The Woodcutter

[Wolf-Raven]

[Unedited, inspired by an old game i used to play. I realize that if i saw a movie about the same subject, or actually saw it first hand, this story would still be punted out. I am inspired by a rock.]

Once upon a time, in the lands of Dianorieum, there was a man living on the island known as Spataea. He was a woodcutter of the humblest of origins. His grandfather cut wood, his mother cut wood, he cut wood, and when he has sons and daughters, they would cut wood too. Every morning, at the break of dawn, he would march outside and fell a tree. By mid-morning, he would get his great workhorse to haul the log back to the mill. The limbs would be cut by noon, and he would eat his lunch on a giant log. By the time the afternoon came, his log would be in planks, and he would be feasting on a fine dinner.

He had few friends, which was more due to his location rather than his character. He did have one friend in particular. He was a merchant, a good man from the Syndicate of Merchants, and every evening, he would come up with his cart and help the woodcutter load the wood to be sold in the cities. The merchant lived by night, and the woodcutter would always invite him to stay for supper, or as the Merchant would call it, breakfast. They would talk and laugh for hours, talking about everything and anything under the sun: the weather, the trees, buisness, politics, philosophy, gossip, anything. Then as the sun fell behind the mountains, the merchant would wave goodbye and venture back east, and the woodcutter would bunk down for the night and await the new day. A simple life, but a good one.

One day, the merchant came, but he was giddy with excitement. He insisted that they work quickly to load all the wood onto the cart. When they were inside, with a good supper of venison and potatoes, the merchant finally spilled.

"Do you know of the Islands to the west?" The merchant asked his friend

"No one really knows anything, except that they exist." the woodcutter said "Most people don't go out there unless they're exploring."

"Well, they found a chain of islands out there!" the merchant said "And the Syndicate made a claim!"

"Did they now?" The woodcutter smiled "So would you be exploiting these?"

"You know well we can't unless they are owned by a nation." The merchant said "But the Kingdom of Dianorieum just declared them colonies! and they want the Syndicate to administer them!"

"Interesting." the woodcutter said "Is this why you are so excited?"

"Oh, a few more coins in the pouch would not be too interesting, save for what it implies!" the merchant spread his arms wide and announced "I have been elected governor of one of the islands!"

The woodcutter laughed "Congratulations! But do you even know how?"

The merchant nodded "We'll build a city there, and start making, buying and selling! We'll create a city of culture and wealth!"

"We?" The woodcutter asked

"Oh!" The merchant nearly jumped from his skin with excitement "I was wondering, my dear friend, if you might help me!"

"These islands must have trees then, as i am not much use for much else."

"I disagree!" The merchant said "But i will need wood, as i must make the ship i need myself."

"I will cut the wood for you, my friend."

"But a settlement needs wood to buildhHouses and all that other stuff!" the giddy merchant replied "Would you come with me once the ship is done? Will you help me build my city?"

"Of course!" the woodcutter said "Anything you do, i shall support!"

"Then on the morrow, the wood you cut for me shall be used to build ships! If you would make a few tall masts as well, it would be most appreciated!"

"Them i shall make!"

"Excellent!" The merchant said "On the morrow then?"

"On the morrow."

TBC

[TheThing]

This is a rather interesting plot line, and I'm curious to see where it goes. But I do have some helpful hints for the later installments

1) Edit before you post. I was almost dissuaded when I saw the words "unedited" at the top. But besides losing readership, it also makes a better story. You can correct mistakes, make the story more logical, or add some characterization through dialog. Which leads me to my next point...

2) Add some characterization. I know nothing about either of the men besides their professions. What do they look like? What are they wearing? What are their personalities? Give me a little more detail on your characters. Hell, it could make planning future events much easier (i.e. the merchant is a sly guy and eventually fucks over the woodcutter; that particular thing doesn't have to happen, but you get the idea).

3) Avoid floating heads. Unless it's a particularly meaningful, important, or dramatic line of the story, try to put something at the end or the beginning of the quote. And more than just "he said". What is doing while he's speaking? Is he still eating? Cleaning up after dinner? Does scratch his head when he finds out the merchant is a governor, or does he throw his hands in the air out of excitement? Spice it up a bit.

