The Tale of Chris and Cindy

[TaroMaster4]

Ok i made a better story than my other one and this one has several of the TTA forums' members in it along with a few surprise guests in it.
The first part of the story really isn't all the good or interesting, but the other ones are worth the read.
Here is the first Chapter of the series.

The Tale of Chris and Cindy

Part 1
"The not so important beginning"

A happy Father and Mother lived happily with their 2 children Chris the older brother and Cindy the younger sister. They were about to eat dinner when suddenly the house grew dark and the children grew worried. Glass shattered, the door kicked down, It was a burglar. The Parents told their Children to hide while the Father dealt with the so called burglar. The father came up to the burglar and stood his ground and said "What are you here for?"

The Man said i'm here for you and your family ! the Father: (turns around) get the children out of here while you still can! The Man shot him with a Tranquilizer dart and said That's one down. Then the Man rose his hand in the air and a bright light surrounded the Father, then he disappeared!

The Rest were in shock till they heeded the Father's words and tried to escape.
Unfortunately they were all darted in the end.

[TaroMaster4]

Part 2
"The Awakening"

Chris Woke up and he saw that he was trapped in what looked like a giant capsule filled with water and that he had wires and a breathing machine on.

Chris saw his sister Cindy in another one of those things and saw something completely different about her. She had no arms or legs and instead she had what looked like miniature windmills spinning around to keep her afloat, which turned out to be her body! Chris struggled to get free and something felt weird in his left arm. chris looked over and saw his whole arm had turned into what looked like a giant Sword.

Chris was surprised by this and tried to scream for help even though no one could here him.

????: So what do you think of my Modifications?

Chris: (looks up) Huh who are you?

(then the mysterious figure came up to him and then chris realized who it was)

????: I am known as Dark Ninja Taro

Chris: You're that kidnapper! What did you do to us? and where's our parents?!

DN: oh them, they failed to comply with my "Modifications" so they were disposed of.

Chris: you fiend! Why did you kill them?!

DN: Oh me? i didn't kill them you did!

Chris: What i would never do that!

DN: Oh but you did, You see that i found something interesting with my experiment, i found a hidden darkness within you and i tried to control that darkness and see how'd you react against your parents.

Chris: So you mean i really did kill them??

DN: Yes you did, but lucky for you that if you hadn't you would've died by their hands.

Chris: What do you mean?

DN: i said earlier that i worked on them first but they lost every shred of humanity they had left when it was over, so i sent you to end them.

Chris: What exactly did you do to us?

DN: I Inserted two of my experimental Genes into you and your sister.

DN: Number 1 "the Light Evolving Gene" into your sister and Number 2 "the Dark Evolving Gene" into you.

Chris: So that's how i killed my parents without me knowing!

DN: Exactly! Now that you know this your Evolution be less painful for you.

Chris: Wait! you mean that it hasn't ended?

DN: of course not you still have to stay here till you're complete, then i can send you to Lord Daemon to be his slaves of battle while i become his Second in Command.

Chris: i'll never let that happen i will never work for evil Ever!
(as he said that he a dark aura surrounded him and he broke free of the capsule and escaped with his sister who he broke out before he left.

DN: Darn they escaped. No matter they'll come back on their own when the time comes.

[JohnEndel959]

I thought the story was good and interesting, I liked the uncertainty of the guy just waking up in a test tube. I think that to make the deaths of the parents a little more striking, you could describe them a bit more, other than them just being standard "mom and dad". Also, In many parts you simply lists what happens in between dialogue. To make things more interesting you should try to really describe what's happening. Describe the feelings of the characters and be more specific. Instead of just saying Chris broke out from the test tube, you could say something like, "Chris rammed his sword-like arm through the glass, spewing the liquid across the floor and sending bits of glass across the room." The more you elaborate, the more interesting it is to read. Other than just saying the family was eventually all darted, you could first describe their attacker, giving a more sinister spin on the situation. Also, you could write about a suspenseful "hide-and-seek" through the house, I think the scene could be alot more suspenseful than the version you posted. Overall, what you have written down has an interesting story, but it still needs to be fleshed out and thought through.

