can't trust them. Those women are my friends are not even women to me, they are just my friends, but I always resent women for what they are to me. They are something that makes my body say "Yes, I want this" where my mind is disgusted by the idea of it. It may be a subconscious need for dominance and security around others, or it may be something else. Regardless, I look down on women, I don't want to, but I look at them and resent how they make me feel. Despite my attempts I cannot prevent myself from being allured to them. It's an allure that is purely physical yet that allure pollutes my mind and leaves me even more confused. Essentially, if I see a cute girl my mind seems compelled to harass me with the thought of them. My mind races until I can hardly even stand to be around that person because it frustrates me, to lose faculty of my mind like that. At the same time I can't hate women, I love and trust many women, my mother and other family, and my friends.

In regards to my anger issues, I have found release, catharsis even, in Boxing and working out, but yet again moving from the state has taken that release from me. Most of my rage is funneled into my video games, of which I have broken one, three controllers, two headsets, and god knows what else. The worst part is my anger is ostracized and mocked, making it simmer even more. I want a release, I want something to help me get away from it again, but I don't even know what I can do anymore. The source of most of my anger, my sister, the embodiment of everything I hate about women, is someone who, by the rules of my patriarch, I cannot hit or release my anger upon. I sometimes find myself hoping she dies or is severely crippled/injured. I feel like a child for this though, like a little boy without any control over himself, a hypocrite who would dare call himself an intellectual.

As for women, well I have decided to take up celibacy. It seems irrational I know, but it feels like the first glimmer of direction I have taken in my life. I feel that it correlates with my emotions and my faith, I feel as though it is something that finally feels right. Although I am mentally prepared for this my body continues to revolt against me. I feel shamefully enslaved by my need to relieve myself from my tensions. I honestly wish I could deactivate myself sexually.

I know it may sound petty, but I hope you at the very least take consideration into what I am saying.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 01:44 AM Reply

At 12/11/10 12:37 AM, Gobblemeister wrote: Unlike some of you guys what I deal with isn't crippling depression or anxiety [...] I feel disillusioned from reality in the sense that I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to die by any means, but I don't want to accept this reality. I feel the only things I can trust to be permanent in my life are my God and my family [...] Why bother, after all, when I will only end up leaving them anyway?

Nothing in life is permanent or certain and everything is in flow through change, as soon as we can accept that, we can become more enlightened individuals. While some things like family, faith, and other intangible things like that seem to be, they must not be the only thing one connects to. Avoidance of others is a common behavioral trait, though confusion is probably not the right term for what you are describing as much as it appears to be anxiety. Perhaps you are nervous or uncertain about how things are going - this can make taking decisions about actions and behavior confusing and intimidating. All of this can lead to feelings of discomfort with oneself and others, contributing to stress and worries about their life experience. Try to keep in contact with people you do interact with to solidify and improve a relationship, as most true friends will also try to do the same.

As for finding direction, think about what you want for yourself and what steps you can take to get there - setting goals is the first step to achieving them.

In regards to the actual effect this has on me, in terms of my stability, I feel like I am happy enough. After all I do have my escape, and that escape (NG) makes me happy. However, I want to feel something real and substantial [...] Essentially, if I see a cute girl my mind seems compelled to harass me with the thought of them. My mind races until I can hardly even stand to be around that person because it frustrates me, to lose faculty of my mind like that.

It is natural for people to desire companionship with someone, so what you are experiencing is nothing out of the ordinary. However, to rid oneself of these objectifying thoughts, try to understand what you are fixated upon on a personal level, so you may see them as more than just a desire of the flesh. 'Living on a short fuse' is not wise and can bring harmful repercussions. To remedy this, attempt self-discipline exercises - an example would be to not to take a piece of candy or whatever else you may crave and hold it off for later or until the feeling subsides. This can be applied to many other things and is not just limited to restricting yourself of urges or desires you may experience. Motivating yourself to do something you have put off is another way to practice self-discipline and control, as it allows you to take control of your actions in a conscious manner.

Chew a piece of gum or engage in a mentally stimulating activity to try and get your mind off the uncomfortable thoughts.

In regards to my anger issues, I have found release, catharsis even, in Boxing and working out, but yet again moving from the state has taken that release from me [...] I feel like a child for this though...

