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Mwc10 - June Results

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Coop
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Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 9th, 2010 @ 07:21 PM Reply

Ladies and Gentlemen, there has been far too long since this contest finished for me to get everything in order. I know that, I can only apologise and declare "better late, than never". For the moment of truth has come and I have the pleasure of announcing our winners.

Thank you to our judging panel, InsertFunnyUsername, blaKedatch and EternitySpent for assisting me in coming up with the winners. What I must say is that people have had some highly contrasting views, with all four judges choosing a different entry for first place. However, one did win through in the end. I shall now present our top five, in reverse order, as all 18 of our entrants need praise here:

Tied for Fourth: Battle of Dover, by JerryAntares

A chilling encounter during the battle of Britain, set over the English countryside, from the point of view of a young Luftwaffe pilot.

Tied for Fourth: Iron Petrov, by Frankenborrough

A group of Russian sailors and would-be heroes set off on a voyage to kill a monster.

Third, winner of $30 store credit: Deceptive Harmony, by Fro

Vampires, culling the human population. A stark warning to us all.

Second, winner of $30 store credit: "Untitled", by RabidSquirrelStudios

Terrorism strikes fear into the heart of America and perhaps even the Western World. But is it Terrorism?

And first place, our winner of the June Monthly Writing Contest and $30 store credit: The Arena's Din, by Deathcon7

A man fights for his life in a prison arena, while forces beyond his control set their plans in motion, with far reaching consequences.

Congratulations to our winners, commiserations to those that did not place. I can review people's works for them (I intend to, since I did for the purposes of judging) and thank you once again to everyone that took part, either as a writer, a judge, or in my case a procrastinator.


Will it ever end. Yes, all human endeavour is pointless ~ Bill Bailey
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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 9th, 2010 @ 07:32 PM Reply

Good work guys! Now go buy yourselves some Mystery Boxes!

Frakenbourrough
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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 9th, 2010 @ 10:11 PM Reply

Holy Satan, I tied for fourth! That's enough to keep my ego afloat for awhile.

And read my story, it has a shark.....

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 9th, 2010 @ 10:42 PM Reply

Congrats to the winners, well done all of you.

Coop, if you were offering a more in depth review I wouldn't mind one of my own story.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 9th, 2010 @ 11:57 PM Reply

Congrats guys. I will read your stories sometime. Hey OP, I just submitted one called Balloon Killer. It's a rough draft, but it's pretty much all there so far. I need to tighten it up in some areas but can you tell me what you think?

PS, I have to wait 30 minutes to post the rest of it because it was a five post length story.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 04:53 AM Reply

At 10/9/10 10:11 PM, Frakenbourrough wrote: Holy Satan, I tied for fourth! That's enough to keep my ego afloat for awhile.

And read my story, it has a shark.....

I know it does - I was thinking about blowing it, but with the way you lead into it meant I didn't want to give the game away

At 10/9/10 10:42 PM, sinfulwolf wrote: Coop, if you were offering a more in depth review I wouldn't mind one of my own story.

I'll post them later, I'm just going to make a few minor adjustments, to make sure I said all I wanted to in the review parts :)


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 09:45 AM Reply

Thanks a lot for the votes guys! I'm very happy about the money award as I can now get a mystery box from the newgrounds store! What I'm more happy about though is the fact that the judges felt that I had the third best story in the competition. It's an honor for sure!

Coop already PM'd me his review of my submission. If any other judges would like to let me know what they felt about it I'd greatly appreciate it.


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 11:10 AM Reply

Ye I've got some point form notes I used to score the entries I was going to throw up here, to provide some manner of feedback.

I just need to find them, and then go through them... June was a long time ago.


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 02:43 PM Reply

It was a real shock to the system to wake up today and see this thread, let alone that I actually made the top five. Congrats to all other winners and I'm looking forward to the July results too.

If any judges could PM me their review notes, that would be greatly appreciated. If not, then it's understandable. June seems like a lifetime ago.


The saddest aspect of man is that at the times that when he must act like a human most is when he completely abandons his humanity. Unknown Writer, Late 22nd Century

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 03:40 PM Reply

Pleasantly surprised by this. I really needed this, too. Definitely turns my weekend completely around. Congrats to the other placers, and great job to the contestants that didn't place. Let's use these results as a motivator: they do come out, eventually! Let's keep the MWCs alive and let's focus on improving the literature on this site, and the cooperation and collaboration of the writers as a whole.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 05:11 PM Reply

Congrats to the winners. Hopefully more MWC will come along.

