First post of my writing.

[maruspiralout]

Hello everyone. I havent posted any of my writing on this site yet, so I thought I would share a recent piece. I write mostly poetry and short stories. This is a shorter poem, it is inspired by my observations of the world, culture, society, and the direction it is all heading. I call it Pheonix.

Let the blood of innocence run freely, that the old rich ones' goblets be full.
Let they who control glut themselves upon us, that their foundations of human waste buckle and fall.
Let them tumble and shatter, for they know nothing but greed.
Let us be reborn into poverty, for love and understanding is all that we need.

[MonkeyV]

Nice =) I like the title.
My only advice would be to split each or your lines into two lines (At the comma), unless that's something you were doing on purpose as part of your style or whatever.

Also, in:

Let us be reborn into poverty, for love and understanding is all that we need.

You could get rid of "that" to have a more smooth rhythm.

[keioss01]

I like it.

Somewhat dark for my tastes, but it has style.

[maruspiralout]

At 4/30/10 11:38 PM, keioss01 wrote: I like it.

Somewhat dark for my tastes, but it has style.

Thanks for the constructive crit Monkey, always appreciated from me. Dark times calls for this kind of writing. It is directly inspired by the current state of society, culture, and our world in general.

[OneWhoListens]

That's good poetry, very flowing.

Fortunately, our world today, despite its problems, is farther away from what you describe than ever it has been.

[maruspiralout]

At 5/2/10 09:26 AM, OneWhoListens wrote: That's good poetry, very flowing.

Fortunately, our world today, despite its problems, is farther away from what you describe than ever it has been.

Thanks for the compliment. I just dont agree with how our world works, life itself seems to cost money these days.

[MonkeyV]

At 5/2/10 10:33 AM, maruspiralout wrote: life itself seems to cost money these days.

That's how it's been for a very long time, hasn't it? Of course you can live while having no source of official income, but most things necessary for out survival (food, water, etc) are sold for money, and have become difficult to find for free at times.

[TheThing]

Personally, I liked it. It was relatively simple, yet painted a vividly dark picture of the speaker's ideology. Personally I prefer a poem where I have to decipher the message from the metaphors, but the imagery was so well put together I didn't mind I only had a dig a little to find it.

I do agree with Monkey in that you should break up the lines. They just seem too long right now, unless it was a stylistic choice that I missed. But otherwise, it's an awesome poem

[maruspiralout]

Yep, consume or die. Thanks for compliments.