Whenever you are angry, take a mental note that you are angry and try to calm down. A known method is to take a deep breath and count backwards from ten while exhaling calmly. Another thing you could try is to write down whatever it is that is making you upset and then putting it somewhere you can look at later. This way, you can look at it and understand what is making you so agitated while thinking of ways you could try to avoid them. Think of something else, recline into a seat, or have a refreshing beverage - attempt to create something positive out of the negative energy you are experiencing through artistic expression. There are many other ways to work out without going somewhere to do it - calisthenics and shadowboxing are there, or if you want to hit things, try your hand at baseball or soccer.

I also have nightmarish dreams of destroying others in a horrific manner, but they don't get past the dream phase. You can add me on PSN if you want someone to beat up or want to talk about things (same as my username here).

As for women, well I have decided to take up celibacy [...] I honestly wish I could deactivate myself sexually.

That's a good choice if it is what you think is best for yourself. I can see that it is showing a self-control of sorts, but I doubt there is any way to prevent the overrun of hormones in your bloodstream from taking effect. Anything from clothing that rides a bit awkward to a light breeze can promote a stiff reaction (har-har) from most guys, especially at our age. Relieving yourself of these tensions you feel is encouraged, since repression of a natural reaction is unhealthy and may promote an impaired subconscious and messy sheets.

Sex isn't a game and you are wise for deciding to hold off on it until you are ready. Going steady is probably the route to go if you do get a mate. It is also an excellent period of time in which you can get to know the other person and decide if you want to keep seeing each other or not. Make sure that if you do decide to go ahead with sex, that you and your partner understand and take each others' safety and needs into consideration.

I hope that helps, somewhat.

Take care of yourself.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 03:42 PM Reply

At 12/11/10 12:09 AM, EpicFail wrote: I'd say keep at those activities, if you have one hundred percent focus on something else than the bullshit in your life then it is the first step, eventually if you keep at it, I find the thoughts will be less in your mind because you are always doing something. Because of it being out of your head less when you occupy yourself, I also find that when you are not doing something else it doesn't run through your mind as much, it's one day at a time with that man.
Well, that's just her way of escaping and if she has convinced herself she lives a perfect life, she lives in a fantasy world. I can say the same about my mother because ours sound very alike. I too have tried discussing things with my mom and have had the same outcome. After many years of her putting me through bullshit I moved in with my Dad and that helped me a lot to be honest. I imagine that isn't a possibility for you due to the problems between you and your father, and that is really too bad because it does work.
I find putting yourself in the healthier environment helps a lot, and if there is any way that you can move somewhere else whether it be with a friend, or a family member that you don't already live with, it could be one of the first positive steps dude. It sounds silly, and you may not like the idea of it, but if things get worse I would recommend you try it, or at least get out of the house for a few days, cause after living with my Dad for six years and seeing my Mom rarely since then, things have gotten much better for me, maybe it can do the same for you.

Stuff about fighting back.
If charges were laid, you will have to go to court, and if it does lead to that then all you can do is tell the honest truth, and hopefully things will work out. In court here at least they will usually always believe the child of the person.
Did you happen to take photos after the incident? I think the police probably would have as they did for me in the same situation.

Yeah, so the best thing you can do, even when you fuck up is reassure yourself of things.
Because really, it's clear you know you aren't a bad person, you have been through a lot and have a few problems with negative thoughts in your head, and your paranoia and anxiety I think you mentioned.
The best thing you can do is reassure yourself man, because the one causing your problems is not you, but the people you are surrounded by, which leads back to my first recommendation in this post of possibly finding another family member to live with.

That's all very true. I'm trying to find a way to figure out if I can live with someone else, I have family in another state that may be willing to take me in...I'm just afraid of the change, yknow. But it's definitely a good idea in the long run, I know that much. Once I stayed a week with my older brother and sister in another state, and never wanted to go back home. I think that moving out, if possible, probably is the best option. I'll try my best to continue to reassure myself, it ain't easy, but hey, I gotta try.

I will continue to do what I enjoy, mainly because, as you said, when I do those things I'm focusing on something other than the bullshit in my life, which I enjoy. It's nice to be able to not have to think about all of it sometimes.

As for the charges, yeah, that's what I mean. Either I'll get a court date slip in the mail or I won't, hopefully I won't but we'll see. Thanks for your advice man.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 06:00 PM Reply

I just wanna thank everyone for bringing this thread back to life, it's an important club to have I think.
I will read through the posts and respond if I feel necessary, I see ArtVan has responded to them and if I feel it's necessary to give my advice with his I will.
Right now is not a good time for me to do it as I have had a few pre-UFC- drinks.
I will read through any posts tomorrow and like I said reply if it's necessary.