As with the others, could the judges post reviews? It would be nice to get feedback.


New to Politics?/ Friend of the Devil/ I review writing! PM me
"Question everything generally thought to be obvious."-Dieter Rams

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 05:24 PM Reply

Wow, I came 2nd! Thanks a lot Newgrounds! I'm gonna go tell my mom.

Grats to the others as well. I think this creates a great opportunity for up and coming writers.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 05:43 PM Reply

Oh and if you can PM me your review of my piece (if there is one) I'd appreciate it.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 06:01 PM Reply

Okay, so I'm running through my judging now for everyone. If you're going to upload these to the Literature Portal (when finished) as they are, please let me know and I'll slap a review straight on them, if you're making changes, let me know and I'll re-read and redo my criticisms :)

The Inamorato - MiSFiTT

A short, dramatic piece that really focuses on the emotions of combat and just how harrowing it can be. Set on a beachhead, this really does have a good change of pace from the more sedate calm before the storm, to the fast paced battle scene. If the reviewer were to be over-critical, the piece could have been more detailed, when the combat actually came to fruition, since it did seem a little brief.

Major issues include repetition ("I love you." she says. "I love you." he says.) really do deliver a massive hit to a piece so short, as if it were an attempt to lenghten for the minimum requirements. The other major issue was one that can only be dealt with via proof reading - "Led shot" should be Lead, as in the element, since it is not really possible to preceed a shot through someone, as if showing the way.

On a personal note, I would like to see this piece elongated, particularly around the combat. Reference material could include "The Trooper", by Iron Maiden, as this details combat in a lyrical fashion, so would be a good start to finding what is needed.

7/10

Russian Warzone - Grubby

There was a tensing issue early on - "All he could see was thick black clouds..." Surely that is were, not was? Surely, the piece should share the same tense throughout, as the narrator speaks in present tense, while everything else seemed to be past, which seemed odd.

"The first rays of dawn were slicing down" this concept seems to disobey one rule - why use two words, when one would do? Try "The first rays of dawn sliced down", as it seems to keep the flow. "Only a couple weeks" doesn't work, either - 'only a few' or 'a couple of' would fit, but otherwise it sounds like poor Russian translation or an Americanism creeping in...

"AK-74", instead of "AK-47" Proof reading. Also, repetition, since substituting gun, rifle, weapon or any similar words would work just as well. Occasional repetition works, but a little too much in this case, with three in a four line paragraph. A few paragraphs later, the word sharp occurs thrice in the same line. Try this: "His features chiselled, his uniform sharp, given the circumstances and his tongue sharpest of all." Something like that would give the reader something else to focus on, as opposed to the same word that is repeatedly drilled into them.

Too much focus is on the weapon specification. This distracts and doesn't allow the reader to imagine where they are, what is going on or even the look of the piece you are describing. It looks like you're quoting from Wiki, which is brash. Perhaps refer to them as 7.62 milimetre rounds and then don't come back to it?

Use of the term RPG is synonymous with pieces like Black Hawk Down, but I believe it would be even better to refer to them in the first instance as a Rocket Propelled Grenade, if only to pad the word count slightly.

"INstantly killing him." You had a chance to add something graphic in there, but refused. It seems that the best parts are loose ends at present, but with effort, they can be made workable.

The pace of the combat was good, but for me, it lacked something with a little disjointed performance in the buildup. It can be improved, but it will need a little tinkering to get there. Good work, come back with some fresh ideas in the next contest.

6/10

St. Michael's Seraphim - sinfulwolf

Very reminiscent of Enemy at the Gates, this piece did ramble in places, but was overall a very pleasing piece for the reader, though with one or two little issues:

Planning to stop for dinner after an assault is never a good thing. With the way that Vikki states that, it seems like the combat is a mere formality. Just tell the men to prepare and the combat ensues, giving them the opportunity to stop for food after the conflict and they have made way to a piece of suitable cover, for example.

Check the spelling on Eliot - surely, it would be Elliott, though TS and George Eliot only had the surname with no double letters, so it may just be me.

