A Poem I Wrote Yesterday

[keioss01]

i need to relax, take a second to brush away my feelings
im feeling crushed the pressure seems almost too much
it's like having a crutch without the disabilities
i remember my very first crush
oh how i feel so much lesser than the girls i like
than the girls i like
than the girls i like...

fuck that, you came to hear rhymes, you wana see some sick multis
like doing a triple kick flip, i got u on deck, i got u on deck, i got u on deck
so let's check out what im about to step, a neverending drop
like a waterfall, i perceptibly never stop, perpetually i rise to the top
unwound you'll see me when time beats clock
if you understood that you best be ready to rock
cause like any seismic wave, here comes the aftershock
the aftershock...

watch reality crumble like the twin towers to rubble ground zero
like a drunk expectedly stumbles down the cobble road
he feels like a hero, he wakes on a sidewalk from an empty dream
nauseous he relieves himself, feeling a lesser purity though now forever humble
i could never say he was a witness to my grand theft auto
memory or not, it has been unseen, nevermind the obscene
forgive me for returning to the crime scene unseen
but thats me, just one guy, feeling like im ready to die
for what? the glory in death beats living a lie
im sky you can be earth, let us mitigate our solidarity
a myth of live birth, how could i be present to such a distant memory?
oh the unclarity!
how it burdens me...

thanks for reading!

[Deathcon7]

That's not a very good poem at all, if you could even give it the classification. It sounds more like a disjointed monologue attempting to impersonate poetic language. My advice would be to research and study prosody if you plan to write poetry on any level. The above lacks any sign of structured, or intelligent poetry. Then again, if drivel is what you were aiming for, ytmnd...

[keioss01]

At 7/25/10 03:29 PM, Deathcon7 wrote: That's not a very good poem at all, if you could even give it the classification. It sounds more like a disjointed monologue attempting to impersonate poetic language. My advice would be to research and study prosody if you plan to write poetry on any level. The above lacks any sign of structured, or intelligent poetry. Then again, if drivel is what you were aiming for, ytmnd...

Not to turn this into an argument, but a poem does NOT need to be in 4 line stanzas with a solid rhyme at the end of every line.
In fact, if you've ever read Shakespeare or even Robert Frost, you would know that.
Also, your reply sounds like the failed attempt to sound smart when in reality I can sense your aggravation that you lack any personality (because all creativity ultimately is derived from personality) to write a poem better than mine.
I'd hate to go to any parties with you, you sound like a fucking buzzkill.
Seeing as how talking to robots is no worse than talking to a wall, Good day sir.