C.E.O Chapter one

[AROSOFTHEDESERT]

C.E.O.

Chapter 1.

"Ill try to recall this as best I can, but I don't remember much, so I apologize if you don't understand the jest of it. My name is Micheal Stoenkal, or at least that's what it said. Things have changed since I signed up for this program, the air was clean, nature was bound and plentiful, Things have changed though, beyond my feeble words can tell you, You live in a time of free will, and joy, oblivious to the corruption that has already destroyed your life, although it doesn't seem like it. We're just here after the walls crumble down."

"Things were bright; everything in the room scalded my eyes as if I was staring at the sun. I heard absolutely nothing but this one beep, same tone, same rhythm, beep, beep,beep. I started to gain control of my body, warm blood rushed into my fingers. When I sat up I noticed the pads that were stuck to my body, blue and red cords running to a machine that was beeping. I got up, my legs harder than the marbilesteel that the floor was made out of. The cold ground scared my feet, the sweat and dead skin off my back made me even colder. I don't know how to describe the sensation, but I felt as if I had only slept a few hours, but I knew that feeling was false. The calendar said Nov23, 2018. I thought that couldn't be right, and now I wished It was wrong."

"I stood for a full hour collected my senses back, a horrible taste filmed over my tounge, my ears rung, devilish beep following my brain around. I heard what I instinctively knew were footsteps. So I hid behind my gurney, a young nurse walked in, stunningly attractive, and if the calendar was right, it was 15 years since my last date.
I rose from the gurney, her eyes widened," "You're not supposed to be awake". "After that my mind goes black, just a screeching sound coming out of the speaker, and more and more footsteps."

"I woke from this trance, drenched in something red, I can't remember the name of it, but it was coming out of the nurse, and the other 3 people, laying there, leaking red too. Realizing I was holding a red-stained piece of metal I assumed I was the one that made them leak. She didn't accept my apology"

"I ran, so fast and hard that bolted past all the guards, each step a spike into my atrophied feet, the sterile air rushing into my lungs, I didn't care if I was going to die or not, I was going to get answers. I tackled through a sheet of glass, noticing the ground was quite a bit ways away, as I plummeted, I prayed. My prayers were answered and I landed in a pile of mud, black, warm, sticky. I stood up gasping for air, everything smelt like a factory, I couldn't believe it, and nature had died."

"It's sad, when every breath burns your lungs and there is no where for you to go when you want fresh air, no mountain pines or hot springs. Anyways... I kept going, but I slowed down, my fingertips were numb from exhaustion. Even been so tired, you're walking, but you don't feel your legs moving? It's strange, but that fear of dying keeps you going. I'm sorry; I can't keep doing this."

This is the sample of my storie, message me if you want to no more or want to read it all.

[InsertFunnyUserName]

I like that way that you introduce the story in your first paragraph. It sets up a lot without saying too much. Though, there are two things I'll point out. The first is that you mention that things have changed a number of times within the same small amount of text. It's okay to elaborate on the extremity, but once you say there was a change, there's no need to say it again in a different way. The second thing is that talking to the reader in your narration too much is hard to pull off without sounding preachy. Now, since you haven't posted much of the story, I don't know if you do this a lot or not, but in the instance that you have, limit it or make it subtle.

A small detail is that you shouldn't put the narration in quotes, even if it's an internal monologue.

You have an excellent way of showing not telling. That is, your way of giving us the details of the setting and the situation without explicitly saying so is engaging to read and it keeps me wondering about both what's going to happen next and how the protagonist got into that situation in the first place.

I'm also a fan of your writing style. Your sentences, for the most part, flow excellently and the words that you use fit well into the mood and the premise.

It's hard for me to say much else because you've only given us a tiny portion of the story. Is this the entirety of chapter one? If it is, then for this type of story, I suggest making your chapters longer because in something that I assume is going to have a lot of action in it, extremely short chapters like this and too many chapter breaks can act as choppy road bumps in your pacing. If it's not the entirety, can you post the rest of it?

I'd love to read more of this if you're willing to post more or perhaps stick it into a blog post or a PDF.

[AROSOFTHEDESERT]

Im glad you like it. As for the first person narration, only happens in the first part of each chapter, and the chapters are set up like this.

1.1-First person
1.2-1.5 Third Person Omnicient
2.1-First person
2.2-2.4 T.P.O
3.1 FP
3.2-3.5 T.P.O
4.1 FP
4.2-4.4 T.P.O
4.4 pt 2 T.P.O
5.1 FP
5.2 T.P.O
The res is T.P.O