Middle-Terror

[jonasvdb]

Just a story about zombies in a middle age time but still involves alien virusses that overtake the humand body and changes it.This virus is a hunger eating flesh virus.The story starts with terror but later in the story the hero will come well this is just a par tof the story.
Hero goes:

Middle age terror

It was a peacefull night on a far of island the moon was shining over it and the wind was carying over the trees.
But out of the sky a star was shining brightly and the star came closer to the island diving right into the ground on the island.
Some farmers from a local village knocked out of there bed went to investigate the strange object that crashed into the ground.
As some of them came near the crashed meteor a gas started to infect the farmers.
The farmers underwent changes as there body growed stronger and the colour of there skin turned to a darker green colour and there eyes turning yellow.
The newly changed monsterly looking farmers went back to there village and attacked the women,the children even the animals and started to infect and changing them.
The monster looking farmers quickly infected as much people as they could and ate the body parts of people who didn't change.
Some of the villagers escaped the village as they fleed to the castle of there king to tell about the monstrous changed farmers.
Back in the village the men that remained fought with every weapon they could find.
Pitchforks,knives as long as they could deal a great deal of damage.
But It was all in vain the men quickly were outnumberd and were either eaten or changed into a monster like the rest of the farmers.
The monsters who were victorious began to spread and search for other people cause there hunger was still not satisfied.
As the few who could escape began to knock on the door of the castle.
A guard came and asked what there doing was here.
The people replied there are monsters in our town our men went to investigate a strange object and they came back looking like this.
The guard heard it was serious these people were not lying he quickly spoke to his captain and the captain went to speak about this matter to the king.
The king inmediatly took action and armed the soldiers of the castle.
They must drive the changed people back to a corner and kill them all.
The king not knowing its virus already spreaded over the other towns.
The monstrous people attacked a town and burned,killed and changed everyone who lived in it.
The now army of changed monsters went to the church cause all the villagers fled to the church.
The church completely locked down and the remaining guards at the doors for if they might came in they had to give all there battle experience into action.
The monstrous quickly took action and attacked the locked doors of the church.
Meanwhile the priest led the people into the tower of the church cause there they would be safer then downstairs.
Only the soldiers and there captain stayed down they had to kill as much of these monsters as possible.
After a while the monsters stopped attacking the door and a guard was orderd to listen at the door to see if they were retreating.
The soldier came close to the door and quickly a strong muscular monster hand went through the wood of the door and ripped the head of the soldier his body.
The monsters attacked the doors again and eventually the doors cracked and the monsters where in.
The soldiers and the captain went back to the stairs that led to the tower of the church.
The monsters now armed with weapons quickly came closer.
And a big battle started the soldiers fighting for there lives while some other guards tried to escape but where killed by monsters that still where outside the church.
The fight continued and two archers came down and kneeled behind the living shield of soldiers.
They then used there bow and arrows to kill the monsters.
The captain shouted hit them in the head its there weakness.
The soldiers listened to the orders and began to either chop of the heads or stick there swords into there heads.
Still they had to retreat and the soldiers and the bowmen ran up the stairs and locked the door.
Some soldiers asked there captain if they would get out of here alive.
The captain said that did not know but that they would fight till the end there king would help them.
But was it possible to escape this prison downstairs were the monsters waiting till we either starve or find the guts to come down again and attack.
This was a question that spooked through the captain his mind.
What could he do to get out of here?

[sinfulwolf]

The plot itself has promise, even though it seems like a 'B' movie story set in the middle ages. The issue with the writing though, is that this entire piece feels like a summary rather than a story proper. Nothing is expanded upon, nothing is shown, we are simply told what has happened. There are no characters, save perhaps the king, and as such we have no sympathy for those killed off.

You also jump around with what's happening. At one moment you say that the monsters have started to spread and are attacking various towns, then you mention people barricading themselves in 'the church'. You don't mention which town this church is in, and considering the importance of religion in the middle ages there would have been a lot of churches about.

You use the word "there" in many instances when you want the word "their". 'There' is for locations as in "There is the church sire." or "There are the soldiers my lord."
The word 'their' is possessive, for people. "The soldiers unsheathed their swords," or "the monsters turned on their former friends."

[jonasvdb]

Yeah its like later in the story things change there will come some characters in it its just a summary of pieces to illustrate the surrounding of the isle and happening.

I do not like to go into detail i know that can be a trouble and i do not rly write as a living more as a hobby my spelling mistakes and wrong uses of words can be blamed my mother language is not English therefore i think it is a litle more difficult for me to write

Later the one town that is not infected there will be a guy that will stand up and fight cause he will receive some kind of holy spell or protection by a God or so and he kills much changed monsters

In the end the king will be your final enemy in the book then completly changed also by the virus

I don't really know how to go into detail i'm afraid to either make mistakes or that no one understands.

I don't think i rly am good at writing but i think i can bring up good ideas for people to write a story i rather work with someone that really knows to write i only have some ideas in my head.

But i don't think anyone wants to know those ideas.

[sinfulwolf]

Well like I said, I didn't think the plot was too bad. But you do need details and depth to draw readers in. I don't think anyone here writes professionally, but pretty much everyone here does write as a hobby, and hobby or not you still need that depth.

Writing in a language that's not your mother tongue can indeed be difficult, but stick with it, or write in your first language and find a way to translate it.

[jonasvdb]

K, I will do that dunno gone pratice on details some more on landshape character description and all

But i think i got more like this

Was an idea i came up with for a story but well yeah i didn't write it yet or give it more thought:
I started with this by giving an explenation about what happend into the story kinda so you know what is coming.
This are the main sentences of it

Galaxy Zetyr:

Galaxy Zetyr a place created by the two Supreme Gods Vipon God of Creation and Spyker God of Time
these two were the creators of Zetyr.

After they have created six planets wich each its own element Light,Earth,Water,Wind,Fire and Darkness.

They had lost so much power by creating the galaxy that they witherd away but in there last moments they forged a crystal with there powers in it.They also created a new God for each element
but the light and darkness god were diffrent from the four basic elements the got of light could not be robbed of her powers even if they had the powers would come back slowly they did this cause they feared the God of Darkness that his might for power would grow and take over the other elemental Gods.Close to withering away the two supreme gods locked there crystal in another dimension sealing it of and the dimension could only be opend by having each elemental god item.
After they have witherd away the god of darkness who's power had grown after the last 3 million years after the death of wanted to claim the almighty power of creation and time. He started a great war against the other gods driving the worlds into war to.After his defeat the elemental gods couldn't destroy him cause the elemental circle would be out of balance.Instead they banished him to his own created altar dimension then the dimension of darkness.They banished him to the dimension of nothingness.After this incident the gods destroyed themself fearing that the hunger for power would come to them to.They did this so that the live forms of each planet could live in peace.The four basic elementals succesfully destroyed themself except the Light who could not completlely destroy herself took away almost all her powers and after that she throwed herself into space.

After one million years she finally crashes on her own elemental planet.
The planet of Heon.

Well thats the intro then the story starts things like this i think am good at thinking step by step in a story i would love to do that with some good writer as yourself cause i saw your stories.

But well yeah will work on more going deep into stories

God of Chaos Vipon :D
a.k.a Jonasvdb