The combat was delivered brutally and with the minimum of fuss - elite troops, making their mark in a swift, decisive fashion. I loved the advent of the medical bio cement, which was pressed into a wound and while one would imagine it would leave a nasty scar, surely that would be better than death for some.

A prologue to something longer, or just a one off?

8.5/10

10% - Combatboots

A little too brief in this case - there is a genuine sense of the feelings of the verteran that you've brought to the piece, with a touch of poignancy, to boot. It seems a little rushed and unfinished and once more, we see the errors of missing proofing, with "the wars over for you" crying out for an apostrophe, amongst other niggling little issues.

I like the use of the ghosts, flashbacks, imagined spectres and so forth, since this raises a symbolic point of the dubious mental state of soldiers from WWI (That was the conflict that I assumed, as it seemed to fir the descriptions the best, with references to trench warfare)

To stay with the brief, the focus could have dwelled a little longer on the combat, as it does get a little away from what happened - flashbacks could be utilised to get back to the fight, while still allowing to pursue this thread of the tale.

6.5/10

The Human Soldier - noodleoodle

Very deep, very well written and full of mystery. How else can I seriously write a review of this piece, when it's this good?

On a slightly more serious note, this has me thinking of "Where Eagles Dare", especially with the climb, though the i9nnovations of various spy / espionage based traits call it into line with 007, which makes for a very interesting read. I felt that during some of the combat, we went through confusing patches, where it was difficult to tell who was shooting, at whom and how many people were getting shot at each moment. It has the effect of increasing the pace of the combat, but it does take away some of the detail which the reader may find necessary to setting the scene. A fine line, I'm afraid.

The conclusion really did point out some nice emotional detail, but it did leave me slightly confused as to who the Human Soldier was - 1-55, who was Doyle, correct? What of O3? I know that he died at the end, but I was trying to work out if he was some sort of cyborg clone thing, that seems to be where you've gone with the rest of these "non-human" soldiers.

9/10


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 06:01 PM Reply

Family 'til the End - The-Psycho-Ragdoller

You shouldn't need to talk like you're posting in any part of this tale, it really derails the whole story and makes you have to start again. Just say something along the lines of "we went off to see some girls, after they finished school", as it contributes to the flow.

I like the way that you called the teenagers on scooters "bikers", as it counjures up a much more dramatic looking image, with a burly bloke riding a Harley, decked head to toe in leather. Seeing that illusion shattered made me smile.

"Tyshawn Rodney, and I don't want to do these things any more" Another victim of proof reading and the author being too eager to publish. Deadlines do not get there all that quick and you had days left, so please take the time to print it, so that you can see it on paper, it's easier.

The concept of the story seems to be a first person story, but the point of view of a late teenager who has experienced a very tough upbringing has a lot of learned vocabulary - if you are to portray someone without much of an education, dumbing down is necessary, if just to remain in character.

I think that the flow of this is interrupted by being told that "I said this, she said that." etcetera - throwing dialogue in there is something that was decided against, but I feel it has compromised the piece a little.

Finally, to come to terms with the way the story works, you don't need to break it into 15 chapters - split those parts into slightly more detailed paragraphs, where applicable and you can build upon the combat, as per the brief and increase the flow. Otherwise, it just seems like the effort is to use the title lines to get towards the word limit.

6/10

THE NUMBER ONE BLOCKBUSTER SUMMER FILM FIGHT SCENE - Pjorg

The piece has a lot to live up to, with a title like that. As it came nowhere near the limit of the words, I'll still review it, but won't give a score:

It's a good script, as it is set out with basic stage directions, such as (pause), but if you've ever read a script, you'll find that there is more to it than that. You threw a disclaimer in there for the CGI and then didn't make the most of it, by telling us what the CGI should be doing. If I were an animator picking up this script for the first time, I wouldn't know where to go after the start. I'll admit, some animators love having a lot of creative licence, when it comes to it, but simple directions make the piece work.

I did like it when you crossed the fourth wall - that's something that can be done for comedic effect, but then you strayed too far across and it got old, like most of the material here.

THEN YOU REPEATED IT ALL?!

Seriously, that had better be an error, because otherwise something like that could have been written "Repeat scenes 1-3" and it would have saved me having to scroll up and down, trying to work out if it was an error or not.

Untitled - drdiablo12

Again, no rating rendered, as there was no way that this made the minimum of 1,000 Words.

