The only one

[tailsrules1278]

Sure, when I was little, I wasn't really nice. I wasn't a bully either, but really, I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't like school. My teacher always found out ways to get me in trouble, like picking gum off my shoe or something.

I'm the only one other than my friend that help me who can keep the grape from shattering to pieces. If it does, our world would not be the same. People would be running around screaming as the monsters attacked them.

Me, I'm Sam. I'm 11, and my power is the fire. I got fire because a monster shot some fire at me. Surprisingly, I didn't turn bald or burned or badly wounded, etc. My friend named Hank has powers. He got them from his last encounter with a monster. He has glasses and blond hair. He's taller than me, too. He's got no home. When he was a baby, his mom abandoned him, leaving a teardrop on his cheek. People have always tried to tell Hank that she had something to do.

Hank can now shoot ice. Anyway, a monster attacked him and shot ice at him. Just like the fire bounced off me, the ice bounced off him, without a mark.

Luckily for me, it was Saturday. I was sleeping in. I heard some yelling. It's the neighbors, I thought. They're always yelling for their dog to "come here." But I started sweating, and I couldn't fall back asleep. When I got up, my breath tasted disgusting and my hair was all frizzy from the sweat. There was no time for combing it. I woke up Hank(by the way, he's an orphan, and my mom brought him home) and we ran to the sound.

As I had suspected, there was a big monster. He was cruel in every way. He had four small eyes and points all over his belly. He was lying down drooling with his belly facing us. Hank froze him. Stuck in an ice cube, the monster thrashed around in there, drooling all over and trying to get out. We saw him scratching. Then he pulled a trick. He said, "Oh, please help me Sam." A tear rolled down his eye. I didn't know if he was faking or not.

"Please! You don't know what I've gone through! I want to be good!" His eyes looked cute and sad. "Snap out of it, Sam!" said Hank. I followed his directions and stopped. I released my fire. That was dumb, because I had only partly snapped out of it. He ran away, laughing evilly.

To be continued....

[roseboy]

Good story, but the plot sped by way too fast, killing off any chance for suspence or character development, which was real dissapointing. You can also be more lavish in your descriptions, in my opinion. But the story was good, I liked it.

[JohnEndel959]

I think the core of the story is pretty good, but it wasn't very descriptive. Also, in some parts you are redundant, such as when you explain that Hank's parents went away and he has no home, then later you state again that he is an orphan without a home. Also, I wish you would develop the reason behind the kids powers other than just a monster shot stuff at them. And other parts don't make much sense, such as the paragraph about the grape. I would also try to look over stuff you post quickly before you post it, there were a few grammatical errors.