Also, I want to say that if anybody has something they don't want everybody to see, you can feel free to PM me about it and I will give any advice or help that I possibly can. Hopefully a few members here will offer the same.

Thanks again guys, I wish all of you the best of luck.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 12th, 2010 @ 12:13 AM Reply

Okay, I really need some help. I've had chronic hallucinations for the past three years. Looking back at it, I've had them my whole life. I just never realized it. I never thought that what I percieved and experienced was 'odd'. I assumed it was something everyone could see. But then I began experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs, such as mushrooms and LSD. The LSD send me straight into a psychosis. It was the darkest period of my life.

I usually see waves of pixels, colours, distortions, fading objects, and something I can only describe as 'black holes'. I used to have the feeling that these black holes were a visual manifestation of my inner, ever-growing emptiness. I thought they would suck me up. At a certain point, I let go of that thought. And it helped...for a while.

Lately, I've been experiencing the same thing. It scares the shit out of me. I've had insomnia since I was 13 years old, largely recovered from it the past year or so, but now it's back with a vengeance. I'm afraid of teling this to my therapist or psychiatrist, because I don't want to go back to a hospital. Increasing my medication (again) would be detrimental as well. I'm sick and tired of taking it, as it has a LOT of side-effects.

I'm also afraid of telling this to my friends, out of fear that they'll either tell someone, or distance themselves from me. I'm alienated enough as it is.

There's been a black hole growing on the right side of my vision for the past two hours. It's getting very difficult to ignore, and I'm getting anxious.

I thought I had learned to live with this condition, cope with it even, but I guess I was wrong.
I don't know what to do anymore. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, I would also like to echo EpicFails proposal of PMing volunteers for advice on touchy subjects. I have a lot of experience in dealing with people that have conditions ranging from depression and bi-polar, to schizophrenia. I'm always willing to lend a helping hand.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 12th, 2010 @ 03:39 PM Reply

At 12/12/10 12:13 AM, Athlas wrote: Okay, I really need some help. I've had chronic hallucinations for the past three years. Looking back at it, I've had them my whole life. I just never realized it. I never thought that what I percieved and experienced was 'odd'. I assumed it was something everyone could see. But then I began experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs, such as mushrooms and LSD. The LSD send me straight into a psychosis. It was the darkest period of my life.

Psychedelics will do that, I'm sure you knew or know at least now. Taking acid a few times really made things different for me, since my last time I did it I have been hearing things mostly, visuals are not common for me although still occur.
I'd recommend not bothering with any drugs at all to be honest, none help.

I usually see waves of pixels, colours, distortions, fading objects, and something I can only describe as 'black holes'. I used to have the feeling that these black holes were a visual manifestation of my inner, ever-growing emptiness. I thought they would suck me up. At a certain point, I let go of that thought. And it helped...for a while.

Can you describe what the waves of pixels looks like? I may be seeing something similar, it's hard to say with the description you gave.
I don't think the black holes are anything to really worry about, they're simply hallucinogens. But I do think that every hallucination a person sees is something that relates to them somehow.
During my darkest period in my life I saw women, and I knew that they did not belong. They would just appear and look at me, usually with dark long hair and white clothes, like they were in a hospital or something. Throughout that time I was going through a lot with my Mother, we are like gas and fire together, one wrong thing is said and we ignite, shit hit the fan. We had a really rough relationship and she was always abusive, but I never had it in me to hit her back until about a year into it. Once I started getting violent too the things I was seeing went away, but the way I see it, what I saw being the women was what I felt I was missing in my life, a Mother. So these women I saw would either walk past me or just stare at me, watching over me sort of.
Maybe the black hole does reflect emptiness in you, maybe it reflects something else... You may not ever know for sure, but I am sure it is nothing to worry about as frightening as it can be.

Lately, I've been experiencing the same thing. It scares the shit out of me. I've had insomnia since I was 13 years old, largely recovered from it the past year or so, but now it's back with a vengeance. I'm afraid of teling this to my therapist or psychiatrist, because I don't want to go back to a hospital. Increasing my medication (again) would be detrimental as well. I'm sick and tired of taking it, as it has a LOT of side-effects.