[TaroMaster4]

thanks a lot! The truth is i'm not a very good writer but with that info i might be able to make it better.
But right now i think i'll just post the chapters first and do the suspense and stuff after.

[TaroMaster4]

Part 3
"The Escape"

Lost, nowhere near any civilization, Chris and CIndy had no Provisions whatsoever and they had to rely on there survival skills (which wasn't that much).

With Chris's new Sword arm he was easily able to gather some fruit and fish for the trip and as for Cindy she was still out cold from being in the E-chamber.

Chris: There that should do it, that should be just enough provisions for us.
(Sigh) i just wish we were near a town or something because there's no place for us to settle down out here.

Chris: if only we had some proper supplies then maybe we could make this work, (sigh) but what i'm really worried about is my sister's condition, will she ever wake up?
(Sigh) i guess i'll have to carry her till she wakes up i guess.

Chris walks several miles long carrying the provisions and his sister on his back, then suddenly.....

Chris: (trips on a rock) huh... gaaaaaaaah! oomph! ugh what happened?
(Everything falls over including Cindy)

Chris: oh no Cindy are you ok!?

Cindy: (starting to wake up) uhhhh..... huh! What happened?

Chris: oh good you're awake Sis!

Cindy: B.....Brother is that you?
(cindy tried to stand up but she noticed she didn't have any limbs and that she had a weird body)

Cindy: (in deep fear and shock) W...What Happened to me??!

Cindy: (Freaking out) Aaaaaaaaaagh! How will i be able to move?! How will i be able to do anything?!
(Cindy is unaware that she's actually moving around in her current state)

Chris: Um sis.....

Cindy: (still freaking out) What!?

Chris: You do know that you're moving right?

(Cindy looks down and notices that she's floating in the air)
Cindy: Well look at that i'm floating! Which means.......

Chris: Oh no

Cindy: (Completely Ecstatic) I CAN FLY!!
(Cindy flies all over the place while completely oblivious to Chris's Calls to come down)

Chris: (angrily points to Cindy) That's it get down here right now sis!
(Suddenly a laser fires out of the tip of his Sword arm)
Chris: Huh? Oh no Cindy look out!

(Cindy still unaware she gets hit by the laser and falls down)
Cindy: huh? aaaaaaaaaah! *crash* What was that?!

Chris: (confused) Um......... i think it was me.

Cindy: (also confused) that thing that shot at me was from you?
How??

Chris: Well i was angry and i pointed to the air near you and a laser fired out of it.

Cindy: (tilts her head then back) Wait then that means.......

Chris: What?

Cindy: We have Super Powers!
(Cindy starts to fly around again then Chris shoots her down again)
Cindy: Hey you did that on purpose didn't you?!

Chris: Yes i did.

Cindy: Why?!

Chris: Because if you didn't notice, (shouts) We are in the middle of a freaking Jungle! We have no map, no tent, and on top of all that our parents are dead!

Cindy: (When she hears her parents are dead she starts to cry)
Our parents are dead??! *sniffle* Waaaaaaaaaah

Chris: Sis stop crying we can get through this together, after all we have super powers right?

(Cindy looks up with tears in her eyes and nods)
Cindy: Yeah.....

Chris: Now let's go sis and find somewhere that has people.

Cindy: (gets up) Yeah if we use our new powers we can survive this jungle!

Chris: That's the Spirit Sis! Now let's go!

Cindy: (cheered up) Yeah!

[TaroMaster4]

In this next chapter you'll see a appearance by some of the characters from Parody Rangers and TTK.
All credit goes to kirbopher for making those characters and credit for Tails lock and Dannydk6 for making TTK.