4) To go along with the above, try to break up the dialog. You start out well enough, with a little bit of well-developed back story, but you falter after that point. Put narration after a few lines of dialog. What are they thinking about? Do they pause at any point during this conversation? If so, what's going on in the background? Does the horse interrupt at any point? I'm reading a piece of literature, not a screenplay; tell me what the characters are doing.

Like I said, I'm intrigued by the plot, and I'm curious to see where it goes from here. As for the tips above, you can heed them or disregard them. But it's those things that make a piece be considered "well-written", and it takes time and practice to figure out how to get that stuff done. But I feel that this story is a bit more "for fun"; that is, you're just dicking around, telling a scenario you thought up. But it's a good place to practice some of the higher-writing skills I mentioned.

[MoonlitRaven]

Nice story. Do you like poetry?

[Deathcon7]

At 7/25/10 02:46 AM, TheThing wrote: 3) Avoid floating heads. Unless it's a particularly meaningful, important, or dramatic line of the story, try to put something at the end or the beginning of the quote. And more than just "he said". What is doing while he's speaking? Is he still eating? Cleaning up after dinner? Does scratch his head when he finds out the merchant is a governor, or does he throw his hands in the air out of excitement? Spice it up a bit.

This isn't always necessary. It depends on what's happening, or what is being said, or the pace of the dialog. Tags aren't always required if you can infer who is speaking, or if the actions of the character are negligible.

@Wolf-Raven: For the storybook-feel you're striving towards, this is overly complex. You really lose the feel when you start delving into the socio- and political-spheres. A storybook is more concentrated on delivering a particular moral. This, on the other hand, jumps into a higher realm. You need to bring it back down, focus more on archetypes, and establish a concrete moral.

[TrevorW]

I just want to say that I agree With Deathcon on his disagreement with TheThing. As a reader I do not need the character's actions to be thrown back at me constantly if it has already been explained.

[TheThing]

At 7/25/10 04:59 PM, Deathcon7 wrote:

At 7/25/10 02:46 AM, TheThing wrote: 3) Avoid floating heads. Unless it's a particularly meaningful, important, or dramatic line of the story, try to put something at the end or the beginning of the quote. And more than just "he said". What is doing while he's speaking? Is he still eating? Cleaning up after dinner? Does scratch his head when he finds out the merchant is a governor, or does he throw his hands in the air out of excitement? Spice it up a bit.

This isn't always necessary. It depends on what's happening, or what is being said, or the pace of the dialog. Tags aren't always required if you can infer who is speaking, or if the actions of the character are negligible.

Not to start a war, but it is important to avoid it as much as possible. Like I said, Floating Head Syndrome is alright occasionally, especially for an important line of dialog. But overall, the characters should be doing something while talk. It makes the text more interesting to the reader, adds some characterization to the characters, and re-enforces the setting/plot up to that point.

[TrevorW]

I would argue that there are other methods to establish the setting and situation. If an impressive narrative preluded to the dialog then there should not be a problem. Take "The Road" for instance. Everything needed for setting was established before major chunks of dialog and the dialog was built on from there.

[TheThing]

At 7/25/10 06:08 PM, TrevorW wrote: I would argue that there are other methods to establish the setting and situation. If an impressive narrative preluded to the dialog then there should not be a problem. Take "The Road" for instance. Everything needed for setting was established before major chunks of dialog and the dialog was built on from there.

Very true. But I would argue that The Road is more an exercise in atmosphere building rather than story telling or providing a theme or moral, making the dialog less of a focus than the previous narration.

I just prefer to have the characters or the background or something going on whenever dialog appears, because I play out the story I'm reading like a movie in my mind. And whenever I see dialog lined up like that, all I can imagine is the characters standing a foot or 2 apart, saying their lines in a rather monotonous tone; arms at their side, looking directly forward. No emotion, no action, just boring dialog used to progress the plot, al la The Road.

[TrevorW]

Good dialog is dynamic and has feeling in it though, wouldn't you agree?

[TheThing]

At 7/26/10 02:37 PM, TrevorW wrote: Good dialog is dynamic and has feeling in it though, wouldn't you agree?

This can go on forever.

Yes, good dialog does have feeling in it and does possess some dynamicism. But good dialog is hard to do, and The Woodcutter does not do it. Besides, a little description as to what else is going on never hurt. It doesn't have to be a 3 page exposition; a short sentence or 2 will do it.