I took a lot of medication when I was young, I think before I was ten years old I was on pills for anxiety, depression, and anger. All three things in two pills they said. It was hell for me, I couldn't focus on anything, I was like a zombie. My eyes were always fucked up, and I gained a lot of weight on them. I don't think any medication is worth it, the way to help your problems is to find ways to deal with them yourself. No drug will ever fully help, and if it does, it's because you have convinced yourself it will.

I'm also afraid of telling this to my friends, out of fear that they'll either tell someone, or distance themselves from me. I'm alienated enough as it is.

I'm right there with you, I can't tell anybody person I know in real life about any of my 'problems' besides one friend who has more than I do, and I will never let that friendship go because I think our disorders are what brings us so close. It's very hard to tell people in real life about these things, sometimes it is good to do it, but it is a lot easier online, and a lot less stressful... I get very anxious when I am saying things about myself in person, online I feel nothing when I do it. I think it is also hard to find the words in person.

There's been a black hole growing on the right side of my vision for the past two hours. It's getting very difficult to ignore, and I'm getting anxious.

Does it stay there when you close your eyes and open them up again? Like, not blinking but closing them for maybe 10-20 seconds, and opening them. Does the black hole still show? What is it like when you look right at it, can you draw a picture of it or anything?

I thought I had learned to live with this condition, cope with it even, but I guess I was wrong.
I don't know what to do anymore. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I am not sure since I've only ever hallucinated visuals for a bit in my life, and it's mostly come down to sounds and voices. Hopefully something I said above will help in some way, I don't know man.

Oh, I would also like to echo EpicFails proposal of PMing volunteers for advice on touchy subjects.

I am happy to see this.


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 12th, 2010 @ 04:36 PM Reply

At 12/10/10 09:35 PM, Eclipse wrote: Might as well post here, I've got a lot of fucked up stuff happening and I don't even know how to deal with all of it. Long post, no TL;DR, but the length is needed in this case because it is relevant. If spilling my life history up till now isn't needed, then I'm sorry, but I really need to get this off my chest.

When I was a child, there were a lot of things that I think made me who I am today, which definitely isn't a good thing. When I was a kid, I was completely sheltered. Literally. From people, from TV, pop culture, everything. I was instead raised to believe that God could talk, speak and would speak to us regularly from my father. I was not allowed to leave the house, and I was not allowed to go to school. I was instead homeschooled by my mom. I rarely ever got to see anyone outside of my family. It was fucked up, but I was raised to think that living that way was normal. My dad would abuse us, i.e. hitting us with various objects, slamming us up against walls, telling us that we were less than dirt, etc. And we took it. Finally, when I was 9, there was a situation in which my dad attempted to kill my mom, so of course we left and fled to where we live now. I got a huge culture shock. I mean huge...it was frightening.

Fast forward 5 years. I'm a borderline suicidal, paranoid, anxious druggie teenager who hates his life and contemplates suicide just about every goddamn day. My family here won't listen to me, I have a stepdad who abuses me and an alcoholic mom who no longer cares enough to pay any attention to me whatsoever, along with re-occuring memories of shit that happened earlier in my life. I'm really not bitching, or rather I guess I'm trying not to, but it would be great if someone could offer me some advice. I kinda need it. Please?

Now that you go to school and have a contact with the world, not like when you were younger, there is hope that you can find people near you to help out. I know this is probably the kind of shit you hear all the time when you talk about your problems, but you should seek help. Maybe just pay a little visit to the school psychologist about your problems.

The problem that a lot of people most often seem to get when they face difficult situations, is that they do not try to change things, cause they fear it could get even worse. So if you get stuck there, and do not try to do something, you will get stuck there. Like you said before, you are a little young to just pretend you could walk away from these problems.

Trying to change things could mean just a few little things. Like seing the psychologist, or spending more time away from your house. Seing friends more often, try to get a different link (or contact?, sorry English is not my main language) to the world. If you cannot move out of this situation, at least try to make things better by yourself. You should not feel helpless, cause you have the power to make things change, at least just a little. Hold on to the hope that things can better.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 13th, 2010 @ 10:25 AM Reply

At 12/12/10 03:39 PM, EpicFail wrote:
Psychedelics will do that, I'm sure you knew or know at least now. Taking acid a few times really made things different for me, since my last time I did it I have been hearing things mostly, visuals are not common for me although still occur.
I'd recommend not bothering with any drugs at all to be honest, none help.

I've been clean for two years, we share the same ideas regarding drugs, it seems.
I had read about people ending up with (life-long) psychoses after taking lysergic acid, but like most people, I took the risk anyway. Bad idea.