I have to say, with the wall of text that you wrote, I was tempted to just write "TL;DR" and move on. Alas, there was something that stopped me from doing this. Oh yes, the fact that you wrote a Bioshock fanfiction. From my limited experience of this game, I have to say that it's freakishly like you didn't really write anything here, except a quick proto-walkthrough, which cuts out 90-95% of the gameplay and lands us here on the BBS.

With the way that this is set out, you might want to try and set it aside from the main plot and go for a sub-routine, like a splicer gets out of Rapture and goes wild, making you a hunter of splicers throughout the world, to try and protect the fragile peace that is currently maintained. Trust me, fanfictions can be better than this.

Stumpy - gmcerd

I'm not too sure about using the expression "Stumpy stumped", regarding his movement, it keeps reocurring, so it really does go against the grain, as does the repetition. Too many mentions of the protagonist's names can help with reference to the story, but it does kind of derail the flow a little. The way that initially the plan is laid out as a metaphor is brilliant, before Stumpy face off with Woofman, though the pharase "paroxysm of agony" is probably best reserved for a different piece of writing, as it transcends intellectual boundaries and hampers the immersion that your writing should give.

Picking the targets slowly and painstakingly is a risky business and while it ended with the howls of the wolf men in the distance, perhaps it should have had a few of them killed by Stumpy's new rifle to end it, as the combat was brutal and rather short.

FInally, the noise that the pistol made, "Bzap" or somesuch, wasn't really needed - you can be more expansive, without using one word to describe the sound. "A crackling ball of static launched into the plant and small bolts of electrical interference grounded themselves nearby." might have suited as well.

As it was a good piece, though fatally flawed I will rate the rest of the writing and not penalise too harshly for the repetition of "Stumpy stumped" ad nauseum:

7/10

Battle of Dover - JerryAntares

A chilling, clinical, somehow stereotypical German tale of dog fighting during the Battle of Britain. I loved the pace and felt that this was perhaps going to be in some other reality, where WWII was won by the Axis, as they had triumphed here. The twist was shocking, delivered with brutal, yet pinpoint force, yet it did not detract from the story.

The major part of the storyline hits, as the one pilot is shot down, causing the German plane to become stricken and it happens so fast, I caught myself re-reading those few lines over and over. Perhaps it is begging to be expanded, so that the flow is assisted there. The potential for the airman to be rounded up by some soldiers, or Home Guard would be high, as he made it to the ground, so the idea of him being arrested as a Prisoner of War might have been a slightly better ending, in spite of the massive trauma / grief that you expressed here.

"what he saw made his go blank." I think you were missing the word "mind" here. Proof reading is a simple task. Try printing the piece out, reading it aloud and seeing how it flows. Pen and paper can be a better resource for this, as opposed to the computer screen, I find.

8/10

Like Old Times - Squishy69

The first thing that is apparent is the "solid" nature of the text. Perhaps consider double spacing between paragraphs, as it helps to break up the piece, without disturbing the flow. If you were in Art class, you wouldn't draw a sketch in the top third of the page and leave the rest blank, would you?

"His voice took on a graver tone with what he said next however." should actually end with a colon, as opposed to a full stop. As with gmcerd, there was an issue with making the vocalisation of the sound, as opposed to describing it, which could be achieved by something along the lines of "the swift sound of metal dragging across metal coan be heard, followed by a click, as a hidden blade pushes out of the Master's hand and locks into place."

A rather cavilier attitude to the punctuation of the story and the fact that it feels like it's a collection of stage directions, as opposed to a narrative, being recounted by someone in a pub, good enough to earn a hot meal, a beer or two and a roof over their head for the night. Some of the details appear washed over and with that in mind, I felt that having to back track to work out when Edgar sustained the concussion, amongst other things means that this piece needs an overhaul.

The concept is good, as were the descriptive parts of the combat, though some of the descriptions needed more work to flesh them out. Don't rush, otherwise you might miss something.

6.5/10


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 06:02 PM Reply

Untitled - Xentarim

Short, sharp and well written. A brutal, yet effective message that even translates well from various historical periods up to the modern era. I liked the way it was set out, though the writing did get a little confusing in the middle with the perception of the Tyrant and the Knight. Still I think I muddled through in the end.