Part 4
"The Zet Bandits"
The brave siblings travel on towards civilization no matter how long the trip will take and no matter how far it may be.
Soon they will reach the sea and there begins the New Day.

Chris: Ugh i'm so tired

Cindy: Where are we going Chris?

Chris we are going towards any nearby towns and if we can't find any we'll make a boat and head out to sea.

Cindy: well i hope we find a town then.

Suddenly they stumble upon several small huts made of Leaves and branches.

Chris: What is this place?

Cindy: it looks like a small town

Chris: this is what we were looking for sis now let's look around and see if anyone is here

So the two siblings look around the huts and then suddenly mysterious figures jump out of the grass and attack them.

Cindy: What's going on?

Chris: it looks like a surprise attack!

Cindy: but why?

Chris: it could be that DN guy trying to get us back!

Renaldo: Hm Hmm that should be the last of them
ZZU: nOW wE'lL hAvE sOMeThiNg tO eAT BeFOre tHE sToRm hITs
Blitz: Yeah but what about the others here?
Zetto:You idiots we don't care about them it's all about us!

Chris: Hey who are you and what are you doing?

Renaldo: Oh us? Hm Hmm!

ZZU: wE aRe YoUr woRst niGhtMare

Blitz: We come from the dark to take and feed upon the spoils of our hunt

Lord Zet: We are the ones that will Destroy all who gets in our way

All: We Are the Zet Bandits!
(Cool Background behind them while they do cool poses)

Chris: What a bunch of....
Cindy: Absolute Weirdos

Blitz: You noobs know nothing of us and we'll destroy you!

*Attempts to stab Cindy*
*Chris Dashes in and parried the attack and stabs blitz in the wing*

Blitz: (freaking out) Agh my wing you'll pay for that you Noobs!

ZZU: I sHalL kILl tHeM wItH mY gUN!
(ZZU fires his gun at the two).

Chris gets in front of his sister to protect her then suddenly.......

????: Dark Flame!

*The bullets catch fire and burn to ashes*

ZZU: wHo dID tHaT?

????: C'mon! Que pasa!? I thought you'd be better then that!

Renaldo: Who's that guy?

Blitz: Wait i know that voice that's Prince RoZo

Lord Zet: Well it seems the prince has finally shown his face to protect his homeland from us. But there's nothing you can do to stop us! (evil laugh)

Blitz: Will you shut up already you sound like a freaking noob!

????: Thought you got rid of me huh?

RoZo: Oh no not you.

Sgeia: Yes it's me the fair princess Sgeia!

RoZo: Yeah Fairly annoying

Sgiea: Say what?

RoZo: i said....

Lord Zet: Will you two shut the F@#$ up!
I've had enough of your crap, now Blitz, ZZU kill them all!

Blitz shoots several fireballs at them , while ZZU fires his gun.

Chris: Take this! Fire lasers!
(the lasers are aimed straight at Lord Zet)

(Zet dodges them)
Lord Zet: Ha your puny attempts to defeat me have failed! Now you'll taste the wrath of my......

RoZo sneaks behind the bandits and uses his ice Shield to reflect the beams at Blitz and ZZU.

Blitz: Ok i think i can fight again now.
(Gets hit in the other wing with a laser)
Blitz: (freaking out again) Gah you freaking noobs will pay for that!

(ZZU get's hit in the head with a laser)

RoZo: BOOOOOM!!! HEADSHOT!!

ZZU: dArN yOU!
(ZZU falls over in defeat)

(The fireballs and bullets head toward Cindy and Sgeia)
(Cindy uses her new body to make a whirlwind that puts out the flames,
While Sgeia uses her plot-hole to make the bullets disappear)

Lord Zet: Ugh i had enough! Renaldo finish them off with your Z-Beam!

Renaldo: Hm Hmm Right away sir! Z-Beam!
(Renaldo fires lasers out of his antennae that form a Z on impact)

(Our Heroes struggle to dodge the beams as they keep firing one after another)

Renaldo: Hm hm hmmm dodge it if you can!

