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Poem: Fabric of Dreams

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keioss01
keioss01
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Poem: Fabric of Dreams 2010-07-27 21:40:44 Reply

one finger clasping the hair trigger
a black semi-automatic looking kind of bigger
everything seems that way while in slow mo
hard contact, bodies hit the floor, no homo
from the get go, i was born ready to strike
all other things being equal while most unlike
that which hovers in awe so far away
i unveil the covers only to reveal the day
for, the night had me trapped under infinite darkness
like a monster with the lochness i hearken less
i speak to them voiceless no need for noises
saying look how the boy is, without any choices
the options bereft him, he quietly retreats
as the lights dim, writing poetry to beats
the heat getting to him feeling like "fuck!"
no matter the action the outcome is luck
however his dreams end they're priceless to him
nothing seems like they seem however nice to him
the only option as it appears to him that being suicide on his mind and whim
it's like i'm drowning in fire with no apparent desires, i nevermind them
as i enjoy the wonderment of imagination
i feel the claw of displacement and isolation
i live under no nation, abide by no rules
my consequences inevitable i await my dues
i await the truth, ready to satisfy my ruse
no more love and hate, feeling fate left me clues
but what's the truth with which manner have i to choose
what's it like to win and forever lose?
i dream not to establish order but harmony
i'd like to see the apex of cosmic dystropy
i really wana be happy first and lastly
they outcast me instead, reality so vastly
seemingly unaware of my sorrows
feeling cold like being struck by ice arrows
have my thoughts been borrowed
i feel as though my destiny has narrowed
so i burn my leaves and let the cards shuffle in depth
I just want a free life and maybe a couple saves from death.
amen...
Love,
mossy

note: my name is mossy!

~napkin smile!

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ChainsawNinjaZX
ChainsawNinjaZX
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Response to Poem: Fabric of Dreams 2010-07-28 00:41:10 Reply

Your wording is weak, your premise is lame, and you have no real sense of cadence. Try again.

keioss01
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Response to Poem: Fabric of Dreams 2010-07-28 10:17:12 Reply

At 7/28/10 12:41 AM, ChainsawNinjaZX wrote: Your wording is weak, your premise is lame, and you have no real sense of cadence. Try again.

I seriously doubt your sense of poetry.

Reread and try again.


~napkin smile!

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