In the beginning, I was put in the mind of Xerxes, confronted by the brave 300 Spartans, while at the end, it reminded me of the battle of Helm's Deep, where the Rohirrim rode out against impossible odds to defeat the hordes. While the length of the piece may have cost you in other judges eyes, not here. Leaving it balanced at the end, with the message of the tyrant being defeated, as the sword is drawn, just conjures up an image of a continued fight, which works. Don't be afraid to use more than one post, either, it won't count against you.

7.5/10

Deceptive Harmony - Fro

What an incredible message that you've delivered here. I can certainly see that there might even be an element of truth to this, with the way that overpopulation is starving the planet and it's going to lead to the death of everyone and the planet, if we don't do anything about it. The portrayal is a much worse doomsday theory than the marketing think tanks are coming up with at the moment. Have you considered applying for a job with one of them?

There were a lot fewer issues here with SPG, which was nice to see, though I still managed to find one: "would very well be ending my life" Shouldn't this be "could very well.."?, just for the flow.

I think that the combat was nicely set out, though references to it could have been made a little later on, perhaps with the guy touching the bandage on the side of his head, where his ear was, before being hacked off. The weapons were practical, yet not described in an "over the top fashion", so for the levels of detail, you may wish to up that a little. A good formation and I look forward to seeing it on the Lit. Portal.

8/10

Sympathy for the Man - BrianEtrius

I thought that this was kind of akin to Dogma, meets Good Omens, meets Sin City. It was slightly flawed, though there were some great things to see with this piece. I was thoroughly gripped by the plot and the way that the Yakuzas seemed to be obsessed with explosions may have seemed uncharicteristic, from what other fiction about them I have seen, but I'll let that slide as poetic licence.

The major issue that this piece had was that the tensing wandered about. In one breath, it was present, then it shifted to past in the same sentence. For this to work, it either needs to be a flashback, where you switch tense from present to past, or you need to stick all to past or present tense. I know, I've been there and done that myself and got on the wring side of the English teacher for that, as it did make my piece untidy.

Proof reading can deal with most of these issues, as you had a handkerchief that should be should be dripping, not dipping with blood. It's the little things that make all the difference, so a little more work on this would tidy it up a treat. One of the best, but a little more polish required.

7/10

Untitled - RabidSquirrelStudios

A hostile takeover of the USA. subversive in nature, though I haven't been asked to remove it from the BBS probably points out that those lovely folks in homeland affairs actually do have a sense of humour. Well written good pace and a chilling way to put across that even the most powerful of nations could be the victim of a coup d'etat. Involving a sixteen year old, someone who has not yet attained the right to vote was a nice touch.

Blood, ichor and sickening imagery aplenty. I would have had you describe the severed head a little more... was it the President? Was it merely one of the guards that attacked? I get the feeling that it was the President, so dwelling on it a little would have helped that part of the stroty to hit home well and truly.

I'm glad to see that some of these stories appear to have been proofed to a good degree. I didn't spot any issues with this piece for Spelling, Punctuation, or Grammar, not that I am entirely foolproof, but it is encouraging to see people that care about their work enough to think that the judges care as well.

9/10

Iron Petrov - Frankeborrough

A Russian version of Moby Dick, meets Jaws. I know that this sweeping generalisation is hardly what the piece is like, though it suffices for the purpose of this review. With the characters gatehring up a crew together, it seems like a group of political dissidents, pursuing a coup d'etat. Only once you get on the boat do you realise that it's something different and much more destructive.

I feel that there were a few too many issues with the language here - is English your first language, as if not, I could possibly been a little kinder with the way that I marked it. Still, as it stands, the story became difficult to follow the flow of the tale. Not so badly that thingsd got missed, but I would have preferred a better flow for immersive purposes. If you feel that you're actually there, you can certainly keep abreast of things in a much better fashion.

7.5 / 10

The Arena's Din - Deathcon7

Another all too brief encounter with a story that has the makings of something a lot more, had the limitations been expanded. I hope that you will have it among your to do list, to expand upon this to the prequel of how Din came to be in the games and how the relationship with Icar developed and soured over time, before Din finds himself in the games, fighting for his life.

The three main characters here are very well developed and the plot has high speed action in the fights, combined with a loving tenderness that can be seen easily between Din and Sherah, though I sense some sort of love is felt by Icar for Sherah, so that would be worthy of expanding upon, as he acts not quite out of lust, more out of a yearning for a different past.