Lord Zet: Let's Finish them! Mega Flare Zet!
Blitz: They'll die for sure! Meteor Storm!
Renaldo: Hm hmm ok one final attack will finish it.
Final Z-Beam!

Chris: Ok Stand back everyone i'll counter with my"Final Laser"!
(Chris struggles to counter the Z-Beam with his beam attack)

(The meteors Head towards random spots all over the village, While Sgeia uses emote dash and her plothole to protect the village)

Lord Zet: Hahahahaha nothing can stop my Mega Flare Zet!

RoZo: 'cept for this, PSYCHO INFERNO!!!
(The Mega Flare and Psycho Inferno collide)

Meanwhile chris is having a hard time.

Chris: Ok that's it!
(Suddenly the dark aura surrounds him again)
Now Darkness Laser!

The struggle on chris's end becomes no more as the flood of dark energy makes the Z-beam wither away with each passing moment.

Renaldo: Hm Hmm? Uh oh i'm out of here! Whoosh-A-Doodle!
(Renaldo gets the heck out of there before the Dark Beam hits)

Lord Zet: Hahahaha i Win! I always Win!
(as Zet rants on about how he'll win the Dark laser is absorbed into the Psycho Inferno)

RoZo: Oh God, shut the truck up! In case you didn't notice i have gained more power thanks to the added power of the Dark Laser!

(The Mega flare withers like the Z-beam but Zet doesn't run!)
Lord Zet: Heh!

(The attack hits causing a massive explosion that fills the village. Luckily Sgeia used her plothole to get all of the villagers to safety)

The smoke clears and Zet is unharmed as he uses Blitz and ZZU like shields. He then drops them as they lay dead!

Chris: Oh yeah that shows everyone how tough you are by using your allies as shields!

Lord Zet: Shut up i can do whatever i want since i'm the Main Villain!

RoZo: Calm down, ya drama queen don't go ahead and say you're the main villain just because you lead a bunch of bandits.

Lord Zet: Whatever we'll be back! and next time we will kill you all!
Renaldo you coward let's go!

Renaldo: (Depressed) Hm hmm ok boss!
They then get whatever loot they could haul and run like hell.

RoZo: And don't come back!
Well chris you impressed me quite a bit with that Dark Laser of yours.

Chris: Yeah well he got on my nerves.
By the way we never were properly introduced

Sgeia: Oh yes of course!
I'm Sgeia the Catgirl and i was given the power of the Spazz.

RoZo: And i'm her Brother RoZo and i was given the power of Psycho!

Chris: You two are siblings? you don't even look it.

RoZo: Yeah i thought you'd say that. We're not siblings by blood but neither is the others in the Village!

Chris: What do you mean?

Sgeia: What we mean is that no-one here is a official family here in Lore Village. We're all people taken from our families and were Genetically Modified to what you see now.

Chris: Yeah that happened to me and Cindy here.
(Chris looks for Cindy)
Um where is she? All i see is that giant caccoon over there.

RoZo: A what? (walks up to it)
Hmm very interesting, this must be a E-Coon.

Chris: A what??

RoZo: It's a caccoon that a few of the villagers here went through that Evolves them into the next stage of there Genetic Modification.

Chris: you mean my sister will become something else?

Sgeia: Exactly! For me i became a Catgirl but it's different for anyone who has it.

RoZo: but it takes a week for it to be done

Chris: A Week?? how are we supposed to head out to sea with my sister like this!?

Sgeia: Well there's always Captain Danny and his ship i bet he'd help you.

Chris What's the ship like?

Sgeia: Well it's a Pirate ship that we took from a band of pirates that were trying to rob us a long time ago.

Chris: We'll head there then.
Well Goodbye guys i hope to see you all again.
(Waves goodbye)

(Chris carries the provisions and his sis in the caccoon to the sea)