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GUY1 walks along the sidewalk making his way to the diner
next to a liquor store. A bum sites between the diner
entrance and the liquor store's.
'Spare any change?
GUY1 hands the bum a 5 dollar bill.
Oh, sir... thank you... thank you
GUY1 enters the diner and spots his friend (GUY2). He sits
at the table in front of him and pulls out a small stack of
pictures and lays them out on the table.
The missing fingers in the victims,
we've been missing one bit of
GUY2 gestures the waitress to their table.
See, Victim 1 lost the pinky.
Victim 2 lost the ring finger, and
Victim 3 lost the middle...
The waitress arrives at the right side of GUY1 at the table.
Our special today is the beef stew.
What would you like to drink?
GUY1 turns to her confused.
coffee... I'm sorry what were the
specials? My right ear's deaf.
I'll take that, thanks.
Coffee as well, Just give me a
corned beef sandwich. No cheese.
The waitress walks away.
See, there was an even time between
each murder, and it's been a while
since he's killed again.
Because, the he's finished the job.
Wrong... I've realized that all of
the victims were friends to Mario
Yeah. And the fingers... He's been
working his way across the hand.
The waitress places the bowl of stew in front of GUY1 and
the sandwich in front of Guy 2.
I'll be right back with coffee,
sorry about the hold up.
The waitress walks over to the brewer.
Do you know what the name for thumb
is in Italian?
(sticking his thumb up)
Thumb, yeah. Thumb.
GUY2 takes a big bite out of his sandwich.
GUY2 swallows his bite in shock.
The bastard... He's working his way
to the thumb...
That was my guess...
GUY2 gags a bit. He opens his sandwich spotting a slice of
cheese between his roast beef and bread with a bite out of
Aww... christ... I specifically
asked for no cheese.
Oh no... will you be alright?
Yeah that's fine.
The waitress walks up with two mugs and a coffee pot. she
pours coffee into the mugs.
No, No milk. I'm lactose
Oh... sorry about the cheese.
The waitress pulls out a small jug of milk and asks GUY1 if
he'd like some through gesture.
Uh, yes please.
The waitress pours milk into GUY1's coffee and walks away.
Well, what do you think?
I think this is really amazing
stuff, what you're bringing up
here, and I think it's very
important to inform the chief.
Hell, even the DA!
I wanted to check if I wasn't a
loon drawing all these conclusions
and see what you thought first...
...No no, your theory is definitely
See another idea, I'm not sure if
this is stretching it a bit too
much... You think 'Pollice' might
have something to do with 'Police'?
Well, it does... sound like a bit
of a... stretch. But I still think
we should bring it up to the chief
Yeah beacause If it is related to
'police' I think...
Listen... I hate to do this, but I
think we should cut our dinner
short. I'm not taking this cheese
GUY1 notices GUY2 struggling a bit in his chair.
Oh... no worries. I understand.
Just bring in all your info to the
GUY1 gets up.
Oh... and don't worry about the
check, I'll get it.
GUY1 goes over to the bar and pulls out his wallet and drops
some money onto the counter. GUY2 works his way to the
bathroom. GUY 1 walks out the diner door. GUY 2 reaches the
bathroom door only to find that it is out of order. He
grunts in agony. Heads out the diner himself.
GUY1 walks by the bum who now has a a bottle in a paper bag
sitting on the ground mumbling to himself.
GUY1 keeps walking pulls out a crime scene picture and looks
at the severed finger. GUY 2 walks to his parked car and
opens it frantically. He starts the engine. the bum gets up,
and starts wandering the side walk. GUY1 flips to the next
picture studying it tediously. GUY2 screeches his car out of
the parking spot and speeds down the road moaning. The bum's
drunken walk slows down. Beside him, he notices a car with
its engine running and door wide open parked in front of a
He gets in and drives off. An angry man runs out of the
laundry place with a basket of clothing. GUY1 is waiting at
a crosswalk. the light goes green for him, but he stays in
place, still studying the pictures. GUY2 is shivering in
tension driving his car furiously down the road. The green
light ahead of him turns yellow.
GUY1 takes a step forward into the crosswalk. GUY 2's light
GUY2 takes his attention off the red light above him and
puts it back on the road. In front of him however is his
He hits the brakes. GUY1 doesn't even turn to his right.
GUY2's car collides with GUY1. Until the body and car come
to a complete stop. GUY2's eyes and teeth are clenching
hard. He widens both and rushes out of the car.
Oh god! Oh fuck! No no no no!
He bends over GUY1's body and turns him over, revealing his
friend's dead face. The bum drives drunk down the street
madly. GUY2 hears a roaring engine behind him and turns
The bum crashes. GUY2 is crushed between both cars, and the
bum flies out of the windshield landing on GUY2's car hood.
GUY1 is caught under the noses of both cars, and GUY 2's
shit covers the entire accident...
Very random ending, but decidedly good. Despite minor errors easily fixed during development, the script would make a very good animation. Though, as I'm sure you're aware off, if you're going for something serious the whole shitting everywhere may ruin it for you.
It has a funny end I guess. I guess that did fix the cliche problem though, heh.
Failure should push you until success can pull you.