Can you describe what the waves of pixels looks like? I may be seeing something similar, it's hard to say with the description you gave.

It's very hard to describe, as I have to compare it to everyday things that anyone can see. It's as if millions of coloured/transparant dots explode, float, rotate, or flow in large, ever-changing, currents and streams. When, I close my eyes, it gets a lot worse. It's like looking at the fabric of the universe.
They form chameleon-like patterns. It's like a watered-down version of a trip. I know you've done acid, so I think you know what I'm talking about.

I can hear them too.

I don't think the black holes are anything to really worry about, they're simply hallucinogens. But I do think that every hallucination a person sees is something that relates to them somehow.

Not necessarily, realting to your hallucinations is actually a very dangerous thing to do. I can honsetly say that I was a lot better off when they were hallucinations, and just that. When you start thinking of them in certain terms, and start paying attention to them, you're more prone to a psychotic period.

During my darkest period in my life I saw women, and I knew that they did not belong. They would just appear and look at me, usually with dark long hair and white clothes, like they were in a hospital or something. Throughout that time I was going through a lot with my Mother, we are like gas and fire together, one wrong thing is said and we ignite, shit hit the fan. We had a really rough relationship and she was always abusive, but I never had it in me to hit her back until about a year into it. Once I started getting violent too the things I was seeing went away, but the way I see it, what I saw being the women was what I felt I was missing in my life, a Mother. So these women I saw would either walk past me or just stare at me, watching over me sort of.

I had the same relationship with my mother for years. She has a personality disorder, but refuses to seek out proffesional help. Eventually a judge forced her to leave the house, and my dad moved back in. On the rare occasions I do see her, I ignore her completely. More out of self-protection then for her safety.

There was a time I saw burning women, dressed in white. It's horrible how parents can mistreat and abuse children, without paying any regard to what the consequences might be...

Maybe the black hole does reflect emptiness in you, maybe it reflects something else... You may not ever know for sure, but I am sure it is nothing to worry about as frightening as it can be.

That's what I told myself two years straight, "it's nothing to worry about". But they have a large impact on my everyday life. I'm not allowed to drive a car, and at times leaving the house, on foot or by bicycle, can be extremely dangerous because of the intensity of the hallucinations.

So when they get stronger, I do what I always do. I worry and doubt.

I took a lot of medication when I was young, I think before I was ten years old I was on pills for anxiety, depression, and anger. All three things in two pills they said. It was hell for me, I couldn't focus on anything, I was like a zombie. My eyes were always fucked up, and I gained a lot of weight on them. I don't think any medication is worth it, the way to help your problems is to find ways to deal with them yourself. No drug will ever fully help, and if it does, it's because you have convinced yourself it will.

Any form of medication is a placebo, really. People have coped with conditions like ours for millenia, withouth the assistance of modern medication. I honestly don't know if the side-effects counterbalance the positive effects, or vice-versa.


I'm also afraid of telling this to my friends, out of fear that they'll either tell someone, or distance themselves from me. I'm alienated enough as it is.
There's been a black hole growing on the right side of my vision for the past two hours. It's getting very difficult to ignore, and I'm getting anxious.
Does it stay there when you close your eyes and open them up again? Like, not blinking but closing them for maybe 10-20 seconds, and opening them. Does the black hole still show? What is it like when you look right at it, can you draw a picture of it or anything?

It disolves whenever I close my eyes, then re-appears rapidly. When I close my eyes, however, all kinds of weird shit start happening. It's a bit of a waking dream, really.

I am not sure since I've only ever hallucinated visuals for a bit in my life, and it's mostly come down to sounds and voices. Hopefully something I said above will help in some way, I don't know man.

Just talking or writing about it help me put things in perspective. So thanks :-)


I am happy to see this.

Glad you are.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 13th, 2010 @ 03:08 PM Reply

I'm starting to hear things a lot lately, I don't expect any advice because I doubt there is much to be given and this will most likely be a short post.

The first time I remember hearing a voice or something in the past while, was about a month ago.
I was laying in bed and I just finished watching an episode of Dexter.
I could tell that I was about to fall asleep, as my mind usually wanders a lot at that point...
Some times it feels like I am not controlling my thoughts and that is usually when this happens.
I remember what I was thinking a little bit, only about a line.
It went something like this, "Everybody lately just says..." and after I thought that I heard a voice say "I know you."
I could not distinguish well whether it was a male or female voice. But it frightened me.
Right after I heard it, my eyes just shot open. I couldn't close them besides blinking, I was terrified.

