Nintendo E310 Abridged:
"We're going to start with Zelda!"
"Unfortunately, the controls don't work yet."
"So we're delaying it to next year."
"Next, we have sports games. And we're just gonna show you the logos."
"Well, that was anticlimatic."
"But we're also going to give you every Mario sports game ever in one disc!"
"Next up, is Mari- I mean WIIParty and Just Dance 2!"
"This is going to be just like Microsoft, isn't it?"
"Were also making a Golden Sun game for the DS."
"There will also be a Goldeneye game-"
"-made by Activision that looks like crap."
"But wait, we have Epic Mickey! It's made by that guy who made that Deux Ex game that everybody loves but relatively few actually played."
"Next up is Kirby."
"OMFG! Kirby is God! The BBS had a thread about this just a few days ago!"
"It's like Paper Mario, but with yarn."
"Looks... interesting. I was hoping for something else, but maybe the yarn mechanic will come in handy."
"Next, I'm going to tell you about Dragon Quest 9 and Metroid, even though you already know all about them."
"Retro is making a 2.5D Donkey Kong game, and it's coming out this holiday season."
"But I guess it's time for what you've all been waiting for, the 3DS."
"Wait, why did the stage change colors?
"It is graphically on par with the GameCube, has an analog stick, can take 3D pictures, show 3D movies, detects motion, comes with free wifi, and cures cancer."
"Sweet, but what about the games?"
"Who do you think we are, Microsoft? Here's that Kid Icarus game you've been asking for since the early 90's."
"OMG, a decent launch title!"
"We're launching with Nintendogs, Metal Gear Solid, Resident Evil, Assassin's Creed, and Kingdom Hearts."
"This conference isn't funny enough, so here's Bowser breathing fire on Reggie"
"I wuv you Nintendy."
"Well, that's it for today."
"Wait... where's Pikmin 3? When is the 3DS coming out? How much will it cost?"
"Ummm.... look! A horde of women with Zelda and Kid Icarus demos!"