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Science Jokes and One-Liners

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Fishyninjabreadman
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Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 07:46 PM Reply

This is a topic for all Nerds out there who love a good science based bit of wit.
If you dont get the joke, dont moan and Bitch. We have told you they are Science jokes, so if you dont enjoy Science, dont comment negatively.

Here we go:

'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate'

'Question: What is "IT"?

Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And supersymmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.

Answer: IT = science, of course. '

Post any good ones you know

Science Jokes and One-Liners


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nainodnarB
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 07:47 PM Reply

Heh heh, heh...

Yeah...

My name is backwards, if you're dumb enough not to realize.

physicsman09
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 07:49 PM Reply

A hydrogen atom goes up to another hydrogen and says;

"Help I've lost my electron!"

The other one says;

"Are you sure?"

The first atom says;

"I'm positive!"


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-The-Hitman

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GiantDouche
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 07:53 PM Reply

At 7/13/10 07:49 PM, physicsman09 wrote: A hydrogen atom goes up to another hydrogen and says;

"Help I've lost my electron!"

The other one says;

"Are you sure?"

The first atom says;

"I'm positive!"

BUT HOW WAS HE SO SURE THAT HE HAD LOST HIS ELECTRON.

TheSporkLord
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 07:55 PM Reply

At 7/13/10 07:49 PM, physicsman09 wrote: A hydrogen atom goes up to another hydrogen and says;

"Help I've lost my electron!"

The other one says;

"Are you sure?"

The first atom says;

"I'm positive!"

Fallout 3 is cool.

Also more math related...

Science Jokes and One-Liners


" Let the metal flow " - Chuck Schuldiner
GUITARISTS Awesome sig by Tateos.

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Pjorg
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 09:01 PM Reply

Here you go.


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Bit
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 09:08 PM Reply

I actually made this one up...

The Lead atom and the Uranium atom were talking one day.

Lead asked Uranium, "Are you stable, bro?"

Uranium replied, "IDK"

It may take a few reads to get it.

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IncendiaryProduction
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 09:24 PM Reply

there was some weird ass kid in my 9th grade earth science class that would make science jokes that werent even funny if you got them; yell thats preposterous at his own gay punchline, and then laugh himself into a coma with a unnaturally high voice for a 15 year old.

he will never have friends

A merry heart does good like a medicine; but a broken spirit dries the bones. Proverbs 17:22
"It's not gay because we're bros." - Gobblemeister

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ChopstickClock
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 09:52 PM Reply

At 7/13/10 09:24 PM, IncendiaryProduction wrote: there was some weird ass kid in my 9th grade earth science class that would make science jokes that werent even funny if you got them; yell thats preposterous at his own gay punchline, and then laugh himself into a coma with a unnaturally high voice for a 15 year old.

he will never have friends

Wait were still talking 'bout you right?


teh Clock Crew will n3vr die. and dont u underline mai authority agen or ill g0 clyde shafe on ur ass

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Jinx-Studios
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 10:00 PM Reply

...So the positive electron says to the negative electron and says, "Your name is kindergarten?!"...

anyone who gets this is awesome.

Don't be STOOPID!

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UberCream
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 13th, 2010 @ 10:05 PM Reply

At 7/13/10 10:00 PM, Jinx-Studios wrote: ...So the positive electron says to the negative electron and says, "Your name is kindergarten?!"...

anyone who gets this is awesome.

But you can't have a positive electron. I don't get it.


"I'm in love with UberCream." - Max Gilardi.

Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 05:22 AM Reply

An infectious Disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'We dont serve diseases here'.

The disease looks at him and replies 'Your not a very good host'


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Rory
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 05:41 AM Reply

It is common knowledge that Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives.


Dean: Rorys parents didn't give him dancing lessons. That much is obvious.
There are many things I regret, one of them Is asking the above buckfast swilling prick for a sig.

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GoldenClock
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 05:42 AM Reply

There were two scientists in a bathtub. One scientist says to the other scientist 'hey, pass the soap!', and the other scientist says 'no soap, radio!'

Tony-DarkGrave
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 06:10 AM Reply

if you can evolve you can devolve.

Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 02:50 PM Reply

Geology and Physics, the original Rock n Roll.

'Don't worry pluto, I'm not a Planet Either'

Schrodinger's cat walked into a bar.....and didnt


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thenewbies
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 03:00 PM Reply

At 7/14/10 02:50 PM, Fishyninjabreadman wrote: Schrodinger's cat walked into a bar.....and didnt

That was good.


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CapnCrunchDaPimp
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 03:02 PM Reply

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He downs it and before leaving asks, "How much was my drink sir?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"

Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 03:33 PM Reply

At 7/14/10 03:00 PM, thenewbies wrote:
At 7/14/10 02:50 PM, Fishyninjabreadman wrote: Schrodinger's cat walked into a bar.....and didnt
That was good.

Thank was was quite proud of that one!


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Ptero
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 04:17 PM Reply

What did the electron say to the neutron?
Electrons can't talk, dick.

nainodnarB
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 04:18 PM Reply

Remember that one episode of Dexter's Laboratory where he told a joke to Dee Dee and at the end he said, "That's my wife!"

Yeah, that.

My name is backwards, if you're dumb enough not to realize.

Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 14th, 2010 @ 04:19 PM Reply

Funny.....not Read the first post


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Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:12 PM Reply

With the bomb squad, you can usually stop running after the first couple of blocks. If it involves the physics department, keep going." - Anon


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NewgroundsNation
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:17 PM Reply

These jokes are fucking hilarious.


[I'm back (I hope)] [Sig made by Spartan204]

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NewgroundsNation
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:18 PM Reply

At 7/15/10 12:17 PM, NewgroundsNation wrote: These jokes are fucking hilarious.

Erm, no sarcasm, I forgot to add the emoticon.


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gingermagicman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:19 PM Reply

My friend convinced me I'm a metal with the atomic number 82.

I guess I'm just easily lead.

In December, drinkin' horchata, I look psycotic in a, bal-a-clava.

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Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:20 PM Reply

At 7/15/10 12:20 PM, Ejit wrote: Two cats sitting on a slanted roof, which one falls off first?

The one with the smallest mu.

Very good!


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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:33 PM Reply

What did the mathamatician say after Christmas diner?

The square root of minus one divided by the square root of 64.

Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:34 PM Reply

At 7/15/10 12:24 PM, herpderpderpderp wrote: ITT:

HURR DURR LOOK AT ME COPY AND PASTE THESE JOKES, I AM SCIENCE SMART AND YOU ARE ALL DUMB!11

Good lord I've never seen so many pathetic fucks in one place.

Hey we never said there were original. Read the first post please.
We cant help it if you dont understans.


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Fishyninjabreadman
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Response to Science Jokes and One-Liners Jul. 15th, 2010 @ 12:40 PM Reply

No I just think its pointless to say you dont like a thread, if you dont like it, dont read it.

Anyway this is the way jokes and one-liners have been spread throughout history, by word of mouth and in the written word.


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