About a week ago something similar happened.
Again, laying in bed trying to sleep, and I was nearly asleep this time as well.
Running through my head was a conversation between my dad and I, and I know that I was not dreaming because there was no visuals, and again..I was not controlling these thoughts!
I don't remember the entire 'conversation' in my head, but the part I do remember of course is about the last sentence where the voice kicked in.
My dad said something like, "You need help." and at that point, I replied "NO I DON'T!" but it wasn't me, it wasn't my voice. It sounded like some sort of... I don't know... It was 'evil' to say the least.. It sounded like a demon of some sort.
And lately I feel like I am being watched, not sure if this is paranoia tying in with schizophrenia maybe? Or what.

And now today, I was playing an instrumental and writing lyrics, well... Rapping them out loud while listening to the instrumental... And I hear a sort of scream.. It wasn't a scream really, not like "AAAAH" like someone was scared. It was like an "OWOOOOOO" or something, almost like a howl... But high pitched, and it didn't sound like either of my dogs... I instantly started the instrumental over to see if it was on that, and I just hadn't noticed it until then... And to my surprise, it wasn't the music.

I also thought I heard a door open upstairs only a few hours ago, I didn't check right away but when I got up there every door was closed besides my Dad's bedroom door, which is always open.

In case this IS paranormal, I am setting up a camera tonight I think.
I have done this before and only ever caught an orb, and one flash of light that literally FLEW across the screen... But assuming this is paranormal is silly... It would have been happening more often, and I feel I am starting to see things again lately... Since about yesterday or the day before.
Not sure what I am seeing, mostly shadows... Things in the corner of my eye, etc... Could be from not getting much sleep ever, only 3-4 hours a night... Or it could be me going crazy... Do you guys have any idea?


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 13th, 2010 @ 07:43 PM Reply

At 12/13/10 03:08 PM, EpicFail wrote: I'm starting to hear things a lot lately, I don't expect any advice because I doubt there is much to be given and this will most likely be a short post.

I'd be pretty damn worried if I were you.

How are you keeping up? Do you feel more anxious or confused than you usually do? I recognise a lot of what you're writing about, but...

Look, I'm not going to say that what you're experiencing is psychotic, because in all honestly, you seem pretty lucid. These could be signs however, that you're on the verge of something.

My advice would be to seek out professional help... and I know that prospect sucks. A lot. But they'll be able to give you a much clearer view of what's happening, because they're able to put together the pieces of the puzzle.

This shouldn't be something you have to go through on your own. Voice your worries and doubts. If you feel writing (music) about it helps, then by all means do. By expressing what you're going through, you'll probably be able to put it in perspective more easily, and ease the burden. Talk about it, anonymously if you can.

I'm afraid these are the only things that pop to mind right now...

Have strength, man!

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 13th, 2010 @ 11:42 PM Reply

At 12/13/10 07:43 PM, Athlas wrote:
I'd be pretty damn worried if I were you.

I am, but at the same time I am not...

How are you keeping up? Do you feel more anxious or confused than you usually do? I recognise a lot of what you're writing about, but...

Confused... I've been confused about everything... Not in the sense that I can't solve a problem (although I haven't tried lately). More so the sense that everything going on around me just seems... Out of place? I dunno.

Look, I'm not going to say that what you're experiencing is psychotic, because in all honestly, you seem pretty lucid. These could be signs however, that you're on the verge of something.

Possibly, could be early symptoms... Who knows?

My advice would be to seek out professional help... and I know that prospect sucks. A lot. But they'll be able to give you a much clearer view of what's happening, because they're able to put together the pieces of the puzzle.

Yeah... I've seen professionals for depression and anxiety... Never helped, they just give you pills man. But I think if it keeps up I will see what's going on, maybe they can at least offer me advice but I am refusing any pill they offer me.

This shouldn't be something you have to go through on your own. Voice your worries and doubts. If you feel writing (music) about it helps, then by all means do. By expressing what you're going through, you'll probably be able to put it in perspective more easily, and ease the burden. Talk about it, anonymously if you can.

Yeah, music helps. Not necessarily figuring out what it is, but ignoring it mostly... Although like I said I did hear that one noise while making the music... Who knows, I guess you can never really take your mind off of something like this. But it does help. And this IS me talking about it anonymously! :)

I'm afraid these are the only things that pop to mind right now...

Have strength, man!

