Is this any good?

[andycastaneda]

I've never really written poems before, and I don't know much about them.

Filled up with a sensation
One impossible to tell

It's neither happy nor anxious
Feeling of not being well

Earth has not something to compare
This feeling is much for anyone to bare

This is not good
This is bad

I have become smitten
And now I'm glad

You are the one for I've fallen
You with your mind and spirit

The word not spoken
I need not hear it

'okay' is what I saw
I could only stare in awe

[TheThing]

Overall, it wasn't bad. It wasn't good either, but it's a start.

I'm not exactly sure why you broke everything into 2 lines. It's a bit weird, especially with the rhyme scheme you've chosen. I say put the ABCB lines together, then leave the couplet alone, like so -

Filled up with a sensation
One impossible to tell
It's neither happy nor anxious
Feeling of not being well

Earth has not something to compare
This feeling is much for anyone to bare

Of course, if there's a particular stylistic or symbolic reason you chose 2 lines, by all means keep it like that.

Also, some of the rhyming feels a bit forced. The way I do rhyming poems is I lay out what I want to say first, then change the lines to fit into a rhyme. Like so -

I love your laugh
And the way you talk

Turns into:

I loved your response to a joke
and that lovely way you spoke.

I understand that's not the world's greatest couplet, but it's just a quick example to give you an idea.

Also, watch your meter. Some of the lines just have too many syllables, which makes it awkward to read, especially when it happens in the couplets.

Finally, use punctuation. Most people don't realize it, but poetry needs periods and commas as much as a novel does. In fact, periods and commas can help add more meaning to a poem. So use them.

This is pretty good for a first time poet. The more you practice (and get feedback like this), the more you will grow and the better you will become.

[Stereocrisis]

At 7/24/10 02:58 PM, andycastaneda wrote: I've never really written poems before, and I don't know much about them.

Filled up with a sensation
One impossible to tell

It's neither happy nor anxious
Feeling of not being well

Earth has not something to compare
This feeling is much for anyone to bare

This is not good
This is bad

I have become smitten
And now I'm glad

You are the one for I've fallen
You with your mind and spirit

The word not spoken
I need not hear it

'okay' is what I saw
I could only stare in awe

I am not that impressed. I mean, I just think it is kind of cliche. The message in this poem is that you are at a loss for words. You don't know how to express your feelings. Then along comes a person for who you have feelings, and it is unclear what point you are trying to make.

This stinks of writers block. Not to be a cruel judge, but I see your poem as basically not knowing what to say. I don't get the message. I get that you are probably unable to explain yourself, and that you have feeling for someone, but there is not much here to give me the insight I need to really care about the story. A poem is basically a story. You need substance.

[Deathcon7]

To add-on to the above: the issue is a lack of clarity. A lot of lines are forced into place for the simple goal of satisfying a rhyme. Don't sacrifice content for a rhyme. Be concise and clear with what you're trying to say. And most important of all, the advice I've been giving all day, study prosody. It'll help you improve as a technical poet, and help you branch out into different styles and formats.