I need a script critique!

[Sottaceti]

Okay, so a flash that I made that I planned to turn into a series, called dotAwesome//G.U., didn't do so well. I got many reviews saying it was very unfunny, so I was wondering if anybody could take the script for the second episode and maybe tweak it to make it funnier? Preferably a fellow dotHacker, but anybody with a sense of humour can take a crack at it. Thanks in advance.

dotAwesome//G.U.1-1: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/54 0460

dotAwesome//G.U. 1-2 Script:
[8 Months l8r]

Chick: Halps meh pl0x!

Bordeaux: Haha what an idiot!

Haseo: Hahaha angst angst angst.

Bordeaux: Who da fuck...?

Negimaru: It's the Terror of Death... Haseo, the PKK!!

Haseo: Pow blam kaboom!

Bordeaux: I'm surprised, I didn't think your penis would be that big! I guess the

story about you cumming all over 100 KK members is true after all!

Haseo: Does you be knowin' Tri-Edge, homie?

Bordeaux: Tri-Edge is a myth!

Haseo: Kthxbai

Bordeaux: Hold up, n*gga I know you just didn't!

Haseo: Oh yes, I did.

Bordeaux: Oh no you di-in't!

Haseo: Oh yes, I did.

Bordeaux: Oh no you di-in't!

Haseo: Oh yes, I did.

Bordeaux: Oh no you di-in't!

Haseo: Oh yes, I did.

Bordeaux: Oh no you di-in't!

Haseo: Oh yes, I did.

Bordeaux: Oh no you di-AH!!

Haseo: Oh, yes. I. DID.

Bordeaux: Ohnoes I be dead, homie!

Haseo: Back to town for me.

[AROSOFTHEDESERT]

You would need good voice acting to pull off a skit like this. I might be able to do Haseo.

[Sottaceti]

At 6/27/10 06:45 PM, AROSOFTHEDESERT wrote: You would need good voice acting to pull off a skit like this. I might be able to do Haseo.

Sure, just record some Haseo lines from the script and send 'em to me at [e-mail]

[Dumbles]

Looks like some good clean cheap laughs.
If that's what your going for, then this script should suffice.