Strength is a virtue,


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 14th, 2010 @ 12:01 AM Reply

Reading through your last post EpicFail, I have only one word in my mind and it's Paranoia.

Do you fear someone would ever want to harm you? Or do you believe someone has a good reason to hate you or any reason why someone could want to harm you?

Or maybe you just don't trust people. Maybe something happenned in your life, someone have lied to you or betrayed you maybe? Or maybe you feel like you never had anyone to rely on or anyone to support you, or someone to trust?

I don't know. Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions. I'm just wondering how you could have ended up hearing voices and seing things.

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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 14th, 2010 @ 12:08 AM Reply

At 12/10/10 11:50 PM, Falconpunchr wrote: May get into weed to fix my depression. Suggestions?

Not a good idea. You start getting dependent on it.

I have a weed story, but I'm afraid to put it up for personal reasons... should I put it up? Or maybe PM me if you want to hear about it?


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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 14th, 2010 @ 02:24 AM Reply

At 12/14/10 12:01 AM, HeavenDuff wrote: Reading through your last post EpicFail, I have only one word in my mind and it's Paranoia.

Do you fear someone would ever want to harm you? Or do you believe someone has a good reason to hate you or any reason why someone could want to harm you?

Or maybe you just don't trust people. Maybe something happenned in your life, someone have lied to you or betrayed you maybe? Or maybe you feel like you never had anyone to rely on or anyone to support you, or someone to trust?

When I was young and it first started, I was being abused a lot as a kid by my step father and my Mum, so I think that is what all caused it.. All that is behind me besides the thoughts of it happening and such, ya know. It never really leaves you, but I can't think of anything right now that would cause it. Paranoia has always been an issue though it has died down since I stopped using drugs.

Not sure why anybody would have a reason to harm me, I don't trust people though, I find it hard to open up and I never have anything to say.


Yeah, whatever.
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HeavenDuff
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 14th, 2010 @ 02:37 AM Reply

At 12/14/10 02:24 AM, EpicFail wrote: When I was young and it first started, I was being abused a lot as a kid by my step father and my Mum, so I think that is what all caused it.. All that is behind me besides the thoughts of it happening and such, ya know. It never really leaves you, but I can't think of anything right now that would cause it. Paranoia has always been an issue though it has died down since I stopped using drugs.

Not sure why anybody would have a reason to harm me, I don't trust people though, I find it hard to open up and I never have anything to say.

For a guy who doesn't have much to say, you sure talk a lot :P

So do you have any close friends, familly members you really love or people you see often? Having people you can trust would most likely help you. It won't change the things that happenned in the past, but it sure will help you with your future :)

So, tell me when you heard these voices, what was going on when you heard them, what did they say to you and maybe if anything happenned before that moment, that could have "influenced" the situation or may have "created" em... this situation... If I can express it this way...

Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 14th, 2010 @ 08:29 AM Reply

At 12/14/10 02:37 AM, HeavenDuff wrote:
For a guy who doesn't have much to say, you sure talk a lot :P

Lol well that is the beauty of the internet.

So do you have any close friends, familly members you really love or people you see often? Having people you can trust would most likely help you. It won't change the things that happenned in the past, but it sure will help you with your future :)

Not really no, and nobody I trust enough to really try helping. I always try talking to my Dad about it but he just says get over it, happened how long ago and it doesn't anymore, blah blah... He's a real big help,

So, tell me when you heard these voices, what was going on when you heard them, what did they say to you and maybe if anything happenned before that moment, that could have "influenced" the situation or may have "created" em... this situation... If I can express it this way...

Mostly every time it happens I am sleeping, which is usually around 2:00 - 3:00 AM, that's the times I can be laying in bed usually.
Not sure what happened before, usually I am just nearly falling asleep and it happens, waking me right up again.


Yeah, whatever.
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 15th, 2010 @ 03:06 PM Reply

At 12/14/10 08:29 AM, EpicFail wrote:
At 12/14/10 02:37 AM, HeavenDuff wrote: So do you have any close friends, familly members you really love or people you see often? Having people you can trust would most likely help you. It won't change the things that happenned in the past, but it sure will help you with your future :)
Not really no, and nobody I trust enough to really try helping. I always try talking to my Dad about it but he just says get over it, happened how long ago and it doesn't anymore, blah blah... He's a real big help,

So what is it that you think you would need help with?

I'm not talking about what happenned to you in the past, but how you could go forward in your life and what help you would need for this?