With the vast change of the emotions and the combat of the piece, we're looking at a seriously good piece of work here. There is a nice balance and the way that these things come together, you wind up with a gripping read that I couldn't stop going through.

9.5/10

Family Sword - Stafffighter

A chilling first person perspective of a single combat with swords. The piece is fast paced and certainly not lacking in grace, though the manoeuvres performed during this combat may be frowned upon by purists, I feel that it is perfectly acceptable behaviour, within the arena of combat. The description of the sword dripping blood was especially poignant, as the dust settles and the conflict finally draws to a close.

The main issue here was that the post contained a solid wall of text - separating these paragraphs could have made it a much more favourable piece, as could lengthening it, though to lengthen it may have gotten us more involved with the character, who remains elegantly anonymous throughout, save for the name Joseph in the first few paragraphs. A little back story thrown in as the narrator is want to do, follwed by the clashes of swords in the fight, which was a little brief. Certainly potential shows here for future contests, with a few areas to work on, but you're not quite there yet.

7/10


Will it ever end. Yes, all human endeavour is pointless ~ Bill Bailey
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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 10th, 2010 @ 07:02 PM Reply

At 10/10/10 06:02 PM, Coop83 wrote: I feel that there were a few too many issues with the language here - is English your first language, as if not, I could possibly been a little kinder with the way that I marked it.

I don't know whether to feel amused, infuriated, or a little embarassed. Yeah, I speken ze English, but I don't ever proof read until I print. This story was written during an hour and a half of keyboard smashing frenzy, and submitted as quickly as possible. So I can definately understand why you took points off. Future submissions will be....cleaner. However some of the characters' dialogue was meant to be read in a broken, sterotypical Russian accent; if that was confusing to read then it was supposed to be.

Anyways, still glad I made it to the top 5, and thanks for the review.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 11th, 2010 @ 12:23 PM Reply

Congrats to the winners. I'll hopefully post my critiques after I rummage through my Microsoft Word folder.

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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 11th, 2010 @ 05:07 PM Reply

As soon as I posted my story I cursed myself for forgetting to put spaces between the paragraphs. Oh well, no ones fault but my own.


I have nothing against people who can use pot and lead a productive life. It's these sanctimonius hippies that make me wish I was a riot cop in the 60's

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sinfulwolf
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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 11th, 2010 @ 07:47 PM Reply

8.5/10
That's not bad at all. And to still not place speaks volumes about the top five, so again congrats to the winners.

I will have to work on that occasional rambling, to make a tighter smoother story and just have things fall into place better than they do.

As for the bio cement... it's not really all that made up. NATO forces in Afghanistan use QuickClot which is powder that reacts to liquid and creates something akin to a scab. There are already talks of something very similar to what I used in my story. Glad you liked it though.

And yes this was a kind of introduction to a story I wanted to do at some point... I tend to do that with MWC entries.

Abuelodigital17
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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 12th, 2010 @ 05:51 PM Reply

It's better late than never. Congrats guys.


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Response to Mwc10 - June Results Oct. 15th, 2010 @ 08:59 AM Reply

At 10/11/10 07:47 PM, sinfulwolf wrote: 8.5/10
That's not bad at all. And to still not place speaks volumes about the top five, so again congrats to the winners.

Don't forget that was just my vote. Other judges may not have been so supportive.

As for the bio cement... it's not really all that made up. NATO forces in Afghanistan use QuickClot which is powder that reacts to liquid and creates something akin to a scab. There are already talks of something very similar to what I used in my story. Glad you liked it though.

You know, I've never heard of it. A great little piece of obscure information there, that inspires. Great!

At 10/12/10 08:43 PM, Grubby wrote:
At 10/10/10 06:01 PM, Coop83 wrote: "AK-74", instead of "AK-47" Proof reading. Also, repetition, since substituting gun, rifle, weapon or any similar words would work just as well.
Well the AK-47 is the most famous rifle in the world, however in reality, the Russian military uses the AK-74 as their standard issue weapon. Haha just to let you know, the AK-74 really exists.

With that, I honestly never considered that. I wonder had you put AK-47 in the piece before? It could have been confusing. Damned Russians.


Will it ever end. Yes, all human endeavour is pointless ~ Bill Bailey
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