So, tell me when you heard these voices, what was going on when you heard them, what did they say to you and maybe if anything happenned before that moment, that could have "influenced" the situation or may have "created" em... this situation... If I can express it this way...
Mostly every time it happens I am sleeping, which is usually around 2:00 - 3:00 AM, that's the times I can be laying in bed usually.
Not sure what happened before, usually I am just nearly falling asleep and it happens, waking me right up again.

Mostly? So it happenned at some other times, not during the night?

Luke
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 15th, 2010 @ 03:58 PM Reply

At 12/15/10 03:06 PM, HeavenDuff wrote:
So what is it that you think you would need help with?

I don't know... I don't even think I NEED help. I mean, it would be nice for the noises and voices to fuck off and all that... But I don't know. I mean, it obviously isn't 'normal' to hear things right? So, in peoples eyes I may need help... I'm not like... Afraid of it... More or less just getting irritated although some nights when I don't hear anything I wonder where they are. It's like expecting company over to your house but they don't come. And I just lay there waiting to hear them, cause it isn't every night. I'm not sure if I made that clear or not in the posts. But yeah.

I'm not talking about what happenned to you in the past, but how you could go forward in your life and what help you would need for this?

Well, I'm sure I could go forward in life with it happening, y'know? I'm not sure what help I would need. I am assuming paranoia is right though and not only because I am hearing things but just generally being around people I get paranoid about stupid stuff... For the longest time and during school I'd be paranoid that I would shit myself (I know, stupid right? I haven't shit myself since I was like 5.) And it got to the point where I was constantly going to the bathroom at school just to make sure I didn't basically.. Fuck I feel dumb even talking about it. But yeah, definitely paranoid about a lot of things I think, and very uncomfortable in social situations.

Mostly? So it happenned at some other times, not during the night?

It's happened during the day a few times, like the one I mentioned where it sounded like a 'scream' of some sort... That's the only way I can describe it although it was not much of a scream at all. That was during the afternoon some time. So it happens during the day even.


Yeah, whatever.
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Response to 'Peer' Support Group Dec. 15th, 2010 @ 05:21 PM Reply

At 12/13/10 03:08 PM, EpicFail wrote: I'm starting to hear things a lot lately, I don't expect any advice because I doubt there is much to be given and this will most likely be a short post.

The first time I remember hearing a voice or something in the past while, was about a month ago.
I was laying in bed and I just finished watching an episode of Dexter.
I could tell that I was about to fall asleep, as my mind usually wanders a lot at that point...
Some times it feels like I am not controlling my thoughts and that is usually when this happens.
I remember what I was thinking a little bit, only about a line.
It went something like this, "Everybody lately just says..." and after I thought that I heard a voice say "I know you."

Didn't you write that in the ghost thread?

I could not distinguish well whether it was a male or female voice. But it frightened me.
Right after I heard it, my eyes just shot open. I couldn't close them besides blinking, I was terrified.

About a week ago something similar happened.
Again, laying in bed trying to sleep, and I was nearly asleep this time as well.
Running through my head was a conversation between my dad and I, and I know that I was not dreaming because there was no visuals, and again..I was not controlling these thoughts!
I don't remember the entire 'conversation' in my head, but the part I do remember of course is about the last sentence where the voice kicked in.
My dad said something like, "You need help." and at that point, I replied "NO I DON'T!" but it wasn't me, it wasn't my voice. It sounded like some sort of... I don't know... It was 'evil' to say the least.. It sounded like a demon of some sort.
And lately I feel like I am being watched, not sure if this is paranoia tying in with schizophrenia maybe? Or what.

I would say paranoia like someone else mentioned here.


In case this IS paranormal, I am setting up a camera tonight I think.

If you don't mind can you tel what you got from the tape(if you even set one up)?

I have done this before and only ever caught an orb, and one flash of light that literally FLEW across the screen... But assuming this is paranormal is silly... It would have been happening more often, and I feel I am starting to see things again lately... Since about yesterday or the day before.
Not sure what I am seeing, mostly shadows... Things in the corner of my eye, etc... Could be from not getting much sleep ever, only 3-4 hours a night... Or it could be me going crazy... Do you guys have any idea?

3 to 4 hours of sleep? Maybe your hallucination about the shadows etc.? Doesn't lack of sleep lead to that? And about the voices well either it's paranoia or some ghost is just trying to bug the crap out of you(this is the far fetched proposal of the issue). But I definitely suggest more sleep Epic.


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